so i'm pretty bad at thinking of comments that actually say anything interesting, but this is really good! you're a great writer and super talented. in my opinion writing actions/movement can be kinda hard but you totally nailed all that stuff.
Thank you so much! Don't worry - all comments are nice to get, don't feel you have to say something profound lol :-) Writing movement and action can be quite tricky, I'm glad I've done a good job! :-D X