Comment on So Take a Deep Breath

  1. I'm absolutely head over heels for how you write Edge. I don't even know where to start. I like how cunning he can be, how quickwitted he was in the way he managed to get away from the other monsters. At the same time, there's a (secret) tenderness in how overly careful he is with his brother, going out of his way to keep him warm and comfortable... I also really enjoyed how he ended up handling the machine like it was a puzzle. That was brilliant and really fun to read. He approached it so carefully, taking notes and everything. I just sincerely love how detail oriented you've made him. This fic is just so fun to read. And don't apologize for the length of this chapter! 3k is actually a great length for a chapter. Shorter than that, you leave me wanting more haha. Thank you for writing and sharing this! Keep up the good work. I'm really excited to see how the story will progress!

    ETA: I completely forgot to mention I loved how the snow was connected to magic use. That was a great bit of world building! It makes so much sense Snowdin would work that way.

    Last Edited Mon 25 Feb 2019 08:09AM EST

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    1. Oh my gosh thank you so much!! I'm so happy people are liking how I write him. I'd been worries that the juxtaposition of the harshness he presents to the world and the softness he has for his brother would be too different. So I'm glad it's so well received!

      I'm glad you liked his little moment of "let's treat this thing that is most certainly not a puzzle like a puzzle b/c that's what I know." He may be dangerous, but he's still a dork (imo) haha.

      Thank you so much! It actually took me a while to find a good explanation for the weather! Like, it's possible for a cave is large as that one to have its own weather pattern, but the science explaining it is a bit tedious to me so I kinda trashed it haha. Having magic output affect the weather was the only believable thing I could come up w/ that fit into the world of Undertale. So I'm glad you're liking it!

      Oh gosh. No, thank you for reading my fic and taking the time to comment! It means so much to me!

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      1. No, not at all! You really nailed it with Edge. Of course he's guarded considering where he grew up, but also, even when showing concern he's not overly saccharine about it either. Yet you still get a proper feeling of just how much his brother is his soft spot/weakness. (Sadly, Asgore could tell too...) You really sold it, it's something that's hard to balance but the way you write Edge genuinely feels natural. And yes! I loved the puzzle part. It was just so him. Deadly yet also such a nerd ahaha.

        See, I wouldn't even have bothered to find a reason for that. I just accepted it's a thing that happens in canon and moved on. But your explanation for it makes so much sense! At least to me ahaha. It really does fit well with canon.

        Noooo thank you again. I'm excited for next week's chapter when the clashing of worlds happens! Take care until then.

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        1. Ah I'm so happy to hear that! I'm so glad it comes off as natural. Especially since it means he's turning out exactly how I wanted him to be!

          As a reader I prob wouldn't've cared either. But as a writer it was just nagging at me too much haha.

          Thank you again (haha). And you take care as well!

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