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there is no losing game

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There are good days.

Today, if they were teenagers, they would be lovers (again). Richard would take off Alec's clothes slowly, carefully (every day), and lay him out on his stomach and caress his skinny neck. He would kiss a path down the protruding bones of Alec's spine and cluck his tongue at their sharpness. His fingers would worm their way beneath his arms to hold him tight and Alec would enjoy it (for now).

They would grow up in neighbouring villages, or maybe towns, or maybe a few apartment blocks apart in the big city, where those few blocks mark all the difference between rich and poor. But they would find each other (like they do), and they would fight, and kiss, and hurt each other before they made love.

Richard would be everyone's favorite (of course). He would be the star athlete, or perhaps a government agency recruit fresh out of high school on the fast track to overachievement; or maybe a master thief, maybe that would suit him best. He could never be happy on the right sight of the law (though maybe, one day?)

Alec would be the poor, talentless college drop-out who likes to read, because some things never change.

They would meet at a crossroads (always) and Richard would be growing bored, and Alec would be bored already, and Richard would say, "Hello," and Alec would give him a sharp, condescending smile, and say, "Am I making you uncomfortable?"

(Richard will always love his challenge.)

Alec would follow Richard home, because that's what he does (he leaves people). He would deem the apartment acceptable, curl up in an armchair with the stray cat from the alleyway, and then he would stay. Richard wouldn't mind. He'd be rough, at first, and then, he'd be gentle.

Richard would bring home medals, or casefiles, or jewels, but sometimes, he would bring Alec books (and fish, but Alec likes to go get that himself). He would bring Alec daisies, too, from the park, or the forest, or the flower shop on the corner, and he would bring Alec sweet cakes that his mother would bake, or the next-door neighbour, or from the bakery near work. He would take Alec shopping and try to get him to wear something other than black, and on the first trip, they would buy Alec a toothbrush and pyjamas, and on the twelfth, a cat bowl and a set of drinking cups with polka dots.

Alec would try to write a book, or solve the mysteries of the universe, and sometimes, he would get drugs with the money Richard would leave around the apartment (and that would break Richard's heart but he would never, ever say). He would fail (often) and sometimes succeed (but not the way he'd have liked to).

They would find each other. They would lose each other too (some days), but they would find each other again.

Let's not speak of the bad days, when there are good days; and those are the ones that matter.



written for Yuletide 2011