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“This is New York’s hottest new club. It’s called Meeeeow. This place has everything. The drag show version of the musical Cats…” Stefon amps up the enthusiasm in his voice, hoping to stir up some excitement with the couple he’s been hired to take around the city. When he hears nothing but a groan, Stefon stops in his tracks. “What is she doing?”

The female A-Hole taps at her iPhone. “Checking in on Foursquare. It’s not on here.” She snaps her gum.

“Yeah, it’s not on Foursquare. Put it on Foursquare. She wants to be the mayor. Right, babe?” The male A-Hole looks to his partner.

She simply pulls at her hair, continuing to hold the phone in her other hand, waiting for Foursquare to respond.

“Well, I think Carl is actually the mayor.” Stefon rolls his eyes. He’s had enough of the two of them. They simply have no respect for those who work in the tourism industry. We are not your slaves, he thinks, resisting the urge to turn around, walk away, and go buy himself a frappuccino, leaving the two of them alone in the middle of New York City.

“Who’s Carl? You know Carl, babe?”

The woman snaps her gum again. “No.”

“Who’s Carl?” The male A-Hole directs his attention to Stefon, who has crossed his arms in frustration.

“Carl is Meeeeow’s Human Pumpkin.”

The male A-Hole stares at him blankly while the female A-Hole shoves the phone back in her pocket. “What’s a Human Pumpkin? You hear that, babe? Human Pumpkin.”

“Yeah. Human Pumpkin.” She’s clearly bored by the whole situation.

Stefon grins. “A human pumpkin is that thing, when you have a fat midget who has too much beta carotene in his system, so his skin turns orange.”

The A-Holes continue to stare blankly.