Work Header

Holding Out For a Blowjob

Work Text:

"So this blowjob you're going to give me if I give you this part - on a scale of one to ten, with one being 'sucky, and not in the fun meaning of the word' and ten being 'mind-blowingly hot, pun intended', what rating would you say it'd get?"

"Eleven," Kyle says promptly, because he's an arrogant asshole who wouldn't know hard sci-fi if it fucked him in the ass - which should be a major turn-off, really, but somehow isn't.

"It's a scale of one to ten. You can't say eleven. That's just not possible, all right?"

Kyle grins, all cocky confidence. "Trust me, with me, it is."

"Really. What, are you gay or something?" Women don't like blowjobs. Can't get them, anyway, and Roman's never met one who wanted to give them. Hasn't met a lot of men, either. Maybe his cock is too intimidatingly big or something - like, people look at it and think there's no way it's going to fit. Just his luck, really. "Look, just tell me a number in between one and ten."

Kyle shrugs. "Ten."

"You're not a ten."

"How'd you know?"

"Maybe a two. One, probably. That's a pretty sucky blowjob."

"Whatever, man. You gonna give me the part or not?"

"For a pretty sucky blowjob? Like, do I look like I'm stupid?"

"Kinda," Kyle says. "I mean, dude, what's with the costume?"

"You don't recognize it?" Stupid question, really. It's Kyle. "You don't recognize it. All right, I think we're done here. Thanks for wasting my time."

"Wait." Kyle snaps his fingers. "You're ... that guy from the script - what's his name again?"

"Her name," Roman says. "Not my idea," he adds, because it still rankles, even if at least they haven't messed with science too much. "Heteronormative bullshit."

Kyle nods, like he totally gets it. Roman knows he doesn't, but it's still nice, you know? Getting a bit of sympathy, even when it's fake.

Roman looks down at his interview form again. "You'd really give me a blowjob for a try-out? I mean, it's, you know, casting agency. I mean, who am I? Just the guy who wrote the fucking script."

"Hey man, just give me an in. Pretty sure I can take it from there."

Everything about Kyle oozes confidence. Makes you wonder why the guy still hasn't gotten anywhere, other than in a lot more ladies' pants than Roman, as well as a few guys' pants, seems like. Kind of slutty, really. Very slutty, in fact.

"All right then. I have uh - would you put these on, please?"

"Elven ears? Kinky."

"They're not - just put them on, okay?"

"Oh, right. That dude from that show. Spork, right?"

"Spock." Roman thinks he might have slight masochistic tendencies. "His name's Spock, and he's a Vulcan. Half-Vulcan. Not an elf."

"Affirmative, Captain."

"Don't - just don't, all right?"