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"This place is a mess," Ezekiel said, not for the first time. "I mean, there should be janitors for this kind of thing."

Baird stopped picking up the books and papers that had been scattered across the Library floor during their most recent adventure and looked at Ezekiel. He was lounging on a reading table, flipping through a thin red book. "You want to invite janitors to the Library?" Baird asked. She was somehow unsurprised that he had stopped cleaning.

"Oh yeah, that'd be a great idea," Jacob dumped a stack of books on the table beside Ezekiel's foot. "And after that, we can create our own reality TV show!"

"Hey, that wouldn't be a bad idea!" Ezekiel said cheerfully. "Get a couple of interns, have them compete for a job here. You could be the angry one who fires them!"

"The angry one?" Jacob growled.

"Fires them?" Baird repeated.

"Well, we could feed them to a Minotaur if you prefer. Maybe to Nessie!" Ezekiel shot back.

"Interns!" Cassandra yelled suddenly. A second later she jumped up and ran from the room, leaving all three staring after her. "Jenkins! Interns!"


After her English seminar, Amy Meyer found herself pacing outside a conference room at her college library. She didn't see anyone inside, but the invitation had been very specific about this internship opportunity, and how much she would enjoy it.

Amy had still almost thrown it in the trash -- the wording sounded too much like her mother -- but something had stopped her. The letter spoke to her; like it literally spoke out loud to her as it magically wrote itself out in flames. And it spoke to her in Colonel Baird's voice.

That was intriguing enough for her to keep the letter, but Amy still wasn't sure about actually taking the Colonel up on the internship. The day she had met the Librarians had been both one of the worst and one of the best of her life, and her mother still hadn't forgiven her for it. And it wasn't like Amy wasn't already extremely over-committed, even with summer break only two weeks away.

Her watch beeped the hour and Amy sighed; time to make a decision. Amy pushed open the door. Instead of the conference room she had seen through the window, Amy found herself in a room she had never seen before. It was ornate and old fashioned and nothing like the library she had just been in. "What the-"

There was a noise behind her and suddenly another girl was tumbling into Amy.

"Sorry!" the girl said, catching her bag as it slid down her arm and hitching it back up onto her shoulder. "Sorry! My last class got out late and I had to run to the library and- you're not Colonel Baird."

"No, she isn't."

Both girls spun around and saw the Colonel descending the curving staircase. "Hello Amy, Lucy."

"Amy! Lucy!" Cassandra barreled out of the side door and threw herself at the girls in an enthusiastic hug. "You both came!"

"We came," Amy said. "We did that."

"Is this on the level?" The other girl - Lucy - asked. "Are we really going to have a magical internship at the Library?

"Yes!" Cassandra cheered.

"Absolutely." Colonel Baird smirked. "Provided you sign the non-disclosure agreement."


Three weeks later, Amy and Lucy were deep in the recesses of the Library's main hall, still picking up books and papers. None of the Librarians were entirely clear on how the mess had been created, but as much as Amy could surmise, it had been because the Library was losing its mind? Or its mind had gotten loose? Something along those lines.

"Hey," Cassandra raced around the corner and thrust her clippings book at Amy. "The book is indicating a level five polysynth in Laketown, Idaho. I need topographical maps of the town, historical archives for the state, the Illuminated Polysynth Encyclopedia, and a high-intensity puddle-gun."


"Maps are in the third wing on the right side after the mole people display, the archives are in the first sub-basement next to the frozen Woolly Mammoth, illuminated manuscripts are in the illuminated manuscript hall, and the puddle-guns are in the armory. I don't remember which cabinet, but they should be on the index." Cassandra started to leave but then spun back around. "Ooh, the one with the green uranium bubble, not the blue cesium one. I'll be in the Annex!"

"O- okay!" Amy wasn't sure she could remember all that, but Cassandra was too excited to notice.

She bounced back out of the hall, crossing paths with Jacob on the way through the stacks. "Hey Cass. Hey girls."

"Hi!" they chorused.

"So Lucy, you know the cabinet of axes we moved last week?" he said.


"We need some. Word's out that there's a chupacabra on the loose."

"How many axes do you need?" Lucy asked.

Jacob thought for a moment. "All of them."

"O-kay!" Lucy seemed doubtful, but thinking back to the creatures they had spent yesterday corralling in the Not-As-Large Zoological Hall, Amy couldn't help but think that all of the axes wasn't necessarily overkill.

"Oh, and the spiders in the Occult section didn't like the bug spray Jenkins ordered." Jacob said.

"Isn't that kind of the point of bug spray?" Lucy replied.

"Generally speaking, but in this instance I mean that they've formed a conclave and declared war on anyone trying to get into the Cooking wing."

"That sounds bad," Amy said, again flashing back to the Zoological Hall.

"Oh yeah!" Jacob headed into the Antiquities Room and emerged a moment later wearing a chest-plate and holding a spear. "Send Baird to me when you see her," he called back. "Tell her to bring a rocket launcher."

"Ladies, have you picked up all the books and papers in the main Library yet?" Jenkins’s voice crackled over the newly repaired (thanks to Amy) intercom.

"We're about two thirds done with the visible portions of the main hall," Amy said.

"Good. Then whenever you feel like taking a break you can start categorizing the items recovered from the Cult of Isis' Temple. Colonel Baird and Flynn have returned with quite the cache."

Amy let her face thunk into her palms. "You know, I'm starting to think that my mom's plan for a double PhD in Microbiology and Quantum Dynamics would be easier than working here."

Lucy grinned. "Yeah, probably. But also way less fun."

Amy grinned back. "Very true."