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Hit, The

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The Hit by Hepaestion

May 1999
Disclaimer: Characters belong to CC
Rating: PG
Keywords: M/K, parody ? humor?
Author's note: Do slash readers and writers take things a bit too seriously?

The Hit

Mulder and Krycek laid side by side on the waterbed. They were sweating and both stomachs covered in cum.

'I love frottage Alex. I knew it was good when I was Oxford, but damn it feels really good with you know that I am a man.' Mulder said.

There was no sound from Alex.

'Alex are you listening to me?' Mulder asked, he could see his lover's eyes staring at the ceiling.

'I need to check my email.' Alex said, he swooped and kissed Mulder on the cheek but was out of the bed in a flash.

'Email? Damn it Alex, not that whole thing again?' Mulder asked and shook his head.

An hour later:

'Alex what are you doing?' Mulder asked. Both men had finally dressed and Alex was on the computer in record speed.

Mulder had watched Alex boot the computer on, and in those few minutes he ran to the kitchen got himself a sandwich and a beer.

Soon the beautiful, green eye man was listening to the Barbara Streisand start-up song that accompanied the computer.

'I am checking my email, and making sure I reply back to some of them.' Alex said, he looked at the screen while talking.

'Why do you bother, I think some of those people are crazy to begin with Alex. I think I will tell Skinner to let me investigate some of those 'groups'.' Mulder said.

'DAMN!' Alex suddenly said aloud.

'What?' Mulder jumped and almost spilled his coffee. He grabbed a chair and sat next to Alex on the computer.

'Mulder, this mailing list is out of control! Look at these comments! I don't understand why I bother? Although, some of these stories posted, they are way beyond any decency!' Alex said, he was clearly upset.

'Alex, why do you even do this? Listen baby, this is the cyber-world. Do you understand that? It is a world full of who knows what kind of repressed psychopaths that use the net to unleash their venom and their bad taste. Not to mention an outlet for every moron to pontificate! Let's go back to bed, we can slip a movie in the vcr and maybe make love again?' Mulder said, he brought his lips to Alex's pale, beautiful neck. Mulder's hand reached down and over to the Alex's crotch and he fondled the man who was furiously tapping on the keyboard.

Mulder could see that his overtures were landing on deaf ears, and he stopped groping Alex.

'Mulder, I think we are in a world full of violence and hate already. Why people feel the need to take their own disgusting fetishes and their lack of good taste and then apply that to something as beautiful as slash writing! It gets me so fucking mad. Don't you see Mulder, this genre is an outlet for those who want love and who want to bring two people , for example, guys like us, who were enemies once..together in LOVE. But the FILTH that is being infiltrated into OUR GENRE!! Mulder it is beyond what any decent, open-minded individual can handle.' Alex said, then he returned to tapping at the keyboard.

After about 15 minutes, Alex shut off the puter and went over to sit next to Mulder.

'All done with your email Alex?' Mulder asked and grabbed his lover's hand.

'Yeah, I think I have put order back into the lives of us slash lovers.' Alex said.

"Oh yeah? What did you do?' Mulder asked.

'Don't ask Mulder, but let me tell you, we won't be reading anymore stories written by the asshole Hepaestion anymore.' Alex said, and grinned evilly.

The end.