Work Header

Masters and Johnson

Work Text:


Masters & Johnson by Halrloprillalar

Thu, 26 Feb 1998
RATING: NC-17 M/M Slash
NOTES: This bit of fluff was inspired by the recent discussion on X/ about various strange and wonderful synonyms for certain body parts. Thanks to Sergeeva for looking it over for me and to whoever posted about the Mighty Python of Love.
SUMMARY: Humour. Mulder & Skinner get it on: same old fuck, brand new dialogue.
DISCLAIMER: The XXX-Files belong to Chris "Ten CCs" Carter, 10 "69" 13, and "Foxy" Fox. Please don't sue me; I was drugged.
DEDICATION: To all the men reading and writing XF slash.

Masters & Johnson
by Halrloprillalar <>

Isn't it awfully nice to have a penis?
Isn't it frightfully good to have a dong?
   - The Penis Song, Monty Python

Fox Mulder opened his apartment door to reveal Walter Skinner.

"Get in here, Colonel, Little Elvis is lonesome tonight."

"Hello, Agent Mulder. I'm quite eager for sexual congress also."

"Mmm...slurp my face off, Suction Stud. Get that Love Slug in my mouth..."

"Yes, I find the pleasure of osculation is much enhanced by the insertion of the tongue. The friction of your hands on my skin is increasing my arousal."

"I'm going to grope you all over, Squeeze Toy, I'm going to press your Love Buttons..."

"The slight irritation of my nipples is pleasant...would you like me to reciprocate?"

"Oh, yeah! Paint them with your drooling tongue-brush, Handy Man."

"Your buttocks are smooth and firm to the touch, most enjoyable. Please, palpitate mine as well."

"Oooh, these Man-Melons feel ripe to me...Willy Rattlestick wants to meet Big Mighty Python of Love is crawling all over your Beefy Boa Constrictor...I wanna hatch your Man Eggs...squeeze the presents in Santa's Sack.."

"The genital contact and testicular manipulation are extremely exciting. Agent Mulder, would you please fellate me for a while?"

"Candyman, I'll suck that Lollipop of Lust all day long..."

"Your mouth on my phallus is skillful as always...but I would prefer not to climax just now. Perhaps it it time to initiate anal intercourse."

"Don't want that Walter-Twinkie to lose its creamy filling? Can I sheath my Singing Sword in your tight scabbard?"

"Please, penetrate my anus. I will stimulate my membrum virile manually as you thrust."

"Spank that monkey, Lovebug...I'm baking my bread in your hot oven...drilling for White Gold...sending my Freight Train into your Tunnel of Love..."

"Mulder, just shut up and fuck me."

So Mulder shut up and fucked Skinner and after a while, Skinner had a very intense orgasm, ejaculating his semen onto his own abdomen and chest. Mulder shot his Love Load at the same time, cumming and cumming as he poured his Hot White Man Sauce into Skinner's Vol-au-Vent case.

And they both lived happily ever after.


Did I miss your favorite term? Complaints and other feedback enjoyed and replied to at .