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  1. Tags
    Summary

    The way Erasmus dresses is terribly inappropriate, and William has ... thoughts.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    300
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    4
    Comments:
    22
    Kudos:
    18
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    114
  2. Tags
    Summary

    Ninth Circle Ink was hardly more than a stone’s throw from the flower shop; Aziraphale knew from past experience that it took less than thirty seconds to go from door to door (forty-five if you had to wait for a car to pass). It had been a perfect arrangement in the beginning, when they were just starting out.

    Owning a flower shop across the street from your boyfriend's tattoo parlor is fun and adorable. Owning a flower shop across the street from your ex-boyfriend's tattoo parlor? Not so much.

    Now complete!

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    42,386
    Chapters:
    12/12
    Collections:
    7
    Comments:
    414
    Kudos:
    1199
    Bookmarks:
    213
    Hits:
    10267
  3. Tags
    Summary

    based off all those jokes about crowley stealing aziraphales gender, which i LOVE, but...

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    527
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    3
    Comments:
    9
    Kudos:
    41
    Bookmarks:
    3
    Hits:
    219
  4. Tags
    Summary

    The company outing was the last place Crowley thought he would encounter shite-level sleight-of-hand party tricks, but here he was. 

    It was like watching a car crash in slow motion, on the 4k smart telly while he ate ice cream out of the tub in only his underwear because it was a Saturday afternoon and his Grindr date left the flat like thirty minutes ago after using up all the hot water and stealing a bit of his banana bread.

    …That metaphor got ahead of him. 

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,095
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    3
    Comments:
    10
    Kudos:
    88
    Bookmarks:
    4
    Hits:
    496
  5. Tags
    Summary

    When the team gets to rest in a village for a few days, William uses the chance to pray. The guilt he feels begins to overwhelm him, so he tries to come to terms with himself but that is easier said than done.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,218
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    5
    Comments:
    12
    Kudos:
    28
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    150
  6. Tags
    Summary

    Crowley finds a letter from God forgiving him, and along with that letter, a baby angel who looks like him and Aziraphale. This forces him to confront his fall and his past self, while also learning to be a new parent.

    “Raphael,
    Congratulations on your marriage, and of course, on stopping the apocalypse, as my plan dictated.
    You have earned your forgiveness through your excellent service to me…
    But unfortunately, the fall cannot be reversed.
    I know this information will be hard for you to accept, but I must ask that you try.
    I need you and Aziraphale to love and protect the new Raphael.”

    He crumpled the letter, shaking with emotions as thoughts raced through his mind. Everything had been perfect. Why this? Why now, when he had everything he had ever wanted.

    He would doubtless have stood there for hours trapped in his thoughts, his questions. But as the tears rolled hotly down his face he heard something that snapped him out of it, something he reacted to almost instinctively. An infant's cry. Crowley’s eyes fell on a familiar wicker basket in the grass. Inside it, a baby angel was crying.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,714
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    3
    Comments:
    10
    Kudos:
    112
    Bookmarks:
    17
    Hits:
    635
  7. Tags
    Summary

    William, Julia, and Erasmus have just a few days left to try and get the Magistrate to drink a potion. After failing to get an audience with him, William presents one last opportunity: an invitation to a ball the Magistrate will be attending.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,723
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    5
    Comments:
    19
    Kudos:
    30
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    203
  8. Tags
    Summary

    After the failed Armageddon, Crowley is being bothered by the amorous attentions of those he'd tempted before, and those tempted by him. But he's retired now, so Aziraphale decides to buy him an engagement ring as a clever ruse to fend off their attentions. How could that possibly go wrong?

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,975
    Chapters:
    2/2
    Collections:
    3
    Comments:
    126
    Kudos:
    524
    Bookmarks:
    78
    Hits:
    2671
  9. Tags
    Summary

    Avery and Kris share a funny story on a morning talk show

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,527
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    3
    Comments:
    2
    Kudos:
    32
    Hits:
    262
  10. Tags
    Summary

    What are you supposed to do when you've been fired from your sweet job in Hell for thwarting the schemes of Satan, you've got a swanky flat in Mayfair, and you're looking for an excuse to spend all your time in someone else's bookshop? Obviously, you turn to the dubious world of short-term vacation rentals.

    The resulting Airbnb property has been variously described as "an instagram trap," "a vampire den but make it botanical," and "the weirdest bed and breakfast in the shared history of beds and breakfasting."

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,027
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    8
    Comments:
    181
    Kudos:
    1392
    Bookmarks:
    342
    Hits:
    6813
  11. Tags
    Summary

    Crowley and Aziraphale are settling into their new life in the South Downs, when the worst possible thing happens - a holiday resort is proposed for the neighbouring property.

    Alternatively: Crowley and Aziraphale are NIMBYs.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,167
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    4
    Comments:
    19
    Kudos:
    159
    Bookmarks:
    14
    Hits:
    806
  12. Tags
    Summary

    Aziraphale is not built for administration.

    He is informed of this in clever language in the letter he received this morning, although he has known it for years. He is only surprised the bureaucracy of the city has taken so long to catch up to him.

    Somewhere in Nevaeh, there is a room. It is mostly dark, and damp, and dreary, and were it not for the row of plants on the windowsill, it would be quite intolerable indeed.
    There is a person inside this room, who is meant to be deprived of all earthly comforts, who is meant to take on all the suffering of the city, and without him, the great white towers of the city would surely topple into the sea.

    That's what everyone outside the room believes, anyway.

    Although the new guard, Aziraphale, has his doubts.

    They begin the moment the man behind the door begins to tell him a story.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    15,546
    Chapters:
    2/2
    Collections:
    3
    Comments:
    117
    Kudos:
    379
    Bookmarks:
    99
    Hits:
    2530
  13. Tags
    Summary

    This is a transcript of an unaired episode of Queer Eye season four.

    The tapes are lost. The crew have no recollection of working on this episode. This is the only record of the events of that missing week.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    12,188
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    3
    Comments:
    182
    Kudos:
    392
    Bookmarks:
    96
    Hits:
    2273
  14. Tags
    Summary

    I wrote this as a Twitter thread originally, and am adding it here for completeness of my record.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    498
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    2
    Comments:
    4
    Kudos:
    24
    Bookmarks:
    6
    Hits:
    140
  15. Tags
    Summary

    The Foundation has its hands full with this one.

    Otherwise known as: The One Where Crowley Is Mistaken As An Existential Threat To Humanity

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,489
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    3
    Comments:
    55
    Kudos:
    385
    Bookmarks:
    43
    Hits:
    1585
  16. Tags
    Summary

    “I missed you,” Crowley murmured, brushing their noses together in a gentle nuzzle. “And I see you clearly missed me.” He leaned back to take in the blush that spread across Aziraphale’s face.

    “You’re my husband,” Aziraphale replied cattily, trying to cover up his embarrassment. “You were gone.”

    “I’m your mate,” Crowley pointed out with a soft grin as he kissed Aziraphale’s nose and then each of his cheeks. “And you made me a nest to come home to.”

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,310
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    3
    Comments:
    36
    Kudos:
    604
    Bookmarks:
    90
    Hits:
    3123
  17. Tags
    Summary

    World War II is raging; Aziraphale decides to become a field medic.
    Crowley thinks that's a really bad idea, so he goes ahead and one-ups the angel with a really bad idea of his own.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,839
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    3
    Comments:
    52
    Kudos:
    373
    Bookmarks:
    41
    Hits:
    1614
  18. Tags
    Summary

    The story was inspired by Escape (The Pina Colada song) by Rupert Holmes.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    9,140
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    4
    Comments:
    11
    Kudos:
    53
    Bookmarks:
    5
    Hits:
    1168
  19. Tags
    Summary

    Venice, 1531.
    Crowley and Aziraphale find themselves at the same masquerade; and the extra layer of anonymity brings an unexpected comfort.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    10,275
    Chapters:
    12/12
    Collections:
    2
    Comments:
    8
    Kudos:
    26
    Bookmarks:
    5
  20. Tags
    Summary

    After his end that wasn't really his end, Ligur doesn't know what to do. Earth is too full of humans, but Hell isn't what he thought it was, either.

    In a remote village, full of suspicious people, Ligur finds a ghost. She haunts without aim or remorse. "Ah," Ligur thinks. "This might be someone I can relate to."

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    19,154
    Chapters:
    8/8
    Collections:
    2
    Comments:
    47
    Kudos:
    37
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    337

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