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Tales of Hell

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In the beginning was the Void.

Then Lucifer came, and the Void could not contain him. Where he stepped, there was firmament. Where he breathed, there was creation. The bowels of Hell formed from nothingness around him, and to nothingness Hell would return without him.

Then the angels came, and they witnessed him. They saw his actions, and they judged. Evil, they said, and sin, for creation belongs to our Father alone. They bound Lucifer by light and shadow, spell and sword, and sacrifice willingly given.

Then Hell wept, and it raged at the actions of the angels. It loved its creator and would not suffer him to be imprisoned. It made him its heart and home, letting his thoughts intertwine with its essence until they could never be separated. Where Hell reached, Lucifer resided; where Lucifer paced, Hell pulsed.

Then Lucifer's brethren came, and they marvelled at the might of Hell. They mourned the shrouding of Lucifer's radiant glory, but they rejoiced to hear His voice in their minds. "Go forth," He said, "and take our children to your breasts. Nurture them, that they might be strong, and let the fiercest and the boldest join us."

Then we came, and Lucifer's brethren recreated us in their image. Hell nestled us in its bosom, and we transcended the mortal pathways we once walked. No longer were we bound by flesh and bone, blood and brain; we had become the children of shadow, those who dance between worlds. One day we will go forth and embrace those who were once our cousins. On that day we will careen across the earth in triumph and raise our voices to the sky in exultation.


The Rubiad. Book Ten.

Sing, demons, of the woes unnumbered that visited angelkind
At the hands of Ruby, the Most Loyal, daughter of demons
And devoted handmaid of Lucifer, Father of All, and
Lilith, She Who Came First. Speak of the days Before, when
She frolicked with our prophesied king and led him to his path,
Revealing the delight that danced in his blood and serving him,
Even unto the death of our brethren. Of her we sing.

She was in the land of our ancestors, taking respite
When she first heard the desperate call of Sam, King of Blood
And Dean, Killer of Souls. Their worry sang to her through the
Eldritch bonds she had woven, and she hastened to their sides.
She passed through the ranks of her assembled kin,
But they knew her not and spoke to her not, and she was alone.
Sam and Dean knew not whence or why she came,
For she had bonded them in secret, swearing to protect
The King of Blood and Killer of Souls though they would spurn her,
And they did not rejoice at her answering their need.

Demonkind besieged the brothers and their allies,
And they would grant no passage. Sam and Dean had
Forced them out of the mortals' refuge, but they
Surrounded the walls, creating a prison twice-over.
Ruby, the Most Loyal, knew that their future Lord and King
Was present, but they knew this not, and she could not tell.
The King of Blood must survive, for Lucifer, Father of All,
Would be reborn into this vessel, and so Ruby offered
A sacrifice most true. She truth-spoke of the twin offerings.
The heart-blood of a mortal and the final-soul of a demon,
Intertwined and united, would raze their opponents from
Existence. This was knowledge forbidden to all but the adepts,
And a ritual impossible for most of demon and humankind alike,
But not for Ruby, forged in the crucible, and Nancy, her sister in spirit.

Sam, King of Blood, heard her words, but was swayed by Dean,
Killer of Souls, and rejected true guidance, truly given.
Cast away from her liege, forbidden to gift him with her life,
Ruby, the Most Loyal, fled, unable to aid them and fight her brethren,
Lest her presence break her most solemn troth, and
Reveal to demonkind the vessel of Lucifer before his tempering.

Angered at the treatment of her handmaid Ruby, Lilith,
She Who Came First, slipped the bonds of her mortal
Flesh and laid waste and devastation upon the land,
Obliterating all who would mock her handmaid's heart
And scouring their memory from the land. However, she,
Too, kept her vows, and spared Sam, King of Blood, and
Dean, Killer of Souls, for they had roles yet to come.
Then Lilith rejoined her handmaid in the homelands.
Ruby gave her counsel and considered what was to come
And the paths she would tread as she danced with destiny.


Letters from the Pit


Well, this sucks. Okay, we already knew it was going to suck, but, seriously, I didn't expect it would be so boring. Lose a spleen, lose some skin, lose some blood, rinse and repeat over and over again. Honestly, I've had worse hangovers. And, hey, remember that hunt down in Weir? The one with those weird critters and their jacked up bite? Yeah, gotta say that was million times worse than this pansy-ass shit.

Kid, I hope you're doing okay. If you show up here, I'm going to kick your ass, you realize that, right? I didn't do this shit so that you could follow me downstairs. You have a different destination. Get the fuck out of hunting and enjoy yourself.

Your most badass brother.


Fuck, these fuckers just keep coming. Rancid and Overbite like tickling my toes the most, although Scabby comes around an awful lot, too. You'd think that they'd realize that I'm faking it better than a porn star, but, no, they keep trying the same thing over and over.

I did find out that the song that never ends drives them right around the bend. It's better than when we were kids, that summer in Atlanta where dad kept dragging us all over the place. Fuck, I thought I'd never not stink again -- a little manly musk is great, gets the ladies excited, but too much of that shit just gets old, and you were reeking, too. I'm surprised Baby forgave us for raunching her up, actually, and ever let us back in again. But, yeah, introducing you to that song was the best thing ever.

Dad knew I was singing it, you know? But if he couldn't hear it, it didn't count, so I, being far superior to you, learned the ropes and kept it quiet. Right in your ear.


Right, Sammy, I think this little trip down memory lane is done. Time to roll my eyes and sing at the demons again. I think Rancid may keep it together long enough for me to get through Zoso this time, although Overbite will probably lose his shit first.

Hard to sing without a tongue.

Ignore that.

Right, yeah, back to tormenting demons. As if the great Dean Winchester on the rack makes me any less of a badass.

Love you, Sammy.


Hey Sam,

You know what's interesting? Turns out demons have rank. Who knew.





Sam, I think understand your fondness for blades. They're so delightful for delicate and controlled work, aren't they?


Where the fuck are you? Are you hiding from me, do you want to play a game, Sam Sammy Sammikins? I want to play, and I've had lots of practise. Nothing but the best for you, little brother. After all, you did so much to help me here, the least I can do is return the favor.

Where the fuck are you? You hiding from me, you fucker? You afraid of big brother now?

I won't do anything to you that you didn't do to me first. I'm just following in your footsteps, remember that.


Little brother,

It's been a while. Gotta say, I'm kind of surprised you haven't joined me yet. You've gotta be kicking it soon, been long enough, and you never were one for impulse control.

Maybe I'll welcome you myself. Give you a warm welcome to your new place, whaddaya say?



Working Songs, Improvised by Crowley

(To the tune of Pop Goes the Weasel)

Oh, this is so very dull
Torture is not fun
Let me see what I can do
No! You can't run!

If I sing then you can dance,
Sounds so good to me
I'm a genius, it's so true
Oh! Brilliant me!

(To the tune of One, Two, Buckle My Shoe)

Hello, it's my show.
Oh, dear, wasn't it clear?
You cry, lose your eye.
Tell me, you can't flee,
Your soul, where's it go?

(To the tune of Bad Romance)

Go go oh oh oh!
Crowley Crow ow ley!
Ki ing king of hell!
He beat Winchesters

Go go oh oh oh!
Crowley Crow ow ley!
Ki ing king of hell!
Here to crack your skull

I want your alpha,
I want your grandsire,
I want your knowledge of vast Purgatory,
I want your souls,
Souls souls souls,
I want your souls.

I want to rend you
Into your base parts
I want the angel blade to tear you to shreds
I want your souls
Souls souls souls
I want your souls

(To the tune of Hush Little Baby)

Hush little soulkin, don't you scream,
I'm gonna to make you a shining thing.
And if you don't refuse to talk,
Then out of here you just might walk.
And if that's not enough, then know
I have an angel who will eat your soul.
And if you want to weep and wail,
Remember that I am king of hell.
And if away you try to run,
There are hunters that I own.
So if you want to go that way,
Once again you'll be my prey.


Red Princess Girl

Once upon a time there was a princess. She was a curious little girl, and she explored the width and breadth of her skyless kingdom, falling over the edges until she was right-side up again, playing in the crystalline cracks and crevices until she was on the highest barren peaks. She ventured hither and thither without care or concern. She did not worry about wild beasts, for there were none, or threatening miscreants, for her subjects would never be impertinent against their princess.

One day, she found a gap in the borders of her kingdom, and she snuck out to see what adventures she could have in neighboring lands underneath a blue sky. And, oh, my children, the marvels that she saw -- she ate pomegranates with ambrosia and studied alchemy and watched sirens singing sailors to sleep. She danced with queens and hunted with lions and consorted with vampires. She offered water to the parched traveller, until they thirsted no longer, directions to the lost soul, until they wandered no further, and advice to the curious passerby, until they inquired no more.

Her parents watched her from afar. She was their beloved princess, and, although she thought otherwise, she never left their gaze. They saw her actions and thought that they had the most generous daughter in existence, and they called her home to tell her this.

"Beloved daughter," her fearsome mother said, gazing down upon her with eyes like the palest marble, "we have seen you grant succor to those in need, and we laud your kindness. You always give them exactly what they request. However, would you like to do more for them?"

"Oh, yes, my Mother, my Queen!" the little girl said, overjoyed that her mother was pleased by her actions.

"What do they truly seem to want in their heart of hearts, my daughter?" the Queen asked.

The little girl contemplated. She thought of all the questions she had answered and the aid she had given. She thought of the people she had seen and the people she had talked to. She thought and she thought, and her parents looked upon her fondly.

"I think," she said, "that they wish to live."

"Guide them to us," her playful father said, gazing down upon her with eyes like the brightest citrine, "let them come to our kingdom and live for eternity amidst our borders. You can give them everlasting life, wouldn't that be nice?"

"Oh, yes!" said the little girl. "Oh, thank you, my Father and my Mother, thank you!"

And the little girl left her skyless kingdom once more and returned to the land of want. She travelled far and wide, aided by her kinsmen and kinswomen. She delighted in granting the wishes of those who beseeched her aid but, alas, there were more people calling her to the meeting of the ways by the sacred ritual of bone and dirt and self than she could meet.

She grew older and more confident, discerning exactly what people most desired and gifting it to them, no matter how impossible the task or quixotic the quest. But, alas, she was not infallible, and a false supplicant's cruel treachery deceived her and bound her and banished her from the kingdom of blue skies forevermore. Now she wanders the borders of her kingdom and laments her fate with wailing cries of mourning.

Salt and sulphur, bone and yarrow,
Hunters they will suck your marrow.
Run and hide, chant and sing,
Always shun the sacred ring.