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A Scandal in Bohemian

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Zelenka shook his head in that adorable exasperated slavic way he has, grabbed his tablet and stalked out, muttering pointedly in what sounded like fairly rude czech and barely missing Lt. Col. Sheppard on his way in.

“How many times do I have to tell you, McKay, don’t break the scientists. We may need them."

“As if I would waste my valuable time.”

“Uh huh. What did you do?”

“I’m insulted, Major.”

“Let’s pretend I reminded you that I’m a Lieutenant Colonel these days.”

“I’m insulted, Colonel. Why would you assume that I did something?”

“I’m going to go with because we’ve met.”

“Nice. Fine friend you are.”

“I am, actually. Spill.”

“What makes you think there’s anything to...”


“Fine. Radek, whose business it really isn't, thinks you have a big gay crush on me.”

“And what drew him to that conclusion, dare I ask?”

“Something about hanging around the labs watching me when there’s no particular reason for you to be here.”


“Yes, really. Also, something about pudding. Remote control cars may have been a factor.”

“You know, that’s pretty compelling stuff, but I don’t think it’s conclusive.”

“That’s what I said to begin with.”

“I thought maybe he caught sight of the bite marks on your ass.”

“God, you’re a romantic.”

“Nah. A romantic would have brought up the bite marks on your...”

“This is me, shutting down my laptop. Yawn. It’s been a long day, Major. Would you like to accompany me to my quarters?”

“I’m going to pretend that I reminded you that I was a Lieutenant Colonel.”

“I’m going to pretend you want to get laid while you're still young enough.”

“Call me John.”