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Ruin My Life

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Disclaimer: I do not own any rights to Yu-Gi-Oh or Ruin My Life by Zara Larsson.

This is my final submission for the end Azure Week 2020 inspired by the prompt Raindrops and the song Ruin My Life by Zara Larsson. It's not my favorite piece I've ever written, but this song made my think a lot about Kaiba. I hope you enjoy it. Happy Azure Week everyone!


Ruin My Life

I miss you pushing me close to the edge
I miss you
I wish I knew what I had when I left
I miss you

You set fire to my world, couldn't handle the heat
Now I'm sleeping alone and I'm starting to freeze
Baby, come bring me hell
Let it rain over me
Baby, come back to me

The sky was dark, gray and black clouds covering any sunlight. Thunder rumbled in the distance. Seto Kaiba ignored the signs of the storm moving in. He continued on his path through the park towards his destination. The one place he felt like he had any sanctity in the world. But even now, that was ruined. Ruined by his own actions. He prided himself on perfection, in his own glory. Yet it was his own doing that was causing this darkness swirling in his chest. The feeling of a million stones constantly pushing on his chest. Someone's hand squeezing his throat gradually until he could no longer breath.

He felt a few cold raindrops on his cheek, but he ignored them. He wanted to go to that place where he had found a sliver of happiness, of completeness, even if only for a brief time.

I want you to ruin my life
You to ruin my life, you to ruin my life, yeah
I want you to fuck up my nights, yeah
Fuck up my nights, yeah, all of my nights, yeah
I want you to bring it all on
If you make it all wrong, then I'll make it all right, yeah
I want you to ruin my life
You to ruin my life, you to ruin my life

Before all this, he had been on top of the world. He had never regained his champion dueling status above Yugi, but he reigned beside him as one of the greatest duelists in the world. Still, Kaiba Corp. thrived, and the Dueling Academy soared under his hand. He brought the company back from the brink, not just once, but twice, all by his own brilliant mind. He developed state of the art technology that dazzled people all around the world.

While his brilliance was unmatched, so was his cold demeanor. He didn't let anyone get close, except Mokuba. But even then, there were certain things he felt like he couldn't share with his little brother. He was comfortable with the loneliness. It was what he knew and what he felt like he would always know. He never expected to create a connection with anyone…let alone the cheerleader.

Circumstances kept pushing them closer, a constant game of push and pull. A battle of wits and will always ensued when they were in a room together. Téa Gardner after spending a couple of years in New York, returned to Japan to continue her dance studies and participate in productions around the country. She remained good friends with the rest of the nerds, but she also grew closer to his brother. She was constantly at the Kaiba mansion, but he had done his best to avoid her while she was there. He didn't care to see her cheery smiles and bright blue eyes. If he did ever run into her, it usually ended in insults and a yelling match.

Of course, it all started with an argument, like it always did with them. Mokuba was upset with him because he had gone back on his word and he hadn't been able to spend the weekend with his little brother. He must have vented to Téa, because she had showed up at the mansion, cheeks flushed red in anger.

Seto smirked as he thought back to that day. He hadn't been in a great mood, already feeling guilty about breaking his promise to Mokuba. But the new duel disks had to be completed by their deadline and there still glitches in the system. He had been working furiously, hopeful to at least being able to spend a night with his brother in an effort to make it up to him. There had been a pounding on his office door, much too loud to be any of his employees. They would never dare knock that loud on his door.

"Someone better be dying and by someone, I mean Mokuba because that is the only reason anyone should be interrupting me," Seto snapped furiously at the door. His laptop continued to click as he banged harder on the keys.

Téa had stormed into the office in a whirlwind, hips swinging and eyes blazing.

"What the hell is wrong with you!?"

"I could be asking you the same question, Gardner. What are you doing in my office?"

She placed her hands on her hips, glaring at him fiercely.

"Mokuba is upset because you bailed on him for the third time. Do you do anything other than work? Do you care at all that your little brother is feeling neglected by the person that matters most to him?"

Seto's jaw clenched. This is so not what he needed right now. He took a sip of his coffee, now lukewarm, to keep from hurling his laptop at her head. It wouldn't do him any good to lose all the progress he's made.

"My life is none of your business. Get out, now," his tone frosty.

"It is my business when you upset one of my friends, Kaiba! Mokuba came to me in tears because you can't be bothered to take your head out of your laptop or your ass!" Téa shouted.

His fingers clenched over his keyboard. He felt another stab of guilt at hearing how upset Mokuba was, but he kept his stone-cold mask in place.

"I'll deal with Mokuba later. Now if that's all, I believe you know the way out."

"No, you'll deal with it now! I'm sick of you upsetting him like this. How can you treat him like this? He looks up to you! And you're constantly pushing him away! The great Seto Kaiba is letting down the person that means the most!" Her voice grew steadily during her rant, until she was breathing heavy from her yelling.

His hands slammed down on the desk as he rose. He had enough of this. His patience was practically nonexistent. He already felt terrible about letting down Mokuba, but he did not need to deal with little Ms. Sunshine up in his face about his failings as a brother.

"That's enough, Garnder." She seemed taken aback by his tone. It was like thunder rumbling before lightning struck.

"You think I don't know that Mokuba was upset?" He came around the desk, stalking towards her. "I hate that I couldn't keep my word to him. Unfortunately, I have a multi-billion-dollar company to run. I have deadlines to meet and thousands of people relying on me and only me, to pull off this new duel disk. I don't expect your miniscule brain to comprehend what kind of intellect this takes."

Her eyes widened as he continued to come closer until he was looming over her.

"But do not ever insinuate that I don't care about my brother. I've dedicated my life to giving him everything he could possibly want. I understand he's upset, but he's also a child. Children get upset. Children get disappointed. I'm sure you know what that feels like."

Her gaze hardened as their icy glares locked.

"That isn't an excuse, Kaiba. It's your responsibility, not just to give material things, but to give him the love he needs."

Seto snarled down at her. "Of course, the friendship queen is here to spread joy and affection. Spare me, Gardner."

To his surprise, she took a step closer to him, their faces only inches apart.

"You're a heartless bastard, Kaiba," she said, through gritted teeth.

"You're a pathetic halfwit," he returned.

Heavy breathing and the chiming of the grandfather clock filled his office. Fists clenched, eyes deadlocked.

He still isn't sure who moved first, or what even brought it on. One second, they were ready to tear each other's throats out and the next, their lips were locked in a fiery kiss. She was clutching his black button down while he gripped her hips hard. Their mouths moved against each other in a passionate dance, nipping, biting, and sucking.

For once, his mind was completely blank, only focusing on pulling her closer, kissing her harder. They stumbled back into his desk, sending his desk lamp crashing to the floor, but his only response was moving his lips to her neck, tonguing the hollow of her throat. Téa let out a gasp, his hands traveling down to her butt and pulling her snugly between his legs as he leaned against the desk.

She wiggled against him, making him release a grunt, her fingernails scrapping his scalp as she brought his mouth back to hers. His arms came around her waist and he lifted her, so her knees straddled him on his desk while they exchanged open mouthed kisses.

Téa was in the process of unbuttoning his shirt when a shrill ringing pierced the silence. They both froze, her fingers pulling open his shirt and his hands trailing perilously up the back of her thighs. The phone continued to ring, but for once, he didn't immediately reach for it, both stunned by their own actions. The continued ringing broke their spell and they disentangled themselves. She wouldn't meet his eyes as she stumbled back on her feet. He let her go and then grabbed the phone.

"Kaiba," he said into the receiver.

Téa stepped back from him, tugging her pink skirt down, looking rumpled from their steamy make out. He watched her, expression blank, but his heart hammering in his chest, adrenaline rushing his veins. He was only partly listening as one of his employees yammered on about the show casing for the new duel disks. The other part of his mind was spinning at what just took place.

He turned his back to her trying to focus on the call, a call he had been expecting all day.

"Figure it out," he snapped. "I want this to be the biggest show case in the history of Domino. That projection system is flawless because I designed it. So, don't tell me it isn't working. If you don't get it done, then you won't be working for Kaiba Corp anymore. Got it?" He slammed the phone down and let out a big breath. He turned to face Gardner, only to find his office empty.

Seto was convinced he should chalk up their kiss to temporary insanity. He was stressed out more than usual because of the duel disk show case and his fight with Mokuba. However, it didn't explain when he saw her again why his loins tightened, and his palms grew sweaty.

They were at the Kaiba Corp show case they he had been planning, the duels underway. She was standing with the other geeks, Wheeler, Yugi and Tristan when he approached the group. He dragged her away, the mutt barking the whole time, so he could tell her that she was to never tell anyone what transpired in his office. The last thing he needed was his personal life splashed in the tabloids. He had dragged her into an unused conference room in the arena and locked the door. He whirled around to speak, but instead of making threats, his lips were once again sealed over hers. She eagerly responded, gripping the lapels of his white trench coat and pulling him closer. Seto backed Téa against the conference table, his tongue demanding entrance past her lips. They're tongues tangled together, engaging in a game of seduction.

Unfortunately, it wasn't long before Roland was knocking on the door, informing him it was time for his scheduled appearance at the tournament. He pulled back reluctantly, Téa taking in a shaky breath. She stared up at him with wide blue eyes and opened her mouth to speak but nothing came out. He snarled in frustration and confusion, whirling away and jerked the door open, fleeing the room without a word to her.

He did his best to avoid her at all costs. Loss of self-control was not something he was used to. Kissing her once he could attest to losing himself in the moment, after all she kissed him the first time…probably. But twice? And he initiated it? He was definitely losing it. He needed to reign himself in before she ruined anything else.

I miss you more than I thought that I could
I miss you
I know you missin' me too like you should
I miss you

You set fire to my world, couldn't handle the heat
Now I'm sleeping alone and I'm starting to freeze
Baby, come bring me hell
Let it rain over me
Baby, come back to me (baby, come back to me)

Of course, the universe seemed to be against him as per usual. Seto came to the park often at dusk when children had already left to go home, only the occasional dog walker trekking through the park. He liked to come here whenever he had a particularly stressful day at the office. He sat on his usual bench, trying to block out the thoughts of work he still had to do. If he could just have thirty minutes to himself, he knew his focus would be reinvigorated and he could work well into the night.

His focus was completely derailed when Téa strolled up the walkway, directly into his path. He didn't even notice until she sat down next to him which made it much too late to make an escape. He resolved that he needed to test himself, to see if he could be around her without having the urge to taste her lips again.

"How are you?" Téa asked, voice shaking.

"Fine, until you ruined my peace." He winced internally, trying not to think too deeply into that.

An awkward silence filled the space between them. He was painfully aware that the setting sun and painted pink and orange sky gave the park a romantic glow. Seto tapped his foot three times on the ground.

Téa let out a big sigh. "Kaiba, we need to talk."

"I disagree. There's nothing to discuss."

Her head snapped towards him; eyes narrowed. "You kiss me, and you think we're not going to talk about it?"

"There's nothing to talk about," he growled back. Maybe he should just go. This conversation could only end one of two ways. He kept his eyes on the landscape of the park. It was mid-October, the leaves had mostly changed colors, making it look like an orange sea.

"Kaiba," she began, voice tight, "why did you kiss me?"

"I could ask you the same thing," he deflected.

He heard her take a sharp breath through her nose and paused like she was mentally counting before she responded.

"Because despite our differences and arguing and your annoying thing about always being right and your callous disregard of other people's feelings and your cruelty towards my friends…"

"Is there a point to this Gardner?" he seethed.

"…I know there's a good person inside of you."

He mentally rolled his eyes, a snarky remark on the tip of his tongue, but it was cut off when she kissed him. It wasn't like their past kisses that were fiery and demanding. This was soft, gentle, barely her lips grazing his. His whole body stiffened from shock, not used to other people, even his brother, taking such liberties. Her hand rested softly on his cheek.

In the back of his mind, he heard a voice saying how she was just using him. She wanted to humiliate him, make fun of him with her friends. But rationally, he knew that wasn't her. She was too good, the epitome of kindness.

She pulled back, her azure eyes searching his face for a reaction. He wasn't sure how to react. Relationships had never even been a consideration for him, he just assumed it would never happen. He wasn't a monk, but anything more than physical, he deftly stayed away from.

Not to say he would mind getting physical with Gardner, she was extremely attractive. She had been the focal point of more than a few mature dreams. But she made decisions based on her emotions, and the decision to kiss him was based off them. He didn't have that luxury.

Seto grimaced as he thought back to that day, his selfishness and narcissism at its peak. The thunder rolled closer and he felt more drops fall onto his shoulders. He had convinced himself, while he looked into her eyes on that bench, that it would be another challenge. To not get emotionally invested in a relationship with someone that thrived off them, to test to the limits of his own self-control. He hated himself for treating her like a plaything, completely disregarding any feelings she had.

He had kissed her again on that bench and their relationship began. He did everything a good boyfriend was supposed to do. He took her on dates, bought her gifts, charmed her. And things were good. He felt like he was in control. That he could do this without personally investing in any of it. Looking back, he realized what an idiot he was.

He was never in control because emotions weren't something that could be controlled. She snuck past his walls with her smile, the way she pushed back against him, her seductive kisses stolen in between business meetings.

They didn't sleep together until about two months after that day on the bench. She had made it clear she wanted to take things slowly and he agreed because he figured it would make his own personal challenge harder.

Seto had just finished a drawn-out business deal, and he came home exhausted and drained. Téa had been spending time with Mokuba while he was out, and she usually waited till he got home before she left. They were talking on his couch, her hands running through his hair. He had kissed her cheek, telling her it was late, and his driver would take her home. Téa had paused and said she wanted to stay. Seto looked at her in surprise and she gave him an impish grin in response. She had trailed her hand suggestively down his chest, nipping at his jawline, leaving him with a clear message of how she wanted this night to end. He had kissed her hotly, all the pent-up lust and tension pouring into the kiss. They had stumbled multiple times up the stairs in their haste, her giggling softly at his excitement.

His head spun as every soft, warm inch of skin had been revealed. The way she arched her back, dug her nails into his arms, her breathy moans, and sighs, all pulled him deeper into her. He found her fascinating like a new software program, learning which keys to push to get the maximum effect. They had barely gotten any sleep. He wanted to know every secret that made her hum.

A month later, he had been working at his desk, realizing he was going to have to work late once again. Disappointment had crawled in his chest as he realized he wouldn't get to see Téa until the next day. He had frozen mid-phone call, panic pressing down on his chest, as he realized that he had failed his own challenge. That he had gotten emotionally invested in her. That he liked her. That he cared about whether she was happy, sad, or angry. That he wanted nothing more than to see her in his bed at night and in the morning when he woke up.

It was like losing to Yugi all over again, except much more personal. He thought he could keep himself in check, that he would prove her wrong and show her there wasn't anything beneath the surface. He was who he was.

I want you to ruin my life
You to ruin my life, you to ruin my life, yeah
I want you to fuck up my nights, yeah
Fuck up my nights, yeah, all of my nights, yeah
I want you to bring it all on
If you make it all wrong, then I'll make it all right, yeah

So, he ended it. He told her they were over. She had cried, asking what had happened, what she did wrong. He didn't answer. Just walked out the door.

He wanted to go back to the way he was. The cold, cruel President that ruled with an iron fist. The powerful duelist that scorned at friendship and sneered at pathetic sentiments.

He couldn't. Her touch haunted him. Her laughter taunted him. Reminders of his failure were everywhere. The color blue reflected in his own eyes. The stupid sitcom they watched together. The smell of oranges, her favorite shampoo. The sad looks Mokuba would give him. The glares from her friends when they saw him at tournaments. He never saw her at those anymore.

I miss you, I miss you
I wish you, I wish you
Would come back, would come back to me
Come back to me, come back to me

It had been two months since he'd seen her. Her friends didn't tell him anything and he didn't ask. Mokuba tried to broach the subject with him once, but that only ended with a door slamming in his face.

Anger and emptiness were his only companions. They were there as he laid in bed alone. In every stroke of his keyboard. Every sip of his coffee.

Everything he had built came crashing down all because of her. His fortress was stormed and all that was left was the rubble she left behind. He had always been the person behind the wheel of his life, but it was like he wasn't even in the car anymore. All the control he had was obliterated, revealing the truth of what it had been.

It was true he was more privileged than most, but the material status had come at a cost. Leaving behind the hollowness and desolation. Until she began to fill the vacancies.

The small things like taking his hand while they walked down the street. The big things like how he never realized his little brother was a talented artist and could create beautiful scenes with just some black chalk and paper.

I want you to ruin my life
You to ruin my life, you to ruin my life, yeah
I want you to fuck up my nights, yeah
Fuck up my nights, yeah, all of my nights, yeah
I want you to bring it all on
If you make it all wrong, then I'll make it all right, yeah
I want you to ruin my life

He had finally begun to live past his company and dueling. Yet somehow, instead of building it like he always did, he crushed it with his own bare hands, he thought bitterly. The skies began to open, rain coming down harder.

He stopped at their bench, where their relationship began, leather shoes squishing on the wet pavement. He stood there as the raindrops fell harder, staring at it and not for the first time, wishing he could go back and punch himself in the face.

They had come to this bench often. She would pat his knee or graze her lips across his cheek. He would whisper naughty things in her ear just to see her blush. Sometimes they would bring a small picnic with them like an couple in an old Hollywood movie. Téa would never let him bring his phone when he came here with her. She said that this was their place. Their oasis away from work and stress. This was the place where everything he knew began to crumble.

Quick footsteps came from behind him, until he felt a body clip him on the shoulder, causing the perpetrator to stumble. He looked to snap at them, but his heart stopped in his chest.

Blue eyes widened.

"Seto?" Téa whispered.

He closed his eyes, the sound of his name on her lips relieving the pressure in his chest slightly. The sound of raindrops hitting the sidewalk filled the air.

Téa shut her eyes and looked away from him, her grip tightening around her pink umbrella.

"Excuse me, I'm late." She turned to keep running, but he acted automatically grabbing her arm.

"Wait," he asked. She didn't turn around. "We need to talk."

"I disagree. There's nothing to discuss," she hissed back at him, his own words causing him to flinch.

"Yes, there is," he choked out. "Please, Téa." The great Seto Kaiba begging the cheerleader. Who would have thought?

She turned back to him, eyes slowly meeting his. "What is it?" she asked, her tone strained.

"I fucked up."

Téa blinked owlishly at him.

I…I fucked up…with us, I fucked up so badly." Now that he finally said it, he felt like he couldn't stop, wanting to let go of all the misery he had felt when she was gone. "I…am so sorry. I had no idea what this would become. You ruined everything that I thought I was, that I thought life was supposed to be. And it terrified me. I couldn't handle it…us."

Téa continued to stare at him, mouth gaping slightly.

"I love you," he confessed finally. "And I know that you probably hate me, but I needed you to know. That you ruined my life in the best possible way."

He felt tears begin to rise, something that hadn't happened since the day he got the news his parents died.

"Seto," she whispered, her own eyes watering.

"I don't expect you to come back. But I needed you to know."

He turned back to the way he came, the rain coming down harder with every passing second.

He focused on the sound of his footsteps, not being able to comprehend what he just said to her. The she finally knew how she brought the great Seto Kaiba to his knees.

"Seto!"

He froze, sure it was just his imagination, but the approaching sound of platform sandals hitting the concrete proved he was wrong. His trenchcoat spun as he faced her, only having a second before she threw her umbrella to the ground, getting soaked instantly from the downpour and crashing into his arms.

Her lips claimed his, hands clutching his face in her hands, their tear mixing with the raindrops that fell from the sky. And he knew it was time to rebuild his life with her in it.

You to ruin my life, you to ruin my life
I want you to ruin my life
You to ruin my life, you to ruin my life, yeah (ruin my life)
I want you to fuck up my nights, yeah
Fuck up my nights, yeah, all of my nights, yeah
I want you to bring it all on
If you make it all wrong, then I'll make it all right, yeah
I want you to ruin my life
You to ruin my life, you to ruin my life