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Author's notes: Not really a crossover, set during Lorne's time at the SGC

"Did you know your front door is wide open?"


Lorne frowned up at Daniel. "My hands were full. Besides, it's a good neighbourhood."


' – and yet still somewhere some strange person could just walk through your door - "


" - says the guy who just waltzed unannounced into my bathroom. Since you're here, how much do you know about toilet valves?" He held up a plastic package and a pair of pliers.


"Enough to know that isn't a valve and I shut your door. Out of curiosity, if you don't know what it is, how do you know you even purchased the right thing?"


Lorne picked up a ziploc baggie from the floor containing a contraption of plastic and chrome and displayed it alongside the one he was already holding.


"I bought the one that looked just like the broken one," he explained.


"The one that says 'handle' right on it?"


Lorne twisted around the package around to read it and managed to drop the pliers into the tank as he did. He stared at them a moment. "Did you happen to drop by for a reason or did I just get lucky?"


"Pizza. Have you ever considered apartment living?"


"You live in a house."


"I know the difference between a valve and a handle."


"I didn't do a lot of plumbing when I was growing up."


"I was a dorm RA during my senior year."


“That doesn’t surprise me.”


“I needed the money.”


He pushed Lorne away, straddling the toilet backwards and rolling his sleeve past his elbow. He fished the pliers out of the tank and cranked the plastic retaining ring clockwise, loosening it.


"I toilet papered the room of the dorm RA once," Lorne offered, leaning over his shoulder.


"You're not making brownie points."


Lorne leaned even closer to the tank as Daniel removed the broken flusharm.


“Are you taking notes or something?”


“There’s two bathrooms in the house. You might not be around next time.”




He dropped the flusharm into the trash while Lorne opened the new handle. He started to unscrew the plastic ring but Daniel stopped him.


“You don’t have to do that.”


“The instructions say to unscrew it.”


“So now you’re an expert? You don’t have to - trust me.”


He took the part and threaded the flusharm through the hole in the tank.




“Show off.”


Daniel tightened the handle back down and operated it experimentally, smiling as the tank emptied.


“Ta-da,” he said simply. “You’re buying the pizza.”


“For this, Doc, I’ll buy you pizza and beer.” Lorne pulled his shirt over his head and stepped out of his running shorts. “Gimme five minutes.”


He slipped behind the shower curtain and cranked on the water.


“There’s this pizza place over on Third in the Market District that has a micro-brew that kicks ass.”


“I don’t really care for beer – “


“You know if you were a real plumber, you’d’ve shown me some asscrack,” Lorne called over the hiss of the shower.


“Really? I was unaware it was some sort of requirement of professionalism.”


“Union rules.”


Daniel stepped into the shower, his own clothes left on the bathroom floor.


“I’d hate to run afoul of the Local 458,” he said, and promptly turned his back to Lorne.