"Oh my god," Blair exclaimed as he looked at a box on his desk. "I love you, Megan. You're the best!"
"Hey, hey," Jim said, manufacturing an annoyed look. "I thought you saved those words for me."
"For some things, yeah," Blair replied with a grin. "But Megan brought me something from Down Under. Something special that I can't get here."
"A wombat? A kangaroo? A didgeridoo?" Blair's eyes widened. "What? You think I'm just a dumb cop who only knows what's in front of his face?"
Blair rolled his eyes. "No, I'm just surprised that you're playing twenty questions. Usually you ignore me when I try to make you guess."
Jim shrugged. "Well, actually, it doesn't smell like a wombat. It smells… sweet. Like… chocolate?"
"Bingo. I never say this enough--man, you are good."
"You get that excited about chocolate?"
"Not just any chocolate. This is chocolate that I've had a long and glorious relationship with." He cut open the package, removing packing peanuts, then pulled out a smaller package and showed it to Jim.
"Cadbury Flake," Jim read. "Never heard of it."
"That's 'cause it's almost impossible to find here. It's famous in England and other Commonwealth countries."
"Smells great, Chief, but nothing special." Jim picked up his coffee cup and headed to the break room. Blair followed. "So, how'd you get hooked on something so bad for you, Mr. You-should-treat-your-body-like-a-temple'?"
Blair smelled the coffee in the pot and made a face. He dumped it and started a fresh pot. "Well, I was six and Naomi was visiting an archeologist friend of hers. He was part of a team that was renovating Stonehenge. She was so excited, going on and on about these big stones. Don't get me wrong, they were definitely impressive, and because we knew him we were able to get up close, but to me they were just stones. I couldn't relate to them and everyone was too busy to talk to a little kid, you know?" Jim nodded.
"Anyway," Blair continued as he poured their cups, "Naomi could see I was bored and was happy that I hadn't made a fuss. So, she told me I could pick whatever I wanted to eat. There was a little ice cream truck in the visitors parking lot. Not the kind we have here that have all pre-made popsicles and stuff. This one had a soft-serve machine, so they could make cones and there were bottles of different kinds of syrup to squeeze on top, you know, like chocolate and caramel and currant. But most of the people there were buying this thing I'd never seen. They called it a '99 Flake'. It was a soft serve vanilla cone that had a Flake bar shoved into the ice cream. I asked for that and Naomi let me have it." Blair closed his eyes, remembering. "That ice cream was so rich and creamy and the Flake was so amazing, how it broke up in my mouth--the ice cream made it cold, so it crumbled more." Blair opened his eyes and looked at Jim. "It was love, man, pure love. Over the years, I've picked them up, usually in international airport shops. They always taste the same--perfect."
Jim shook his head. "I can't believe you're talking like this about a chocolate bar."
Blair shrugged. "I'm not the only one. They had a whole series of Flake commercials over the years. I'd see them when I went abroad and they fueled my teen fantasies. They were all pretty much the same--women eating those things. Some were suggestive and others were downright obscene! I couldn't believe it. Maybe I can find one on the web sometime. But advertising only takes you so far. If the product hadn't been good, it wouldn't have lasted all these years."
"So, break out the box and let me taste one of these incredible things," Jim said, fully expecting to be refused.
"Yeah, sure, but not here," Blair said. Looking around, he lowered his voice. "If you try one in the bullpen you're going to orgasm for sure." Jim snorted. "Swear to God, man, I don't want you to embarrass yourself."
It was Jim's turn to roll his eyes. "Okay, I think I can control myself until tonight."
"You won't regret it. And did you know that they discovered it by chance when some guy saw the excess overflowing from chocolate molds, flowing down and cooling into ripples? Can you imagine…"
Jim steered Blair back to the bullpen with a hand on the small of his back, nodding absently as Blair continued his story.
The day had been easy for a change; no new cases and they spent the day catching up on paperwork. They listened dutifully to Megan's tales of her trip home and the huge family reunion they'd had to celebrate her dad's birthday. She promised to get her film developed to show them her pictures, something that Jim secretly hoped she'd forget to do. At 3, when they'd deposited their last report in Simon's inbox, they decided to call it a day. Blair gave Megan another thank-you hug and they left, candy box firmly under his arm.
Now they were home and Jim smiled to himself as Blair suggested things to drag out the suspense. He volunteered to fix dinner and suggested Jim take a shower. Jim was surprised to come out of the bathroom and not smell food cooking. Instead, Blair was parked in front of his laptop, chuckling. "What's so funny?" Jim asked, sauntering over while he rubbed his hair with a towel.
"You're not going to believe this. They've made a montage of all the old Flake commercials. I found the video in the MTV site archives. Look at this, Jim."
Jim gaped as clips of one woman after another opened Flake bars, consuming them suggestively. "These weren't banned?" he asked incredulously.
"Some of them were, but most made it through the censors. Can you believe it?"
"Hey, how come there're no men? Doesn't England believe in equal rights?"
"You're kidding, right? This is the country that had a law called 'The Buggery Act' and didn't decriminalize sex between men until the '60s. Can you imagine a commercial where a guy suggestively chomps down on one of those things?"
Jim was looking at Blair, a look that communicated hunger. "Yeah, I can. But I don't want to imagine it," he said.
Blair gave him a slow grin, then reached over to grab the box. Pulling out his Swiss Army knife, he slit the sealing tape and pulled out a Flake bar. Imitating the commercials, he tore open the package, half-exposing the candy bar inside. He lowered his head, allowing his hair to fall forward, sneaking a peek to see what effect his performance was having on Jim. Satisfied with what he saw, he lowered his head to engulf the tip of the bar, sucking on it slowly, carefully, delicately, before leaning back on the couch, his eyes closed, his face rapturous. He pushed the shaft of chocolate further into his mouth, finally pressing it between his lips, breaking it off and scattering chocolate flakes all over his chin and chest.
Jim reached over and pulled him in for a kiss, sensing a miasma of chocolate and musk and Blair's groan of need vibrating through his lips. He pulled back to look at Blair's eyes, hazy with desire, and licked a flake off the corner of Blair's mouth. "Let's finish this upstairs," he suggested huskily.
Blair gave him a smile, that smile he reserved only for Jim. "I can't think of anything I'd like better," he replied, dropping the remains of the candy bar on the coffee table.