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stand up in my holy terrain

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The Istanbul safehouse used to solely be Jane's, but Elena and Sabina have somehow come to the consensus that this is also their new base now. Over the span of a few months, the safehouse has filled up and now holds most of their weapons, costumes (Sabina), tech (Elena), and dorky art history books (Sabina again). Jane had been a bit surprised that Elena and Sabina didn't find their own apartment once they'd started dating, but she figures that the pair just prioritized the convenience. The three of them are already so close, and good housing is so hard to find, especially with the tech already safeguarding this house, and Jane thinks of herself as a good roommate. At least she tries to be respectful of their relationship. 

Well, Sabina and Elena hadn't ever actually announced that they were dating, but Jane is a world class spy. She's compiled the evidence into a neat little folder at the back of her mind. Elena kissing Sabina whenever she makes dinner, Sabina's weird tendency to try and play-bite Elena's shoulders, the countless 'I love you's' and pet names. 

Jane doesn't mind being the third wheel. She’d missed her girls during Elena's training, even after her graduation, during countless missions they hadn’t been teamed up for, that sent them running all over the world. It wasn't that Jane had been bored or lonely; she had had more than her fair share of adventures and recons. No, it was just that she still wasn't quite comfortable with asking her other colleagues for the physical touch that Sabina and Elena already mindlessly give her. 

Now that they all live together, Jane can just come here when a mission brings her nearby or she's in between missions, and whoever's home will cuddle with her without her even needing to ask.

She tries her best not to mind the twinge of unnamed emotion she feels whenever she sees Sabina brush a kiss across Elena's knuckles, or Elena grabs Sabina's hand and drags her into the bedroom they all share. (Somehow all three angels sleep in the same king bed, instead of Sabina and Elena sleeping in the guest room. That had ended up designated for Bosley's occasional visits.) Jane just stays out of the way whenever Sabina and Elena fuck, and keeps her emotions in check. She only allows herself to feel grateful for their affection, in whatever form they're willing to give her. 

So it's with a sense of relief that Jane pads into the safehouse living room after midnight. She's finally completed her latest mission and she's ready to take a break. Just by walking through the door, it feels like a layer of leftover tension slide off her body. Silently she removes her chunky boots, places them in the shoe cubby, then picks up Sabina's heels and sneakers that lie cluttered on the floor with a fond shake of her head. 

She and Elena reminded Sabina about the merits of organization often. They knew Sabina made her best effort, but sometimes she just forgot, though she always thanked them when they put away her clothes or did her laundry for her. There was always a steaming mug of tea waiting for her whenever she finished helping out with Sabina’s chores. Sabina made tea just the way Jane liked it, something Jane suspected Elena had taught her on a slow day, but appreciated nonetheless. 

Jane moves to the weapons room next. she's bone tired and needed a shower badly, but her mentors had drilled the need for cleaning and taking care of her weapons from her first day of training. 

This room has also changed since Elena and Sabina moved in. Elena, knowing just how much Jane valued the time she spent going over her weaponry and armor, had hacked into the existing system of the storage space and given it a makeover. The first time Jane had seen the newly renovated room, she'd thrown her arms around Elena and picked her up in a hug. Elena had laughed and smiled and brushed off just how genius it all was, then pecked her on the lips. Jane had blinked down at her, but Elena just moved past that moment and told her she was glad that she liked it. Jane figured that Elena had been aiming for her cheek in a friendly kiss, and moved on too. If platonic affection like that didn't bother Elena, she wouldn't worry about it either. 

Now empty drawers open up as they sense their matching weapons entering the room. A huge tray rises up out of the central countertop, bearing all the tools Jane needs for polish, restocking, notation, tweaking. 

Apparently the writing supplies for notation had been Sabina's idea. Somehow Sabina had figured out that Jane viewed this ritual as a space to process whatever had happened in the past mission, and now she encouraged her to write down whatever thoughts she wanted to. Jane knows this was Sabina's idea because of a scrawled note on the first page of the notebook in Sabina's hand. She also knows this because of the 64- pack of crayons someone had included on the tray. 

Once all her weapons are thoroughly checked, cleaned, and placed in the right drawers, Jane jots down notes for future training on each weapon. Then she writes in her log, making sure to reflect on her feelings during the mission's events. If there are more crayon hearts whenever she mentions Elena's tech handiwork or distraction techniques she'd picked up from Sabina, she tries not to think too much about it. 

Leaving the weapons room immaculate, Jane finally moves to the bathroom. A shower sounds like bliss, and she fully intends to take advantage of the fact that the shower's temperature and pressure are calibrated just for her. 

That had actually been Sabina's handiwork. She'd been practicing her coding skills recently, and her pet projector weeks had been fixing up their shower. Elena had stepped in a few times to help with the coding and Jane with the physical plumbing, but both women gave full credit to Sabina. 

Jane peels off her spy gear and steps in, letting the grime and sweat wash off her skin. She indulges herself and squeezes out a healthy dollop of Elena's fruity shampoo. 

Before they'd moved in, Jane only used scentless hygiene products. MI6 had taught her that people remember scent, and even smells as subtle as hair products can give one away. She saw no point in forming habits of beauty rituals, even on her off days. 

Nowadays Jane can’t help but steal Elena’s shampoo, loving the way a simple smell could remind her of home.

Elena always buys double the normal amount of shampoo. When Jane had asked her about it, joking that the rules of the universe include that conditioner always runs out quicker than shampoo, Elena had simply hummed and said, "I like it when you smell like me." 

Then she started bickering with Sabina about whether the actual rules of the universe dictates that soap runs out slower, or that face masks are just placebos like beauty salons putting cucumbers on your eyes. Jane hadn't said anything, mulling over what Elena could've possibly meant by that statement. She concluded that clearly Elena had just meant she preferred citrus smells. It couldn’t have been anything else. 

Jane hums quietly to herself, taking care not to belt out the catchy pop song Sabina keeps putting on all her playlists. It's late; she doesn't want to risk waking up whoever's home. 

After she's brushed her teeth and re-bandaged her wounds, Jane tiptoes into the bedroom. Her heart trips a beat when she sees Elena and Sabina tangled up together. Jane chalks this up to fatigue. Sabina's sprawled on her back, while Elena's snoring curled up on her side. Elena's positioned in the middle, so Jane lifts the covers next to her gently and slides in. Elena stirs, grumbling. Elena's eyes open a fraction as she feels Jane's body heat gets closer. She mumbles, 'Glad you're back baby,' and leans over slightly to kiss her. 

Jane feels guilty that this makes her feel warm, even when she knows Elena's only kissing her lips because she has bad aim when she's sleepy. So she whispers, 'I'm Jane, not Sabina, Elena.' 

'Okay hi Jane, love you baby,' says Elena, and kisses her again. 

Jane scoots back against the headboard, heart pounding, all traces of tiredness gone. 

Elena grumbles and reaches for her, motioning Jane to come back with grabby hands. The wiggling wakes up Sabina. She cracks open an eye, fully waking up once she sees who's arrived home. "Babe, you're back!' she cheers softly. 'Missed you.' Then she rolls over Elena with surprising speed for having just woken up and- also leans up to kiss her ?

Jane's felt frozen in place since the second time Elena kissed her, unable to make her brain function properly. Her thoughts jumble and pile up like a car crash, they arrive so quickly. Sabina and Elena both kissed her, but they're dating? Are they alright, are they fighting? Why aren't they angry with one another? Are they just that bad at aiming, should she enroll them in another training course at headquarters? Is this a joke? Or punishment? Are they doing this because they looked deep into her soul and saw all her terrible thoughts and are now getting revenge because she's being such a bad friend? She-

"Jane, are you okay?" asks Elena worriedly, fully woken up now. Jane’s silence has gone on so long that it can't be attributed to comfortable sleepiness. 

Sabina rubs at Jane's cheek and peers into her eyes with equal concern. When Jane flinches at the tender gesture, a flash of hurt flits over Sabina's face before she moves her hand away gently. 

"Jane?" echoes Sabina.

"i don't understand," says Jane, averting her eyes in an attempt to make the inevitable fallout less painful. "Aren't you two dating? Did I do something to make you uncomfortable? Do you want me to move out, I'm so sorry I didn’t say anything about your bad aim, I-"

"Hey, hey, Jane, calm down. Take a breath," soothes Elena, reaching a hand forward to rub small circles on Jane's shoulder. 

"Wait- did you just ask if me and Elena are dating? Jane, what?" interrupts Sabina. 

Elena shoots her a look, presumably to tell her not to startle Jane any further, but looks back at Jane in confusion once she processes Sabina's question. 

"Well- I figured out that you two are dating? It's okay that you didn't tell me, I completely understand and I won't bring it up again if it makes you uncomfortable," whispers Jane. She still can't look either of them in the eye. Some controlled, composed ex MI6 spy she is. 

Elena and Sabina exchange glances in shared distress and look back. Elena speaks first. "Jane, what do you mean that us two are dating? Do you seriously not know that we're dating you, too?" 

Jane's eyes fly open at this. " What ?" she asks incredulously. Before she can spiral out and start overthinking Elena’s words, Sabina places a hand on her knee. 

“Baby. Did you get checked out by Saint? Do you have a concussion? Head feeling alright?”

Jane rolls her eyes half out of habit. “Yes, ‘bina, I did. If anyone should be asking that question it should be me to you, since you skip out on half the routine checks, which by the way are very important.” 

Sabina huffs a little laugh at the familiar speech, but doesn’t let up. “No dodging the question, Jane. If your memory is fine, then why are you acting like you don’t know that we’re dating?”

Elena cuts in. “Baby, do you really not know? I know that none of us ever declared anything officially, but- how do you not know? I’m sorry if you wanted us to say it explicitly and we definitely can have that talk, but. We say ‘I love you’ like, all the time.”

“Well, yes,” admits Jane, “but. I thought you were saying it to me- platonically?”

“Platonically?” Sabina scoffs jokingly. “Honey, I only say ‘I love you’ platonically to Bosley and tuna sandwiches.” 

Elena flicks Sabina on the shoulder, and Jane’s heart twinges again at the familiar gesture. But maybe it shouldn’t? Since apparently they’re all dating? 

Sabina interrupts her train of thought. “I mean, we also all sleep in the same bed, Jane. Like every night we’re home. And we all cuddle like, 24/7. You seriously didn’t know?”

“But friends cuddle? You know I haven’t had many close friends, I just assumed it was friendly  affection.” 

Elena’s face scrunches up like it always does when Jane or Sabina mention their conflicted childhoods. Jane’s heart is twinging like a fucking twinge machine, but she can’t help it. They’re both so adorable. 

“Yes, friends cuddle,” acknowledges Elena, “but we also kiss you when we cuddle. Or, recently anyways. Which, speaking of, we should really ask you about your boundaries on sex and kissing, since I know you ‘have fun other ways’ and all. Does it make you uncomfortable when we kiss you? Since we all just started kissing, I wanna make sure you’re okay with it.”

“I thought... Oh my God, I thought you both just had really bad aim lately and were trying to kiss my cheek!” exclaims Jane. 

Elena and Sabina pause, look at each other, back at Jane, then burst into laughter. 

“Baby oh my God not laughing at you not laughing at you, holy shit that’s so funny-”

“We have bad aim ,” wheezes Elena, “your cheek-

Jane crosses her arms and pouts, waiting until they finish. She doesn’t feel anxious anymore, just confused, but at least her body is finally relaxing in the warmth of her- (friends? Angels? Colleagues?)- girls’ laughter. 

Elena’s the first to calm down, hand resuming its rubbing motion on Jane’s shoulder. 

“Jane, darling, we don’t have bad aim. We’re lady spies, we’re badass and shit. And we’re dating- that is, if you want to be?”

This sobers Sabina up too, pausing her riotous giggling. She nods to confirm Elena’s words, placing a hand on the small of her back in support as they wait for Jane’s response patiently. 

Jane’s mind is in overdrive. She races through each of her shitty rationalizations and finally sees them as they are, crossing each one off mentally. Even in a panic she’s thorough. Not a prank- not retribution- not discomfort- not bad aim- not platonic affection- not different mannerisms or speech patterns- not an unnamed feeling, but jealousy- not two, but three…

As her justifications fall away, tiny little moments fall into place like the clicking gears of a well-polished stun gun. Sabina learning how to make tea for her. Elena reorganizing one of her most sacred spaces. The way they both know her favorite foods and always keep something stocked in the fridge. Their seamless merge into the house, the way books of all subjects line her bookshelves once filled with exclusively trashy romance, the sweaters draped over chair backs and the dresses and slacks hanging in the closets. Thumbs brushing over knuckles. Kisses just a little too close to the side of her lip to be counted platonic. Shifting to make room on the couch. That one failed mission where they’d both flown halfway across the world to rush frantically to her gurney before surgery. Cheeky eyebrows and innuendos that she’d laughed off. I love you’s. Baby, gorgeous, Xena, darling, Supermodel, countless pet names and half-joking nicknames. The extra fancy silk pillowcases that appeared after Jane had explained how it helped her hair stay together. Cuddling in bed and napping. The feeling of home. 

“Oh my God. You’re in love with me.” says Jane, wrestling with the overwhelming task of naming two years’ worth of suppressed emotions and probably coming off blank-faced. Apparently logs of emotions don’t work when you denying your love for your two best friends.

“Yes?” says Sabina tentatively. 

“Yes,” nods Elena.

“Well, good,” Jane says as confidently as she can muster. “Cause I’m kinda in love with both of you two.”

Sabina and Elena both exhale as one, then tackle her in joy. Somehow they still take care not to stress the bandages wound around Jane’s neck and torso. 

“Oh my God thank God, you scared me!” squeals Elena, peppering Jane’s face with little kisses. 

Sabina’s back to laughing again, shrieking between wheezes, “Platonic affection!” and “Bad aim!” 

Jane can’t help but laugh too, at the ridiculousness of the whole situation, of her stubborn denial of reality. As their laughter dwindles, the three of them melt into one another, Sabina laying on top of Jane and Elena cuddled in to Jane’s right side, still giggling.

Then Sabina adjusts her position so she can leverage herself up to kiss both Jane and Elena in succession, and her knee hits in a very specific place.  Jane inhales sharply. 

“Baby, are you okay?” asks Elena, reaching over and tangling their fingers together. “Was it a wound?”

“Um, no,” exhales Jane. “ haven’t really done touched me like that before…”

“Oh, my God,” says Sabina. “Like, for sexy times? But I thought-”

Jane tickles her for actually saying the phrase ‘sexy times’ in fucking 2019, and a whole tickle battle breaks out. Somehow this turns into both Sabina and Elena ganging up on Jane until she’s wiggled and thrashed her way into the center of the cuddle pile. She lays there gasping for breath until a throwaway comment nudges its way into her mind. “Wait. What did you mean, that I ‘have fun other ways?’”

Sabina raises her hand sheepishly. “Okay, that was me. Remember in Milan, after Australian Johnny when I said I was gonna go party, and you said you had fun other ways? Well, I thought you meant that you were ace, and that’s what I told Elena too. Sorry for assuming, baby.”

Jane awws a little at that. “That’s okay, it’s sweet you both respect my boundaries like that. Definitely explains why you were both in the bedroom a lot. But for the record, I meant that I like going to spar instead of clubbing after a mission. I’m definitely, definitely interested in... sexy times .”

Elena laughs. “Well, that’s good to know, baby. We can make it up to you now...let us take care of you?”

Jane nods, eyes wide, and Sabina and Elena shift around her. 

They don’t talk much more that night.