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The Confession

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Ella had to admit, she was fairly tipsy. She was laughing and smiling, enjoying the night air as she felt an almost breeze carry her hair in the slight wind. She felt good, like she was finally healing. Things were a mess for a while; Charlotte was murdered by Pierce of all people; Chloe and Lucifer seemed to be splitting ties; she was losing her faith; and then to top it off, Lucifer vanished. Things kept seeming to go from bad to worse. 

With him gone, everything was different. Chloe was depressed and unable to talk about his absence, Dan was pissed off that he left again (even after Chloe’s reassurances that it wasn’t his choice), and Maze was angry. With Lucifer’s father or… God? Ella couldn’t tell. 

For weeks, things only seemed to crumble. But then one day, on a very random Tuesday morning, Lucifer was back and Ella was ready to either kiss or kill him. Or maybe even both. His explanation was unclear, something about family or business that Ella didn’t quite understand. But Chloe forgave him, so Ella did as well. Even Dan came around… eventually. 

Things started to get back to normal; crimes were being solved and her friends were smiling and joking again. Chloe even started hinting a relationship with “the Devil” during nights with the tribe, which suddenly started including Eve, much to Ella’s delight. 

Everything started to fall into place. Chloe and Lucifer finally admitted to being in a committed relationship, Linda and Amenadiel got a handle on the whole parenting thing, Dan attended improv as often as he could, and Maze and Eve seemed to become close. Things were looking up for Ella’s favorite people. She was happy, she was. It was just that… everyone had someone or something. And Ella… just didn’t. And she felt alone. 

Even now, amidst her friends, smiling and laughing, she couldn’t help but wish that someone noticed her. Eve was sitting on Maze’s lap as they both tried to explain a story about someone Maze was bounty hunting (With Eve as the ride-along) and the guy being a total idiot. Ella watched carefully as they finished each other’s sentences and kissed during every opportunity they had. She tried to not get jealous and imagine herself being in the middle of them, having adventures, snuggling, laughing, loving. 

This wasn’t a new feeling. She hated the realization she had a while ago. She hated that she desired them. Was it lust? She couldn’t tell. Love? She hoped not. But she spent most of her nights dancing with the couple at LUX, feeling her heart race and soar at once. It was beautiful and terrifying and she didn’t know how to control herself. 

Ella thought that she was crazy and stupid. For the most part, the couple seemed monogamous and happy; she didn’t want to ruin that.

But, that didn’t stop her from spending time with them (together and separately). She enjoyed their company and never had more fun than when she was with them. She knew deep down that they’d break her heart eventually. She just… didn’t care much when she was around them.

Out of everyone, she was surprised that it was only Lucifer who seemed to notice. After hours of dancing (more like grinding) in between the couple, she found him at the bar smirking. 

“What’s got you grinning, Cheshire Cat?” Ella asked the man and downed a shot that Patrick gave her. 

He smiled devilishly and responded, “They really seem to enjoy your company, Miss Lopez.” 

Ella almost dropped her glass and felt her face go pale. Lucifer was the last guy she thought would judge her but… she couldn’t be sure. She was scared of his reaction and the answers he would want from her. 

“Please, Luce. Don’t ask me what I truly desire.” 

Lucifer’s sly grin was immediately replaced with a frown and he lowered his voice to a much more serious tone. “Miss Lopez, I mean no cruelty against you. I was merely attempting to point out… I thought you would be glad to know… I wouldn’t have to ask you what you desire, Miss Lopez. I already know.” 

Tears flooded Ella’s eyes. It was one thing to feel things, but it was a totally different thing for others to know about it. 

“How?” Ella croaked and crossed her arms. “I never say… or… or do…”

Lucifer sighed sympathetically and admitted, “I’m the Devil, remember? I can see the desire in your eyes when you look at them. And I… I know you .”

Ella rolled her eyes and complained, “Don’t give me that method actor crap. Morningstar! I shouldn’t even be talking about this. It’s so… not happening.” 

Lucifer tilted his head in confusion and said, “Surely, you must see the way they look at you, too, Miss Lopez. They desire you as well.”

The forensic analyst snorted, “Sure. For sex, maybe.” 

“I don’t think you’re giving them enough credit,” Lucifer disagreed. “Why don’t you ask them what they desire, hmm?” 

Ella thought that was his worst idea yet. She didn’t tell him that, of course. For weeks, she thought about how that conversation could play out and didn’t like her odds. 

But now, she was tipsy, leaning into drunkenness with every sip. She felt herself becoming dangerously loose with her lips and wondered when she’d inevitably explode. 

And then, she did. 

Eve was telling Ella she had to join them on a trip to the east coast and Ella just lost it. She stood up, startling her two friends, and started pacing the terrace. 

“I think there’s something wrong with me,” She blurted, her face becoming red with embarrassment and fear. 

Eve immediately got up and rushed to her side. With one hand gently on her arm, she asked, “Ella… what’s wrong?” 

Ella moved away from her touch and turned around, unable to look into the women’s eyes. There was no going back, now. She had to say it. She had to voice her desires or else she knew that they’d destroy her. 

“I know you both are happy,” Ella confessed, her voice practically shaking along with her body. “I’m so glad that you’re happy. But I can’t help… feeling left out. Which is stupid because you both are together and I’m… petty and jealous. And in love. So dangerously in love with the both of you. And I’m so sorry. I don’t want to ruin what you have or our friendship but I couldn’t hold it in any--” 

She was interrupted by a swift pull of her waist to turn her around. Maze and Eve were staring at her without any contempt in their eyes, surprising Ella beyond belief. Eve grabbed her hand and smiled while Maze put her hand around her girlfriend’s shoulders. 

“You do not have to do any apologizing, Ella,” Eve told her sincerely with a soft flutter of laughter. She looked at Maze before adding, “We didn’t know you were interested at all. Maze and I… we had no idea.” 

“Eve and I were always interested," Maze explained simply. "For a while, it was just the burning desire for sex but then…” 

Then we all started spending time together,” Eve clarified with the warmest of smiles so that Ella didn’t get the wrong impression. “You fit in with us. I think I’m speaking correctly for Maze that we want you just as much as you want us.” 

Tears fell down Ella’s cheeks and she didn’t know what to do. 

“As Eve knows,” Maze explained with a vulnerability that Ella had never noticed before. “I’m not a fucking romantic. The relationship thing, I’m still getting used to it. I’m not always good at it. Eve’s patient and I’m trying… But what I do understand is desire. Deep, burning, festering desire. Maybe I know it because I spent so much time with Lucifer but… this is something I want. And I think that's all that matters. Do you want us?” 

Ella nodded desperately and admitted, “More than anything.” 

Maze and Eve shared a smile and then the two of them pulled the forensic analyst into an embrace and held her tight. Ella always wondered how it would feel to be in between them. If it would feel right. She hoped and prayed that it would, but she couldn’t be sure until she truly was between them.

She was sure now. She was sure that this was right.

For the first time in a long while, Ella felt everything but the loneliness.