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In the dark

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She had to get out, had to get away from him, she couldn’t stand seeing him anymore, she couldn’t stand having this talk again, she couldn’t hear that woman’s name one more time. How did this happen again? Why wasn’t him with her then, if she wanted her so much that he couldn’t stay away from her? Or why did he keep trying to get her back then? The tears were clouding her vision and maybe it was for the best, she couldn’t stand looking at him anymore.

Just the night before he was in her bed, they made love and talked the rest of the night. Eventually, she fell asleep with her head on his chest, his hand drawing circles on her bare back, kissing her forehead from time to time. Just one day apart and it felt like worlds apart. She couldn’t do this anymore…she just couldn’t. The anger felt like the most atrocious pain she ever felt and she couldn’t do it anymore. She couldn’t just set it free right there, in the middle of the firm, for everyone to witness their fight, for everybody to know that her husband was a cheater, for everybody to judge her, the big Diane Lockhart married to a guy that is constantly cheating on her. She couldn’t do it anymore, it was all too much. She slammed the door behind her with all the strength she had left, didn’t even hearing the sound, just noticing the people turning their heads. They were already listening to their fight as it was, the glass walls not doing too much to keep their discussion private. She took a few more steps and then heard him call her name.
“Diane, wait a minute! Diane!”

She walked faster and entered her office, where she started to gather her belongings, trying to make a quick exit. The door opened widely and there he was. She knew he would follow her, but hope that somehow will avoid him by being fast enough.
“Diane, just please, listen to me!”

She took a few fast, furious steps closer to him. She felt her entire body shaking.
“Are you insane? What do you think you’re doing here? Humiliating me on my firm wasn’t enough, you also want to do it here? Keep your voice down, please!” she said staring at him.

They looked at each other for a few seconds, she was panting and she hated that she was losing control over her body. Then she turned around, putting her coat on as fast as she could.
“Ok, I’ll keep my voice down, but please listen to me Diane! This is stupid!”

She turned around, the pain, the sorrow, the disappointment, the resignation, the anger, all written all over her face.
“Oh, is stupid? She asked, with a sad grin. “Which part, when you slept with her the first time or now?”

“I, he started loudly, then inhaling deeply, he continued almost in a whisper, "I haven’t slept with her. Would you listen to me?”
“You mean now, you haven’t slept with her now, but either way, you still slept wit her. So it wouldn’t have been a big deal if you did it a few more times, right?” She hated how this whole thing made her feel, she felt so insecure, so vulnerable, she hated that he had this power over her. She loved it in their best moments, thought of it as something so special, because only he could make her feel like this. Never thought that this will cause her so much pain, just as she never thought that he would do this to her. And never she would have imagined that he was still seeing Holly. She was a damn fool.

“Diane”, his voice cracked when he pronounced her name. He grabbed her arms, trying to force her to look into his eyes. “ I know what I did, but I am telling you the truth now. I swear to God, I had one drink because we accidentally bumped into each other in a bar and we didn’t even talk personal stuff. That’s it. She means nothing to me.”
She looked past him for a moment, then into his eyes and said, her voice down, trying to control all the rage that was slowly poisoning her.
“ People are looking at us, so please take your hands off of me. I don’t want to hear you, I don’t want to see you, I am done right now, i'm done with everything, I should have been from the first time.” She couldn’t hold her tears anymore and she didn’t want to cry there. He saw her eyes filling with tears and tried again, on a softer, loving tone.
“Diane…” and took just a small step closer to her. Her eyes became sharp blades.
“ Get out of my way”, she said in a whisper, with her eyes closed and in the next second she was out of the door.
She felt like an eternity passed until the elevator arrived and the door closed and only then, in the solitude of the closed metallic box, while she leaned in the cold wall, she let her tears run freely.