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Maybe The Universe Knows What It’s Doing After All

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Jensen stares, incredulous. “How... is that even supposed to work?”

Jared looks down at his dick. “What do you mean?”

Jensen gestures wildly. “That! I don’t even… what is that?”

“It’s a penis,” Jared says overly patient, as if Jensen is an innocent little virgin who’s never seen any genitals in his life. “We use it to have sex,” Jared continues patiently and gives Jensen a reassuring smile. Jensen groans. He cannot believe this is happening to him. He really should have said no when Dani told him that the Intergalactic Spaceship Expo would be so much fun and they just had to go.


Three hours earlier

“Okay, I think we have to take a left here, then take the elevator up to the sixteenth floor to get to the shuttle to hall five and then down to the fourth floor.” Dani looks up from the orientation tablet and gives Jensen a grin. “Easy peasy.”

Jensen rolls his eyes. “Super easy.” Someone bumps into him and walks on without apologizing. It’s the fifth time today. “There are way too many people here,” Jensen grumbles.

“I know.” Dani pats his arm. “But think of all the awesome vintage spaceships we get to see. They even have a bunch of old Hillorian gliders!” Her eyes are shining with excitement. “I bet we’re gonna get so much inspiration for new designs!”

Dani’s right, of course.

“I know.” Jensen glares at an approaching group of people who thankfully swerve to avoid him. “And it is a good idea that we came. I just wish we wouldn’t have to deal with all these… amateurs.”

Dani sighs. “I know. Let’s just get over to hall five and check out the ships.”

They make their way to the row of elevators and take the first one that arrives. They squeeze into the tight space with a bunch of other humanoids, bodily odors mixing and noise level rising. Jensen barely refrains from scrunching up his nose. Dallarians have a very sensitive sense of smell.

When they finally arrive on the sixteenth floor, Dani and Jensen rush out and jump into the shuttle that’s just about to leave. It’s half empty and they actually get a breather.

“Okay. I agree, that was unpleasant,” Dani says, wrinkling her button nose. “Let’s hope not as many people will be interested in the vintage collection.”

Jensen snorts. Heathens, all of them. The new ship designs are truly atrocious, minimalistic forms to gain a few extra milliseconds per mile. And to counteract the missing aesthetics, people now paint spaceships with the wildest, most colorful patterns. The flag ship design for the expo is painted in twenty-three headache inducing shades of neon. It’s truly appalling.

They exit the shuttle when it comes to a halt but Jensen gets a bad feeling when he sees what they’ve stepped into.

“I think we took the wrong shuttle,” Dani says faintly.

In the hall before them, it looks like a rainbow exploded. The ships are painted in a myriad of colors—swirling designs, geometric designs, big patterns, small patterns, swirls and splatters and Jensen thinks he’s gonna throw up.

“This is disgusting.”

“Atrocious,” Dani agrees.

They walk into the hall, drawn in as if they’re in a horror movie. Nothing can be seen of dark sleek designs; crafts meant to explore the dark corners of the universe, serious ships for serious business. Instead, it looks like a bunch of children got into their parents’ liquor cabinet and first drank it and then used the rest to color.

They stop in front of the nearest ship. Dani gasps and Jensen actually whimpers.

It’s an old Impala, a sleek two person glider with hard edges and chrome finishing. It’s made for lone heroes and hard battles. It’s one of the greatest crafts ever built and one hundred and eighty-eight years after its conception, it’s incredibly hard to find. And someone has fucking painted all over it.

Jensen can still see the original black paint but on top of it, there are circular swirls, arrangements of thick dots and rippling lines winding through all of it. Bright red, electric blue, eye-cancer inducing greens and yellows, the design has it all. It’s almost hypnotic, the way the lines wind around each other, like they’re shooting towards each other and then part just before they meet, and endless circle of tease and disappointment.

“Do you like it?” an excited voice asks next to Jensen. “It was my master’s thesis for my art degree and this just seemed like such a good place to showcase it.”

Jensen can’t believe what he’s hearing.

“I just thought that something with so much history is a good place to show how aimless all humans are and no matter how hard we try to forge connections, it’s never really…”

This guy turned a masterpiece of engineering into a fucking art project? Jensen turns to give the guy a piece of his mind, when he stops dead in his tracks. The guy stopped talking as Jensen turned, his smile frozen in place and eyes wide and fixed on Jensen’s face.

Right there in front of him is the prettiest face he’s ever seen. A mop of shiny brown hair, slanted eyes, a cute, slightly pointy nose and a heart stopping pink-lipped smile, adorned by actual fucking dimples. Broad shoulders and huge arms and Jensen can’t speak.

His heart starts hammering, his breath is loud and choppy in his own ears and he cannot fucking look away from this guy.

This guy, who’s looking at him in pure wonder. “Are you real?”

Jensen opens his mouth to speak but the guy surges in and smashes their lips together.

A shockwave goes through Jensen, a rippling of heat spreads into all of his limbs, leaves a tingling in his fingers that only goes away when he buries them in the guy’s hair. It’s soft and silky and Jensen never wants to let go. They press up close against each other, heat and friction, and they kiss and kiss, and Jensen can’t think, doesn’t even want to until someone empties a bucket of cold water over them. Literally.


When Jensen is pulled out of the haze, Dani is standing over him, shaking her head. Next to Jensen the artist guy sits on the floor, long brown hair clinging to his cheeks and neck and blinks quickly.

Jensen just wants to climb into his lap and kiss his lips dry and shit. Mate bonds are a thing and Jensen’s just experiencing his. With a fricking spaceship desecrator. Why does the universe hate him?

Spaceship desecrator gives him a huge, double-dimpled smile. “You’re my mate! That’s awesome! And we met at my art exhibit!”

Jensen thinks the universe must have made a serious mistake.

Grouching doesn’t help, unfortunately. Some mate bonds are weak enough to never fully form without some serious dating but not Jensen’s. Oh no. He cannot stop looking away from Jared—Dani possessed the presence of mind to ask for his name and then introduced Jensen, full names, planets of origin, age, occupation, pets, favorite color, etcetera—can’t stop this feeling of need creeping into him that makes him want to touch Jared at all times.

And objectively speaking, Jared is very attractive. A very enticing mix of cute and muscular. A little younger and certainly way too enthusiastic but also just heart-achingly sweet, with a gorgeous smile and a great chest, and—anyway, Dani agrees. Even if he has very questionable aesthetics and doesn’t know shit about spaceships.

The expo organizers love the press of a new mate bond, so there are photo ops and they get a cake (with a colorful little spaceship on top and Jensen perversely enjoys cutting it up and eating it) and then they get the honeymoon suite. Which is great because Jensen’s dick has been hard for a while now and he can’t stop kissing Jared even though he really doesn’t know anything about him besides the fact that he’s got terrible notions about spaceships. People always say the universe knows what it’s doing and Jensen thinks that maybe it really doesn’t but then Jared’s big hands are on his face and his tongue is in his mouth and really, Jensen does not care.

Something is incessantly tapping Jensen on the shoulder and he tries to swat it away but then someone clears their throat and—

“For fuck’s sake, what?”

The face of the man is flushed and he blinks rapidly. “I’m sorry, Mr. Ackles, but there are children here. If you could, we prepared the suite.”

Jensen wants to bitch him out but Jared’s already dragging him along in the direction the expo employer is pointing. Jensen wants to protest but while Jared’s leading him away, Jensen catches sight of his ass and oh yeah, he’s definitely following that.

Jensen really doesn’t know—or care—how Jared opens the door but they enter the suite and make their way slowly towards the bedroom. Slowly, because they're not doing all that well with watching where they’re going seeing how their faces are squished together and they started tearing each others’ off clothes at some point.

They reach the bed and Jensen rips open Jared’s pants and just—stops. It’s not that his desire lessens, or that his erection subsides, but really…

“How... is that even supposed to work?”

Jared explaining that that…. thing is a penis doesn’t help at all. Because it does not look like any penis Jensen has ever seen, certainly not like his own.

“It’s okay if you’ve never had sex,” Jared continues in his earnest tone. “I never had much sex because I just never found that connection. Which makes total sense, now that I know there was an awesome mate out here, waiting for me.” Jared gives him his devastating, full-dimpled smile. “I know that our mate bond is pretty strong but we can take it slow.”

And that… “Okay, first of all, I am not a fucking virgin.” So Jared’s got a point about sex never feeling more than a nice physical activity but that doesn’t mean Jensen’s scared or insecure. “Secondly, we are not taking it slow, we’re fucking right now and thirdly, who says that your dick is going in my ass?”

Jared’s mouth opens and then closes. “I just assumed,” he says sheepishly. “I’m taller.”

Oh, for fuck’s sake. Not that Jensen hadn’t fantasized about climbing Jared like a construction crane but that’s just insulting. It's not like Jensen’s short. Jared’s just freakishly tall. With nice long legs, and a broad chest and those fucking wide shoulders and—

“That is not the point. The point is, that that—” Jensen gestures at Jared’s dick, “I don’t even know how that’s supposed to fit in my ass!”

Perplexed, Jared looks down at his dick. It has a general dick shape in that it is an appendage growing between Jared’s leg that is longer than it is wide. His balls are normal enough but where Jensen’s dick is slim with the typical flare at the end that pushes out knobs which squirt come upon orgasm, Jared’s dick is much thicker with pronounced ridges on the underside and a pointed tip.

“That will never fit!” Jensen’s almost hysterical because he really wants to fuck Jared but that just looks scary.

“Okay,” Jared says, all reasonable-like. “What does your dick look like?”

Jensen pushes down his pants and Jared stares, then cocks his head. “But… why is there a bulb at the end?”

“It’s not a bulb, it’s called a flare,” Jensen says indignantly. “And it contains the sperm knobs. I mean, how does your dick distribute jizz?”

“When the base inflates, it creates the pressure to shoot it out.”

That... actually sounds intriguing. But… “Shoots out? How does it stay in?”

“Well, the swelling base seals it shut,” Jared says and Jensen realizes only that he stepped closer and started massaging said base when he’s already doing it.

“How,” Jared’s breath hitches, “how do you make sure it stays in?”

“The flare nobs massage it in,” Jensen says absently while he watches in fascination how the base of Jared’s dick inflates. It looks way too big to ever fit and yet…

“Massage?” Jared asks faintly. “Okay, you’re definitely fucking me.”

And yes, Jensen’s all for that, definitely, and his twitching dick agrees but Jared’s dick becomes more enticing the longer he touches it. It’s just so thick.

“Jensen? Jensen!”

Jensen looks up from Jared’s dick to his face. Right. There are decisions to be made.

“How about I fuck you while you get me ready because I’m gonna need some serious prep to take your monster dick.”

Jared nods, kind of dazed.

“Condoms?” Jensen asks.

Jared nods again and fumbles with his pants. Jensen thinks, belatedly, that he should do the same because even if they don’t have them same dick shape, you just never know. Stranger things have happened. Besides, STIs are a thing.

Jared emerges triumphant and holds up a condom. And Jensen’s right back to questioning the universe because even Jared’s condom wrapper is designed with colorful little dots.

“What’s wrong with monochrome every once in a while?” Jensen bites out as he pushes Jared down on the bed.

“Huh?” Jared blinks.

Jensen rips the condom out of his hands and waves it around.

“Don’t you like colors?” Jared asks with wide eyes and Jensen feels like he just shot a puppy. That he wants to have sex with. Fuck, this mate bond thing is seriously fucking him up.

“Not on old vintage space cruisers,” Jensen grumbles and kisses Jared.

“But old things make great canvasses,” Jared protests against Jensen’s lips, and there’s a little insolent smirk in there and Jensen should really find out if Jared thinks he’s old but he’s getting distracted.

“As long as you don’t paint on me,” Jensen mutters, then slides his mouth back against Jared’s.

“But,” Jared starts, and no. Jensen thumbs along his bottom lip and Jared moans and opens his mouth to him.

For a while, they do nothing but kiss, their dicks rubbing against each other and okay, that does feel very nice. With the way Jared’s groaning it sounds like he agrees.


Panicked, Jared shakes his head. Jensen eyes the bedside table. This is the honeymoon suite after all. He leans over to search the drawer and emerges triumphant with a bottle of lube.

“How…?” Jared’s eyes flit over Jensen’s body.

Jensen squirts some lube on his hand then presses the bottle into Jared’s hand. “Just sit up and get me ready.”

Then he turns around and spreads Jared’s legs. He pulls Jared’s knees up, creating a space for himself between Jared’s thighs. He scoots down and kneels between Jared’s spread thighs, sliding his legs under Jared’s, bringing his ass snug to Jared’s crotch. It’s not ideal but Jensen’s dick is pretty dexterous and elongates a good six additional inches when needed, so he slides on the condom, slicks himself up and then guides his dick to Jared’s hole.

Jared pulls in a sharp breath and his hands clutch Jensen’s ass. “Oh stars, Jensen…”

Jensen concentrates on his dick, pushing forward while the flare ripples, the knobs slowly growing, massaging Jared’s rim in the process.

“Fuck, that feels better than any vibraor.”

Jensen grins and wiggles his ass. “Just don’t forget your part of the deal.”

There’s scurrying behind him, the sound of a plastic cap opened and then Jared’s fingers are at Jensen’s ass. When Jared circles his rim and then carefully pushes a finger inside, Jensen’s hips jerk and his dick slides in deeper. They moan in unison.

Jared is hot and tight around Jensen’s dick but he has no trouble pushing his dick further inside. His flare naturally contracts and expands, massaging Jared’s ass from the inside and judging by Jared’s moans, he’s really enjoying it.

It makes his hand movements a little uncoordinated but Jensen doesn’t really care because it’s still pretty good and there is a prize waiting for him. He’s not sure how much is actually desire and how much is the mate bond talking but he doesn’t care either way.

Jared’s three fingers deep in his ass, stretching him good and hitting his sweet spot unerringly, when Jensen feels the knobs of his dick swell.

“Fuck, Jared, you gotta, gotta fuck me.”

“But I don’t—” Jared doesn’t say what he doesn’t want but he does clench his ass around Jensen’s dick.

And okay. Maybe this will work.

“Okay.” Jensen says, out of breath like he just ran ten miles. “Okay, let me…”

Carefully, he pushes his hips up, until only the flared head of his dick is still inside Jared. But he can feel the tip of Jared’s dick slide through his crack, so…

“Fuck, just put your dick in me.”

“Oh stars,” Jared says faintly, but thankfully does as he’s told.

And Jensen, well Jensen feels every single ridge as he sinks down on Jared’s cock. The stretch is more than he’s ever handled before but stars, it feels awesome. He goes slow, even though his body is screaming for more, just needs to take Jared in, all of him but Jensen grits his teeth and forces his hips to move in small increments, one for each ridge.

It feels like ages until he finally bottoms out and holy shit, he needs a minute. Jensen leans forward, grips Jared’s thighs and rests his weight on them. His dick slips in deeper, which is a really nice side effect but he needs to take a couple of deep breaths because he’s never in his life been so full before.

Jared groans, his fingers spasming on Jensen's hips. “Jensen.” His voice is a low whine. “Are you okay? Can we move?”

Jensen takes one more breath, then starts shifting his hips. Back to take Jared in deeper, down to push more of his own dick into Jared.

“Oh fuck.”

Jared starts raising his hips too and then the dam breaks. They start moving frantically, choppy and a little uncoordinated but the ridges of Jared’s dick drag deliciously along Jensen’s insides and over his sweet spot every fucking time and there’s no way this is going to take long.

He can feel the knobs on his flare expand and Jared’s writhing behind him, thick thighs twitching, the corded muscles moving under his tan skin. Jensen grips him tighter, digs his nails in.

“Jared, I’m—“

“Yes, stars, yes!”

Jensen slams himself down on Jare’s dick, feels the base expand and stretching him even more and oh fuck, he’s gonna die and it’s the best thing that ever happened to him. With a final push of pleasure-pain, he takes all of Jared’s dick and he comes so hard, he almost sees stars, his whole body shuddering and the only thing keeping him upright are Jared’s hands still clutching his hips.

The flared tip of his dick pulses inside of Jared, the knobs pushing out and Jared groans Jensen’s names and drives his hips up. His whole body tenses and Jensen can feel him come deep inside of him.


“Yeah.” Jared sounds as fucked out as Jensen feels.

Jensen’s only now aware of his hammering heart and panting breath but he can feel Jared’s whole body heave so he’s not the only one. But he can’t see Jared, feels really fucking far away from him, so he tries to move but—


Jared hisses. “Yeah, no moving yet.”

Fuck. They’re actually tied together.

“How…” Jensen’s kind of at a loss here.

“Okay, let me,” Jared says and with a lot of careful tugging he manages to maneuver them to the side, spooning Jensen from behind.

Jensen’s dicks slips out of Jared and retracts back to his usual size but Jared’s dick stays deep in his ass. Jensen doesn’t think he’ll able able to walk tomorrow but it’s worth it.

Jared’s breath is warm on the back of his neck and when Jensen turns his head, Jared seeks out his lips, and they kiss, slow and lazy.

“Okay, this isn’t so bad,” Jensen has to admit when they pull apart.

“Not so bad?” Jared’s eyebrows shoot up. It’s adorable.

“Well, clearly you don’t know the first thing about spaceships and I’m gonna put my foot down when it comes to interior decoration but considering how well we made our different anatomies work I’m more hopeful than before.”

Jared worries his bottom lip with his teeth. “So, I guess you don’t like my art?”

Shit, Jensen really needs to stop being an asshole. “No, it’s very pretty. But I restore and rebuild classic spaceships, sometimes building them from scratch, all the old different parts making a new whole. It’s very different.”

“But… isn’t that boring? Never doing anything new?”

“I find beauty in the old.”

“Huh.” Jared’s quiet for a while. “This is pretty new,” he says and gestures between them.

“I guess not everything new is bad,” Jensen admits and Jared laughs, a full, beautiful sound. Okay, so maybe the universe isn’t totally wrong here.

“And we’re kind of like your spaceships,” Jared says slowly. “Two pieces, made to fit together.”

“But no new paint coat.” Jensen grumbles but kisses Jared anyway.

“But think about it this way,” Jared says, a teasing lilt in his voice. “If it weren’t for my award winning spaceship design, we would never have met. I think I need to commemorate our mate bond with another piece…”

Jensen shuts Jared up with a kiss. Every relationship has some initial differences, he’s sure they’ll figure this out.


For their first mate anniversary, Jensen gifts Jared an antique color palette. It took him weeks to clean all the colors, filter out the dust and the dirt particles but in the end, the colors glitter in all their terrible, headache-inducing neon brightness, infused with the reflective particles that make it seem like they’re their own light source.

Jared’s eyes light up and he kisses Jensen silly. Then he leads him outside of their little house and there’s an old Impala spaceship in their yard. It’s in terrible condition, beaten and bruised, parts missing and doors dented, just waiting for a pair of gentle and loving hands to bring it back to glory.


Jared carefully opens the door. They slide into the front seat and Jared flips open the control panels.There are beautiful patterns drawn on the inside, bold sprawling colors, Jared favorite way to paint. And all the swirls are intertwined, forming an elegant and vibrant infinite loop.

Now it’s Jensen’s turn to kiss Jared silly, and this time they don’t really stop, just fuck right in the space cruiser.

And later, when they’re back in the house, Jensen is going to get naked and let Jared try out his new color palette.

So okay, maybe the universe knows what it’s doing after all.