I'm rotten to the core
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It was then, when it started to thunder and raindrops fell from the heavens above.
"Please, it's pouring, Christian... Tom's place is too far... come back to my house." Ana said, and looked at him with pleading eyes.
He shook his head at that." No, I cannot... you shouldn't get involved with me, Ana... I'm no good" He whispered, and broke eye contact with her.
"Let's just get inside my house... please, we don't want to catch a cold, do we?" Ana said, purposely changing the subject.
"You're right..." he agreed, and then the both of them walked silently back to her farm house.
Approximately twenty minutes later, Ana and Christian sat next to each other on the couch with a cup of tea in hand.
He had changed into dry clothes, the spare ones he left at her place, because he had been helping out with fixing the farm house.
Christian stared ahead and fixed his gaze on a spot on the wall, a hundred thoughts bouncing inside his head.
Ana observed him, and had mixed feelings. She was almost certain that he was going to confide in her, and that made her happy of course. He was still her target and he was still a dangerous fugitive who deserved to get locked up in a 4x4 prison cell.
But on the other hand, she felt guilty too because she had gotten to know him in the past weeks and she really liked him.
"Christian?" Ana said carefully." You wanna talk about it?"
He kept staring at the same spot, and didn't react. Christian heard her voice and felt her gaze on him, but he was purposely shutting her out, and got lost in his own thoughts.
Tom and Jill had made such a life changing impact on his life, whether he wanted it or not. They were the nicest people he had ever met, and weren't judgmental. They were good at heart, and in the past few months have showed him love, kindness and patience without asking anything in return.
When Christian had been on the run all those months ago, all he wanted was to have his old life back and continue being the mob boss everyone feared. However, by living here with the Greene's and living among the towns people, Christian changed his mind about it. He woke up one morning, still lying in bed, surrounded by photos of the Greene's and their deceased son, when he decided that he wanted out.
He wanted OUT of the Bratva...
That morning he decided that he wasn't a member of the Bratva anymore and accepted it wholeheartedly.
However, one week later, he discovered that they found him. So, Christian met up with Elliot and his father in secrecy. He could remember every detail of that meeting and every single word Elliot, his father and he had said.
"We want you back, son... join us again and our organization will flourish like never before!" Carrick demanded.
Elliot had grabbed his hand and squeezed it tightly." Join us, brother!" he insisted." We'll make those FED's pay for what they have done to us! And of course there will be others in our way. But don't worry, we'll eliminate those ones too."
"No," Christian replied fiercely, and got up from his seat." I don't want that life anymore... father, please. I want you to let me go"
"Christian?" he heard Ana say, taking him out of his thoughts.
At one point Ana knelled in front of him.
His gray eyes darted from the wall and landed on his hands that were on his lap.
She gently caressed his chin and commanded." Look at me, Christian. Please?"
His eyes finally landed on hers, and as their eyes met, Ana's heart skipped a beat. The look in his eyes, was so gut wrenching, making the hairs on the back of her neck stand up. In his eyes, Ana saw so much raw emotion, so much regret, so much sorrow and pain.
At that very moment, a storm was raging behind those beautiful, gray eyes, hurt and heart-wrenching pain pouring from that single look.
"Christian. What's the matter? You want to talk about it?" she asked, still knelled before him." I'm going nowhere."
Christian let out the breath that he had been holding, and said." You know, I really thought that I could go through with this."
"Go through with what, Christian?" she asked.
"They won't let me go... I know they won't. And they're right, you know... After all I've done, I don't deserve to live in peace" Christian confessed, referring to the Bratva." I don't deserve to live among good people... Why? Because I'm rotten to the core, Ana."
As those words reached her ears, Ana felt a tug at her heart.
'Has he changed?!' She wondered, because when he said those words, Ana felt like he wanted to bare his soul to her, but was holding back.
"Why do you say that, Christian? Why do you think you don't deserve this peaceful life here?"
He gently touched her cheek and gave her a sad smile." You're so amazing… you're feisty, and kind, and nice, you care about people, you are stubborn, and your mouth is so filthy I sometimes want to wash it with soap. And last but not least, you're the most beautiful woman I've ever laid my eyes on. I've gotten to know you and to be honest, I really like you… a lot. But the thing is, I don't deserve anything you have to offer, Ana." Christian explained, and stood up from the couch.
"I wanna show you something... it's part of me since I was 16." Christian explained, and locked eyes with her.
Ana also got on her feet and said." OK, what is it?"
She watched as Christian slowly took off the black leather gloves. She interlaced their fingers, while a smile graced her gorgeous face.
"Wow, that ink on your hand is very impressive" She said." I like it"
"You are amazing, Ana. You know that?" Christian stated, and touched her face once more.
"Is that it?" Ana asked curiously.
"No" Christian replied and pulled his long sleeved shirt over his head, revealing the ink on his whole back and his left arm. Ana watched in awe how it looked like, up close. She smiled and shyly asked." Can I touch it?"
Christian nodded at that." Of course you can, silly."
As her heart rammed against her chest, Ana cleared her throat and slowly brought her hand towards his skin. The tattoo was of a huge dragon, so beautiful with all those colors. When she was tracing his tattoo with her fingertips, a wonderful shiver went up and down his spine...
'So beautiful... So fucking beautiful.' Was what she thought at that moment.
While Christian watched the gorgeous creature in front of him, he smiled and felt a tug at his heart. It dawned on him that he might feel more for her than just the obvious physical attraction, more than the platonic feeling he had only one week ago... Just more. Damn, he was so screwed!
"Ana" he uttered, and then turned his face from her." I despise these tattoos of mine with all my heart... they are a constant reminder of my past"
In response, Ana gently cupped his face and turned his head so she could look him deep in the eyes." Wanna tell me about it, Christian? Wanna tell me the meaning of your tattoos?" she asked, almost ordering him." And about your past?"
He shook his head at that." Yes. I do, Ana... but I shouldn't. I want to tell you all about it. I've been living with it, and it has been eating at me from the inside out. I need to get it off of my chest, before it destroys me, and I know it eventually will destroy me completely. I have to… I want to tell you about me— about what I have experienced in my life, Ana... all that I have done, but I cannot." Christian confessed, as tears pooled in his beautiful gray eyes.
He said those words with so much emotion, his voice so raw, as if she was his last hope, as if he was asking Ana for redemption.
Yes, he has changed...
While realizing it, she kept watching him, and that's when Ana's heart exploded in her chest. She couldn't bear to see him so small and broken, so Ana interlaced their fingers together, while a huge lump formed in her throat, and her own eyes filled with tears without her accord…
"I can help, Christian... just tell me what to do."
... Approximately ten minutes later ...
Ana was sitting in her pick-up truck with Tom and Christian. As she drove to the farm approximately ten miles away, Tom talked about the Henderson family who needed his assistance right away. Tom used to be a veterinarian. He is retired, but the farmers around town still called him if they had a cow about to give birth, but its calf was in an abnormal position.
As Ana's eyes were fixed on the dirt road, she furrowed her brows and bit her bottom lip." So, Tom.. does this happen often? The calf being in such a difficult position that the cow can't give birth on her own?" she asked, her eyes quickly darting towards Christian then back towards the road.
The older man shook his head at that." No dear, about 5 %. The other 95 goes rather smoothly." Tom replied, and let out a deep breath." I'm worried about this one though.
"Why?" Christian asked.
Tom cleared his throat." Well, her last one, a couple of months ago was also a difficult one. I hope we don't have much complications this time." He replied, genuinely worried about the cow and her calf.
"Well, let's hope for the best, Tom. And by the way, she has the best veterinarian in town to assist her, so I wouldn't worry too much." Ana commented.
"Aww… dear Ana, you sure have a way with words." Tom stated, and smiled, first at her then at Christian.
"She does have a way with words, huh, Christian?" Tom asked, and looked at the younger man.
The corners of Christian's lips curled upwards into a smile." Yes, Ana sure does." He replied, as his piercing gray eyes landed on Ana.
"Speaking from experience, Christian?" she asked, her blue eyes quickly locking on his gray ones, while she steered her truck with ease.
Christian's eyes all of a sudden were serious, attempting to tell her something with that look. Ana nervously tucked a lock behind her ear, and asked." Is it this farm, Tom?"
"Yes, dear. You can drive right through the entrance way over there." Tom replied, and showed her exactly where to go.
"So, I assume you know the Henderson family for a long time?" Ana asked.
Tom nodded in response." Yes, I know them almost my whole life. My father used to be a veterinarian also, so the Greene's and the Henderson' were always in contact with each other." He replied, and after watching the two young people he cleared his throat." Jill was doing grocery shopping and brought our car with her, if that wasn't the case, I wouldn't have come to you, Ana dear. I'm sorry for interrupting you two."
Ana and Christian both shook their heads and said in unison." No! No, Tom not at all, you didn't interrupt anything!"
"Really?" he replied, and then Tom's eyes darted from Christian to Ana and then back towards Christian. He frowned and asked." Are you sure, because I almost broke down your front door knocking on it, Ana dear, and yet you two didn't hear me."
"Yeah, Christian was helping me with the bathroom upstairs." She lied, as a blush appeared on her cheeks.
"OK." Tom said, not wanting to press the matter, because in his opinion all of a sudden the tension in the truck between the two young people was so thick you could almost cut it with a knife.
Ana let out the breath that she had been holding. Luckily for the two, the farm house came into view at that moment.
"We've arrived." Tom stated, and grabbed his veterinarian bag. He then continued." You can park right there, dear, between the house and the tree."
Ana followed his instruction, and when the truck came to a halt, Tom jumped out of it." I'll be needing your assistance, Christian." He said, while hastily walking towards his destination.
Ana looked at Christian and burst out into laughter. He smiled at that." OK, that was awkward." Christian stated, as he watched the gorgeous creature with her pretty blue eyes.
"Let's go, before he comes and looks for you, Christian." Ana advised, and stepped out the truck.
In response, he nodded, and when he saw Ana almost trip over a rock, he grabbed her." Easy there. You have a bad habit of not looking out where you're going, huh?" he stated, and locked eyes with her.
She cleared her throat at that." Sorry, I was busy laughing at us." Ana replied, and gazed into his gray eyes.
As Christian held Ana with both hands at her tiny waist, his left hand gripped just a little tighter on her soft flesh. Ana's heart rammed against her rib cage in response." We will talk later, OK?" Christian said, as his gray eyes bored into her blue ones.
She nodded." Of course, if only Tom knew that he indeed interrupted us." She said, her voice squeaky.
Christian let go of her and cupped her face with his hand." I hope you won't hate me after that." He said, his eyes pleading, and then he walked in the direction Tom went not long ago.
Ana stood there in her spot and felt as if the atmosphere had caught fire. Never in her whole career, had she felt this way. She knew everything about Christian Grey, and about 'The BRATVA'. She knew that he used to be the their leader, but she also has come to discover that he was a changed man…
She knew Christian's FBI file by heart, but he didn't have a single clue that she was aware of who he used to be. He had no clue she was from the FBI and was sent to bring him in.
Whenever it came down to this part of the job, Ana always felt satisfaction, because she was so close to wrapping up the case, bringing down, bringing in the target. But at the moment, she felt the opposite. She felt guilty, because Christian finally trusted her and here she was, deceiving him.
'It's your job, Ana!' a little voice in her head said, the voice of reason. But at the same time, there was another voice that scolded her.' He trusts you and wants to confide in you. He likes you and is nice to you. He has been helping you and you go and betray him? How do you think he's gonna feel if he finds out that you have been playing him this whole time? That you've betrayed him?'
At a certain point Ana felt so torn. She wasn't able to handle the pressure and decided to take a walk at the farm. She needed to clear her head, and at one point stood at a spot while watching the horses run in the meadow. The little ones were with their mother, as they fed on the grass.
Ana sighed and decided then to talk to someone. She really needed to; she was getting attached to the target and wanted another person's perspective on the matter. So, she grabbed her phone and dialed the number.
"It's Anastasia Steele."
"Hey, Ana. How are you doing? Wanna talk to Taylor? Or Alfred?" the woman asked.
"No, Ros. I definitely do not wanna talk to either of them." Ana replied.
"Can I help you with something?" the woman on the other side of the line asked.
"Yes, I'm in trouble I think."
"What is it, Ana?"
"It's uhmm… Christian."
"What's with him? Did he hurt you?" the woman asked.
"No, he did not. Why does everyone asks me that?! It's uhmm… something else." Ana stated, and cleared her throat.
Ros gasped softly." No, don't tell me that you've fallen for him?!" she said, almost shouting in Ana's ear.
Ana shook her head." No! No, no, no, Ros... No, I would never! I just feel guilty about lying to him, when he clearly has begun to trust me. I feel a bit attached and I just ughh… I've never felt guilty about deceiving a target before. It's just messed up." She explained.
"Well, Ana. I can just give you one advice."
"And that is?" Ana asked curiously.
"Ask yourself what weighs heavier. What's more important to you? Your job, career and your personal principles or… your guilt?" Ros said.
Ana sighed deeply at that." It isn't that easy, Ros." she replied." It's complicated, because I know his history… It's so difficult; I know what I am supposed to do. I know what the right thing to do is, but then why does it feel so wrong?"
"I get it, Ana. But in the end, you know what's right. And I trust you'll do the right thing. Don't worry, I won't tell Taylor or Alfred you called. Good luck, Ana. I know this assignment isn't easy. Just keep your head up and be the strong woman that I know you are." Ros advised.
Ana sighed and nodded." Thanks, Ros. I needed the pep talk. Later, OK?" She commented.
"Later, Ana." Ros replied, and hung up the phone.
After the phone conversation with Ros, Ana decided to go check on what Tom and Christian were doing. As she turned the corner of the stable, Ana bumped into someone.
"Whoah, there honey! Where do you think you're going?" the man said, as his eyes shamelessly raked over Ana's body. He looked at her whole body except for her face.
"Hey, Mister! My eyes are up here." She scolded, when she noticed that he was eyeing her chest.
He laughed at her and looked at her dirty." Why don't you come home with me, honey? I just got paid by my boss, Mr. Henderson. I help him around the farm now and then. Want to have some fun with me? I can pay you." He said, as he watched Ana, undressing her with his filthy eyes.
Ana ignored the man, and wanted to walk away, but he kept standing in her way.
"Get the fuck out of my way." She warned, but he laughed at her.
Instead his eyes landed on her chest again." Wow, you've got a nice pair of…" he started, but she cut him off.
"Say it and I promise you, you will regret it, asshole!" Ana hissed, while throwing daggers at him with her eyes.
The man was just about to touch Ana, when Christian cleared his throat." Is there a problem here?" he asked, and towered over the other man.
The scumbag shook his head. "What? Problem? Naahh, the lady and I were just getting acquainted, buddy. She's one hot piece of…" he began, but Christian didn't let him finish, because in a flash he lost control of his emotions, and the violent side of him emerged.
Note : Thank you for reading my work, and for the kudos. :)