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"Wow! Kel, you're wearing a dress!" The shocked voice of yet another one of her year-mates had Kel gritting her teeth, before turning, her face Yamani-calm, and facing the latest of her male friends to make that same observation.
"Yes, I am," she said. Mithros! She knew that her status as the first woman to openly try for her knighthood - and succeed - left her open to a heightened level of scrutiny, but this was getting ridiculous! Granted, she had not had the time, or really inclination, to wear a dress or any other overtly feminine clothing in the last few years, but it did not mean she never wore the things.
"Um… you, uh… you look nice!" Neal swallowed as he saw Kel's expression. He had learned over the years that it never boded well for, well, anyone really, when her face went expressionless like that. He frantically searched his mind for a way to dig himself out from this. Finally, he decided to do what he would do with any other woman he inadvertently offended. "You look lovely."
Kel gave him a measured look, before smiling. She ignored the barely audible sigh of relief he gave her. "Thank you," she replied.
"What's this? Meathead, does the lovely Yuki know that you are speaking to such a vision as this?" an amused voice called out from behind. Neal groaned, as he recognized the voice of his cousin.
Dom didn't express any surprise at seeing Kel next to Neal. It immediately made her feel better towards the other man. She smiled widely. "Hello, Dom."
"Ah, Kel… You look wonderful. I bet my cousin hasn't even asked you to dance," he commented, sweeping a bow and holding out an arm. "Shall we?"
Kel couldn't resist. Dom made it so easy to accept. She waved a hand goodbye to Neal and followed Dom out to the dance floor, where they joined in for a rather popular country dance. Dom even demonstrated his impeccable manners - though tempered by his humor - by engaging her in an amusing bit of conversation, and updating her on the friends she had made in the King's Own. Kel was relieved at having someone treat her normally. So far, nearly every person she had met at the wedding had looked at her with barely suppressed surprise. Considering how many people had - and still did - bemoaned her existence a female knight, and how unnatural she was for wearing trousers in public, she had rather thought they would all appreciate that she wore a dress.
Apparently not. Looking at Dom, she could not tell if it bothered him to be seen with her. If it did, he hid it well, even ignoring the less than quiet comments about them made by other guests. "Thank you," she told him, as he escorted her to dinner.
"What for?" he asked.
"Just…" she paused. "You made this easier to bear." He smiled at her, his eyes crinkling with gentle humor.
"That's what friends are for."
"Nonetheless, thank you."
"Never you mind, Lady Knight. Besides, you're doing me a favor. Dancing with you keeps the matchmaking mothers and their daughters away from me!"
Kel joined him in laughter, though she couldn't help but wonder if she would always be that person. The one her friends used to fend off overly amorous women. Though, she had to admit that at least Dom didn't wax poetic about whatever lady love he did care for - unlike many of her other male acquaintances.
Later, Kel found herself in conversation with the only other female knight in Tortall. Perhaps Alanna read the almost wistful look in Kel's eyes as she watched her friends flirt and cavort with the ladies of the court. "It's not easy is it?" she asked.
"Excuse me?" Kel asked politely, dragging her attention back to Alanna and away from the colorful scene on the dance floor.
Alanna nodded her head towards the direction Kel had been staring at. "That."
Kel stilled. She was not one to discuss something like this with anyone, except possibly those closest to her. But… this was the Lioness. Her childhood hero. The person she had looked up to and wanted to be. And she had. She had done what the Lioness could not - succeeded in her quest for knighthood as a woman. Kel did not fool herself to believe that she could have managed to succeed in her dream without Alanna's own achievement, but it still meant something.
"It is… difficult," she finally conceded
Alanna snorted. "It is not an easy path, the one you've taken."
Kel inclined her head. "I know. I knew it going in."
"I was lucky. Even while hiding that I was a girl, I had a small group of friends who knew what I was." Kel wondered why Alanna brought this up now. "But you? Your friend have known the whole time. No surprise to them. They're all used to you being… different, being other. Mithros! Your nay-sayers refused to allow anything but. And yet… at the same time? You are one of them. You survived the same training as them. Sometimes I think you survived worse than them." Alanna placed a hand on Kel's arm. "But me? Almost as soon as everyone discovered I was a woman, I disappeared for a while, rose south with the Bazhir, and then went questing. By the time I returned, everything was so topsy-turvy, no one really cared that I was a woman. Of course, by then I had George, so that might have helped."
"I'm afraid I don't understand," Kel finally said. She honestly didn't. What did the Lioness mean by rambling on about her experience? Not that Kel didn't appreciate her taking the time to comfort her, but Kel didn't understand why she spoke to her. It wasn't as if she was particularly close to the other knight.
Alanna sighed. "I'm terrible at this sort of thing," she admitted. She tried again. "Given who you are? It's going to take a strong lad to ignore it and decide you're worth everything that would happen should he decide to court you. Those guys out there? To them, you're one of them, even if you can wear a dress. This is probably the first time most of them have seen you in a dress. It's probably the first time you've every thrown the fact you're a woman into their face."
"Most of them consider me a friend," Kel felt obliged to point out.
"It'll take a confidant lad to court you, Lady Knight. But don't give up."
"Oh?" Kel asked, raising an eyebrow in question.
"I'll tell you a secret. The ones who will fight for you, against the busybodies, and the Conservatives? They're worth falling for." She smirked. "Of course, there's nothing saying you have to wait for your knight in shining armor - no matter if he's a knight or not."
"It wouldn't be proper," Kel commented, even as her heart pounded a bit faster at that thought.
Alanna snorted in derision. "And what of all those who think you're not proper because you went for your knighthood?" Kel opened her mouth to respond, but before she could, Alanna continued. "Raoul likes you; so does Buri. You're a strong woman, Keladry of Mindelan. If you weren't, you would never have gotten so far. Don't let the opinions of others keep you from finding happiness." Alanna smiled again, dropping her hand from where it had sat on Kel's arm. "It is good to see you, Lady Knight. We should spar, before you return to New Haven. Show everyone what we can do."
"It would be an honor, Lioness," Kel responded. "Thank you," she said quietly. "You've given me much to think of."
"Like I said, a lot of people like you. They don't want to see you unhappy. Don't live by the strictures of others. Live for who you are."
Kel nodded her understanding, turning over in her mind what Alanna had advised. The other knight was probably right. To too many people, Kel represented a challenge. For all that she loved being a knight, she was not adverse to romance. But she also knew she needed to be careful. Too many would love to tarnish her reputation. That reason, combined with her introvert nature, usually meant she refrained from expressing interest in a man. But… Kel looked over at a crowd that nearby people that included many of her year-mates. For so long, she had been driven by her goal of becoming a knight, and then making New Hope a safe haven for the refugees she had charge of, that she had subsumed all else. Maybe it was time to embrace all of who she was, and refuse to let others place her in a neatly labeled box.
"Gathering wool?" an amused voice asked her.
"Not at all. Still hiding?" Kel responded. She grinned as Dom brought his hand to his heart in mock pain.
"Oh, my dear Lady Knight. You wound me with your words."
"And you, dear sir, are entirely too silly."
"I live to serve," Dom snickered. "Come, I think my dear cousin is about to impress us with his latest attempt of poetry."
"Oh dear Mithros! How is that incentive?"
"Oh, but Kel, you cannot deprive us of your beauteous presence," Dom protested. Kel laughed at his theatrical manner. "Besides, if you join us, we can hopefully spare Meathead his humiliation." He waggled his eyebrows and offered an arm for Kel to take. Still laughing, she gladly accepted his escort. She didn't know what to expect, didn't know what her future had in store, but by the gods, Alanna had been right. Living by the expectations of others would bring her nothing but misery. Time to seize the day.