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A tale of selcas

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[Private chat: Yoonmin is my heartu]

 

 

 

goldenkook: is the universe against me?

goldenkook: does god hate me?

goldenkook: does he want me to give up?

TaeTaeflower: u got another dick pic?

goldenkook: … yes

sunshinemin: LMAO

sunshinemin: the universe's trying to tell u that u gotta start loving the dick

goldenkook: I'm not gay!

TaeTaeflower: … ok

sunshinemin: that sounds fake but ok

goldenkook: I hate u both.

goldenkook: u r such poor excuses of friends IS2G

sunshinemin: well u might not be gay (LMAO) but this boy right here is

sunshinemin: so... gotta go

TaeTaeflower: FAST

goldenkook: another session of instagram thirst?

goldenkook: wow

TaeTaeflower: LOL minnie you went through the entirety of Yoongi-hyung's instagram like seven times

TaeTaeflower: when will the thirst end?

sunshinemin: 9 times

sunshinemin: so what?

sunshinemin: don't you ever watch an amazing movie again?

sunshinemin: do u refuse to reread a beautiful book just cuz u red it before?

sunshinemin: the fuck, let me live

sunshinemin: you speak as if I don't know taht u saved all of Jungkook's snapchats

TaeTaeflower: SHSWHAT THE F UCKDJE

TaeTaeflower: YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE

sunshinemin: what was that?

sunshinemin: I'm sorry

sunshinemin: I don't speak “whiny bitch” so I can't read what u just wrote

goldenkook: “Ultimate” by Denzen Curry plays in the background, pixelated sunglasses fall from the sky, airhorns can be heard in the distance

sunshinemin: well, catch ya later

TaeTaeflower: damn

TaeTaeflower: that was savage

TaeTaeflower: i got fucking wrecked

goldenkook: did u really screenshot my snaps?

TaeTaeflower:  
    





 

[Private chat: WE DEM BOYZ]

 

 

 

 

J-HOE: KIM NAMJOON ((╬●∀●)

J-HOE: REPLY TO ME YOU BITCH

J-HOE: I KNOW YOU'RE ONLINE U FAKE ASS WALNUT

destroyermon: the fck

J-HOE: did u

J-HOE: or did u not

J-HOE: download weirdass porn on the studio's LAPTOP AGAIN?!

destroyermon:

destroyermon: why u asking

J-HOE: CUZ THE FUCKING THING ISN'T WORKING ANYMORE

destroyermon:

 

destroyermon left WE DEM BOYZ

 

J-HOE added destroyermon to WE DEM BOYZ

 

J-HOE: YOU AIN'T RUNNING AWAY

goldenkook: oh shit

theprincess❀: what's this I'm hearing about weird porn?

goldenkook: * grabs popcorns *

TaeTaeflower: * grabs popcorns *

J-HOE: * grabs popcorns *

destroyermon: hyung I can explain

theprincess❀: oh... trust me... you will explain.

TaeTaeflower: THAT DOT THO

sunshinemin: I'm back what did i miss

TaeTaeflower: back from that instagram quest?

sunshinemin: COUGHCOUGH “JK SLEEPING” FOLDER COUGHCOUGH

sunshinemin: sorry, what were u saying?

TaeTaeflower: nothing

TaeTaeflower: t'was a typo

goldenkook: the fuck

yoongles: hey

sunshinemin: hello hyung

theprincess❀: well, would you look at that. Jimin joins the conversation... and immediately Yoongi does too... is this a coincidence?

yoongles: I need ur opinion on something guys

theprincess❀: are you ignoring my sassy provocation?

yoongles: which one of these selcas should I post?

theprincess❀: are YOU IGNORING YOUR MOTHER?!

yoongles:  
 
yoongles: 


 

goldenkook: 2nd

J-HOE: 2nd

TaeTaeflower: 2nd

destroyermon: 2nd

theprincess: 2nd

sunshinemin: BOTH

sunshinemin: sorry, fucking autocorrect

TaeTaeflower: sure Jen

sunshinemin: i like the first one more

yoongles: yeah I liked that one better as well

J-HOE: THIS WEAK ASS BITCH

J-HOE: I WAS WITH HIM WHEN HE TOOK THE FUCKING SELCAS AND HE KEPT SAYING THAT THE SECOND ONE WAS BETTER

TaeTaeflower: BOI

yoongles: well I changed my fucking mind Hoseok

yoongles: anyways, i have to go now I'm alreayd late for a class

destroyermon: *already

yoongles: Jin-hyung, the password for Namjoon's laptop is “automatic stick”

destroyermon: I WILL PISS ON EVERYTHING YOU LOVE

sunshinemin:

sunshinemin: automatic stick

sunshinemin: well, see you later I have class as well

theprincess❀: Joonie, why don't you join me in the living room. For a chat.

TaeTaeflower: rest in fucking pieces hyung

destroyermon: tell my parents I love them.

 

 

 

[Private chat: YOONMIN IS MY HEARTU]

 

 

 

sunshinemin: yall I've been blessed

sunshinemin: like have u seen those selcas

sunshinemin: is this what God meant when he created art?

sunshinemin: we are not worthy

goldenkook: are u back on Yoongi-hyung's instagram?

sunshinemin: you bet your closeted ass I am

goldenkook: I AM NOT GAY

sunshinemin: sure Jen

 

 

                                                                           

__________________________________________________





 

sunshinemin: ahahahahah

sunshinemin: AHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAH

sunshinemin: AAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

TaeTaeflower: the fuck

TaeTaeflower: ????????

goldenkook: is this what a psychotic breakdown looks like?

sunshinemin: YALL

sunshinemin: I'VE BEEN EXPOSED

sunshinemin: I'VE BEEN FUCKING EXPOSED

sunshinemin: PLS THROW ME IN THE PITTS OF HELL

sunshinemin: IN THE HELLFIRE

goldenkook: hyung what happened

TaeTaeflower: oh boy

TaeTaeflower: u did not

TaeTaeflower: tell me u did not like an old pic of Yoongi-hyung

sunshinemin:

TaeTaeflower: OH MY GOD U DID

goldenkook: I cannot believe I am witnessing your fall with my own naked eyeballs

sunshinemin: THE FUC K DO IDO NWO

sunshinemin: WHAT DO I DO

sunshinemin: IT'S 52 WEEKS OLD

TaeTaeflower:

goldenkook:

TaeTaeflower: what color do you want your coffin

goldenkook: I'll take care of the flowers. Peonies allright?

Sunshinemin: U FUCKING ASSHOLES HELP A BROTHER OUT

sunshinemin: I CANT BELIEBE THIS IS HAPPENENG

goldenkook: what do you mean

TaeTaeflower: when u nod your head yes but you wanna say no

sunshinemin: THIS IS NOT THE GODDAMN TIME IT WAS A TYPO FUCK YOU ALL

TaeTaeflower: how did that even happen

sunshinemin: I WAS HOLDING MY PH ONE AND THEN IT WAS FALLING SO I MANAGED TO GET IT BACK BEFORE IT SHATTERED ON THE FLOOR (LIKE MY DREAMS) BUT IN DOING SO I LIKED THE PIC I AM DONE THIS IS IT GOODBYE WORLD IT'S BEEN A WILD RIDE

sunshinemin: oh god i gotta do something

TaeTaeflower: minnie?

TaeTaeflower: minnie whatever you do do not dislike the pic

goldenkook: hyung... do you think he...

sunshinemin: I PANICKED

TaeTaeflower: U DILISKED THE PIC THIS IS FUCKING HILARIOUS

sunshinemin: I'm going to jump into han river

sunshinemin: I want to end my life

goldenkook: ok, let's calm down. Hyung, don't worry about it he probably won't even notice

sunshinemin: what do u mean

TaeTaeflower: WHEN U DON'T WANT ME TO MOVE BUT U TELL ME TO GO

goldenkook: i mean that Yoongi-hyung has like 10.000 followers right

sunshinemin: yea

goldenkook: and he just posted that new selca so he's probably flooded with notifications

goldenkook: u will be mixed with those other notifications so he won't notice

sunshinemin: REALLY????????????

goldenkook:

goldenkook: i mean, probs

TaeTaeflower: I'd start walking to han river

TaeTaeflower: just in case

sunshinemin: yea fam u rite

 

 

 

[Private chat: CYPHER PT QUEER]

 

 

 

destroyermon:

J-HOE: lmao u alive?

destroyermon: I'd sleep with your fucking eyes wide open Hoseok.

J-HOE: well someone forgot the HYUNG

J-HOE: also damn did Jin-hyung teach you of the terror a well placed dot can induce in a human? Cuz it's working

destroyermon: no, but you wanna know what hyung just taught me? That u r a piece of shit since I've been DENIED SEX FOR THE NEXT MONTH

J-HOE: LMFAO

J-HOE: Joons... tbh... u deserve it... since our laptop WILL PROBABLY BE DEAD FOR THE NEXT MONTH AS WELL

J-HOE: WE HAVE OUR TRACKS ON THAT THING

J-HOE: WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO UH?! ( ಠ ಠ )

yoongles: guys

yoongles: kinda need to ask u something

destroyermon: yeah, what is it hyung?

J-HOE: LOOK AT HIM U QUICK AS FUCK WHEN IT COMES TO CHANGE THE SUBJECT

J-HOE: THE FUCKING USAIN BOLT OF SUBJECT CHANGING

yoongles: let's say

yoongles: hypothetically

J-HOE: yeah right

yoongles: someone likes one of ur pics on instagram

yoongles: an old one like really old one

yoongles: but then u go on the pic and it doesn't show that they liked the pic

yoongles: what does that mean

J-HOE: lmao it means someone was stalking ur instagram and by mistake liked the pic and then tried to fix it by disliking it

yoongles:

yoongles: oh

destroyermon: how old is that pic

yoongles: 52 weeks

destroyermon: well shit

J-HOE: damn, dat means someone was really into your instagram lmao

destroyermon: u know who it was

yoongles: yea

yoongles: Jimin

destroyermon:

J-HOE:

yoongles: I

yoongles: I think I reached heaven or something

J-HOE: * inhales * BOI

yoongles: is this what bliss tastes like?

destroyermon: damn hyung congrats

J-HOE: someone might finally get dat jibooty soon

J-HOE: ᶘ ͡°ᴥ͡°ᶅ

destroyermon: u know, those emoticons look real fucking sexual

J-HOE: thats cuz u r a pervert, namjoon.

yoongles: hoseok

J-HOE: what

yoongles: u wash your mouth before u even try mentioning Jimin's ass

J-HOE:

J-HOE: I can't read suddenly I don't know

destroyermon: well, ask him out now

yoongles: what no

yoongles: the fuck

yoongles: u want me to see jesus?

J-HOE: why shouldn't u ask him out

J-HOE: he was stalking ur instagram

J-HOE: besides... everyone knows Jimin has had a crush on u since fucking forever

yoongles: who said that

yoongles: who

yoongles: i'll choke them to death

yoongles: he's not into me tf

yoongles: he's too pure for me

yoongles: too good

yoongles: too hot

yoongles: too everything

yoongles: i'm not good enough are u kidding me he deserves the world not me

J-HOE:

J-HOE: @GOD: are u seeing this shit?

destroyermon: unfuckingbelievable