Abbie stepped into the entry and put her keys on the table by the door. She could hear the television on in the living room. Taylor was where Abbie had found her every day that week—stretched out on the couch, a beer open but mostly still full on the coffee table. Abbie took off her coat and went to perch next to Taylor. She ran her fingers gently through the other woman's blonde hair, but Taylor barely acknowledged her.
"Come on, we should go out. Let's get dinner or something." Abbie had been willing to let Taylor deal with things her own way for a while, but it was getting worrisome.
"Mmmm." Taylor acknowledged the words that she didn't really hear. She didn't really feel like getting up and going out would take so much effort. It wasn't worth it, particularly when she wasn't hungry to begin with. "Just go without me. You can bring me something back, or something."
"That's not what I meant Taylor, I bet you've been here all day." Abbie leaned down and kissed Taylor's cheek, subtly working her lips down the blonde's neck, trying anything to pry her attention. "Come on, its time."
Taylor tilted her cheek away from Abbie, pulling away from the kisses but not taking her eyes off of the TV. She had never realized that soap operas could be so fascinating. "I don't feel like going anywhere."
Abbie's frustration sparked, and she reached for the remote. She turned the TV off and threw it across the room. "I know you're upset, and I know things take time Taylor, but this can't go on. I've gotten three calls from Drew today alone. People need you." I need you she thought, but didn't say it.
"Drew is just being dramatic. I'm sure everything is going fine." Taylor ran a hand through her hair, and after flicking her eyes to Abbie, shifted her gaze to the bank of windows. She just needed a few more days at home, then she would be able to go back to work, back to DC.
"That's not the point Taylor, talk to me." Abbie was fairly sure it wouldn't be that easy. Taylor was always so self-assured, but something about losing Todd had hit her hard. While Abbie didn't know enough to fully understand why, she knew her partner and she wasn't going to fix herself easily. There was too much being held in.
Taylor's eyes flashed with anger when she finally looked at Abbie. "What do you want me to say Abbie? What can I say that's going to make this better, that's going to fix it? There isn't anything." She abruptly got up and stalked toward the kitchen. "I can't just be okay." Todd had been her best friend for a long time, even if they had grown apart after she had left the Navy. And now she wasn't ever going to get the chance to fix that. He was just gone.
Abbie caught up to Taylor in the kitchen, momentarily stunned by Taylor's tone. Abbie fought to keep hers level, moving closer to the blonde. Something in her was stirring- an innate sense about Taylor, mixed with her own feelings of frustration and needs. "I'm not asking you to be okay Taylor," She put her hands on the blonde's shoulders, keeping her from moving away, "I'm asking you to let me help you." 'God I hope I can' she thought.
Taylor tried to pull away anyway, even though she couldn't get anywhere. "There isn't anything that you can do either." She struggled in Abbie's hands, though she didn't have the energy to fight her way free.
But Abbie's fingers tightened, even as Taylor pulled against her. She didn't know what she was doing, but the next thing she was aware of was pulling Taylor in forcefully, kissing her, trying to make her do something- anything. Taylor's struggles didn't last long, and suddenly she was clinging to Abbie, kissing her back desperately, trying to push closer. She didn't know what had changed, but she couldn't get close enough, couldn't press far enough into Abbie's arms.
Abbie moaned; it had been too long since Taylor had kissed her- or touched her at all really. She pressed back, holding her and kissing her until she thought she would pass out from lack of breath. Finally she gasped, and pulled Taylor back just enough to speak. "Taylor...Taylor what do you need from me?" The other woman's shift had been so sudden, Abbie knew she was just reacting to the moment. But if all Taylor needed then was sex, Abbie would be more than willing. If it was more, she would try.
Taylor buried her face in Abbie's neck, still clinging to her. She was on the verge of tears, but she was trying so hard to push them away. "I don't know." Her hands were wrapped in Abbie's shirt, tightly fisted. "I don't know..."
Abbie moved a hand to run through Taylor's hair, trying to think, to collect herself. When she'd been in Taylor's place someone had always been there to pick her up- Taylor or Nora or Jack. Now it was her turn, but it wasn't the same. She couldn't just pull Taylor to bed and get her to sleep it off- sleeping was about all Taylor had been doing for over a week. Abbie considered the desperation in Taylor's kiss, how she was nearly dragging her shirt up already, and her fingers stilled, tightening in the hair at the back of Taylor's neck.
Taylor gasped at the sharp pain, and it only made her try to squirm closer. She kept pushing Abbie's shirt up, trying to get it off, trying to feel her skin. "Please..." She scratched her nails over Abbie's back.
With her free hand, Abbie pushed Taylor's fingers away. She took a slightly shaking breath and tugged Taylor's gaze up to meet her own. Something was starting to make sense about the moment that Abbie hadn't understood before, and she pulled Taylor away just slightly. "Alright Taylor." God, she hoped she knew what she was doing. Abbie kissed the blonde, and quietly moved her free hand to Taylor's shoulder, gently pushing her down. This wasn't the strong Congresswoman who Abbie shared her bed with each night. No—at that moment it was the searching, hot tempered ADA who used to arrive unannounced in the night, needing her touch to forget life for a moment.
Taylor sank to her knees automatically, looking up at Abbie almost helplessly. She was still reaching for Abbie, wrapping her hands in the loose fabric of Abbie's pants. She didn't know what she wanted, or what she needed, but she hoped that Abbie did.
Abbie paused, not knowing what to do next. She ran her fingers through Taylor's hair, trying to think. The other woman's expression was no longer strained, just expectant and pensive. Abbie wondered if that was the look Liz had seen on their nights together. She bit her lip, hoping Taylor didn't need as much as all that. "Get undressed." Abbie's voice was quiet, but her strength built, "Get undressed and go take a shower." It was needed, and it would give her a chance to think.
Nodding, Taylor stood, silently turning toward the bedroom. She didn't rush through the shower, even though she wanted to, taking her time to wash her hair thoroughly and to just stand under the water, letting it run over her shoulders and down her back. She wasn't thinking about what Abbie might be doing or thinking.
Abbie sunk onto the couch, listening to the sound of the shower running. She tried to think of what Taylor wanted from her, what might be enough of a distraction to settle her thoughts, to break down whatever barriers she needed. She glanced around the room and toward the bedroom, fidgeting slightly. Taylor had been upset long enough that Abbie just wanted to be touched, to feel Taylor moving against her. She shifted just at the thought, getting lightly wet imagining Taylor's skin on hers. Before the shower could turn off, Abbie stood and went to the bedroom to change.
Taylor turned the water off and got out of the shower, carefully drying off before she stepped into the bedroom. She swallowed around the lump in her throat. "Maybe we should just go to bed. I... I'm more tired than I thought." Taylor fidgeted.
Abbie paused, only halfway changed. She tugged a pair of jeans closed, covering the leather straps around her hips. It was taking her longer than it should have, but she couldn't remember the last time she'd worn it. Abbie turned back to look at Taylor, trying to maintain some amount of surety, "If that's what you really want." She took off her work shirt and reached for a soft silk top from a drawer and pulled it on. Taylor still looked forlorn, and Abbie moved a little closer to her, crossing her arms. "But if you just wanted to go to bed you could have simply said that earlier."
"I don't know." Taylor looked away, not meeting Abbie's eyes. She didn't know what she wanted or what she needed. She sat on the edge of the bed and pulled a pillow into her arms, hugging it against herself.
As she tugged the pillow away, Abbie put a finger under Taylor's chin, making her look up at her. Her own heart was beating in her ears, and she tried to let go of her remaining worries. She wanted a drink, something to calm her, but she knew enough to stop herself from the impulse. Taking a breath, Abbie took the other woman's hair in her hands again, "It's okay," she was moving Taylor to the floor again, "because I think I do."
Taylor looked up at Abbie, leaning against her hands. Being on her knees again made her head spin, particularly as she had barely eaten that day. "Okay." She nodded almost absently, letting Abbie take over.
Abbie ran her fingers through Taylor's hair, trying to think of what to do next. She thought of earlier, how dismissive Taylor had been, and something stirred in her. "You shouldn't have done that earlier," her hands were getting more insistent, rougher, "you shouldn't ever pull away when I kiss you."
Taylor's breath caught, more at the touch than the words. "I'm sorry..." She looked down. "I won't do it again." She was reaching for Abbie again, needing to hold onto something.
Abbie pushed the hands away; she knew an automatic answer when she heard one. "No Taylor, it's not that easy. You've been doing it all week." She gave Taylor's hair a last twist and stepped back slightly out of reach, "put your hands behind your back until you deserve otherwise."
"I'm sorry." Taylor linked her hands behind her back, holding one hand with the other and trying to settle her shoulders. She licked her lips and stared at the floor.
That wasn't really much better, but Taylor's shoulders flexed as she complied, and Abbie couldn't help but enjoy the sight. Her legs were getting a little weak, and she sat on the edge of the bed. "Come here, I've waited far too long Taylor." The bulge was obvious in her jeans, and she tried to stay confident.
Taylor shuffled across the floor on her knees, a blush rising on her cheeks. She stopped between Abbie's knees, leaning in to press her mouth against the bulge in Abbie's pants, licking along the seam of her pants. "Is this good enough for you?" She was becoming belligerent again.
Abbie stiffed a moan at the proximity, then caught the tone and shoved Taylor back. "No. Not nearly enough and you know it." And she hadn't had enough all week, she'd even found herself listening for Taylor's breath to even out in sleep before sliding her own fingers between her legs more than once. She re-focused on the blonde in front of her, and unzipped her jeans, "I need more...now."
As she wrapped her lips around the dildo, Taylor slowly slid them down it. She had to grip her hands even more tightly to keep them behind herself. It had been a very long time since she had done this, but it quickly came back to her. She exaggerated her movements, making sure Abbie could see exactly what she was doing.
Shuddering under her breath, Abbie held Taylor down firmly, letting her know she wouldn't be the one to decide when to move on. She was painfully wet under the harness, and it was a rare experience to make herself wait so long. "That's it. Keep going, you deserve it don't you?"
Taylor twisted under Abbie's hands, coughing and choking, but not pulling away. If anything, she was pushing even closer, reveling in the punishment. She tried to nod, but it was hard to do that and keep licking, keep sucking.
Finally, Abbie let out a small moan as she thrusted just slightly further into Taylor's mouth. She pulled the blonde away, "That's enough." Abbie tried to catch a steadying breath. "Stand up."
Taylor reeled back and scrambled to her feet, trying to do what Abbie told her. It took her a second to find her balance. Everything felt like it was spinning slightly and she felt like she couldn't catch her breath.
Before Taylor could settle, Abbie's fingers were between her legs, and her own breath quickened at the growing wetness there. She stroked Taylor gently, but her expression only hardened, "You liked that." Abbie couldn't take the time to decide how she felt about that knowledge.
"I..." Taylor was wringing her hands behind her back. "Yes." She blushed even brighter and looked away. Her head was still spinning and Abbie's touch hadn't helped.
Abbie stood as quickly as she could, forcefully maintaining a serious expression. It wasn't easy- she was unsure, upset, and thoroughly turned-on all at the same time. She forced Taylor to look her in the eyes again, "I thought so. Now ask me Taylor."
"Please." Taylor looked up at Abbie. She felt so lost, and Abbie's touch, Abbie's presence was the only thing grounding her. "Please touch me. Please make me come." She leaned into Abbie's hands, beyond caring if she got what she wanted, only wanting Abbie to keep touching her.
The words were almost enough to make Abbie relent, but she knew when Taylor was holding back. Her stomach dropped, and she gripped Taylor by the hair again and bent her over the edge of the bed. "Not yet Taylor," Abbie took a steadying breath and moved behind the blonde, pressing into her abruptly. The end of the toy rubbed against her clit as she pushed, and her breath caught.
Taylor whimpered as she felt Abbie push into her and he immediately pushed back. "Please..." She couldn't keep her hands together any more and she gripped the bed, tilting her hips up into Abbie's thrusts.
"Quiet." Abbie didn't want to hear Taylor beg for it yet. She pulled nearly out, then back again. She moaned as their hips met. The contact wasn't quite enough for her to let go, but it was keeping her on edge. Abbie wrapped her fingers around Taylor's hips as she increased her thrusts, holding her in place. She wasn't used to this- and pushed harder than Taylor would with her, venting her own frustration.
"Ugh," Taylor whimpered again, but she didn't say anything. She didn't mind the force, or the pain that came with it. She was actively inviting more of it, spreading her legs and pushing back. She pressed her face into the bed and grabbed the comforter even tighter. She was getting closer with each of Abbie's thrusts, twisting desperately underneath her.
Abbie kept pushing, making no move to touch Taylor, her fingers instead still gripping the blonde's sides bruisingly. When she heard Taylor's breath quicken, however, she pulled back abruptly and yanked down her jeans, unbuckling the harness as well and tossing it onto the bed. Abbie didn't give Taylor any time to think- she was past that. She sat on the edge of the bed and shoved Taylor to the floor between her legs. "Go on.." Abbie's fingers twisted in Taylor's hair again, "you don't get to come until I do." And maybe longer...but she hadn't gotten that far, she had waited more than long enough for this.
Taylor hit her knees hard, wincing and knowing that they would be black and blue the next day. She pushed her tongue into Abbie, against her. As if stopping might mean something far worse than suffering Abbie's anger. The desire to taste, to be close, to make Abbie happy was completely consuming.
"Fuck..." Abbie let out a loud moan, head tossed back. She twisted her legs together over Taylor's shoulders, holding the blonde there. She twisted under the touch, taking as much satisfaction as she could, trying to prolong the moment.
Abbie moaned again, pushing down on Taylor's fingers, and against her tongue. Finally, she couldn't fight it any longer, and her whole body shook, coming hard. She didn't let Taylor go, holding her there until the last tremors left her, and she collapsed back on the bed. Immediately, Abbie felt a chill of insecurity, and covered her face with both hands, still breathing hard. She could still feel Taylor kneeling between her legs, and fought back a whimper.
That whimper was all it took to completely pull Taylor out of herself and into the reality of the moment. Abbie was hurting, and despite her own soreness, Taylor couldn't bear to let her. She quickly climbed up onto the bed and pulled Abbie into her arms, her focus returning. "Abbie, sugar, baby." Taylor kissed her lightly and held her close.
Abbie's head cleared slightly as Taylor wrapped around her. She could smell, taste, herself on the other woman's lips, and she took a shuddering breath. "Taylor...I...I don't know why..." God she hoped she hadn't done anything wrong.
"It's okay baby," Taylor said, pulling Abbie even closer. "It's okay. Everything's okay." She couldn't stand how unsure Abbie sounded and she just wanted to make it better.
Strangely, Taylor sounded more like herself, and Abbie settled against her skin. She had just wanted to pull Taylor out of her worries, her anger, but hadn't been prepared for her own. She pressed Taylor back and moved to cover her, "is it?" Abbie looked her in the eyes directly.
"Yes." Taylor's voice was sure. She used one hand to cup Abbie's face, pulling her in for another reassuring kiss. "It is. I love you and nothing's going to change that." The events of the night weren't even on the list of things that might. Things had gotten a little out of hand, but they would both be fine.
Abbie returned the kiss, nodding. She slowly moved a hand lower, just touching Taylor gently. The touch far from resembled what had happened before.
Taylor gasped at the touch and reflexively spread her legs. "You know you don't have to..." She didn't want Abbie to feel obligated if she was still upset and merely trying to hide it. She was still swollen and wet and too sensitive and Abbie's hand felt far too good for her to really want Abbie to stop.
"Shhh..." Abbie rubbed her in slow circles, breathing slowly, kissing Taylor's neck.
There was still a part of Taylor that was in that place that made following orders easy and she stopped herself from commenting. Instead, she focused on the feel of Abbie's hands and the way her body was responding, each touch making her feel better and better, bring her closer and closer to the edge. She whimpered slightly and opened her legs wider, wrapping an arm around Abbie to keep her close.
Abbie caught Taylor's lips in a kiss. She was moving subtly on top of the other woman, and almost didn't notice her body growing close to another orgasm, as focused as she was on feeling Taylor's reactions to her touch. "Taylor..." Abbie's eyes were just closed, feeling the moment build.
"I'm yours Abbie." She nuzzled against Abbie's neck. "Please," she asked once again, and her wish was soon granted. She shuddered underneath Abbie, a week's worth of emotion coming out in one moment and as her orgasm ebbed, she sobbed, clinging to Abbie and crying into her neck.
Abbie had moaned, letting go along with Taylor, and held her tightly as she went slack. Taylor's tears were quickly warm against her skin, and Abbie didn't moved away even enough to wipe them away. "It's okay Taylor, it's alright, I'm right here and I love you." Though it broke her heart to feel Taylor so hurt, it was infinitely better than watching her suffer in silence.
Taylor's jagged sobs weren't quick to dissipate and she had no idea how much time had passed before she finally quieted and simply rested in Abbie's arms. She realized then that she was utterly exhausted. She hadn't been sleeping well, but it hadn't mattered when she spent the days lying on the couch, attempting nothing more ambitious than walking to the kitchen or the bedroom. Now, she could barely keep her eyes open.
Quietly, Abbie ran her fingers through Taylor's hair, watching her relax. She pulled a blanket over them, content to rest for a while. There would be time later to pick up the pieces, to face the rest of life- but not just yet.