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to suffer is to be human

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It is the end of ice-cold February and there is a snow storm in New York. The wind is blowing, the roads are empty and Veronica had just returned to her luxurious apartment on the Upper East Side. She was exhausted, yearning to have a glass or two of her Domaine de la Romanée- Conti Cuvée Duvault Blochet wine while soaked naked in a relaxing hot bath.

You see, Veronica is in her first year of medical school. Back in Riverdale high, everyone seemed to surmise that she’s going back to the city and live the rest of her life being a haughty socialite. But no, Veronica will not live her life like that. She has an ambition, a dream to be the best General surgeon in New York City and she will damn achieve it. Her other ambition was to marry a certain gorgeous blonde, but she fucked it up.

Elizabeth Cooper. A beautiful name for a beautiful lady.

Just thinking about her makes Veronica’s insides twist, much more worse than a patient about to have an appendectomy, she thought. She shakily poured herself another glass of wine, desperately trying not to think about Betty for once. Just this once, please. If she had a God she’d already begged for him, or her to stop the pain that she’s going through right now.

Six weeks, four days and three hours since she last saw Betty.

They had a very complicated relationship. It started on sophomore year, innocent little kisses between cheerleading rehearsals, sharing an old fashioned vanilla at the diner after classes, getting drunk on the rooftop during weekends to unwind.

Then came junior year. Full blown make-out sessions in abandoned alleys, eating breakfast together at the diner right before class, frequent sending of cupcakes flown from New York just because it was Betty’s absolute favourite, sleeping over at the Lodge apartment on the weekends.

 Senior year was a year of first times for the both of them. Laughing softly in the middle of sex because they were still both inexperienced, kisses on the forehead when one of them is upset, cooking-the-other-dinner-while-binge-watching-Downton-Abbey-on-Netflix kind of dates, pretending to have British accents in attempt to cheer the other up, being each other’s dates at the senior prom, knowing the other’s preferred kind of coffee, holding hands under the cafeteria table, and not acknowledging their feelings for they were both just two girls afraid to ruin what they have.

After graduation, they both packed their bags and went to college, relationship status still unknown. Veronica is taking Pre-med while Betty is a double major in Journalism and Political Science. They both made sure to call each other at least once a day, text during free time and skype on Wednesday nights at seven. They met on the weekends, enjoying each other’s company with the occasional intimacy.


Junior year, College: Betty’s dormitory

“Ronnie, are you still awake?” Betty whispered with a faint crack in her voice.

“Y-yeah, what’s wrong?” Veronica said, turning her head slightly so she can face the latter.

“You’re beautiful.”

“Elizabeth Cooper, ever the romantic. But really, what’s wrong?” Veronica said, sensing that Betty had something important to say.

Five seconds. Ten seconds. Fifteen.

“My mom wants me to meet a son of her friend’s. She said I should date him or else our business is going to end.” Betty whispered softly.

Five seconds. Ten seconds. Fifteen seconds. Twenty.

“I weary for desires never guessed, for alien passions, strange imaginings—to be some other person for a day.” Veronica declaimed, breath shaking slightly.

“Ronnie, I—“

Despite her tears threatening to fall down, Veronica gravitated towards Betty, leaned her head on the blonde’s stiff shoulder, both arms gripping the other’s waist tightly

“Sleep, love. We have to drive back to Riverdale in a few hours for Thanksgiving and we can’t afford to wake up late.”

“Goodnight.” Betty said but it seemed like it was more of a goodbye.


1st semester of Medical School: Veronica’s apartment

“Come on Ronnie, let’s go get dinner.” Betty sighed, hugging Veronica from behind as she tried to persuade her to eat.

“Finals week is coming up Betts, I can’t afford to fail my exams, you know that.” Veronica said, her eyes frantically scanning the room for her missing revision notebook.

“I know. You work too hard and I barely see you anymore these days. The whole squad misses you, even Cheryl and she’s your neighbour. I just.. I miss you.”

“I miss you too, B. Fine, let’s go and eat those leftover pizzas.”


“So.. how are things with you and your man?” Veronica expertly hid her sadness with a beaming smile.

“He’s fine.” Betty said curtly.

“Spill the details, is he a good kisser?” Is he a better kisser than me? Is the underlying question beneath that, and they both know it.

“Veronica.”  Betty said coldly, her eyes telling the other to stop.

Veronica sighed.

“Are you happy with him? Do you love him, Betty?” Her brown eyes silently pleading her to say no.

You make me happy. She wants to say.

“You’re right Ronnie. You can’t afford to fail your exams, see you after finals.” Betty shakily said, standing up and going straight outside the door.




They didn’t meet after Finals.


“Veronica, stop it. You know how Betty hates it when you smoke.”  Cheryl tutted as she tried to get the pack of cigarettes the intoxicated girl is holding.

“Well Cheryl, she isn’t here is she? She’s too busy fucking her boyfriend.” Veronica said icily as she lighted up another cigarette stick.

“You’re insufferable, Lodge. You should release some of those tension, when was the last time you got laid?”

Veronica bit her lip. The last time she got laid was the night before Betty and her drove back to Riverdale.

“Uhh, thanksgivingjunioryear.”

“Excuse me, could you repeat that?” Cheryl asked, amused at how the usual confident Veronica Lodge is behaving.

“Thanksgiving junior year. There.”

“Jesus, Veronica. You haven’t been with anyone intimately since Betty?” 

Cheryl gave her a sympathetic look and gave her a comforting hug.

“Tell her you love her before you lose her.”

Veronica sighed, “I already did.”