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How to Seduce a Space Doctor

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1. Smile at him. A lot. In fact, the more he doesn't smile, the more you should. You have a pretty smile and if he sees how happy you can be then maybe he'll see how happy you can make him.

2. Talk to him about what you do. Crime; it's a way of life and nowhere near bottom of the barrel. 'Course you mostly fix the ship, keep her running, which is kind of like being a doctor except the parts aren't so complicated.

3. Befriend his sister. She's a little scary what with the being able to do extremely complicated math in her head, the seemingly psychic powers (and ability to read your mind), and the disjointed and frequently bizarre things she's sometimes saying . . . but she's his sister and you like her just fine.

4. Parade around in a beautiful, frilly dress. Spin a few times and keep your hands prim and proper, just the way he is. Move daintily, and swish your hoop skirt away from the dirty edges of Serenity's floors and walls. Let him see what a beautiful escort you are and that he could take you to any fancy ball he's ever been to.

5. Give him the perfect opportunity to kiss you. Fall into really flattering lighting, have a beautiful glow about your face, and create the perfect moment. Don't let the Sheppard or anyone else walk into the middle of it and break the moment because even though he almost touches your hair, the moment is still over.

6. Get him drunk. Get him good and stinking drunk on some nearly disgusting brand of alcohol. Have a drink or two yourself, but try to stay soberer than he is. Soberer, that's a funny word. Soberer. Hee hee. Keep your composure when he says you're pretty and then pass out on him and enjoy the cuddling. Feel free to be upset with him in the morning when he implies that he'd never have sex with you.

7. Buy him gifts. Pick out things that remind you of him, like fine china and exotic spices, things that could only be used by the rich (but have little use out in the black). Try to get him to understand that you would fit just fine in his world (even though he's the one who needs to fit into your world now he's a fugitive—he just don't fit in all that well yet). Don't let it bother you when he calls the gift you selected luh suh, just be glad you didn't have any money to spend on it.

8. Find a perfectly good corpse to moon over. Preferably not a corpse, but that don't mean Tracy wasn't pretty enough to fawn over even if he weren't breathing. Besides, when he was breathing again he was perfectly happy fawning over you. . . . Don't lose focus—your goal is on the Doctor. Make him jealous, or as jealous as he ever gets.

9. When all else fails, get shot. Many, many times. He's sure to patch you up because Mal won't let you die. If you die, ship don't run, and if the ship don't run, well . . . ain't so much to do out in the black. When shot, try not to pass out because you might miss him confessing his feelings for you. Also try not to get too much blood on your face because that can be right unsightly.

10. Give up and buy new batteries. He's never coming around.

10. Certain doom! Near death experience for you both! Admissions! Sex! Should have tried that sooner. ♥