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Jack/Daniel Humor Drabbles & Micro Fiction

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"Hellooo, Jack," Daniel purrs into the phone.

"Daniel?" It's a little odd for Daniel to sound so . . . relaxed.

"Miss me?"

"What?" I juggle the phone to keep it from hitting the floor.

"I asked if you missed me." He sounds like he's grinning, the goofy little grin he gets when he shakes his head back and forth like the smug little bastard he is.

"Uh . . . Daniel?" I lean back in my chair and pick at the wall. "Should you be in quarantine?"

The laugh isn't quite Daniel's; it's a little too high-pitched, flighty, flirty. "No, Darling. But there is some place I should be—"

"'Darling?'"

"—in your bed, waiting for you to get home. Stripped, oiled, and patiently waiting. . . . Just. For. You."

"Uh. . . ." I shift in my chair, pulling at the fabric at my thigh. Dress pants are much too constricting for this conversation. Clothes, in general, are too constricting for the image Daniel has just painted.

"You're getting hard aren't you?"

I slowly unclench my fingers and inhale quietly, trying to regain control of the thrumming in my head. "No."

"You are." His voice is much too self-confident. I can't remember a time he's ever been this seductive. "You're hard for me."

"Daniel, I. . . ." Daniel has never been seductive like this. He's never been this careless either, calling me from the base, speaking so openly. . . .

I narrow my eyes because Daniel knows when I narrow my eyes, even if he can't see it. Daniel knows when to stop playing around.

"Something you want to whisper in my ear?" he purrs.

I try for nonchalance, but still snap, "Which version of Invasion of the Body Snatchers is going on at the SGC now?"

"Shit," is quickly followed by the dial tone.

I blink, click the receiver, and then start dialing numbers. It takes almost a half-hour to get Carter on the phone, nearly an hour before I get a straight answer, and is over an hour before my hard-on goes away.

Of course, it takes several days to forget about Daniel's quiet purr.

I may never recover from Vala's dirty talk.