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Say the Words

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Hand to god, “Sexy Boy” by AIR is playing when Jensen sees him for the first time.

He’s sharing headphones with Ariana while she tweets with one hand and plays with his long fingers with the other, both of them bored and waiting for Trig to start. A boy walks into the classroom in a slow motion that seems purposeful but upon later reflection, Jensen will arrive at the conclusion that he was probably just stoned and fresh out of bed.

His hair is long in a romantic way and half-trapped under a loose beanie, his eyes cat-flick and a blur of colors that makes the grey sky in the window behind him in the hallway look even greyer. He’s wearing an oversized black hoodie with some logo Jensen doesn’t recognize and has the palest skin he’s ever seen on a non-goth kid.

Delicate uptick of a nose and a soft pink mouth and red-rimmed eyes that do a perfunctory glance around the classroom before he settles into an empty seat a few rows behind Jensen and Ari, and Jensen hasn’t breathed since he walked in.

“Dude,” Ariana says, deadpan and probably not for the first time. Jensen blinks and looks over at her, caught and knowing it.

You can’t really hide shit from somebody who’s known you since you were six.

Pulp Fiction,” Jensen says after a pause while he replays her words in his head, grateful for his auditory memory and the fact that she doesn’t call him out on his staring.

“Alright,” she says, date night decided. She leans over and kisses his jaw just as Mr. H shuffles to the front of the class, and he feels weirdly embarrassed about it, like he’s nervous that the new boy saw it and is now… thinking things about him.

Things like Jensen is straight or something.

 

---

 

Boy’s sitting in the corner at the furthest table in the cafeteria, hood up, headphones on, lunch forgotten and cold on the table. He might look like he’s sleeping to everybody else, but Jensen’s been watching him long enough to know he’s awake. Pretending to be asleep is just the easiest way to avoid everyone.

“Go talk to him,” Ariana says.

Jensen blinks and looks away, back down to his burnt lasagna that he smacks with the flat part of his fork.

“Talk to who?” he asks, keeping his voice bored and flat even though his face is flushed and his heart is doing speed laps around in his chest.

“To the new kid. Jared or whatever.”

Jensen looks over at his girlfriend then, his eyes wider than normal.

“His name is Jared?” he can’t help but ask.

Ariana narrows her eyes at him with more patience than Jensen deserves, and he keeps his mouth soft when she leans in to kiss him. She stands up before he can process it, and he can only watch in nervous anticipation as she crosses the cafeteria toward him, effortless in her ease.

He envies that about her; her unshakable confidence. It’s what drew him to her in the first place: a bully in the first grade had taken Jensen’s favorite marker--the cherry-scented one--and Ariana had marched right over and snatched it out of Bradley Stockett’s hand so fast, it left a red streak across his nostrils and his whole left cheek. They’ve been inseparable since.

He watches helplessly as Ari sits down across from Jared and waits for him to pull his headphones off so she can talk to him. It only takes a few minutes, maybe even just one, before Jared is gathering his bag and his tray and following Ariana across the cafeteria and towards Jensen.

Shit. They’re coming.

Jensen sits up straight, dropping his little container of crinkle fries onto Ariana’s tray and stabbing a fork into a slimy canned peach as they get near enough to see him. He doesn’t want Jared thinking he just eats junk food for lunch.

“Jared this is Jensen. See, Jen? I brought your boy over.” Ari sinks into her seat next to Jensen as Jared settles across from him, and he looks up and into his eyes for the first time with a hot rush of pink coating his cheeks.

Jared grins, easy and Cheshire.

“I’m your boy?” Jared asks him, pulling a half-empty bottle of Mountain Dew out of his bag and uncapping it with a sst of sound. Jensen shifts on his plastic seat and looks away when Jared wraps his lips around the mouth of the bottle, focusing on trying to pierce that slice of peach again.

“Oh, she’s just… we saw you earlier in Trig, and I just… you’re new, right?” He finally lifts the peach and slips it past his lips, letting his tongue do most of the work instead of chewing so that the juice fills his mouth nice and slow. He looks back up to find Jared watching him unabashedly.

“Yeah,” is all Jared offers, grinning when Jensen licks his lips and hurries to look away from Jared’s smile. There’s a rustle and a crunch, and Jensen suddenly has a bag of pepperoni pizza Combos in his face. “Want one?”

“I do,” Ari says, reaching over to shove her hand in and mercifully keeping Jensen from telling Jared he’s watching what he eats.

Jensen just gets nervous around new people.

“So, where’d you move from?” she asks, so calm that it just makes Jensen even more nervous. He shifts in his seat again, wanting to cross his legs but finding that the table is too low for it, and when he stretches out he accidentally bumps his foot into one of Jared’s.

“Sorry,” he mumbles, eyes on his peaches again.

“Town called Ojai, about an hour north of LA,” Jared says, his foot suddenly resting just barely against Jensen’s and staying there. “My dad got transferred, so… here I am. In sunny Chicago.”

“It gets better in the spring and summer,” Jensen manages to say, not looking up but his words are clear, at least. “And there’s always stuff to do around here.”

“Oh, yeah? Like what?” Another crunch and the heat of a gaze, and Jensen actually looks over at Ariana for help this time.

“There’s always festivals and shows and concerts. Jen’s brother works for one of the big radio stations, and he gets us free tickets all the time. Like, we’re going to see The Weeknd on Saturday.”

“Oh, that’s badass. He’s amazing,” Jared says in awe that sounds completely genuine, and it makes Jensen look up, meeting his eyes just to watch him smile.

This is seriously ridiculous.

“We’ve got an extra ticket,” Ariana ventures, and Jensen’s so glad he’s already looking at Jared, because watching his face light up is something he knows now he would never want to miss. “You interested?”

“Hell yeah!” Jared says, drawing the attention of a few people nearby, but he’s too excited to care. Jensen finds himself smiling in spite of his studied timidity, and he puts down his fork and reaches into Jared’s bag for a single Combo.

“Awesome,” he says quietly, laying the Combo on his tongue and sucking on it to soften it up.

“Hey, do you guys know where a good skatepark is around here? I mean, I know there’s no surfing anywhere--”

“No shit,” Jensen laughs, completely without meaning to.

Jared grins at him.

“But… surely there’s some places to skate, right?”

“Oh, Jen knows some spots. He can show you,” Ariana offers, a complete and utter lie, and Jensen turns to gape at her. “Right, babe?”

“Y-Yeah,” Jensen replies, staring right at her scheming, pretty face with his own pretty face that is trying frantically not to look terrified. He looks back at Jared and stares at his forehead instead of trying to meet his eyes. “Yeah, I can do that.”

“Sweet,” Jared says, and Jensen swears he sees a wink before he downs the rest of his soda.

Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

 

--

 

Two hours after the final bell, Jensen is sitting on the frozen ground, bundled up and smiling at Jared who is flying up and down ramps with a kind of contentment that Jensen has only dreamed of.

“How’m I lookin’?!” Jared calls out after an hour or so, his cheeks flushed with cold and exertion, his eyes an even brighter blue because of it.

“Amazing,” Jensen replies from his bundle of coat and hat and scarf, grateful that he can tuck his face into his scarf to hide the enormity of his smile.

Jared gives him a thumbs up before dropping down another ramp and swooping up the other side, his long hair flowing behind him, tangled in the freezing wind. The sun is setting, lowering down behind the skyline, but Jensen swears it feels like it’s sinking under his skin.

 


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It’s practically instantaneous.

They become inseparable, spending every possible minute together during school and after it. Jensen walks out of Chem II to find Jared waiting there for him, grinning around a blue raspberry sucker that will stain his mouth for the rest of the day. Jensen works up the courage by Tuesday to ask which locker is Jared’s so he can meet him there, walk to Trig with him in a slow shuffle down the hall that Jared dictates, like they have all the time in the world.

Jared even has Jensen eating lunch again, offering him bites of his greasy pepperoni pizza like Jensen’s his six-year-old or his girlfriend, shoving the little styrofoam bowl of salad toward him so Jensen can pick the cherry tomatoes out.

After school is for rides home in Jared’s beat-up Buick LaSabre, for homework in Jensen’s basement bedroom and for hours upon hours spent at the skatepark, and Jensen would be completely, bold-faced lying if he said he was ever bored, if he said that he felt anything during those hours but exhilaration and a sense of belonging.

Texting every minute, sharing playlists, dinner at each other’s houses, Jensen trimming up Jared’s hair for him, a good morning text every time Jensen wakes up and a goodnight one before sleep; they’re best friends.

“Hey!”

Jensen cradles his books to his chest as he shuts his locker and turns around, a smile already on his face to combat the annoyance he hears in Ariana’s voice.

“Hey, babe,” he grins, reaching out toward her even as she comes to a stop and doesn’t lean in for a kiss, her arms folded under her breasts, her bright-red mouth pulled down in a frown.

“Remember me?” she asks.

Jensen sighs but doesn’t let go of his smile, shifting his books to his left arm so he can reach for Ari’s hand with his right.

“Sorry, Ari. Really. I know I’ve been--”

“Ignoring me,” she cuts in, leaving no room for argument.

“It’s just… I don’t have a lot of friends. You know that. This is… this is kinda new for me. Having a friend like this. I didn’t know it would feel like this.” It’s a sentiment he hadn’t really pieced together until just now, and the realization of it has his throat tight. He wants to reach in his pocket for his phone, to text Jared, to relieve some of the good-ache in his chest with that tiny contact.

But Ariana would skin him alive, and he knows it.

“Well, why don’t you invite your boyfriend to movie night, then? Seeing as how you two are a packaged deal now.” She sounds hurt but there’s a smile in her exasperation, and Jensen takes her offer and leaps on it like the hungry dog he is.

“Really? Are you sure that’d be okay?” He’s already got his phone out of his pocket, thumb flying across the screen before she even answers.

“You’re pathetic,” she laughs, linking their arms together since he’s now using his hand to text. He offers his cheek up for a kiss from her as he sends Jared the invite, the goofy grin that’s now stuck on his face not leaving for anything in the world.

“He’s not my boyfriend,” he corrects after hitting send, glancing over at her with a smirk. She rolls her dark eyes at him and yanks him closer, resting her cheek on his shoulder as they traipse down the hall.

“Yeah, okay.”

 

---

 

“Do we haaaave to?” Ariana sighs, plopping down on the couch and tucking into the corner so she can balance her phone and her can of La Croix on the arm of it. Jensen, emboldened by Jared’s presence and his nerd-level enthusiasm, stands his ground, for once.

“Yeah, Ari. We agreed, okay? So just… just get over it.”

It’s hands-down the firmest thing he’s ever said to her, and he doesn’t meet her eyes to find out just how stunned she is. He busies himself with finding the remote to the Roku and trying hard not to listen to Jared in the bathroom and worrying that he can hear them arguing.

He settles in beside Ariana just as Jared comes out, wiping his damp hands on his jeans and leaving wet handprints behind. Jensen smiles.

“All set,” he tells Jared, nodding at the tv screen where Star Wars is paused and waiting for them.

“Can’t we just watch The Force Awakens?” Ari pipes up.

“Not yet,” Jensen answers before Jared can even think about giving in. Watching the original trilogy tonight had been Jared’s idea in the first place. “We’ve gotta get to it.”

“Earn it,” Jared adds as he sprawls out on the loveseat, long legs dangling over the edge. Jensen looks at the massive empty space beside him on the couch and very decidedly ignores the way his heart sinks.

“Fine,” Ariana sighs, grabbing her aunt’s vintage Caboodle from the end table and opening it to reveal her weed collection and her pretty, sparkly pink pipe. Jensen unpauses the movie and jumps like he always does when the music starts up, loud and sudden and the most familiar sound in the world.

Of course Jared loves Star Wars as much as he does. Of course.

They get through A New Hope, two tightly packed bowls, most of a bag of Flamin’ Hot Cheetos, and a box of Chips Ahoy! cookies. Jensen is smiling for no reason and loose-boned, wondering what it would be like to float in space, to just be completely weightless and have no one else near you, not for thousands and millions of miles. To have nothing around you but the company of stars, but infinity, and all the problems in the world would be so far away, they couldn’t ever touch you again.

“That’s deep, man,” Jared says, manning the remote now and starting up Empire, and Jensen wants to ask why he’s all the way over there, why he’s so far away, what’s so wrong with being close to Jensen.

In all their time spent together in the last couple of weeks, they haven’t touched really. Like… not at all. Four times, to be exact.

The first time had been at the skate park, that very first day. Jared had returned to him finally, breathless and flush-faced and freezing, but his grin had been so big that Jensen had matched it immediately. He’d had a giant bottle of water that he’d guzzled until there was only a few gulps left, and he’d stopped, looked at Jensen, and held it out.

“Here,” he’d said, like his spit wasn’t clinging to the rim, like there isn’t a taste to memorize there. Jensen had taken it, their fingers brushing on the bottle, and closed his eyes when he finished the water off, lips wrapped around the mouth of it with relish. He’d even licked his lips when he was done.

Second time, lunch, two days later. Jensen had wrapped his hands around Jared’s wrist to steady him so he could take a bite of Jared’s burrito. Nevermind that they’d stared into each other’s eyes the whole time. Nevermind that Jared was feeding him in front of the whole school.

It’s so easy to laugh off, to no-homo his way out of it by kissing Ariana almost immediately after. So easy to turn it into a joke.

Third time, Jared had reached for his hand and pulled him into the bathroom before fourth period. He’d had his phone out and a gleam in his eye, and Jensen had forced himself to calm down, to not be disappointed that Jared had just wanted to show him a funny Vine instead of… well. Whatever.

Fourth time, tonight. Passing the pipe had their fingers brushing every few minutes, to the point where the warmth has seeped into Jensen’s skin and he feels soft with it, kept. He’s burrowed into his hoodie with his feet tucked between the cushions, his eyes lowered into slits, and by the time Han pushes Luke into the Tauntaun, there’s a sudden heat all along his left side.

Jared.

He’s reaching for a slice of pizza from the box, and it’s as good an excuse as any. He starts to get up again, return to his chair, but Jensen reaches out with his covered hand and tugs on Jared’s flannel shirt.

“Stay,” he says, too soft to be someone else’s boyfriend, to not be said against skin.

Jared looks down at him then, red-rimmed fox eyes and a smile so small that Jensen swears he’s the only one who can see it. He doesn’t say yes, doesn’t hesitate, just settles back into the free space beside Jensen and takes a big bite from his pizza.

Jensen is staring a little too hard at the TV once they’ve established their tenuous place on the couch, tense now that he has a barrier, a do-not-touch zone that will from here on out be known as Jared Padalecki, and he feels so absurd about his self-imposed rules that it must show, somehow.

It must, because Ariana is shifting beside him and turning toward Jensen but looking past him, at Jared.

“You can touch him, you know,” she says to Jared, a smile in her voice that makes Jensen want to fall through the floor. “He’s little, but he’s super snuggly.”

Jared laughs, a stoner boy sound, and there’s an excruciating but tiny pause before he’d squirming around and god Jensen can’t look, he can’t look over and see, can’t watch as--

Jared stretches out across the couch, resting his head on Jensen’s lap, those colt-boy legs draped over the arm again, feet braced on the end table. He’s eating his pizza like nothing’s wrong, like this is just fine, and Jensen can feel the blood rushing through his body, roaring in his ears, making his heart dance around wildly in his chest.

This is fine he tells himself.

It takes until nearly the end of the movie, but Jensen times it to the second and brings his hand down on top of Jared’s head, fingers curling in the slightest bit, grazing his scalp.

“Mm,” Jared sighs, barely even a sound, but Jensen fucking hears it.

He starts to pet him then, tiny movements that won’t be noticed by Ariana in the dark, and if his fingers are trembling, he’s the only one who knows it. Jared’s nestled into him like Jensen’s his mama, all skinny-boy weight and deep breaths as they watch Luke battle Vader and lose his hand, but the only thing Jensen can focus on is how Jared is petting him right back, the tips of his fingers moving in a soothing, tiny circle on the side of his thigh.

“You’re making him so happy,” Ariana says to Jared as she fishes the remote out from between the cushions to start Return of the Jedi, her fingers invading their space for a second as she ruffles Jared’s long hair.

Jensen wants to growl, ridiculous and protective and mine.

He laughs instead, letting his thumb trace over the flush-warm shell of Jared’s ear.

“He’s amazing,” Jared mumbles back, low like he’s been dozing, warm like he means it.

Jensen’s chest tightens, and he can’t help it if he starts to stroke across the nape of Jared’s neck and the raw-boned line of his back, rubbing at muscles tight from skateboarding and too much homework and telling Jared as quietly as he can with the tips of his fingertips that this is what I would do, if I was yours. I would take care of you just like this, always..

Jared gives the side of his thigh a squeeze, like maybe he already knows.

 

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Ari is brought into the fold, and Jensen relaxes.

They eat lunch together, they walk to class together, and Jared’s acceptance into Friday night movie dates goes without being said. Jensen has touched him so many times at this point, he’s lost count.

It’s the happiest Jensen has ever, ever been.

Saturday night. Jared is buying popcorn for the three of them at the movies while Jensen tucks in close to his side, his hand held tight in Ariana’s.

“And some sour gummy worms,” Jared tells the girl behind the counter, sparing a quick glance over at Jensen who is honestly starry-eyed, who leans up and presses a hard kiss to Jared’s cheek that makes Arti burst out laughing.

“God, you’re so easy, Ackles,” she sighs, taking the popcorn when Jared hands it to her as they all head to the drink station. Jensen doesn’t bother denying it, just hugs his candy close to his chest while he fills his cup with peach Sprite.

The movie is some dramatic historical thing that Ariana wanted to see, and Jensen finds himself restless twenty minutes in. He looks over at Jared and finds his attention already half on Jensen anyway, and they share a grin as their legs strain out to touch each other.

Jensen digs into his box and pulls out a sugary gummy worm, holding it out for Jared to take, and he has to bite his tongue to keep from laughing when Jared leans down and sucks it straight into his mouth instead.

Jensen raises his eyebrows and holds out his fingers still gritty and sticky with sugar, smirking when Jared chews and tips his head in confusion.

He wipes his fingers on Jared’s mouth, just about to pull away when Jared catches his wrist and keeps his hand where it is, his wet tongue sliding out to lick away the residual candy-stickiness from Jensen’s fingertips. Jensen watches without breathing, his eyes bright and shining in the dark of the theater, and he’s breathing hard by the time Jared finishes, looking plenty pleased with himself as he licks his lips.

He holds out a few pieces of popcorn in his fingers, just high enough that it’s no effort at all for Jensen to lean in and wrap his lips around those fingers, tongue catching the popcorn and pulling them into his mouth. He chews and swallows them quickly, knowing that they’re just an excuse for this:

He closes his eyes in a fit of shyness as he starts to lick Jared’s fingers clean, loving the taste of sour-sweet and buttery-salt together. Jared pets at his tongue, fingers stroking across the slick surface of it, and when he finally pulls them out he doesn’t wipe them on his shirt or his pants like Jensen expects. They stare at each other, quiet and wide-eyed, and it’s only the sound of Ariana sniffling at something in the movie that breaks them out of their bubble, dropping them straight back down into their reality.

Jared shifts beside him until his shoulder is pressed firmly against Jensen’s, and they stay just like that for the rest of the movie, all of Jensen’s attention on the warmth along his right side instead of the plot.

After burgers and shakes at their favorite diner, Ari goes to talk to a few of her friends, and Jared and Jensen head to the jukebox to flip through the available songs.

“Hmm. What about Van Halen?” Jared says from behind him, so long and solid at his back, his breath warm along Jensen’s neck. Jensen leans back into him the tiniest bit, as much as he dares, and snorts.

“Yeah, no. Maybe Bruce Springsteen. Or… Fleetwood Mac. Or… oh! Heart!”

“Which song?” Jared asks, all but pressing Jensen against the jukebox now, his hips planted firmly against Jensen’s ass.

“‘Alone’,” Jensen murmurs, his finger already hovering near the letter to select the song.

“Nice,” Jared says, his mouth so near Jensen’s ear that he can’t hold in a shiver. He chooses the song and listens as the piano starts up, only gathering the courage to speak once Ann Wilson starts to sing.

“You wanna stay the night?” he asks. He hasn’t asked Ari if it’s okay, knows what she’s expecting from him tonight. It doesn’t matter. Nothing matters right now but what Jared is making him feel, but the ache in his chest and everything unspoken and undone between them.

“Fuck yeah,” Jared says, his hand sliding up to Jensen’s hip and squeezing. Jensen closes his eyes, letting himself lean completely back against Jared now.

He probably shouldn’t feel so calm about this.

 

---

 

Jensen’s room is in the basement, has been since his brother Josh moved out to go to college and left it vacant. Jensen had petitioned with his parents to move in, and they’d finally let him last summer after he promised to keep his curfew of eleven on weekdays and midnight on weekends.

The three of them slip into the house at 11:59, and Jensen locks the door behind them just as the clock turns to midnight.

Ariana runs for the bed and jumps up onto it, leaning back against the pillows with an excited grin as Jared and Jensen hover near each other by the door.

“Jared,” Ariana sighs, reaching down to take off her boots. “Kiss him. Just do it. You’re gonna break his heart, if you don’t.”

Jensen turns to stare at her in shock, and when he looks back at Jared, he’s reaching for Jensen, cupping his face in his massive, gentle hands and tipping his face up. Jensen holds on to him by the front of his shirt and pushes up onto the tips of his toes to kiss him, his hunger taking them both by surprise.

Jared laughs into his mouth, thumbs smoothing over the apples of his cheeks as he licks into him. Jensen finds himself backed towards the bed, and he sinks down on it with Jared leaning over him, both of them reaching down for the button of Jared’s jeans.

“Tell me what you want,” Jared whispers, teeth catching on Jensen’s bottom lip while their fingers trip over each other to unzip his pants, and with Jensen sitting down with Jared towering over him, he feels so much smaller, so much less in control.

He fucking loves it.

“Lemme suck you off?” Jensen asks, his hands going to the waist of Jared’s underwear as he looks up at Jared through his lashes, waiting on his permission before he goes any further. Jared just stares at him, his pupils massive, hands frozen on his own pants.

“God… yeah. Y-Yes. Fuck, yes.” He shoves at his jeans and Jensen yanks down his underwear, honest to god whimpering when Jared’s massive dick slaps up hot and hard against his flat belly, the tip already oozing precome.

“Holy shit,” Ari says behind them with a breathless laugh. “Good luck, babe.”

“Y-You… you don’t have to… I mean. If it’s too much, I can just--”

Jensen wraps a hand around him and draws him into his mouth, straight over his tongue, effectively cutting off Jared’s words and Ari’s teasing. Jared groans like Jensen punched him in the stomach, and one of his big hands comes to rest on the top of Jensen’s head, drawing him in to take more of his cock.

Jensen gags and sputters but doesn’t let go, just looks up at Jared as he takes more dick, nervous when he feels it hit the back of his throat and there’s still so much more left that he hasn’t even tasted yet.

He’s gonna have to train himself for this.

“Just… god, what you’re doin’ is perfect,” Jared whispers, stroking Jensen’s hair back like he’s such a good boy, like he’s doing everything Jared has ever needed to be happy. “Feel so good, Jen. Fuck. You look so hot.”

Jensen flushes and looks down bashfully, smiling as much as he can as he bobs on Jared’s cock, working on a rhythm now, encouraged by how much he seems to like it.

“Do you like his mouth, Jay?” Ari asks from behind Jensen, her voice husky, low. Jensen knows that voice. Knows she’s getting off, too. Just the thought of it makes his heart speed up, makes him reach down to squeeze his own dick in his jeans and shift a little on the bed.

“It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen,” Jared says, but it’s too soft to be for anybody but Jensen. Jensen’s eyes shoot back up to meet Jared’s, and they stare at each other while he works on taking more than just the first few inches, his right hand jacking the base to make up for what he can’t take, not yet anyway.

Jared hisses suddenly, tugging his hips back just as a fat spurt of precome drips onto Jensen’s tongue.

“I don’t wanna… shit. I’m close already. Sorry. You’re just… god. I’ve just wanted you so bad, and--”

Jensen pushes to his feet and slams his mouth against Jared’s, arms wrapping up tight around his neck. Jared shoves at Jensen’s jeans, pushing them right off his hips and gripping his ass hard enough that Jensen is lifted off his feet, standing on his tiptoes.

“Ari,” Jensen manages when Jared kisses down his chin to his throat, his long fingers edging in to rub hard at his hole. “Is it okay if… c-can… can we--”

Jared doesn’t wait for Jensen to find the words or for Ariana to respond before he grabs Jensen up and tosses him on the bed, yanking both of their pants and shoes off before he follows him.

He sinks his teeth into Jensen’s bottom lip and pries his thighs apart, settling in between them and rutting at Jensen’s stomach, his cock sticky-wet and pulsing beside Jensen’s. Jensen wraps his thighs around him and relaxes back against the bed, calm now that Jared is in control.

“You ever done this?” Jared whispers against his mouth, the tips of his fingers rubbing at Jensen’s hole before he pushes two in dry, drawing a sharp hiss from Jensen, his cock shivering hard beside Jared’s.

“Only by myself,” he tells him, reaching over to fumble with the nightstand drawer, trying to get at the lotion he keeps there. “But I want it. I--”

The bottle is being pushed into his hand by Ari who has reached over them both to retrieve it, and she’s making intense eye contact with Jared, her face flushed like she’s already come once.

“You be gentle with him,” she says, settling back down on the bed beside Jensen, sharing a pillow with him as she slides her hand back down into her jeans. “Especially with that monster. Got it?”

Jared’s eyes flash as he smirks at her, and he holds her gaze as he slides a hand into Jensen’s hair and tugs his head back, exposing the bobbing line of his throat.

“Promise,” he says quietly, and then his tongue is wet and warm and lapping at Jensen’s pulse, his lips closing around the most tender place on his throat and sucking as he wrestles the bottle of lotion from Jensen’s grip and squeezes some messily out onto his fingers.

Two tucked back inside of him, but it’s so much easier with the lube, so much better, and he can’t help but spread his legs more and bear down on them, feeling them sink in that much deeper.

Ari pets his hair while Jared rubs out his insides, and his lashes flutter when she kisses his temple just as Jared strokes over his prostate.

“Is it good, babe?” she whispers, nose sliding along his cheek. He nods frantically, one hand gripping Jared’s bicep while the other one pulls at his own dick between their bellies. She reaches down for one of his legs and lifts it higher, practically bending him in half as she helps Jared hook it over his shoulder.

He strangles out a whimper when he feels the blunt, slippery head of Jared’s cock press against his hole, and there’s only a few precious seconds of hesitation before Jared is forcing his way inside of Jensen, the muscles in his arm shaking and straining under Jensen’s frantic grip as he fights his way past Jensen’s virgin tightness.

“Breathe,” Jared orders soft against his ear, and it’s enough, just enough, to make Jensen obey.

Jared slides the rest of the way in and stays there, his heartbeat throbbing hot and steady in Jensen’s guts. Jensen opens his eyes and looks up to meet Jared’s, staring at him until his vision blurs, until tears burn and make the whole room shimmer, until his world is nothing but a delicious mess of the colors and smells and the feel of Jared all over him. Drowning. He’s drowning in him.

So this is what it’s like to be taken.

“Good boy,” Jared huffs out with a quick kiss to his ear, and Jensen can only abandon everything else and wrap his arms around Jared’s neck, his thighs clutching at Jared’s ribs while he holds him even tighter inside, and he feels like he’s just waking up when Jared starts to fuck him, burying him deep against his own mattress and laying into him like they’ve been doing this for years, like this is already a ritual, like Jensen is already his.

It’s the biggest feeling he’s ever had, it’s more sensation than he knows how to process, and he’s crying with big, heaving gasps of air by the time Ari gets a hand between them and jacks him off just enough so that he can come, clutching up strangle-tight around Jared’s cock and gushing out hot between their bellies. Jared’s bare inside of him, nothing but a heartbeat, and he flexes and swells so big that Jensen swears he’s going to choke on it, and when Jared comes, it obliterates him.

“Keep fucking me,” he slurs out, fingers tangled in long strands of sweaty hair at the back of Jared’s neck, his throat offered up for Jared’s lips and teeth, and he’s a loose-limbed, overflowing slut hanging off of Jared’s cock that keeps working in and out of him, taking them both past the point of pleasure into a delicious thrum of pain that has them trembling together, that has Jared chewing at his mouth again, sucking on his bottom lip until it’s swollen fat in his mouth.

“Gimme twenty minutes and I’ll be ready to go again,” Jared promises, pulling out with a runny gush of come following, staining Jensen’s comforter.

Jensen sprawls out on the bed like he’s been cut from a string, his lashes fluttering, toes curling and uncurling as the shocks keep running through him.

“What did you do to him?” Ari laughs, picking up Jensen’s arm and watching it drop back down heavy against the mattress. “He’s completely fucked out.”

“He’s perfect,” Jared mumbles, kissing his way down Jensen’s body and wrapping his lips around one of his nipples, hand gripping the tiny softness of his belly and holding on while he sucks. Jensen moans, soft and incoherent, heavy hand lifting and coming to rest on the back of Jared’s head, petting him with all the energy he can muster as Jared nurses on him.

“God, you guys are so fucking hot,” Ariana sighs, turning in to press up against Jensen’s side and straddling his thigh as best as she can, grinding there against him while Jared moves to the other nipple.

He loses consciousness the third time Jared fucks him, but he knows he’s got a smile on his face.

 

---

 

“Hey.”

Jensen grins into his locker, and he lets the ache that Jared left inside of him wash over him in the most beautiful reminder of what happened Saturday night before he grabs the book he needs and closes his locker, turning around to face Jared who is watching him with a careful, knowing grin.

“Hey,” Jensen finally replies, sounding as coy and cute as any girl, and his heart speeds up when Jared leans in close to him, mouth skirting along his hairline.

“You’re fuckin’ glowing,” Jared whispers, his lips closing in a soft kiss before he pulls away, meeting Jensen’s eyes again with a sweet smile.

Jensen grins down at his shoes, wraps his arms around his book, and leans into Jared for a few seconds before he starts down the hallway toward Trig, Jared so close that he might as well still be inside of him.

--

“What are we doing tonight?” Ari asks a few days later at lunch, half her attention on her phone where she’s texting Hayley and the other half on Jared and Jensen sitting across from her, all of their feet tangled together under the table: Jensen’s navy Converse, Ari’s pointy-toed black boots, and Jared’s ratty Van slip-ons.

“I dunno,” Jared says, leaning across the table to take the bite of lasagna Ari is holding out on a fork for him even as he tears his roll in half and drops one part of it onto Jensen’s tray, ordering him silently to eat. “There’s a horror film festival somewhere in town that sounds pretty good.”

“And Blake’s band is playing at Cafe Mustache, remember? We promised him we’d go.” Jensen’s talking more to Ari than to Jared, because they’d committed to it before Jared came into the picture. Jared shrugs and takes a swig from his water bottle before passing it over to Jensen.

“Sounds fun. I’m game.” He pauses, one of his feet sliding up Jensen’s shin and staying there. “We heading back to your place after?”

“Yeah,” Jensen says, a little breathless, his cheeks flushing hot. He glances around to make sure no one else is listening to them, soaking up all of Ari and Jared’s attention on him like a thirsty little flower. “Definitely.”

 

Jensen finds himself propped up on the tiny sink in the bathroom at Cafe Mustache halfway through Blake’s set, Jared’s dick pumping in and out of him with nothing more than sweat and their starvation for each other to ease the way.

Ariana doesn’t meet his eyes when they come back to the table and he has to be extra careful when he sits back down in the hard chair. Jared presses a kiss to her cheek and spends the rest of the evening talking to her, not letting up until she’s laughing and talking to them both again, and Jensen is careful not to touch him again until they’re safe in the car where no one can see them.

He’s still not ready to share whatever this is with anybody else.

Jared is still inside of him, tucked up behind him and snoring softly in his ear, when Jensen opens his eyes and realizes that Ari is still awake, is watching him from only inches away, her breath sour with weed and the smell of his own dick.

They fall quiet, just staring at each other, only stirring when Jared shifts behind him and Jensen hisses, arching his back and snuggling into the arm that Jared wraps around him, warm and protective.

“Do you still love me?” Ari asks, her dark eyes clear and bright and not letting him look away.

“Of course,” Jensen says, immediate, reaching out to rest a hand along her cheek. “Of course I do.”

She smiles under his palm, her cheek curling up against it.

“We have to promise each other that, no matter what, we’ll always be friends.”

Jensen watches her, studying her face and realizing that she’s not lying, this isn’t a trap. It’s a pinky promise.

“Always,” he whispers, thumb stroking along the side of her mouth.

She turns her face and presses a kiss to his palm, watching him for a few more seconds before turning away, pulling the covers up around her bare shoulders and relaxing into the bed. Jensen watches her naked back, the familiar, tousled fall of thick, black curls tumbling over the pillow, and he feels strangely released.

Jared tightens his arm around him and Jensen nestles into the embrace, letting his eyes fall closed when Jared presses a kiss to the top of his spine, soft and half-formed in his sleep. He laces their hands together on his belly and lets sleep drag him under, feeling safer than he ever has in Jared’s arms.

 

saythewords_div.png

He misses the ocean.

It’s his only thought about home, and it haunts him enough that he dreams about it. He dreams sometimes that he’s on the beach on a sunny day, the warmth and salt soaking into his skin, and it feels so real that his heart breaks when he wakes up in snowy Chicago.

Sometimes he dreams that Jensen is with him in the water, and Jared is teaching him how to surf. Salty kisses and the cosmic rhythm of the waves, and then dozing on a blanket in the sand while the sun sets and the stars come out.

Ultimate happiness: Jensen and the Pacific Ocean.

He’s staring at his ceiling in a just-woken sprawl on his bed, fresh from one of those dreams that makes him feel like he’s still floating and that Jensen’s hand is still in his own. Saturday evening, and he hasn’t heard from him all day.

Not once.

It’s nothing they’ve talked about explicitly, and definitely nothing that he’s discussed with Ariana, but it’s there. The competition, the inevitability of this ending with just two people while a third one walks away heartbroken.

He smokes a bowl to calm his nerves before reaching for his phone on the charger, scrolling through his notifs for one from Jensen. For a sign from him anywhere.

Nothing.

Jared knows that he’s a secret, that this isn’t something Jensen is even vaguely close to accepting about himself, and yeah. It hurts.

But he’s never been in love before, and it seems likely that love would hurt this much. That’s what all the songs say anyway.

He stares at the text convo with him, reading over their last few texts, his chest aching with residual rejection. Ariana had wanted the day with Jensen to herself, and Jared knows that he specifically wasn’t invited. It’s fine. Completely fine. He types out a text with both his thumbs.

hey, babe. what’s up? haven’t heard from you all day :(

He hits send and groans in embarrassment, turning over on his side to stare at the screen with one eye.

He sounds like a fucking middle school girl.

His phone rings before he can backtrack on the text, and he can’t help but grin when he sees it’s a FaceTime from Jensen.

“Heeeey!” Ari singsongs, her face only inches from the screen. Jared forces himself to smile even as he tenses all over. He should’ve expected a group convo instead of a one-on-one with Jensen.

“Hey, you two,” he says as casually as he can, relaxing back against his pillows and reaching for his pipe again. “What’ve you been up to?”

“Just got home,” Jensen says as Ari blocks the screen by reaching over him for her drink on the nightstand. “We were at Sophie’s party for awhile and--”

“And it turned into some big weird group thing, so we decided to leave,” Ari interrupts, snuggling back down against Jensen with her Le Croix. “Felt weird having group sex without you there, Jay!”

Jared grits his teeth and makes himself smile again even as his eyes dart over Jensen’s bare neck and chest for signs that anyone else has touched him.

“So you guys, like. Participated?” A flick of the lighter and a deep inhale that doesn’t do much to calm his heart.

“No. God, no. It was… it was mostly girls. Not really great,” Jensen says with a wrinkle of his nose. Ari slaps her hand flat against his chest.

“I thought it was super hot and I wanted to at least stay and watch, but this one wanted to go home, so,” Ari sighs, setting her can back down and focusing on Jared. “What about you? Having a good night?”

“I guess,” Jared mumbles, giving a half-hearted smile and a shrug. “Just layin’ around. Nothing much to do. Guess I need to make some more friends.”

“No, you don’t.” Jensen’s voice is soft but serious, and he’s frowning with that sucked-on mouth of his, sitting up a little to see the screen better. “Like who?”

“He’s allowed to make friends, Jen,” Ari says with a laugh, her fingers petting over his nipple. “He can’t just be ours forever.”

Jensen stares hard at the screen where Jared is struggling to react, to say anything back at all, and the only thing that ends up coming out is a dull laugh that dies off with a frown.

“Why aren’t you here?” Jensen asks, so soft, so close that it makes Jared’s chest ache. He brings the phone up closer to his face and presses a kiss to it, nose bumping at the screen like a nuzzle.

“You need me, babe?” Jared murmurs, reaching down to give his dick a squeeze through the sheets pooled around his waist. Jensen makes a quiet sound in his throat that sounds so close to a whimper, and there’s rustling as Ariana moves, sliding down Jensen’s body.

A flare of jealousy flies through him so fast, it hurts to breathe.

“Show me,” Jensen says, already sounding breathless. Jared knows intimately what Jensen sounds like when he’s getting his dick sucked. “I miss it so much. Show me?”

Jared shoves the blankets down and grips his dick in one hand, letting the camera pan down the long lean of his body to his fat, veiny cock. He gives it a squeeze and savors the pained little noise Jensen makes.

“Gonna make you suck on it for hours someday,” Jared promises, stroking himself slow like he’s in a porno, the camera getting in close to watch precome ooze and drip from his slit. “All day. Just hold it in your mouth and let me use you however I want--”

Jensen whines, his face flushed and pinched with desperation, his eyes a vivid green that Jared will never, ever get over. Jared can hear Ari sucking him off, can hear the wet slurp of her mouth on his dick, and it makes his fingers twitch, aching to push inside of him.

“Ari, get your fingers in him. Fuck him for me. Don’t be gentle--”

“Oh, god,” Jensen sobs, the camera blurring and shaking before it settles again on Jensen’s face, on the bright tears in his eyes, on the way he’s staring desperately at the screen, at Jared’s dick practically touching it. He hears Ariana spit and watches Jensen’s eyes roll back in his head, and he’s thrashing against the pillow and strangling out a cry, pushing himself down on Ari’s fingers. Jared knows he’s coming.

The first spurt hits Jared’s phone screen, and the second one is aimed right for Jensen’s mouth that is parted and panting while Ari swallows him down. He wrings out the rest of it on his stomach, holding his phone up to capture the tensed twitch of his belly, the way his cock shudders resting there against it.

He hasn’t had to clean up his own come in weeks.

He licks the screen clean, swallowing himself down, and he watches Jensen try to pull himself back together as he rubs the rest of it into the smooth skin of his stomach.

“Jesus,” Jensen laughs, throwing his arm up to hide his face as he licks that ruined mouth of his, that unkissed mouth. “That was so good.”

“We’re gonna go,” Ariana says, crawling back up and straddling Jensen, taking the phone so Jared can see her perched naked and lovely on top of him, settled right over top of his spent cock. “It’s my turn now.”

“Call me later?” Jared rushes out, gripping the phone with both hands and trying to turn it like it will help him see Jensen better.

“We will!” Ari replies, bringing the phone up to press a noisy kiss to the screen before she ends the call. Jared stares at his phone until the screen goes black, and he tosses it into the depths of the covers and lets his gaze return to the ceiling, his chest aching even more now.

Jensen calls back a few hours later when Jared is digging a fork out of the drawer for his cold Chinese, and he pauses there in the dark kitchen to answer it.

“I miss you,” Jensen says softly into the phone before Jared can say a word, and he leans back against the island as his eyes fall closed, phone gripped tightly in his hand.

“I miss you, too.”

It hangs there between them as the silence settles in, and Jared can feel it in his bones that their time is almost up.

It’s not a game anymore.

 

saythewords_div.png

Jensen steps out of English and into the busy hallway, and a strong arm wraps around his waist and pulls him in close, right there in front of everyone. He can tell by the faded scent of weed and cigarettes that it’s Jared, and his heart soars the second before he realizes that everyone is seeing this. Everyone.

“Hey,” Jared says, easy and happy, like this is something they do every single day. And yeah, maybe it is, but not here.

“Jared,” he hisses, pulling out of his embrace and looking up at him in alarm. “What are you doing?”

“Sorry.” Jared shoves his hands into the pocket of his hoodie and stares down at the ground, all of the light gone from his face, and all because of Jensen. “I was just happy to see you. Haven’t seen you since Friday.”

“I know,” Jensen says quietly, stopping at his locker and focusing on the combination of his lock instead of the hurt emanating from Jared for a second. “We just… we can’t do this here. Okay? This isn’t… people don’t know.”

He shoves a book and a folder in and slams it closed, turning to look up at Jared once his arms are empty. They’re tucked in close against the locker, and when Jensen realizes how adoringly he’s looking up at Jared, he schools it into mild irritation.

“I didn’t mean to snap at you,” he tells him, reaching out to tug on one of the strings of Jared’s hoodie, wrapping it around his finger and watching it uncurl. He sighs heavily once he’s done distracting himself, looking up at Jared through his lashes and finding those eyes already on him, watching everything he’s doing. “I’m sorry.”

“I missed you,” Jared says, sweet as a boyfriend, big hand sliding out to cup Jensen’s hip, squeezing it hard enough that Jensen feels the fading ache of the constant bruise Jared leaves there. He shivers and lets Jared watch it.

“How much?” Jensen asks, knowing how cute he looks by the way Jared grits his teeth and tightens his grip on him, and he bites into his bottom lip as he grins, hand tucking into the pocket of Jared’s hoodie and pulling him closer. “Tell me.”

“There you are!” Ari’s voice comes from halfway down the hall. Jensen tenses and grits his teeth, trying to fight the flood of annoyance at being interrupted because it’s his girlfriend and he should probably be glad to see her.

“Hey, Ari,” he says, trying not to grin at the way Jared closes in against him when Ariana approaches. He presses a kiss to Ari’s mouth and sees the girl beside her for the first time. “...Oh. Hi.”

“Jen, you remember Cam Luong from drama class last semester, right?”

Jensen looks down and realizes for the first time that Ariana and Cam are holding hands.

“...Yeah?” he manages, hand sliding up Jared’s arm to grip at his bicep, all but trapped against the locker by him and too distracted by this sudden turn of events to push him away. “Hey, Cam.”

“Hey,” Cam grins, her smile prettier than Jensen’s, and he knows she makes better grades than him. He barely contains a frown.

“So, Cam and I have been hanging out lately, and I kind of… told her about all of us.” Ari looks up at Jared for the first time, and Jensen has to bite his tongue to keep in a possessive growl. “And I decided that I wanted to invite her in.”

Jensen stares at her blankly.

“Into what, exactly?” he asks.

This,” she laughs, motioning at the three of them and gazing over at Cam with a shocking amount of heat. “We’ve… apparently we’ve both wanted this for awhile, and I think it’d be fun. Adding another person. What do you think?”

“Well…” He looks up at Jared and finds him as surprised as he is himself, which is kinda comforting. “I mean… if that’s what you really want--”

“It is,” Ariana says immediately, beaming as she leans in to kiss Cam, three firm smacks of her matte red mouth against Cam’s bare one. “Definitely.”

“Awesome,” Cam says in a smirk against Ari’s mouth, and she doesn’t spare a single glance more at Jared and Jensen before she wraps an arm around Ari’s shoulders and tugs her down the hall toward the cafeteria.

“Awesome,” Jensen echoes, looking up at Jared in amazement as they follow along behind them, and he’s so stunned that he doesn’t even stop Jared from throwing his own arm around him, mirroring the girls in front of them.

 

“I love your hair,” Ari says, popping another grape into her mouth and sipping at her water through a straw, her eyes on Cam. “It’s so hot. I always wanted to tell you.”

“Thanks,” Cam replies, not pulling away when Ariana reaches up to rub the shaved side of it, her fingers tripping along all the rings and studs piercing Cam’s ear.

“She’s more butch than I am,” Jensen whispers into Jared’s ear, only eating whatever vegetables Jared puts on his plate and nothing more. Jared snorts, his nose bumping Jensen’s cheek when his mouth finds Jensen’s ear in return.

“That’s not very hard, babe.”

Jensen elbows Jared, but the grin that takes over his face doesn’t budge for a full minute.

“Don’t you think we’d make pretty babies?” Ari asks Jared and Jensen, resting her cheek on Cam’s shoulder and blinking over at them with her big brown eyes. “Cute little Cubano-Vietnamese babies? They would have the best hair.”

“Gorgeous,” Jared agrees, dropping some baby carrots onto Jensen’s plate and scooting close enough to him that their thighs are touching. Jensen grabs one of the carrots and bites into it obediently.

“Cam’s coming to my place tonight to study,” Ariana continues, and her glance up at Jensen is loaded. “So I won’t be coming over. Is that okay?”

“Fine by me,” Jensen replies, his smile softening into something far more intimate when he feels Jared’s fingers tuck in between his own under the table. He suddenly can’t wait to get home.

 

---

 

Jared’s bed is piled high with pillows and three layers of blankets, and Jensen is sprawled out on top of both, naked and sweaty and still shivering as Jared strokes the tip of his fingers up and down his spine.

This is the first time he’s ever been in Jared’s bed.

“So beautiful,” Jared whispers, stroking along the small of Jensen’s back and then up to the nape of his neck. Jensen smiles but can’t manage to move a muscle, feeling so serene and loved in this single moment that he swears he’s floating.

“Keep me here forever,” Jensen sighs, his smile growing when Jared presses a kiss to his cheek and hesitates there, his lips dragging along his flushed skin.

“It’s the only thing I want,” he murmurs, barely loud enough for Jensen to hear. Jensen finally opens his eyes and meets Jared’s, searching them as Jared snuggles down into the pillow they’re sharing.

“I’m sorry for… all the weirdness happening right now. With Cam and everything. I definitely wasn’t expecting that.”

Jared shrugs with a lift of one bony shoulder, short fingernails dragging through Jensen’s sweaty hair.

“I don’t mind. Really. Whatever it takes to be with you.”

It’s so simple, hearing it from Jared. So easy that it barely feels like there’s a decision to make at all. He keeps his lips soft when Jared leans in to kiss him, and their tangled fingers between them on the pillow feel like a promise.

 

---

 

Three rounds of Cards Against Humanity and almost five bowls of weed smoked between the four of them later, they’re so familiar and stoned that Jensen really shouldn’t be surprised that they end up in his big bed.

He curls up with his old teddy bear at the foot of the bed and watches Cam and Ari make out for awhile, the hunger in their kisses and the way they move together telling Jensen that they’ve been doing this for longer than Ari has admitted to.

Jared is rubbing Jensen’s socked feet in his lap, his head tipped back to rest against the footboard, eyes closed, so he jumps a little when Cam moves in close to him and puts a hand on his thigh next to Jensen’s leg.

Jensen’s eyes narrow, and every single muscle in his body tenses.

“Ari thinks this is a good idea,” Cam says, pushing up onto her knees and tucking a thick strand of Jared’s hair behind his ear. “Is this okay?”

Jared looks over at Jensen, searching his eyes for a long moment while Jensen’s heart races in his chest, his nostrils flaring.

“I… I guess,” Jared finally says, and he barely gets the words out before Cam is kissing him, her hand cupping the side of his face to keep him still.

Jensen shoves himself up from the bed, yanking his legs from Jared’s lap and standing on wobbly legs beside it, hands in fists at his sides to keep from just ripping Cam’s mouth off of Jared’s.

“Ari, can I talk to you?” he manages.

She’s full-on glaring at him as she crawls off the bed and stalks off past Jensen toward the French door that leads out to the backyard, and Jensen takes a deep breath before he turns to look at Jared and Cam on the bed.

“Don’t… touch him,” he says to her, forcing her to meet his eyes and not backing down until she nods and shifts away from Jared.

He touches the top of Jared’s head as he walks by the bed, and he realizes that nothing in the world could prepare him for the conversation he’s about to have.

“What the fuck is your problem?” Ariana says the second he closes the door behind him, leaving them both in the cold late spring night wearing just t-shirts. She presses one of Jared’s cigarettes to her lips and lights it with a flick of a borrowed Bic. “You seriously can’t let me have this? After everything I’ve given you?”

“Given me?” Jensen repeats, leaning against the brick of the house and folding his arms over his chest, watching her pace back and forth. “What have you given me, exactly?”

“Jared!” she explodes, spinning around to face him with huge eyes. “Are you kidding me? You think that ever would’ve happened if I hadn’t pushed you two together?”

“Why did you do that, by the way?” he asks, pushing away from the wall and taking a few steps toward her. “I never really got that. You were the one who told him to kiss me in the first place. That wasn’t him or me. That was you.”

“Maybe I just figured it was better to bring him in than to have you just leave me,” she says, the last few words trembling before she takes a hard drag of the cigarette. Jensen can see tears shining in her eyes. “I… I could tell, Jen. It was just a matter of time. This was always coming. I just… I just didn’t want it to, okay?”

“What are you even talking about?” he hisses, keeping his voice quiet so his parents don’t hear them upstairs.

“I’ve known you were gay since we were six years old!” she says, realizing only after that she’s yelling. She sighs, her voice dropping to a whisper. “Sorry. I just… I always knew. I guess I was just waiting for you to figure it out.”

Jensen stares at her, stunned.

“I’m… I’m not…” he trails off, his stomach giving a painful flip as heat floods his face. “Fuck.”

“Yeah,” she mumbles, flicking her cigarette and rubbing hard at her eyes. “And when I saw you look at Jared for the first time… I knew this was it. So.”

She shrugs, her mouth tugging up into a sad smile.

He glances back toward the house, to the light from his bedroom and the thought that he’s in love with that boy in there, and it’s finally okay to admit it to himself.

“Are… are you…?”

“I’m just having fun,” she replies, settling down into a patio chair and tugging her legs up toward her chest. “Cam’s awesome, and I’m… really enjoying hanging out with her.”

“Are you breaking up with me?” He sinks into the chair beside her and leans into the hand she rests on his cheek, his own eyes flooding with tears at the thought.

“I think we’ve gotta,” she says softly, her thumb stroking over his mouth. “I mean… you want to be with Jared, right?”

He nods because he can’t lie, not here, not to her. Not anymore.

“So much,” he whispers.

“I know I’m in the way,” she replies, letting her hand fall away and resting her chin on her knees. “This was never gonna last. You had to know that.”

“I wanted it to,” he tells her, and he means it. He leans forward and kisses her forehead, ignoring the tears that slip down his cheeks when he hears her sniffle.

“Friends forever?” she asks, hand clutching at his sleeve.

“Forever and ever,” he promises, smiling when she tips her face up and presses a long kiss to his mouth.

“God, I’m gonna miss those lips,” she sighs, laughing when Jensen snorts, sounding more like herself than she has in weeks.

They duck back into the warm house, and Ari and Cam leave quickly, Ari with a long hug from Jared and a whispered conversation that Jensen can’t hear. They watch them leave through the glass door, and Jensen startles a little when Jared reaches for his hand and squeezes it.

“So, I guess you’re mine now?” he asks, tugging Jensen back toward the bed and bringing the covers up around them when they get there. Jensen smiles as he drapes a leg over Jared’s body, tugging him in until he can wrap around him completely. He closes his eyes as he clutches at him, taking comfort in the way Jared pets his back, in the way he holds him so tight, in the way he doesn’t ask too many questions but the one he does ask is perfect.

“Only yours,” Jensen clarifies, opening his eyes to glare at Jared as hard as he can manage, being this comfy. “And you are never, ever allowed to kiss anyone else. Ever again.”

Jared grins, dimples winking.

“Promise,” he says, trying to look solemn and serious.

Ever,” Jensen says.

The point of Jared’s nose rubs against the rounded curve of his own.

“You’re gonna have to explain this to my great aunt Shirley at Christmas,” Jared sighs, their mouths ghosting together.

“Oh, I will,” Jensen promises, his threats getting cut off when Jared kisses him deep enough to make Jensen’s toes curl.

As first-official-boyfriend kisses go, it’s pretty iconic.