"I don't want to-"
"You know I'll just keep interrupting you. Every single time you try and tell me you won't be my newborn son's assigned caretaker, I'll tell you you're an idiot and worthy of getting your ass kicked by my husband when he finally decides to get his ass into this hospital room!"
Kakashi sighed softly at the woman's growl, then looked at the poor nurse, whom was just trying to fluff up her pillow. "I'm just trying to tell you to let-"
"I am not going to let you off the hook, Hatake!" Tsume snarled, then turned her glare onto the young kunoichi that had done nothing wrong other than show up for her shift. "What do you want?! Can you not see we are trying to have a conversation, woman?!"
With a squeak and a promise to not return, the young ninja fled the room. This made Kakashi sigh and shake his head, even though Tsume only huffed and nodded to herself. "If she's going to be such a coward about it, I don't need her help with anything."
He really didn't know just what it was he was doing in this place. He didn't like hospitals and everyone knew that. But even though he hated hospitals, Tsume Inuzuka was a terrifying woman and she was more than aware of how truly scary was... And she wasn't afraid of using her terrifying ways to get what she wanted.
What she wanted now? For Kakashi to stick around for the birth of the newest member of the Inuzuka Clan. Why? He wasn't sure. Would he? Well, if he didn't, he would most probably be hunted down by the whole of the Inuzuka Clan for having left Tsume alone during childbirth.
He really didn't want to get hunted down now... He'd just gotten his hands on a brand new Icha Icha story...
"You're going to be Kiba's caretaker. Like it or not."
"Kurenai was Hana's. Now you're going to be Kiba's. And if I have another child, Genma will be appointed as their caretaker." Tsume glared at the younger male before her, then grinned wolfishly. "Just think about it this way, dogs are descendants of wolves. It'll be good for you to have a cub trusting you."
Kakashi didn't find much comfort in those words.
Kiba wasn't a bad kid, if Kakashi could tell the truth. He just cried a lot. And screamed too much. And he'd almost killed himself when he'd somehow managed to get into his weapons supply and had begun to suck at some kunai.
But, really, he was a good kid.
Kakashi forced himself to repeat this. Because if he didn't, he may just try and get assigned on a suicide mission to be liberated from the responsibilities forced upon him by Tsume Inuzuka.
"You brought the toys?"
The silver haired man glared at the woman's question, but sighed and offered up the stuffed wolf.
Tsume's smile always managed to worry him. Even though he was the Hatake, she was the one that looked the most like a wolf out of the both of them. And that was more than clear whenever she gave one her terrifying smiles that could make a little kid feel like they were about to be eaten.
"Good! Now we'll see which Kiba likes more!"
Tsume forced him into Kiba's room and towards the baby's crib. Then she snatched the wolf toy from him and placed it inside the crib, beside a dog stuffed toy.
Quite frankly, Kakashi didn't know just why it was that Tsume had asked him to bring a toy for Kiba. Nor why he was inside of the insane asylum known as the Inuzuka Clan's compound. But he knew that he couldn't brush a direct order from Tsume off. He'd already done it once before and had ended up having to babysit Hana and Kiba Inuzuka while their parents went off on a dinner date.
(Never again. Never. Again. He had learned his lesson. Never ignore an order from Tsume.)
The young, chubby cheeked, fang eyed boy looked up at the adults in front of his crib with a kind of innocence that could only belong to a newborn child. He was dressed in the shirt Ibiki had gifted Tsume a month or so ago, black and plain, and only diapers. But while he looked like a regular baby to him, Kakashi knew that woman would fawn over him for being 'adorable'.
(Even after a good three months of research, he still had not been able to find a solid explanation as to what was adorable about little humans that could only drool, poop, and cry.)
"Go ahead, Kiba. Pick your favorite."
Tsume's voice was unusually soft when she spoke to her child. Kakashi didn't know if that was good or bad. But he didn't really think too much about it either. He just looked on as the baby crawled towards the two toys placed in front of him.
First he looked at the dog. Then at the wolf. Then back at the dog. Then back at the wolf. And on and on it went until Kakashi felt like he was about to just force the kid to pick one.
Luckily, though, he didn't have to take any drastic actions. The kid picked up the dog and Tsume cheered.
He didn't know why, nor why he felt kind of bad for the wolf not having been chosen. But he was glad he could leave.
"Okay, Tsume, it was good to visit you and all, but," He began to turn away so he could leave the wild woman's home, only to end up choking when his shirt's collar was pulled back by Tsume.
"Wait a minute... Look..."
Kakashi groaned softly and turned back to face Kiba's crib. He just wanted to go back home! He didn't want to look at a drooly little- What was the kid doing?
Kiba had moved the dog so it was laying on the crib. Then he grabbed the wolf, smiled broadly, and began to howl and thrust the wolf onto the dog, apparently attacking it.
"How adorable... He likes wolves, Hatake."
"Yeah... Adorable..." Kakashi deadpanned as Kiba continued to howl, then looked at Tsume. "Can I leave now?"
"Take care of him."
"Daichi, I can't."
"Bullshit. The Hokage tells me you're on leave from all duties because you were an idiot and almost got killed on a mission with Genma and Raidou." The Inuzuka Clan Head's husband growled back at him, just as angry looking as his wife. "Now take care of Kiba before I shove my foot up your ass!"
The kid was thrusted into his chest once more. Kiba gurgled and reached for Kakashi, but the silver haired man frowned back at him.
"Listen to me, you foolish jackass!" The long haired Inuzuka cradled Kiba to his chest with one arm and grabbed Kakashi's shirt with the other, pulling him close to sneer directly into his face. "I need to go on a mission, Tsume is busy, and Hana's too young to take care of herself, much less her brother! She's with Kurenai, her caretaker! Now you, like Kurenai, will respect our Inuzuka traditions and take care of my son!"
With the final shouts, the Inuzuka forced Kiba into Kakashi's hands and left his apartment with angered stomping sounding after him. Which left Kakashi alone with a gurgling and overjoyed baby, even though he really didn't want to take care of him.
Sighing at the fact that he constantly allowed himself to be abused and commanded by the Inuzuka couple, Kakashi entered his apartment and walked towards his couch, then placed Inuzuka down.
He was clutching his wolf toy happily and showed it to Kakashi with a broad smile.
"That's a nice wolf, don't you think?"
The baby squealed as he waved the wolf around, then grunted as he leaned towards Kakashi.
The baby leaned in once more, grunting as he opened and closed his left hand.
"I don't want to carry you, little human."
Apparently, little humans were dumb, aside from being a species that could only poop, drool, and squeal.
(What their appeal to females could possibly be, Kakashi still had not figured out. But he hoped that one day he would.)
"Ah! Ah! Up! Up!"
Kakashi leveled the kid with a disinterested glare that would normally make children understand he wanted nothing to do with them. This one, though, did not seem to understand the meaning of looks. He just continued asking to be carried. And when he didn't receive what he wanted, the little shit actually dared to begin to scream.
Even though he didn't want to carry the little human, Kakashi wanted him to scream much less. So he groaned dramatically, cursed the entire Inuzuka clan, then picked the kid up into his arms and began to bounce him softly.
He wasn't sure what that was supposed to do, but he'd seen mothers do that to their kids before... He guessed it was a subtle spell to bewitch the children and get them to calm down.
And he believed he was right to believe this once Kiba's screaming became happy blubbering once more.
One year old Kiba was annoying because he drooled, cried, squealed, and couldn't clean up after himself.
Two year old Kiba was annoying because he did all of that plus destroyed just about anything he came into contact with that wasn't in the shape of a wolf.
"No! Kiba! Don't you-"
But it was too late. The mobile, deadly creature had run off and avoided being crushed by the book case he had somehow managed to climb before making it tumble down.
In retrospect, he should have listened to Genma's advice of bolting down his furniture to his walls when Kiba finally took his first steps.
"Run, Neko! Evil Kashi!"
Kakashi sighed as the blur made his way from his living room towards his bedroom, all the while screaming out what Kakashi lovingly called nonsensical gibberish.
No matter what Tsume might say, 'Kashi' was not his name. And until Kiba was able to say his complete name, he would not believe Kiba's first words to have been his name. Especially considering how the name had been followed by a rushed 'Hawake!"
This kid was horrible. Why was he stuck taking care of him? Why were the Inuzuka's such irresponsible parents? Damn traditions! he didn't like this!
Sighing in exasperation, Kakashi made his way towards his room. And there he found Kiba hiding behind his bed, clutching both of his dogs tightly as he pointed them at Kakashi.
"Inu! Neko! Pwotect me!"
The kid had a rather impressive talent for names, Kakashi had to admit.
The second wolf, Inu, had been his gift for Kiba's first birthday. Neko was the same one he had grabbed instead of a dog plush toy two years ago. And for his second birthday, Kakashi had gifted him a third wolf toy, although that one had lost its head and been thrown away after a brawl with his older sister.
"Kiba..." Kakashi looked at the two year old with a mix of dread and exasperation.
(He still had no idea what made little humans so adorable to women. If anything, he now doubted women's mental sanity for wanting to be around the dangerous species.)
"You're not a wolf."
Kakashi glared at the small child, sighed once more, shook his head, and relented.
"Fine. Ōkami." He stressed the name out to make sure the kid heard him, then asked, "Want some lunch?"
The brat didn't have any problem agreeing to that.
The little jerk.