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I Was Never Good Enough...(Until I Was)

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Kara stood on top of CatCo with her arms hanging loosely at her sides, overlooking the city she loved dearly. The city that was filled with so much life, so much culture—from all over the galaxy, and yet here she stood. Alone. Her cape snapping sharply with the wind behind her, her hair following suit but not as violently as the fabric.

Lately, Kara had been doing a lot of reflecting. Coming to terms with many things she's otherwise ignored (or tried to). Putting on a show that everything was alright, that her wounds...her PTSD was a thing of the past. She wanted everyone to be happy, at the cost of her own, because that's what heroes do. Right? Right? It wasn't like Kara wasn't completely overlooked, her friends and...adoptive family asked if she was alright, checked in often and kept her company. Yes, she was fine...sometimes, she really meant it as she took the food with a bright smile that eased the worry of her friends.

But they were barely scratching the surface. Kara was not alright, and everything was not fine. Not always.

Krypton was gone.

Her real parents were gone.

Jeremiah was gone.

Astra was gone.

Non and his crazy followers were gone (but they were her people—it still hurt, yet it was necessary).

Lucy was...well Lucy disappeared without so much of a goodbye, and Kara could understand why. With everything that happened between her and James, followed by myriad and all of humanity almost dying the most painful death possible. Kara understood why Lucy left. But the young hero thought she at least deserved a goodbye from the younger Lane. Kara thought they were friends. Maybe... Kara sighed, brushing aside those thoughts while listening in to a police scanner...but it wasn't something they needed her for. So she let it be.

Clark..Kal-El...well, she never really had him...he was a stranger to her as much as she was one to him. Kara couldn't bring herself to pretend to care anymore. Kal-El was a disgrace to everything Kryptonian, and Kara was tired of denying that fact. Kara knew by fact...that was truly the last Kryptonian.

Usually, by this point, Kara would be perched somewhere on Cat's balcony, listening to the woman's heartbeat as they sat in silence, simmering down from the day's events. But now, Cat was gone too. One of the few constants in her life, if not the biggest...was no longer hers to look forward to anymore. At least Cat, her mentor, her...crush was out of her life.

Though Kara was always too shy to even admit that herself...before, now it was all she could think about. Regret, really. But... the complications. With Kara's own double life, and Cat's public profile and personal life that Kara wouldn't have fit into properly anyway. Kara wondered if she should have at least tried to say something...anything...before Cat took her leave.

(It was a regret she'd have to live with...like many others)

Cat offered, though. Her open door policy, no matter where she was in the world. Her balcony was always open. To both Kara and Supergirl (yeah, they were still pretending they were not the same person.

But Kara knew, for her own sake, she wasn't going to take her up on that offer. At least, not anytime soon. Being truthful, for a minute, Kara wasn't sure she ever would. She always did the chasing, but no one ever chased her. No one ever bothered to seek her out, Supergirl, yes, sure. But Kara Danvers? Kara Zor-El...she wasn't good enough to be chased. Kara wanted to hate Supergirl, but that would be ridiculous...but at the same time, it wasn't.

Everyone she knew that knew her secret...never really looked at the her. The young girl that watched her parents, her entire culture, burn to death. They saw her. Supergirl. The Girl of Steel, who could do anything with a bright smile, helping people whenever they needed her. And Kara didn’t mind, really, she didn’t. But sometimes...it would be nice for someone to actually...see her. Look at her.

Lately, Kara has taken up going to the far side of town for solace. Going to an unnamed alley bar, a bar she was drawn to like magic. And drinking at the bar alone and watching whatever was on TV. She was a regular there, by now after a couple of weeks, but no one paid her much attention. She was just another person drinking away their problems, like the rest of the bar patrons that knew and frequented that bar. And for a time, Kara loved it. Being normal. Or pretending to be, and succeeding for once.

Her control, though...it was slipping. Everyday, it was slipping. She had to take out her trash more often now so Alex wouldn't see all the broken coffee mugs. Or the utensils she often snapped in half—or the ones she's accidentally broken with her teeth. And that was just the kitchen drama she was dealing with on a daily basis now.

Fighting aliens and flying were no longer working for her, she was wound up physically and emotionally and Kara was scared she would snap and this time, there wouldn't be any red Kryptonite to hide behind. She was constantly having to control herself, right down to how she smiled. And—

Kara turned her head slightly, listening intently. She sighed softly, eyes closing briefly. “Duty calls, Supergirl.”

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“Hey Kara, are you sure you're alright? You don't look...happy.”

“Maybe it's 'cause I don't have a girlfriend waiting at home for me.” Kara smirked at Alex and shrugged,nudging the detective's shoulder with her own. They were in the DEO command center doing absolutely nothing but watching the other Agents do work.

Kara was truly happy that her sister was finally getting out there and dating—Kara liked Maggie, she was good for Alex. Made her smile a lot more. And joke around a lot more. She even arrived to the DEO late and stopped giving Kara shit about every little thing she did. Alex was glowing and the last thing the blonde wanted to do was ruin that with her drama...so she didn’t. Alex had always been there for her, watching her back. She deserved a break.

“Speaking of Maggie, I thought you guys have a date tonight?”

“Yep, we do. She's cooking dinner. At my place. Because I gave her my spare key.” Alex nodded, trying to hide her dopey smile. She didn’t want the junior Agents thinking she was suddenly going soft.

Kara threw her head back, laughing, “You're so in love. It's so cute! Oh my gosh, are you blushing?!”

“Whoa, hey! Shh!” Alex glared at anyone who dared to look in their direction, “And for the record, I am not cute, I'm hot. Besides, you won't be making fun of me for long.”

Kara frowned, confused, “What do you mean?”

“You're gonna find someone who makes you as happy as Maggie makes me. I promise, kid.”

Kara couldn't resist the urge to roll her eyes, though she knew that Alex didn’t mean any harm, “I doubt it. I don't really have the time to date with CatCo and Supergirl now taking up my time.” Kara was out of her chair before Alex could think of a response, “And speaking of CatCo...I gotta go sign some paperwork before tomorrow. Tell Maggie I said hi, yeah?”

Alex nodded, knowing she just pushed her 'little sister from another mother' too much, “Yeah, sure but Kara—” but the hero was already gone. And left the trash for Alex to clean up. Of course.

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Kara wasn't lying when she told Alex she had paperwork to review and sign before tomorrow, but they weren’t as urgent as she made it seem. Kara just wanted to leave to avoid talking about another person she'd eventually love that could and would eventually walk out of her life like it was nothing...even if she has yet to meet them. Kara stopped by her apartment to change clothes, forgoing her usual cardigan she settled for a pair of tight jeans, her favorite riding boots and a tank top.

She wore the confining helmet to avoid getting pulled over (again), otherwise she didn’t bother with any of the other safety gear (though one should always wear safety gear when riding, the author does). Instead of going to CatCo, however, Kara went to her favorite dive bar. For a place that was literally hidden off the maps, it was always crowded. By this point, Kara recognized the cars in the parking lot between the abandoned buildings. Mostly expensive cars and other bikers there, different breeds of people, same purpose. Kara was taking off her full faced helmet as she walked into the bar, feeling the stress leave her body as she sat at the bar. She didn’t even have to ask, the bartender, Mike, already had her Jack and Coke sitting in front of her accompanied by a small bowl of peanuts.

“Was wondering if I'd see you tonight, how are you?”

Kara sighed, Mike just didn’t know when to quit, she was half convinced that he was in love with her by now. And she didn’t even tell the man her name. “I've had a long day, Mike.”

Whether it was her tone or the tightness around those icy blue eyes, Mike nodded and backed off. He made his way down the bar to talk a few other patrons, leaving Kara in peace. With the two TV's playing in the background, along with the soft rock from the jukebox and the sound of the pool balls hitting each other, Kara was able to leisurely enjoy her drink.

Kara was on her fifth Lemmy when she walked in. She didn’t have to turn around to know she was here. Half the patrons in the bar, who weren’t in a alcohol induced coma already, turned to stare. That and Kara recognized the pattern of her heartbeat now. Kara was always aware of the woman's presence with and without her powers. (That theory has been tested twice now).The woman's scent was all over the bar, as well and Kara knew that by heart too.

Kara had no idea who the woman was, but she was drop dead gorgeous and always kept to herself in the corner of the bar. No one sat there, it was like her name was on the table or something. Not that Kara knew of, anyhow. The blonde was half sure that the sultry brunette owned this bar, especially when watching Mike practically trip over his own feet to deliver the woman's preferred drink before she even sat down.

Kara checked her watch and sighed heavily, downing the rest of the contents in her glass. It was thirty minutes passed one in the morning, it was time to go home and get at least four or five hours worth of sleep. She'd rather not show up to working looking like road-kill. Again. She grabbed her helmet and made her way to the women's bathroom, which (of course) meant she had to walk by her table. Kara met those captivating green eyes for a moment, but a moment was all it took to draw her in. Had Kara been human, she would’ve been dazzled and embarrassingly off balance. There was something wise in those eyes, something wise and sharp indeed. Kara could feel it and she had a hard time breaking eye contact until the brunette looked away, a smirk playing at her red lips.

When Kara came back out and went to the bar for one last drink, Mike smiled at her nervously, “Uh, I'm sorry...but um, you're cut off for the night.”

Kara stared at him incredulously, and already annoyed, “What? I'm cut off? But you never cut me off before!”

“Wasn't my call!” he raised his hands in surrender then gestured behind her, “The boss said you had enough and even covered your tab.”

Kara followed his gaze and found those mesmerizing viridescent eyes looking back at her, amused and knowing. Before she could even think it through, Kara was marching over to the woman's table, “I'm not drunk!” that's...not exactly what she wanted to say, well she wasn't exactly sure what she wanted to say to the brunette, who was in fact the owner of the bar.

“Never said you were, darling.” the woman had a hint of an Irish accent though not strong, but not easily overlooked either.

“So, then, why cut me off? Believe it or not, I can hold my own in a bar, alright?” There was just something about this woman that irritated her in the most attractive way possible. Which just further frustrated the Kryptonian.

The woman glanced at the helmet in Kara's hand, “I think you’ve had enough.”

Mouth opened to protest more but Kara resisted. Barely. She could understand why the woman would cut her off now—two wheels was always more dangerous than four, and Kara wasn't exactly drinking fruity drinks for an hour straight. Anyone else should've been stumbling and/or on the floor passed out.

The brunette leaned forward and flipped over the second glass on the tray and poured Kara some water from the small pitcher next to the wine bottle, (why did she even have two glasses when she's always sitting alone?), “Sit down.”

Suddenly Kara was uncomfortable, and became aware she was one the verge of overstaying her welcome. “Oh...oh no, I'm fine I swear. Um, I was actually just heading out anyway. But thank—”

“I said sit down.” her tone was still soft and silky, but firmer when she repeated herself. Kara didn’t want to upset the owner of her favorite bar, so she sat down. (it had nothing to do with the fact that she was undeniably attracted to the woman, and was instantly turned on by her firm tone. Nothing at all. Nope.) “Drink.”

Kara drank, forcing herself to take her time. To seem more human and polite...not to draw this moment out. She was just being polite.

“I've been watching you for a while now.” Kara raised a brow as she set her glass down, that wasn't creepy at all, “It's dangerous for a young woman like you to be in this part of town, you know.”

“Maybe I just like it here. The bar I mean.”

The older woman rolled her eyes slightly, “This place is a dump.”

“It has character!” Kara shrugged, “Plus, it obviously can't be that bad. There are people here like, all the time.”

The owner scoffed, and waved her hand carelessly, “The booze is cheap.”

“This place it's...kinda like...it's a safe haven for me.” Kara added, then immediately regretted when the older woman's eyes snapped back to hers with a renewed interest.

“Oh? Do tell.” she purred, swishing her wine around in her glass, holding Kara down with a look alone.

“I-I can't explain it, but...um,” The young hero squirmed in her seat, blushing from the heat of the look she was getting and decided it was definitely time to go, “Just millennial drama. Um, thanks for the water...?”

“Lena.”

Kara stood and pushed in her chair politely, “Thanks for the water, Lena. Goodnight or good morning, whichever is right.” with that Kara hurried away from the intimidating woman, unaware of those predatory eyes following her out the door. Lena caught Mike staring longingly at the door and she scowled, eyes briefly flashing yellow before she went back to nursing her wine. Her thoughts centered on the blonde that just ran out of her bar like a bat out of hell.

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DCU :: DC UNIVERSE :: DCU