Merlin regrets everything.
No, really: he regrets every single thing in his life leading up to this point.
He especially regrets watching so much porn that he deluded himself into thinking it’d be nice to lose his (ever-present, pesky) virginity during an orgy at Gwaine’s party. Sure, it had seemed like a really good idea at first because Merlin is terrible at flirting and this way he doesn’t have to do anything but be present. Besides, the thought of being fucked by several people had seemed excruciatingly hot just last night.
It’s still kind of hot, but the reality of it has put a severe damper on the whole thing.
He’s kneeling on the floor, completely naked and blindfolded, his knees digging into the rough carpet. It’s disconcerting: not seeing anything. It puts him on edge, making him even more nervous than he thought he’d be. His fingers twitch against his thighs.
The room had been silent as they waited for the rest of the party to come downstairs, but now there’s nothing but excited shouts, catcalls and unmistakable moans. It’s difficult to know which direction it all comes from, and without his sight he can’t figure out what’s actually happening.
He’s seen what goes on in the basement before. And then he’d thought about it, over and over. There’s something liberating about the fact that they sit there naked and blindfolded, waiting to be used however the others see fit for their entertainment.
But it’s only now Merlin realises the true implications of that. However they see fit includes a hell of a lot of options that Merlin has conveniently overlooked until now.
For one, there’s nothing to stop someone with a vagina to get into the mix and he’s not really into vaginas. He could probably make it work, somehow, but it’s not exactly his top choice.
But the worst thing of all comes to him when he listens to the increasing amount of moans around him and the shouts from the people watching:
What if no one approaches him?
There’s a reason he’s a virgin to begin with. It’s not just the fact that he’s terrible at flirting, though that’s definitely a big part of it. He’s never been conventionally attractive. He’s not an Arthur or a Gwaine or a Percy, all of which are varying degrees of muscular and just about the same degree of gorgeous.
Merlin is scrawny and pale. He’s always been thin, with limbs too long for himself and ears three sizes too large for his head.
And now he’s naked. In a room full of people. People who are decidedly not touching him. He’s too nervous to be particularly turned on, so his cock is flaccid and small between his legs.
He’d thought that, maybe, getting away from his own school would make this easier. He doesn’t know anyone at Gwaine’s parties except Gwaine (who would never fuck him anyway cause they’re like brothers). In a room full of strangers, no one will compare him to Arthur or Percy, and they won’t know every single thing about him going back to elementary school.
His knees ache and he feels the carpet burn on his skin as he shifts. At some point he started shivering under the chill in the basement, and maybe from being so exposed.
It hasn’t been as long as it feels, he knows that. He hasn’t been sitting there for several minutes, or anything, but every second that passes makes his heart beat faster and his cheeks flush brighter with embarrassment.
He can’t do this.
His hands jerk with the impulse to rip the blindfold off, but instead he goes completely still, breath getting stuck in his throat.
There are hands on his chest, running up to his shoulders. And then there are more hands than could possibly be attached to a single human being. He’s relieved and terrified at once. Someone’s palm graces his nipple and he let’s out a long breath that ends with a weak moan.
Lips press to the top of his back, open-mouthed and hot. Merlin tries to focus on his breath, to relax, but his nerves are still there, mixing with the intoxicating anticipation. The hands on his chest are warm and steady, trailing downwards, slow and teasing.
He jumps when another hand settles on his thigh. He doesn’t know what belongs to whom. It’s impossible to know, and he can’t even figure out how many there are.
The last two times he’s been to one of Gwaine’s parties, he’s been down here looking at the people kneeling on the floor. He’s seen a lot of things. But he still wonders kind of picture he makes, how many people are kneeling next to him right now with their hands on him.
A hand closes around his still soft cock, stroking him. Merlin stills, holding his breath, as his mind reels at the feeling of someone else’s hand on him. He spreads his knees wider without thinking, his heart starting to beat faster. He knows he should be more self-conscious now that people are touching him, and others around them are looking at him being touched. But he isn’t.
He hardens under the tight grip on his cock, still not sure what to focus on anymore. Someone who is definitely a bloke presses up against his back, the feeling of his skin like a shock to Merlin’s system. He pushes back into it, letting out a content hum when arms circle his waist.
And then there are two hands on his cock.
He throws his head back, hits the guy’s shoulder, and moans. Someone laughs nearby, and he knows he probably looks like a needy slag. Which he is. Fuck, he really is. Squeezing his eyes shut under the blindfold, he focuses on his breath, trying to get used to the feeling of two hands, fingers entwined, jerking him off steadily.
He can’t believe his dick was ever soft.
The sounds around him are obscene. Now that the nerves are no longer overwhelming, he’s more turned on than frightened by the moans and the sounds of skin on skin.
Two fingers are pressed to his lips and he parts them, taking the fingers inside. He licks at them tentatively, earning a soft groan. He likes them against his tongue. Whining a little (and, God, embarrassing) when the fingers pop out of his mouth, he tries to chase after them, but he’s not fast enough.
Instead, he suddenly feels something else pressing against the seam of his lips. It takes a moment before he realises what it is and when he does, his cock jerks. Oh God. He forces the slight flare of panic down and parts his lips, letting the dick slide into his mouth. The weight of it is so weird and good on his tongue, pushing in and out.
He tries to wrap his lips over his teeth and breathe through his nose, letting his tongue drag along the underside of the thick cock in his mouth. It tastes unlike anything else. And so fucking good. The hands on his dick have gone now, but the guy pressed to his back is still there, his mouth kissing along Merlin’s neck, one hand resting on his stomach.
Spit-slicked fingers suddenly slip over the swell of his arse and the one behind him pulls away a little. Merlin’s heart jumps into his throat and, fuck, the fingertips are brushing over his rim, making his hips thrust forward. He needs lube, though. Please, God, let there be lube. Amen.
There’s lube. God is real.
The guy behind him had leans back for a moment, his fingers leaving their spot, only to return slicked and dripping. Merlin suddenly finds it really hard to breathe as he realises what’s about to happen, at the same time as his mouth is stuffed full of dick, sliding in and out at a steady pace.
“Fuck, your mouth is unbelievable,” someone says, and Merlin can’t help but hum in response, prompting a strangled groan.
The fingertips are blunt at his entrance and when one of them pushes inside, Merlin whines. He struggles to not lose his focus. It’d be all kinds of embarrassing if he accidentally bites down.
There’s a soothing kiss pressed to the back of his neck, but it’s not enough to distract him from the burn. The finger is only one single finger and it still stretches him, making him sore and full. He lets his mouth go slack, focusing on the dick sliding into his mouth. Curling his tongue, he can feel the veins on the underside of it. Someone moans and he does it again, tracing the tip of his tongue along the cock as the guy pulls it out. A hand cups the back of his head and the thrusts get a little harder as he holds Merlin’s head in place. He fucks in, the head of his cock hitting the roof of Merlin’s mouth.
It makes Merlin’s eyes water and it’s almost too much. It is too much, but it’s perfect. Merlin moans, so needy, and someone whistles. Letting his jaw go completely slack, he lets out a continuous stream of moans as the guy fucks his mouth. It’s only when the one behind him spreads his fingers that he realises he has two of them in his arse.
His mind is foggy with lust. He needs to come so badly he can taste it, but it’s so soon. He can’t come until he’s, at least, no longer a virgin. Well, it’s a bit of a stretch to claim that he’s a virgin now with a thick cock fucking his mouth and two fingers up his arse, but he wants to be fucked.
He doesn’t know how long it goes on like that, fingers patiently stretching him, but it’s definitely a while. He teeters on the edge, pulling himself back the entire time. Then the guy behind him puts a hand at his back and pushes him forward a little. The one in front of him follows.
Merlin chokes when the blunt head of a cock rests against his hole. (There’s a condom, thank God.) Trying to relax his muscles, he breathes as well as he can, bracing his hands against the floor. Soothing kisses are pressed to his shoulder, and the hands at his hips rub circles on his skin.
It fills him in a way he could never prepare for. He cries out, muffled by the cock in his mouth, and his thighs shake. Hands try to soothe him, running over the swell of his arse and down his thighs. The stretch of it is uncomfortable and it makes him wonder if he can possibly take all of it. But it just keeps going, in and in, pushing him to open up until there’s room for nothing else.
He whimpers. The one with the cock in his mouth has stopped thrusting, giving him time to adjust. Tears spring in his eyes, but they don’t shed. Small mercies.
Even if it burns, and even if it feels almost uncomfortably full, he still comes so hard he forgets his own name the moment there’s movement. Come hits his stomach in warm spurts as he cries out, legs shaking uncontrollably.
“Holy shit,” says the one in front. “Fuck, look at him go.”
Merlin doesn’t even have time to process what just happened before there’s a cock sliding over his tongue again. It’s a ridiculous experience, having one dick fuck in and out of his arse, and another in his mouth. He moans, wrecked, so turned on that he doesn’t even know how to deal with it.
It’s a stupid idea to lose his virginity like this because it’s everything at once, so much, and so intense, but he can’t regret it. Not when it’s like this.
He can imagine the picture he makes, standing on all fours with one guy fucking him from behind while he sucks another one off. And he knows people are getting off on it, maybe even jerking themselves off right there.
Come spurts onto his tongue before he’s ready for it, hitting the back of his throat, and he tries to swallow. The fingers at the back of his head tighten as the bloke moans over and over, emptying himself in Merlin’s mouth. He can’t swallow everything, and some of it trickles down his chin.
When the guy pulls out with a satisfied groan, Merlin holds himself up with one arm and shakily wipes off his chin with the other.
The feeling of getting fucked becomes doubly focused now. All he can think of is the fullness inside, the steady slide of the cock. He leans down on his elbows, widening his legs and pushes his hips back into the movement.
It’s so fucking good he can only gasp for air. His cock is getting hard again and hangs heavy between his legs. The body behind his leans over, draping itself across his back, and they rut together, moaning. The guy hooks his chin over Merlin’s shoulder and nuzzles against Merlin’s jaw, his breath hot.
Merlin loses track of time, only paying attention to the feeling of being fucked so well. He’s sore. It’s overwhelming. But it’s so good, so perfect.
Eventually, the guy pulls backwards a little and brings Merlin with him, arms tight around Merlin’s stomach. His cock is pushed to the hilt as he holds still and Merlin whines, writhing. He startles when someone’s hand touches his now fully hard cock, rolling a condom down with practiced ease.
He’s confused. He’s so confused.
“Reach your hands out,” the guy says into his ear, still holding Merlin to his chest.
Merlin frowns, but does as he’s told, and his hands find the swell of someone’s arse. Jesus. It’s another guy, Merlin’s certain of it, and as he strokes his arse, the guy moves backwards, pressing himself close to Merlin.
The one clinging to his back wraps his hand around the base of Merlin’s cock and guides it forwards. There’s a pressure at the head of it. Merlin lets out a broken groan and then a cry as whoever’s behind him pushes his hips forward, making Merlin slide into a tight, hot arse.
He grips the hips in front of him, his fingers digging into the skin and they all moan, loud and desperate.
“You’re being so fucking good, Merlin,” the guy says into his ear, voice breathless but recognisable, and Merlin’s brain flatlines.
Arthur. Arthur, the fucking wanker from his school who can barely tolerate him (and the feeling is mutual). Arthur, the really, really fit guy who Merlin has been wanting to do all the bad things to despite his other feelings.
He shudders and hitches his hips forwards. It’s a chain reaction he’s not prepared for. The movement pushes him deep into someone’s arse, so tight and amazing on his cock. The instinctive pull backwards pushes Arthur’s dick so deep he loses his mind a little.
At that point, he stops thinking. They rut together, each movement sending Merlin into a maddening push and pull. No matter what he does, sparks of pleasure race up his spine. He leans forwards and braces himself on the floor, thrusting a little clumsily into the tightness around his cock, swearing at the feeling of the guy clutching around him. And with every thrust, Arthur follows, fucking him open so good.
“Fuck, Merlin,” Arthur mutters into his shoulder and presses his lips into his skin. “You have no idea how you look right now, fucking him while I fuck you. Jesus, how does it feel?”
“So good,” Merlin manages to force out. “Arthur.”
Arthur’s hands tighten on his hips and hold him still as he buries himself as deep as he can go, coming in shuddering breaths that fan over Merlin’s skin.
Merlin whimpers in complaint at the loss when he’s no longer filled, his arse too empty. To make up for it, he fucks into the tight heat around him, groaning when the other bloke meets his thrusts eagerly. It’s something he’d never be able to imagine: how it feels to push into someone and fill them up, having them clench so tight.
He’s completely lost when he comes, thrusts erratic and clumsy, his cock pulsing inside the arse clamping down. It draws the orgasm from him until he’s completely hollow. He only pulls out when he’s too sensitive, unable to hold himself up as his thighs shake.
A bone-deep exhaustion comes over him. He feels like he should get up, take off his blindfold and get himself cleaned up. The condom is still on, more than just a little gross. But he doesn’t want to take the blindfold off to find everyone looking at him, and he doesn’t even know where his clothes are.
Arthur grips him from behind and holds him to his chest, and Merlin twists a little in his grip, curling up on his side as well as he can manage. Lips move lightly across his earlobe as Arthur shushes him.
“Hey, you’re good.” Arthur’s breath is hot in his ear. “You’re perfect.”
The words spread warm and silky smooth in his chest. They ease all the little knots of shame and doubt that sneak in uninvited. He’s intensely aware of how naked he is, but Arthur’s words create a fragile bubble he can hide in for a little while.
“I think we need to get you into your clothes.” His hand rubs slow circles on Merlin’s back and it’s soothing in a way that Merlin can’t describe.
The satisfaction in him is so heavy he can barely figure out what’s going on around him. When he’s pulled to his feet, he follows as well as he can, and stumbles a little when his legs refuse to co-operate properly.
“Where’d you put their stuff?”
“Spare bedroom upstairs,” Gwaine says and Merlin is just a teeny bit mortified at standing blindfolded and fucked out in front of him. “Hang on, I’ve got this for you.”
A blanket is draped across his shoulder, both Arthur and Gwaine fussing to cover him with it.
“Seemed like you had the time of your life,” Gwaine says and pats him on the back. “You’re welcome!”
“You should try it sometime.” Merlin hadn’t thought himself capable of such dryness in his current state.
Gwaine laughs. “I think I’ll pass. I’m more into the looking and not so much the doing. Here’s one for you too, Pendragon.”
He’s pretty sure he’s never been so grateful for Arthur’s existence. There’s never been any reason to think anything of Arthur’s existence before, except maybe general annoyance because Arthur is seemingly good at everything, horrifyingly popular and a haughty tosser. But now he’s gentle and reassuring as he guides Merlin through the house and then finally into an empty room upstairs.
Merlin fumbles for the bed, tipping himself onto it. He’s really sore and he cringes as he rolls over on his back. No one ever really mentions this part. He clenches his muscles experimentally and winces at the discomfort.
Arthur move around for a moment before he says, “I’ll be right back. Try not to go running off.”
“Yeah,” Merlin says, his voice scratchy. “I was totally planning to go running around stark naked.”
“Never quite know with you, do I? Just found you kneeling naked on the floor, after all.”
Merlin thinks he should probably move. He should clean himself off and get dressed. Then he should sneak out, go home and try not to freak out about what just happened. None of that happens. Instead, he sinks into the bed, his limbs heavy and his mind sluggish. Snapshots of what he just did keep flickering on the inside of his eyelids, making his cheeks heat and his pulse run fast.
When the door opens, he tenses for a moment before Arthur speaks, reassuring him.
He shouldn’t feel this safe with Arthur, yet somehow he does. He’s felt safe with Arthur ever since Arthur pressed himself against his back and took care of him, prepared him and fucked him. Before he even knew it was Arthur at all.
The bed dips and his legs are spread, Arthur’s hands gentle on his calves. One hand runs up his leg, lingering on his hip for a moment before Arthur plucks the condom off his soft cock. It barely clings to him as it is, and only because of the mess he made. It’s tacky and uncomfortable and he sighs in relief when it’s gone.
“You’re an idiot,” Arthur says.
Merlin huffs. “Worked, didn’t it?”
“Depends what you were going for.”
Merlin opens his mouth to answer, but his reply morphs into a broken moan when Arthur’s mouth closes around his dick. He licks Merlin clean, his tongue soft and careful. Merlin presses his head back into the bed, fingers flexing. His cock twitches in Arthur’s mouth, even if he’s way too fucked out to even attempt going again.
His wits return, at least partially, when Arthur pulls back, his thumb rubbing circles on Merlin’s hip.
“I was going for losing my virginity,” Merlin says and almost cringes when Arthur stills.
“Are you serious?”
“You’re even stupider than I thought. Holy fuck.”
“Well. Mission accomplished,” Merlin says, forcing himself to sound infallibly cheerful.
“Do you even realise how badly that could’ve gone?” Arthur shifts and stretches out next to him, his body a warm, solid presence. “People in there don’t go easy on you. Mostly, they just take what they want.”
A damp cloth is pressed to his stomach and his muscles quiver a little. Arthur cleans him slowly, running the cloth in random patterns across his torso.
“I kind of did,” he says, voice close to Merlin’s ear.
Merlin can’t help it; he shivers.
“I wanted to be the one to fuck you. Didn’t want it to be anyone else.” Arthur’s voice is low and there’s an edge to it that makes currents of something spread in Merlin’s gut and up through his entire body. He buzzes with it.
“You were good to me,” Merlin says. He reaches out and presses a hand to Arthur’s skin, splaying his fingers out. “I know it could’ve been bad, but it wasn’t.”
Arthur’s lips press a kiss to his neck and he tosses the cloth away. His hand runs across Merlin’s stomach, clutches around his waist for a moment and then trails down his back. Merlin lets out a shuddering breath when Arthur’s fingers brush over the sore rim of his hole.
“You took it so well,” Arthur whispers, lips brushing against Merlin’s shoulder. “You looked so good with my cock in you. So beautiful with a cock in your mouth.”
Merlin presses his mouth closed, but a whimper escapes him anyway. Arthur’s praise does something to his heart and his entire body that he doesn’t understand. It opens him up, soothes him and makes him feel like he’s good, like he can do anything that Arthur asks of him.
Arthur’s other hand twists into his hair, the tip of two fingers resting on the blindfold. “Can I take this off?”
Merlin takes in a breath, collects himself, and nods.
The room isn’t too bright when it comes off, but he still needs to adjust a little. He blinks, mostly disoriented from being pulled out of his little bubble of blindness and tactile sensations. Arthur slips his hand down to his jaw and gently angles Merlin’s head towards him, forcing Merlin to look at him for the first time.
He looks softer than Merlin remembers, but then there’s no way Arthur would appear the same to him after all this.
“Are you doing this again next week?” Arthur asks. His eyes are searching and Merlin can’t stop looking at his face, tracing every line and curve with his eyes.
He shakes his head, not knowing what to say. It’s hard to explain how exhausted this has left him, no matter how mind-blowing it was.
“Will you let me take care of you instead? I don’t know what you want. I don’t know if this is even what you planned, I mean, I guess you wouldn’t expect this from going into an orgy. But, I would like to, I think.”
Merlin’s never heard Arthur ramble like this, or look so frustrated while he searches for words. Merlin smiles. As it grows Arthur trails off while he stares at Merlin’s lips like a smile is the last thing he expected. Leaning in, Merlin presses a kiss to his lips in answer. It’s such a chaste kiss that it’s almost jarring considering everything, but it makes Arthur go soft around the eyes and Merlin’s smile ache.