Jim does a really excellent job, okay? Really. He does. It's Earth holding the diplomatic summit, and he's from Earth so he's, you know, sharing in the moment and shit. Planetary pride. That lasts about five hours. Scotty has devolved into something that doesn't even sound Standard (or English, even, which Jim also speaks) anymore, and he hijacked a whole representative group to go drinking. He managed that three minutes into the summit.
Jim is never going to live this shit down.
Uhura is badass in the way that she is, and he gave her up to go with the President because frankly, that guy is a hazard and Jim is totally getting better at the offworld diplomacy shit...but if Jim can look at the guy and say "wow, trainwreck" then it's a seven train pile up with napalm frosting and a C4 cherry on top. So he shoved Uhura in that direction and hasn't really seen her since, and all of this would be fine except now, now , Jim is being expected to actually participate in the summit. Jim'd blame Pike, but that tricky bastard's nowhere to be found. He might be drinking with Bones. They like to bond over what a disappointing child Jim is.
No, Jim is being good, and sitting in on a panel about how to monitor colony planets and thinking that this was why he got out of school: no more lecture dicks.
Jim is grinding his teeth to dust, slouching down in his chair and wondering why the fuck he didn't drag Sulu in when he had a chance. Sulu and Chekov had ducked into a panel on Orion women's rights. Jim can't even laugh about that and call them perverts: Chekov is so earnestly invested in the cause and Sulu participated in a march on the Academy green a month before Vulcan blew the fuck up.
So Jim is here. Alone. Listening to people who never endured a fucking extermination talk about the libertarian roots of colonization. Jim wants to point out that this is fucking Starfleet and they drop into people's backyards and say HI COME JOIN US WE HAVE COOKIES and then subvert their cultures, but that's fine because that's what building empires is all about, and Jim's not idealistic enough to think that that's not, in essence, what they are.
But when it comes to a colony that's being established on an empty planet, those ones are pure and should be left alone. So that crazy bastards can enact eugenics policies.
Jim might have a small bias.
There's a reason that Jim's the guy with the gun—political bullshit makes him want to get a gun and then start shooting violently.
"Your finger is crooking in a mockery of a phaser," Spock observes, and wow, where the fuck did he come from? "Is this intentional?"
"Are you speaking during the presentation?" Jim demands, widening his eyes in shock and smoothing his hand out against his thigh. He used to be an enigma. Once. He thinks.
Spock lifts an eyebrow at him. "I am preventing you from appearing homicidal. This is my duty as a first officer."
"I so did not see that anywhere in the rule book." Jim's read the rule book. Several times, in fact. He'd been pretty positive that Spock was going to beat him over the head with it, and Jim was going to beat him to the punch.
Jim's slightly competitive.
"It is implied in the conduct code," Spock says, like that's that and since he said it it's law. Jim's going to master that tone of voice if it (or Spock) kills him.
"I hate this panel."
"I have been impressed by your silence."
"I have earned like, medals and blowjobs and pussy," Jim agrees.
Spock gives him a long look.
"I do not believe Starfleet rewards its officers for behaving in the manner expected of them with sexual favors," Spock pointed out.
"I give a really good blowjob though," Jim mourned. It was true- and he fucking loved it. Jaw sore, chin covered in spit and jizz, throat full of cock- Jim fucking loves that.
Spock is giving him that really really long look that says Jim is kind of fascinating and Spock would like to put him under a microscope.
"I could prove it," Jim offers, and he's only half-kidding. It's ill-advised, but there aren't actual fraternization regs. Jim could totally—well, he couldn't fuck Spock. Well, he could, but why the fuck would you want to? Have you seen Spock's fingers? Jim wants those inside making room for his cock and then he wants to ride that into the sunset.
"Perhaps on the panel about sexual relations among members of Starfleet," Spock says, which isn't a no.
"Wait, is that a real thing?" Jim demands, because it sounds like the kind of thing he would say and then bring someone back to his room and the "conference" would be really messy and loud but also awesome.
Spock's not that kind of dude.
Jim doesn't think.
Jim eyes him. Spock is...smirking.
"Fuck me," Jim breathes. "You are totally fucking with me. Spock. Spock. Is this conference taking place in your pants?"
"I am paying attention to this conference," Spock informs him severely, and turns to look at the speakers.
Jim gapes at him, and then grabs the paper program and a pen (an actual honest to god pen) and scribbles Spock, do you want a blowjob???? Circle YES NO and passes it, and the pen, to Spock.
Out of the corner of his eye he watches as Spock looks down at the paper and his eyebrow twitches a quarter inch. Jim can't decide if that's a good thing or a bad thing, but it's definitely a thing thing. Fuck you, Jim's great at tautology.
Spock is scribbling something, and he slides it back into Jim's lap.
This is not the proper venue, Captain.
Jim stares at it, and shifts in his seat because yeah, okay, now he's getting hard. Clearly when Uhura was talking about the fact that Spock had hidden depths and was actually a charming motherfucker she wasn't kidding or just drunk, and Jim should have taken it as a warning. This is like sex chicken.
Jim fucking refuses to lose at sex chicken.
I wasn't offering right now. YES NO (circle)
Jim gets distracted because someone brings up Tarsus and says it's an aberration and shouldn't dictate the way they look at things, and then he kind of can't help himself, and he's spitting out stats and and citing the studies that he helped put together as part of his not-thesis that Pike totally roped him into doing (it's like, if Pike had to relive his abject misery by writing about the Kelvin he was going to make Jim do the same with Tarsus).
It's not quite a yelling match, because let's face it, Jim managed to provoke Spock into a blood rage and everyone knows it and Spock's doing the EYEBROW OF DOOM which means he's totally got Jim's back, and oh look, reporters. Awesome, Jim totally wanted to be the story here.
The bell rings (cementing the fact that this isn't a summit, it's college again) and the panel is over and Jim kind of forgets about the stupid note because he's busy being pissed and getting drunk with Scotty, who is a happy drunk but at least he doesn't make angst into a competition like Bones does. Jim can handle the angst. Even though drinking with Scotty is like mixing your drinks: you always get drunker with Scotty.
So it's kind of a total shock to find it in his pants pocket when he's stripping down for the night and YES is circled.
"Well shit," Jim says, and then throws up all of his internal organs.
The next day Uhura looks at him like maybe she thinks he needs moral support and she should ditch the president, but he shrugs when she says it and says he's got Spock.
"Yeah, that's not really reassuring," she says. "You know. Because you're both kind of insane little boys and when you're together 'no' isn't in either of your vocabulary. Shut up," she preempts him, glaring, and he does because Uhura is a scary scary woman and also the platonic love of his life. "Go to the panel about the universal translator," she sighs. "It's boring, Spock already knows everything, and you won't want to shoot anyone."
"This is why I love you best," he says earnestly. She sighs.
"There should be a panel about crews as family and how to avoid it," she says. "I'd go to that."
"We're a fucked up family," Jim says. "Incestuous. Oh my god, what is wrong with you?"
His brain totally wrecked and her work clearly done, she smiles, adjusts her uniform, and saunters off to go be a badass.
"You are the sunshine of my life!" he hollers after her.
Jim settles in his chair so his thigh is pressed against Spock's, and stretches his arms out along the backs of both the chairs beside him. If one of them happens to be Spock's that's totally not Jim's problem or fault. That Spock leans into it might be making Jim's life right now, though.
After that, it's Spock needing a pen and reaching into Jim's pant pocket to get it, fingers brushing along the side of his dick.
Jim retaliates by licking the remnants of maple syrup out of the corner of his mouth—pancakes for breakfast. He's not sure Spock even realizes he's staring until Spock meets his eyes and lifts an eyebrow.
So Jim escalates, because Jim...always escalates, and Spock is provoking.
Vulcan erogenous zones are sort of amazing, and so when Jim puts his hands on his thighs and slides his pinky along the inside of Spock's index finger towards the web where it meets his thumb, he gets a full body, hastily repressed shudder and a filthy glare.
His throat, he realizes, is going to be so raw because Spock is going to fuck the everloving shit out of it.
Mature people would stop. Mostly because they're both at least half-hard and walking with a hardon is like, the least amazing thing in the entire fucking world, but Jim is not most people and, as Bones says to anyone who will listen, doesn't have the sense his mama gave him.
Spock, on the other hand, is a complete grown up (sometimes), and when they have ten minutes left Spock just...stops.
Which maybe does wonders for Spock's boner, but Jim's left thinking of the way that Spock might do that—work Jim up and then leave him hanging, maybe tied to a headboard or with his hands behind his back, can't reach out or touch himself, just whine at Spock for being such a fucking cocktease.
Spock would, too. Play Jim like a fucking fiddle, just use him, and wow it's been a really fucking long time since Jim let someone hold him down and use him. Mostly because he's the captain and there are stupid politics to fucking and people get the wrong idea when you want to choke yourself on a cock.
"Wow, you look like shit," Sulu says as Jim and Spock come out of the conference. "We're going to go get drinks, but you look like you're about to like, die or have a stroke or—"
"The captain is unwell, I will escort him to his quarters," Spock says, and Jim glares at Uhura who gives him a smirk and then a thumbs up. Because she's a whore.
No wait, that's Jim. Whatever, semantics.
The point is that Spock is pretty much manhandling Jim down the hall (which is unnecessary, humiliation kills his boner really hard—wait, bad word choice), and then pins him against the inside of Jim's door.
"Vulcans," Spock says silkily, "are touch telepaths, Jim."
"Yeah," Jim agrees, no idea where it's going but he's on his toes pinned against the door and wow, yep, hard again. Goddamnit.
"Your hand was against mine. For the entire final ten minutes."
"Oh, whoops," Jim says cheerfully. "I can totally make that up to you."
Spock leans in. "I think you had better."
When Jim thought about this (in exquisite detail, thanks), somehow there was throatfucking and hands on his skin and bruises pressed into his hips and a cock in his ass, but there was never ever kissing.
Mostly because Spock's mouth is good at really subtle things, and kissing is expansive and wet and devouring, and somehow—somehow that and Spock never really clicked in Jim's brain.
Which is clearly stupid, because Spock is an excellent kisser. He tilts Jim's face up with one hand, adjusts the angle and keeps him there, his mouth slanting hot and hard against Jim's, tongue sliding against Jim's and Jim's fucking knees are actually going to buckle, so he clings to Spock's shoulders and is fucking kissed.
"Fuck," Jim manages when Spock pulls away, presses his forehead against Jim's and pants, his hand hot against Jim's neck, and Jim pushes against him, because there are clothes, and he wants them off now, he wants skin and to see if Spock flushes, wants to slide, hot and slick against him.
Spock looks slightly stunned, which Jim considers the biggest victory in the history of ever, when he's on his back, naked, and Jim's stripping down to join him on the bed.
"You have been holding out," Jim informs him. "Acting like this fucking stoic—"
"That was your conclusion, based on your own flawed—"
"Shut up, shut up." Jim mutters and fuck, fuck yes. He settles between Spock's legs, sliding his fingers up Spock's thighs, wrapping one hand around the base of Spock's dick and pressing down on his hip with the other, looking up Spock's body and grinning because yes, yes he's going to enjoy this.He fits his mouth around the head, presses down with the flat of his tongue before swirling around the head, tasting in the slit and hollowing his cheeks. He's not even working his hand and Spock groans, sounds wrecked when he says, "Jim."
Jim doesn't actually get to feel it in the back of his throat because Spock reaches down, pulls him up and presses him into the bed, slides their dicks together in a wet drag and Jim's hips stutter. Spock's fingers reach down, he presses his palm against Jim's balls before sliding back and-
"Jesus fuck where did you get lube?" Jim yelps and fuck fuck, he's trapped between the bed and Spock's body with nowhere to go, no leverage to bear down on the finger—fingers, now two, fuck - and rock into it.
"Please, god, what do you even—do you need a note? Circle yes to fuck me? Couldn't you just—"
"Shut up," Spock groans, and it's not a kiss so much as Spock's desperate bid to stop the flow of words from Jim, which gets worse because Spock is right on his prostate, working it and the backs of Jim's knees are sweating. He's so hot for it, so more than ready but Spock is such an asshole—
"Touch telepath," Spock says, and that's about all the warning he gets before his knees are up by his ears and Spock's buried inside him.
"It's like you think I'm not doing it on purpose," Jim manages, and Spock looks at him and Jim can just see it, that Spock totally didn't realize that Jim's that much of a shit.
"You are so annoying," Spock observes, and then begins moving, hands on the backs of Jim's knees and yep, Jim is going to have bruises on his ass from Spock hitting against it, and he stretches up, reaches out and grips the edge of the mattress and takes it, bears down and can feel it, thick and hot inside, a flare from the base of his spine upwards until he's panting, throat dry and just begging.
Spock pulls out before he comes, striping Jim's hole and ass, fingers clenching around Jim's knees, and Jim gapes at him. "Did you just come all over me?" he demands, voice a high, breathless embarrassment.
"Shut up," Spock invites, and then lets Jim's legs go. The unbending aches, but Spock's mouth on his balls? Totally adequate distraction.
"Fuck, fuck," Jim repeats, over and over because it's pretty much the only word he knows, at this point. He digs his feet into the bed, pushing down, hips jerking invitingly. "You're such a fucking tease," he finally manages. "Suck it, Spock, c'mon."
Spock wraps the fingers of one hand around Jim's cock, pumping lazily and Jim keens, and then shouts and bucks when Spock (that fucking fucking asshole) slides a finger inside Jim's loose hole, rubbing over his prostate as he sucks him down and that's it, Jim's coming and wrecked, whole body tight and and pulsing, twitching with it.
"Well shit," Jim rasps, and pulls Spock up for a kiss.
"Next time," Spock muses, completely at his leisure, "I want to see you ride me. That was a particularly intriguing image."
"Intriguing. Really. That's the word?"
"I had hoped intercourse would render you nonverbal," Spock remarks wistfully. Jim flops against him. If he had any energy he'd be hitting him, but all his energy is fucked out of him.
"You love me. Hey, Spock, do you love me?" Jim demands, grinning winningly up at him. "Wait, wait."
He leans down and finds pen and paper and writes:
Spock, do you love me? Circle YES/NO
Spock gives him a long look, but two years later Jim finds it in his pocket, and the YES is circled.
screamlet: if i were amazing at photoshop, i would turn this picture of like, kirk and spock snuggling naked and fucked out into a poster for starfleet diplomacy seminars or something
omg. JOIN STARFLEET AND GET FUCKED RIGHT
i bet that's what pike does
as an admiral
put him in charge of recruiting or some shit
screamlet: and he sends jim all these fake/obscene mock ups
of how they're going to use his picture
"Did you know there were cameras?" Jim asks, squinting at the poster. It's definitely...them. Edited, a little, in a sweaty tangled heap in the middle of a destroyed bed.
"No," Spock says flatly.
Pike smirks at them.
(poster by ashleyj28)