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Heart of Frost

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“Yuuuuuuuuuri!” Viktor slammed the door open with a bang, letting go of the knob quickly and gesturing to the apartment inside. “Welcome to our new home!”

As he stepped inside the apartment, Yuuri was surprised to note that the man was a minimalist in terms of decoration. He could’ve sworn that with how frivolous his personality, Viktor would have decorated the place with a thousand dog plushies.

Instead, there were sleek and modern furniture pieces at key pieces in the apartment. Everything seemed so firm and angular, with the only soft object being the dog bed filled with dog toys in the corner. Yuuri smiled when Makkachin jumped in immediately.

Inside of him, there were two versions of Yuuri that were struggling for control. The first was the inner fanboy, which he wished he had buried a long time ago, that was rejoicing that he was in his longtime idol’s home. The other was an excited fiancé who couldn’t wait to move in.

Viktor had been chatting excitedly the entire way from Hasetsu to the apartment. From while they were in the Fukuoka airport, buying some last-minute souvenirs – “So that you won’t feel too homesick in the first few months!” – to pointing out all of his favorite food places in the taxi – “Oh, Yuuri, you’ll love the borscht served in that restaurant!” – and even complaining to the point he sounded like Yurio – “Are we there already? This plane is taking longer than it did for me to find you after the banquet!” – that Yuuri would’ve thought that it was Viktor who had idolized being married to Yuuri ever since he was a little kid.

Viktor gave Yuuri a little tour of the house, commenting on the little things and talking about cute little incidents involving them – “Oh, that cactus came in when Yurio was first brought to the rink. Mila wasn’t used to his behavior yet, so the day after they had their first argument, she bought everyone a cactus to symbolize Yurio’s thorny nature.”  - and generally trying to describe as much of past life to Yuuri as he possibly could, while being distracted by literally everything.

They came across a room that had a plain yoga mat in the middle, as well as a cabinet at the side. At the side were bookshelves containing books on ice skating, dancing, choreography, and sketchbooks. “This is technically the second bedroom,” Viktor informed Yuuri. “I needed more cabinet space for my costumes, so I got a place with two bedrooms. However, only Makkachin lives with me, so I turned this room into my inspiration room. I go here when I’m trying to choreograph my routines and I’m trying to figure out what to do.”

“Wow,” Yuuri let out a slow breath of surprised wonder. “I never thought I’d get to be in the same room that Viktor Nikiforov uses to choreograph his routines.”

“I occasionally exercise here too, so if you want to see me shirtless, you can exercise here with me too.” His fiancé winked at him.

Yuuri blushed. “V- Viktor…”

“Would you prefer it in the bedroom then? I have a king-sized mattress, so it’s fine.”

Yuuri shook his head furiously. He was certain that he was blushing even further.

Then he inwardly cursed. He realized his magic was slowly slipping out due to his embarrassment.

He was hoping to have gotten used to Viktor so that his emotions wouldn’t go out of control anymore but it looks like that would be impossible but he was still very prone to losing control of his magic in front of Viktor. Hopefully Viktor didn’t notice? He was less likely to notice it nowadays…

“Brrr!” Viktor hugged himself and rubbed himself. “Russia seems colder than I remember.”

Yuuri froze, waiting for the Russian’s next words to finalize his funeral.

“… I guess it’s because it’s winter.” He pouted. “I’d hug you to make myself warmer, but you’re always colder than the weather itself!”

Yuuri silently sighed in relief, anxiously chuckling out loud. “H- hehe, sorry I can’t be your personal heater…”

Viktor’s pout quickly turned into a mischievous grin. He quickly hugged his fiancé, surprising Yuuri in the process. “Well,” he whispered in a low and silky voice, “I don’t need any reason to hug you, do I?”

Needless to say, Yuuri blushed.

However, he could turn the tables back on Viktor.

Yuuri fixed onto Viktor with a determined look “Oh really?” He whispered back in the same tone. “Because I could think of a thousand reasons why we shouldn’t be hugging.”

Viktor let go of Yuuri, staring at him with a confused look on his face. “Huh? Why not?”

“Because there are so many better things we could be doing to each other.”

Viktor chuckled, looking at Yuuri with an impish gleam in his eyes. “Oh, really? What sort of things are you thinking of, my dear?”

“Oh, I don’t know…” Yuuri traced Viktor’s jawline with his finger, never breaking eye contact. “We could kiss,” he said as his finger moves towards Viktor’s lips. “But of course-” he brought his hand down and lightly stroked Viktor’s chest  “-it doesn’t have to be on the lips. Or-” Yuuri pulled onto Viktor’s arms, bringing him close to the other “-we could have the rest of our body do the talking.”

Viktor smirked. “Oh dear. It appears I may have created a demon.”

Yuuri returned the same look. He put his hands on the back of Viktor’s head and tilted it downwards. “Yes, you have. What are you going to do about it?”

“I don’t think there’s anything I can do about it.”

He forgot who initiated it, but all of a sudden, they were now kissing. All Yuuri could think about was how Viktor tasted and how he was actually kissing Viktor Nikiforov in Viktor Nikiforov’s own apartment and how the rest of his life was probably going to be like this every day. It was absolutely wonderful.

Unfortunately for them, it was at that point when Makkachin lost interest in the dog toys that the dog had left behind when he had been taken to Japan. Makkachin decided to jump in between the two of them, barking loudly. The two lovers were startled and broke apart immediately, laughing. Viktor sat down to rub the poodle’s head with a wide smile on his face. Yuuri decided to sit down and join Viktor as well, ignoring the still-unopened suitcases in the hallway. He watched the two play with each other, his heart filling with love for both of them.

He glanced around the room they were in, studying it further. He was staring at a particular ballet choreography book that he could’ve sworn he saw in Minako’s studio, when Viktor asked him a question.

“Huh?” Yuuri turned to face Viktor. “Can you please repeat the question? I wasn’t paying attention, sorry.”

Viktor gave a small smile and waved his hand. “It’s okay. I was… just thinking about something.”

“Thinking about what?”

“Well… I’m not sure if you would appreciate the question, really. It’s a little… invasive.”

“Viktor, I trust you. I trust that you won’t overstep your boundaries if you were told not to. You can ask whatever you were curious about. I’ll just tell you if I feel uncomfortable about it.”

His fiancé smiled. “Well, if you say so.”

Viktor adjusted his position such that Makkachin could calmly sleep on Viktor’s lap, as the owner placed his hand on his dog’s head and rubbed it reassuringly.

“Well… I have been wondering about this since after the Rostelecom Cup actually, but I didn’t really talk to you about it since we were busy preparing for the Grand Prix Finals and we didn’t exactly have a lot of time to prepare for it.”

Yuuri nodded. He was certain he had the worst schedule out of all the skaters for the Grand Prix, performing in the last two competitions and leaving very little rest time in between all three competitions. Viktor had complimented his stamina for actually being able to cope with it.

“Anyway, our first kiss was the Cup of China, remember?”

Yuuri blushed. Of course he remembered. It was broadcasted on international television, his family was watching, and when he came home, his parents gave him the ‘We-know-you’re-in-love-but-this-is-your-first-time-so-make-sure-you-are-careful-especially-since-he’s-not-a-Magus’ talk. Quite frankly, it was very hard to forget.

“So… we’ve definitely kissed a lot since then, and we’ve definitely been talking about doing more, but we never actually do it.” Viktor started making hand gestures at this point. “We just kiss each other’s lips, not even other areas of our bodies, and while our hands may be gripping each other or lightly touching something, it’s more seductive than sexual. You get what I mean?”

Yuuri gulped uneasily. He was hoping that Viktor would not point this out. He was trying not to move the affectionate moves further since if Viktor got too close, and Yuuri accidentally let out a burst of magic…

“Well, I don’t really have a problem with it. Well, my body is slightly sexually frustrated but I don’t care. I’d rather go at whatever pace you’re okay with. I would be totally fine and go the rest of my life never having sex with you if that was what you wanted.”

“However,” Viktor said as he lifted one finger into the air. “That isn’t the case.”

Yuuri froze. “What do you mean by that?”

“What I mean is that what should happen is that when we feel like it, we’re both kissing, we both feel happy, we both feel comfortable, and we level up whenever we feel like it. What actually happens is that someone appears to still be holding back their Eros.”

Oh.

Oh crap.

He noticed it!?

“I’ve noticed that while you’re uncomfortable whenever we try to move things further. You especially hate it when I try to touch you on the chest. And that’s with clothes on. Heck, when we finally started sleeping in bed together, you don’t even allow spooning. But don’t get me wrong; that’s okay actually.”

“However, you always look so frustrated whenever that happens. That’s why I stopped moving things forward. I thought that you were asexual, or that you were one of those saving sex for marriage. You know, something. We didn’t get the chance to really talk about it since we were busy.”

“But then I noticed that you like to stare at me. Like a lot. And you have trouble holding back when you’re kissing. And you like to touch me a lot. Lots of little things really. It made me wonder if the frustration wasn’t because you felt like you couldn’t live up to my expectations.”

“It was as if you wanted to take things further, but you didn’t allow yourself to.”

Viktor struck jackpot.

Yuuri was so dead. He could feel the frost covering his torso slowly. He tried to calm himself and his magic down.

“And just, it made me wonder: why don’t you want things to go further? Are you saving yourself for marriage, but you don’t want to? Are you scared about not satisfying me? Are you worried you won’t be as good as my previous lovers? Are you scared that since you’re a virgin it’ll be awkward?”

Yuuri was incredibly worried about this, yes, but he hadn’t even thought about any of that until Viktor decided to magically add to the list of things that his stupid anxiety will constantly degrade him with even though he knew it was false. At least he was not going to worry about that right now.

Unfortunately, he had worse things to worry about.

Oh crap what the heck am I going to tell Viktor right now I mean I can’t just say I don’t feel like kissing him because he figured out that I want more but obviously I can’t just tell him the truth I mean even if the worst case scenario of him revealing it to the world and saying that I’ve been cheating this whole time doesn’t come true he could still reject me outright and I don’t think I could take that-

He hadn’t realized he was having a panic attack until he felt Viktor’s strong arms wrap around him and slowly rub his back rhythmically. Makkachin barked at Yuuri, nuzzling up to him.

“It’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay,” Viktor repeated over and over again. “I’m here for you.”

The two lovers waited until Yuuri’s breathing had slowed down. Viktor slowly released him. He grasped his fiancé’s hand. “Are you alright, my love?”

Slowly, Yuuri nodded. He was definitely feeling better right now.

Viktor smiled. “That’s good.” The smiled disappeared, and he rubbed the back of his head ruefully. “Look, I’m sorry for asking the question. If I had known it would have affected you this badly, I wouldn’t have. You don’t need to answer it, you don’t need to do more than kissing, and you definitely don’t have to worry about it. I trust you.”

Viktor brought up Yuuri’s hand, removed the gloves, and he softly kissed the ring on his fiancé’s finger. He gave a small smile, which made Yuuri smile back in return.

Yuuri hesitated. This was a good moment. Viktor… He could trust Viktor. They had never discussed Magi before, but surely, Viktor wouldn’t have a strong negative opinion. Perhaps, perhaps this would be a good time to confess-

“My goodness, Yuuri!” Viktor let go of his fiancé’s hand and rubbed his own hands together. “You’re so cold! I was wearing gloves and I could still feel how cold you were!”

It was at that point that Yuuri realized that his magic had been slipping out earlier. Whoops.

Viktor stood up and dusted himself. “It seems I’ll have to prepare some coffee for the two of us.”

Yuuri stiffened. “Er, Viktor, it’s okay, please, you don’t have to-”

“Nonsense! I will not allow my beautiful fiancé to freeze to death! I will warm you up with some of the finest beans that the Ivory Coast has to offer!” Viktor walked out of the room and Makkachin followed him.

Yuuri sighed. A benefit of telling Viktor that he was a Magus: he could finally stop drinking all these hot drinks that Viktor kept forcing on him in order to “warm him with all my love!” even though he actually was unknowingly making Yuuri slowly melt into a puddle, quite literally.

He thought about it. Benefit A: He could finally do more than just kissing. Benefit B: No more coffee.

Then he thought about the costs.

He shook his head. Not worth it.

Yuuri decided to head to the kitchen, where his fiancé was preparing poison for his love. Perhaps if he could prove how dedicated he was to Viktor first, maybe he wouldn’t feel like dumping Yuuri when he eventually finds out.