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The White Room

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The next day Mikey visited. "Hey, man, how're you doing this week?"

Gerard shrugged. "Fine, I guess. Just feel a little cooped up."

Mikey took a look out the window at the dreary weather. "Yeah, Frank's told me he's gonna take you out when the weather gets better."

"The weather... oh, Mikes, you didn't come out in that just to see me, did you?" Gerard honestly looked stricken.

Mikey raised an eyebrow at him. "Of course I did. It's just rain right now. Frank also tells me you've been sleeping. That's good. No nightmares?"

"They're not as bad. Mostly I just dream of the weirdest shit.. like when we were kids, Mom and Dad are there.." Gerard had his arms stretched out on top of the table, one hand playing with the other hand's fingers.

Mikey shifted in his chair. "Yeah.."

"I miss them, Mikey. When are they coming to see me? I want them to." Gerard inquired for what seemed like the thousandth time.

"I know, Gee, I'm sorry.." Mikey scratched at his hair, elbow propped up on the table.

"Is it because they're ashamed of me.. what happened to me..? I went there to drink, but I didn't, I was leaving when they 'napped me.. I promise.."

"I know, Gerard, they know. They're not ashamed of you, or what happened to you, not at all. I swear. This is.. this is hard on them.." Mikey paused. "They.." And paused again in trying to find the right words. "It hurts them to know that you were hurt.. they could've lost you. Those men could have killed you."

"Yeah, they could've lost me, but I'm alive.. so why aren't they coming to see me while I'm still alive?" Gerard was getting a little upset now.

"Shh, calm down.. it's okay. I don't know. I'll try and get them to come. Don't work yourself up. I'm sorry, Gee. I really am. I'm-" Mikey cut himself off and sighed.

"You did nothing wrong." Gerard said quietly.

"I know.. but you called that day and said you needed to talk and I wasn't there.. I said I couldn't.. and maybe if I had met you that day you'd never went to that bar.." Mikey's hands were now in his lap and he looked down at them, not at his older brother.

"Don't do that, Mikey. That wasn't your fault."

"It still sucks."

"Yeah, it sucks." Gerard agreed.

Mikey had left early, leaving Gerard to sit and listen to some camouflage wearing dudes tell one's grandmother about their truck escorting jobs. She looked happy to see her grandson, but really he shouldn't have brought his buddy with him. Apparently, her grandson had lived with her until he met his friend and stuck his nose up his ass, he moved out and barely came to visit her, but that wasn't the main problem, there was apparently some other really bad family shit that happened and her depression got worse and she was here following a nervous breakdown. She seemed to be doing much better though. Gerard was glad, she didn't belong here at all.

But all these yokels wanted to talk about was themselves and their stupid truck job. "So we then ran out of gas-"

"Yeah, we call him Karl Junior now after Sling Blade. 'I ain't got no gas'," That was the idiot friend, whatever the grandson saw in this shithead, Gerard did not know. He was loud, obnoxious and annoying. "We say hey, there, Karl Junior, I ain't got no gas!" Why it was necessary to repeat that, Gerard did not know, but his voice was getting on his nerves.

Gerard dropped his head in his hands. They were giving him a headache. Mostly they rambled on about trucks and not having a taillight and some guy not knowing where to stop and gas this and road curve that. Just on and on like it was the most exciting thing in the world. What about their grandmother, though? How was she doing? Like they cared. Coming to see her was just an obligation. Gerard wished his grandmother was still alive, she'd come and visit him, she'd tell him everything was okay and he'd believe her. She had always been there for him, and he hated that she couldn't be here now. He missed her so much.

He was just glad when visitor day was over. He was too moody to deal with other's bullshit, as bad as that sounded. He didn't want to deal with nothing today, he didn't feel like doing anything. So he curled up on the couch under a throw blanket, wiggling around to get situated and hoping to get warm. He had just gotten comfortable when he realized he had to pee.

Gerard let out a whine. Fucking hell. So, with a tired breath, he threw the blanket off and got up, shuffling to his room and to his small bathroom. When he was finished, he came back out to find a dozen fake red roses on his bed. He smiled and picked them up, kindly wishing he hadn't told Frank to not get real flowers so he could smell them.. but the fake ones would last forever and they felt velvety to the touch. He laid them back on his pillows and wondered where Frank had gone. He hadn't saw much of him today, he had been busy with it being visitor day.

He sat down and picked up his stuffed turtle Girdy. He was considering getting a real turtle and naming it Girdy when he got out..

When he got out..

He didn't like to let himself think about that. It's not that he didn't want to get out of here and go back home.. but he didn't like to let himself think about that either. He didn't think going back to his old life was possible. What if he got depressed out there and decided to get drunk again? What if he got 'napped again. Kidnapped was still a surreal word. He wasn't a kid, and adultnapped still sounded silly. So he just went with 'napped.. or maybe nabbed would have been more appropriate. Yeah, nabbed was definitely more appropriate.

Gerard sighed. He had done it again, letting his brain change the subject whenever he even thought about getting out of here. It's not like anything was waiting for him out there. Mikey, sure.. maybe their parents.. Jordan was out of the question. Not that that mattered anymore. Jordan basically abandoned him, and it hurt at first.. because damn, he thought he was more important to him than that.. but then he started to realize that he didn't care that Jordan didn't care, or didn't come to visit. He had never really loved Jordan, he loved the attention he got from Jordan. And he was certain Jordan never really loved him. So it didn't matter. It was better that they parted and this had been a good excuse to do it. Jordan could go out and find someone who wasn't broken and damaged, someone he could be proud to be in public with, someone who didn't randomly gain weight. In here he had lost weight.

He was so lost in thought and looking down at Girdy as he petted the soft plush shell that he didn't realize Frank had came in and was talking to him.

"Gerard..? Hey..?" He smiled when Gerard looked up at him. "Spacing out?" He leaned down and stroked the turtle's head with one finger. "Hey, Girdy. Here, it's time for your medicine."

Gerard sat the plushie aside and threw back the pills, chasing them with orange juice. "You should bring me O.J. more often."

"Noted. How're you doing?"

Gerard groaned, he was tired of being asked that. By Mikey, by the staff, by the therapist who tried to make him talk in group today. She was new and he didn't like her.. but it wasn't her fault. And now Frank. He knew Frank or Mikey didn't mean any harm, they were concerned and he genuinely appreciated that.. but he wasn't sure how to answer.

"I'm really fed up with being asked that question, Frankie. I'm sorry." He sighed.

"No, it's okay. I mean, it is annoying. Like when you're out in public and you enter a store and they asked how you're doing or whatever and you can only answer with 'good' because even if you've had the worst day ever, they don't need to be burdened with your junk."

"Yeah, but those people are just being polite because you're a potential customer. I guess it's kinda like that, but not the same. Those people are usually strangers and of course your shit doesn't matter to them.. but Mikey asked and that new therapist, and I just said I was fine. I hate it because I don't know how to answer. And people usually know when you're troubled and you say 'I'm fine', or 'I'm okay', it's just a lie, because you're not okay. And you can't tell them that." Gerard explained.

"Well, yeah.. but you can tell me. I get why you would tell your brother you're fine. I get why you don't want to talk to a strange therapist you only just met, or even the others you've known since day one. But you can tell me." Frank sat beside him on the edge of the bed and wrapped and arm around him and Gerard naturally leaned into the embrace, laying his lead on Frank's shoulder. "I promise I won't judge you, or mock you. I've seen you at your worst and I'm still here."

"You don't deserve to be burdened with my bullshit either, Frankie."

"I'm not burdened." He kissed the top of his head. "Trust me. I care about you, I want you to get to being okay. For real okay. You don't have to be fine, you don't have to be perfect. Let's just aim for okay."

"You'd make a good therapist, you know that?" Gerard snuggled closer, comforted by Frank, by his smell, by him talking to him, by him just being there. "It's mostly like a roller coaster, there's days when I really believe I could be okay and on those days I feel like all the bad shit could be viewed as just silly. I feel silly for being broken and I think it could be alright.. but then there's the bad days and those are really depressing because they show me that I'm not alright and I was silly for ever thinking I could be again."

"Yeah.. so you just hold on to the good days while you have them because they're precious, like you." He knew Frank wasn't telling him to do that, Frank was telling him that he did do that and he was right. "And you're not broken. I've seen broken, Gee, and you're not it. You might be a little cracked, but you can overcome that, I know you can. You can go home, you can want that, I know you have to. I've seen your drawings of your home."

"How do you know it was my home?"

"It had 'my home' written on it."

Gerard huffed. "That was actually my parent's home. I've never had a place of my own. I lived with them, I had a room in the basement."

"Ooh, like a little baby bat." Frank giggled, laughing when Gerard pinched his side and squirmed.

"I'm not a baby. Anyway, I moved out with Jordan a few years ago.. but that's not my home anymore.." Gerard paused for a second. "Oh, shit.. all my stuff is at Jordan's. I probably won't ever get it back. All my art, my comic, my comics, my clothes, my makeup.." Well, okay, the major shit, but he still had stuff at his parent's house too, so he wasn't totally without.

"Hey, don't worry. If he still has them, we'll get them back. That guy's a mook anyway, not coming to see you. He's crazy for ever abandoning someone so special." Frank nuzzled the top of his head.

"I appreciate that, Frankie, but I'm not special. I was just a waste of his time."

"Then he is an idiot. And don't put yourself down like that. I think you're special, you're not going to tell me I'm wrong." He poked Gerard's side.

"Hey, quit." He squirmed away, only to be poked and prodded some more until he was giggling uncontrollably while Frank tickled him as he now lay back on the bed. "Nooo.."

"You say I'm right and I'll stop." He was enjoying making Gerard laugh and wiggle.

"No." Gerard stated as Frank hovered above him on the bed, fingers splayed menacingly over his rib cage. Gerard bit his lip as a little smile tugged at them, batting his eyes. "No." And he was giggling some more as Frank's fingers dug into his rib cage, wiggling and making him thrash and squirm.

"Yes, say it.. say I'm special."

"You're special." Gerard managed to gasp out. His cheeks hurt and he had tears in his eyes.

"That is not what I meant. Say that you're special."

"You're special."

Frank sighed and stopped, still poised above Gerard as he laid on the bed. He was gazing up at him, skin flushed and panting from laughing so hard, full lips parted and curled up at the corners in a little grin. Frank just studied him for a moment before leaning down. "Can I kiss you? It's alright if you wanna say no, I won't get mad, but I want to kiss you."

Gerard nodded, still smiling, this time voluntarily. He closed his eyes as Frank leaned down to capture his lips. It was slow and soft at first, Frank was moving his lips against his and it felt so good.. fuck, did it feel good. Jordan was never a fan of kissing, but Gerard liked it. He liked it a lot with Frank. He reached up to wrap his arms around Frank's neck, hands going to card through his dark hair as Frank deepened the kiss, licking at his lips in seeking permission to enter. Gerard parted his lips to allow it, letting out a little mewl and arching his hips up..

And that was when Frank stopped and raised up, looking downward. "What's a matter?" Gerard's smile faded to confusion.

Frank moved up off him and Gerard glanced down to see the bulge in his pants. Gerard was hard and he hadn't even realized it. There was the tickling and the kissing and, yeah..

"Um.. I'm sorry.. I didn't mean.. uh.." Frank swallowed, moving away from the bed. He had really messed up this time.

Gerard sat up, blinking and confused. "Frank, it's okay.. I swear.. I'm fine." And this time he really did mean it, 'I'm fine' wasn't always a lie. So he popped a boner, that shit happened to every guy.

"Look, I'll see you tomorrow. G'night, Gerard." And Frank was gone, not stopping when Gerard yelled his name. He felt bad, he did. He managed to do something really inappropriate with a patient.. even though, Gerard had become so much more than just a patient to him.

Frank left in a hurry, not even changing out of his scrubs. He got his car unlocked and got in, fastening his seat belt and not waiting for the car to warm up, he was too hot already. He didn't make it far before he was pulling off to a dark area. He was then shoving his scrubs down past his cock and taking hold of it, stroking fast and hard. His arm was against the steering wheel and he banged his head against it. And oh, fuck, he couldn't help it. He felt ashamed, but all he could think about was Gerard laying there flushed and squirming, biting his fucking lip and batting his eyelashes. Fuck, he looked so good, so tempting. He probably wouldn't have even minded if Frank would have taken advantage of him. His hand gripped the wheel tight as his hand moved up and down his aching cock. He thought about Gerard's plush mouth and how good it would feel on his cock instead of his hand.

He felt like shit as he came hard over his tattooed fingers, smacking the steering wheel and scaring the shit out of himself when the horn honked as he hit it. Frank got some napkins to clean off with and fixed his pants, he waited for his breathing to calm down before pulling back out into the road and driving home.

He jerked off again while laying in bed, imagining Gerard's ass pressed against his crotch and swallowing his dick completely whole.