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She would fix him. She would be the one to put his broken pieces back together. She and no one else would fix his broken soul.
He's walking along the corridor which leads him out to the car park. That's it another show down. One less show he has to do, one step closer to leaving Idol for good. He's tired and all he wants is to have a cigarette before getting into his car, and going home, and going to sleep.
That is all he wants too do until he sees a sight which makes his heartbeat thump loudly in his ears as his blood pressure rises…. There she is. She's been avoiding his calls - contrary to what he'd told the world. She's been avoiding his calls, his emails, and especially him. She's been avoiding having any contact with him at all and now he knows why; there she is kissing the man he thought was his best friend.
He can't let them see him like this, he's not going to give them the satisfaction of seeing his broken, angry body this way. So instead he turns and walks the other way hoping that a walk back towards his trailer and back will have given them enough time to leave, allowing him to be able to walk to his car and not have to let them see him like this.
No…he goes back into the shadows and allows himself time to process and to ignore what he's just seen… his hands all over her whilst they attacked each other passionately on the lips. As he drove home all he could think about was when he was in Ryan's place. When his hands had been the ones roaming all over her body… her beautiful naked body.
The endless nights they'd spent exploring, tasting and mapping one another's bodies as they lay between the silk sheets of his London home as Terri was in America working. She'd only come over to London to do the X-factor auditions and she'd never left… she only left when Terri announced she was coming home and that her fling with Simon was just that, a fling.
After that things between them became strained, off camera they never spoke at all and on camera the performance they were giving should have earned them an Oscar. Slowly things between them seemed to mend, it became easier to enjoy the others company and the shame of what they'd done… what they longed to do once more was no longer coating things like a veil.
She split with JT at around the same time he'd split with Terri. He loved Terri he really did, but it wasn't that kind of love. His love for Terri he realised was like a love a brother has for his sister, so yes their relationship began to feel incestuous. His love for Terri didn't leave him itching to be near her if they were parted, it didn't leave his skin burning from her touch nor did it leave him yearning for more. After a while he realised that she was his safety net and the two of them remaining together was just cruel for the both of them.
The night the story about him and Terri had broken, she came over to find him curled up on the sofa with a bottle of half-empty whisky by him on the floor. He wasn't wasted instead he was sort of numbed. He didn't even notice her taking a swig of the whiskey before she washed the rest down the sink. He let a small noise of distress as she pushed him down flat on the sofa, so that she could spread her body on top of his. Nothing sexual was involved. They just lay there and talked silently deciding that their friendship was too important to them to go ahead and destroy it by another quick lust-filled affair… it just wasn't worth it.
She told him she was fine with him being with being with Mezhgan just as he'd told her that he was fine with her leaving Idol; they'd both told a lie, something they were raised not to do. Both of them weren't okay with the decisions being made in the others lives, yet they said nothing.
Things began falling apart once again after she'd left Idol and news of Mezhgan began to surface. She never came over to his for drinks with Ryan and Randy, and he never came over to hers for dinner. Ryan and Randy had both tried to find out what was going on between them, but with each attempt they were simply told one thing: "Things are fine." and that was it.
He never told her he'd proposed to Mezhgan. He'd been too scared to tell her so he took the cowardly and the most costly option by allowing her to find out via the tabloids. He knew she'd found out his news when he saw his phone lit up with a text message: "Thinking of getting a new makeup artist." He knew she knew just by reading that message. She was being sarcastic, and she only ever sent sarcastic messages when he'd done something particularly hurtful. Something which she'd struggle to forgive.
He'd heard rumours that Ryan and Mezhgan had once been lovers a long, long time ago and that things between them had ended amicable and before they got in to deep. He was just angry… the image of the Paula and Ryan together in the car park, their hands roaming their bodies sparking other more full-on images to appear in his mind.
"Simon! Simon!" he heard the voice of his fiancée call as he entered the house, as he threw his keys on the nearest table before stalking upstairs and slamming the door to his office shut. The idea of facing anyone right now, especially when he was feeling the way he was feeling, was something which was out of the question; he needed to be alone.
He awoke the next morning to find himself laying on the office sofa with a blanket draped over him. 'Mish…' he mused silently to himself, allowing a small smile to graze his lips as he lay there thinking about nothing. He allowed his good mood to grow, he lay there just about to get up when he heard the sound of Ryan's voice in the hall. Right there and then his good mood shrivelled and died.
He didn't want to even look at Ryan… the memories of last night, the images were now once again all too prominent in his mind. He needed to get out of there. "Can't talk meeting," he yelled as he came into view of the man he didn't want to look at. He grabbed his car keys from the table and bolted from the house quicker than he'd ever done before in his life. He knew they'd asked questions and demand answers from him, but he wasn't going to give them.
He sent her a text message purely out of spite. 'Was thinking of asking Kara to join AXF's panel.' He knew that he'd never ever ask Kara to join the panel of American X-factor. Where he respected Kara on a professional level for all that she had achieved. Personally they had never gotten along the way he and Paula did after the debacle which was their relationship in season one. He tolerated Kara and the way she kept touching him…. What the fuck was with that? If she was a dude he'd have already smacked her. But no the producers had told him that it was all in aid of getting more viewers.
This week was the first week of the top 12 for American Idol season 9. Today was the first day where he would have to come face to face and spend time around him. Ryan had sent him several text messages asking him if there was a problem. Had he done anything wrong? Simon simply blocked his number after the messages and phone calls became more frequent he just didn't want to face him; he couldn't.
He watched as the lights came back up and Ryan came back onto the stage.
"Michael Lynche singing Miss You by the Rolling Stones, everybody!" Ryan spoke loudly through his microphone as he came to stand next to Michael, his gaze firmly on Simon.
As Randy, Ellen and Kara gave their comments on Michaels performance Simon allowed himself to look at Ryan, his anger building up inside of him as thoughts of him and Paula together begin flooding his mind. Finally it was his turn to speak; he plastered a fake but believable smile upon his face as the cameras focused in on him.
"Uh… I thought look… you've definitely, definitely got you confidence up now Mike, particularly after last week. It was such a great performance. If I'm being honest particularly when you see the clip of the Rolling Stones back I thought the performance at times particularly your dancing was kind of corny." Randy scoffed as the audience booed him. "And… uh it was and you sang, you sang it well, umm uh, I didn't when you watch it back uh it was verging at times - my turn - a tiny bit desperate," he replied to a room full of disagreeing groans.
"What, what, what parts about the dancing you mention - Dance Party USA Mr Cowell - but what part of the dancing or the other uh or other components of the performance looked desperate to you?" Ryan asked with a slightly aggressive tone to his voice.
"Do you want me to talk to you or to Mike?" he heard himself reply; his voice agitated.
Suddenly Ryan was bounding down the stage towards him with a glint in his eye; he had a point to make. He leaned down so their faces were mere inches away from each other before he calmly inquired, "I'm actually trying to help him out a little bit because I want him to stay in this competition. Are you all right with that?"
The rest of the night went off without much problems, the tension between Simon and Ryan carried on. As soon as the end had arrived Simon bolted from his chair, ignoring Ryan's voice as he all but ran to his car and sped off home. He couldn't last much longer; his heart simply hurt too much.
The next night between him and Ryan wasn't any better, they began as soon as the show began to air sniping at one another. He'd just come out of a quick meeting with the Fox executives when he'd realised that he'd left his tin of mints by the judges tables - yeah it's mints but he really loved that tin. His father had given it to him years ago. With the tin of mints securely back in his pocket he was making his way along the dressing room corridor to the exit when a sound - a familiar sound made him stop dead in his tracks; Paula moaning. They were in their having sex. He let out a loud screaming sound as he banged against the door before taking off down the corridor trying to not let his tears overwhelm him.
He could hear the two of them screaming after him, telling him to stop, too let them talk, too explain. He knew they were chasing after him wanting to explain what he'd discovered but he wouldn't stop; he couldn't so he continued walking as fast as he could until he found himself in the car park surrounded by all the Idol staff. Randy, Ellen and Kara rushed over to him as they took in his almost broken self. He collapsed into Kara's arms as they enveloped him; he clung tightly to her as he heard Paula and Ryan approaching him.
"Simon please can we talk! You weren't supposed to find out like that!" he could hear Ryan and Paula pleading as he clung even tighter to Kara trying to block them out. "Simon," she whispered in his ear; his poodle as she knelt down next to him. "Please listen to us."
"No," he replied coldly as he kissed Kara on the cheek and stood up; dusting himself off as he took a deep breath, before turning swiftly to Ryan his right fist connecting swiftly with Ryan's jaw. He heard Paula scream out in horror as Ryan fell to the ground out cold. "I already knew," he whispered brokenly before walking away from the crowd and getting into his car where he sped off quickly; leaving everything and everyone in his wake completely dumbfounded.
He drove and drove until he could no longer drive; he's ran out of petrol. He'd turned his phone onto silent while ago after all the missed calls he'd gotten. He needed peace and quiet, and now he's gotten it; he's all alone somewhere outside of Los Angeles in the dark; far out of Los Angeles.
He got out of the car and because he could, because he need to be as far away from the pain as he can be. Yet the further he walks the more that pain comes; his heart aches. He cannot escape it; all he can see in his mind is her beautiful face as she gazed warmly at him after their lovemaking.
He left her a message: "I miss you," he whispered, he didn't notice as he strayed a little too far and bright lights filled his vision silencing him; silencing his long, long journey to nowhere. He felt like he was flying on a cloud. He could hear voices; muffled voices before the silence finally overtook him.
She is sat next to Ryan as she holds an icepack to his swollen jaw when she hears her phone beeping in her pocket; she's gotten a voicemail. She smiles despite all that has happened as his voice fills her ears, "I miss you," he says before she hears an almighty crashing sound. Her heart fills with fear as the line goes silent before a voice fills it: "Oh My God! It's Simon Cowell! We knocked over Simon Cowell!" someone screams before the voice goes dead.
"What! What's happened?" Ryan asks her as he notices how white she's gone. "Honey, what is it?"
"Simon," she whispers brokenly. "He's been knocked down. I've got to find him," she whispers before taking off to her car sitting in Ryan's drive. "I'm driving!" she hears him say as they get into the car. She's in no state to drive; she's broken and filled with worry. They drive around for what must seem like hours until Paula tells him quietly to go down a road and surely enough after some more driving they are stopped by police; up ahead there is a crash.
"Who is it? Whose crashed?" Ryan demands from the officer as he winds down the window.
"Sim-" the officer begins, only managing to say three words before Paula is out of the car and past the tape running towards the lights.
"SIMON!" she screams as she notices a body being lifted into an ambulance; she knows its Simon because he's wearing the watch she bought him. "I'm going with you!" she says with a note of finality in her voice as she closes the ambulance doors behind her. "Oh my darling," she whispers brokenly as she takes him in; he's broken in more ways than one.
She would fix him. She would be the one to put his broken pieces back together. She and no one else would fix his broken soul.
She paced and paced a thousand times or more, a small stretch of floor outside of the operating theatre waiting for news on his condition; she hung on every sound every breathe as time passed. As even more time passed and even more pacing there was still no word. 'What if he'd dead?" she thought. Her heart breaking a little bit more as the thought now continued to dance around in her head.
"Ms. Abdul." a voice broke her out of her daydream. She lifted her head to see a doctor standing besides her; he was wearing what looked to be surgeon's clothing. "Ms. Abdul."
"Yes?" she whispers. "Yes?" she replies stronger as she stood up to shake the doctors hand. "How is he?"
The doctor tells her that he suffered serious damage and that he's been taken to the intensive care unit, but she can see him. She braces herself before she enters the intensive care unit where she knows he is. She spots him at the end of the room; she screams silently as she takes in his body. He's broken still; she needs to fix him and his broken soul.
She rushes to him, taking his hand in hers as she tries not to disturb the many, many machines keeping him with her. Time passes slowly as she sits beside him, holding his hand as he sleeps peacefully. "I love you too," she whispers as she strokes his forehead softly with the tips of her fingers, running her fingers alone his hairline. She knows he loves her, she always has. She's just been too scared to reveal it.
She knows it's not possible really, but she believes that he knows she's here with him now. That he knows she loves him too. Her heart aches so badly as she looks at his badly worn out face. The car had hit him head on sending him hurtling backwards to the concrete below him. Breaking his skull, causing him to bleed internally as a broken rib punctured his lung. She couldn't bear to hear anymore after that, it was simply too painful.
She blamed herself for this. She was the one who'd been ignoring him, she was the one who entered a relationship when she was in love with another man just to try and quench the pain; she only made it worse.
She smiles as she sits down on his lap for the Idol Finale 2010 which had been postponed until Simon had recovered. She smiled as he wrapped his arms around her, she smiled down at the ring adorning her special finger.
She smiled because she and no one else had fixed his broken soul.