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Blood, sweat and memes

Chapter Text

u all need to mcfreaking Stop™

minsugagenius: who has been listening to cypher on repeat for the past two hours

minsugagenius: it’s driving me insane

mochimin: lol was it really necessary to ask

minsugagenius: alright it’s tae but does he really need to jump so much

includemeincypherpls: IT’S SUGA A.K.A AGUST D

minsugagenius: i could literally kill you

eommajin: Let him live, Yoongi :) he’s just having fun

wreckmonster: Could he at least stop dabbing?

hobiseok: I sent Kookie before to tell him to stop but he joined him

jeonnochu: hey, that’s not true! I only dabbed once or twice.

mochimin: Mum :( do smth pls

eommajin: Alright, give me a sec.

hobiseok: sudden silence…

minsugagenius: don’t jinx it

includemeincypherpls: you’re all so rude

✓seen by all at 19:32

Hobi-hyung ♥

includemeincypherpls: hyuuuung

includemeincypherpls: hyuuuuUUUUUNGGGGGG

includemeincypherpls: hyung talk to me

hobiseok: I’m working rn can’t you wait a bit?

includemeincypherpls: i want to hug you tho…

hobiseok: sorry :( ten minutes and i’m done

includemeincypherpls: (TㅅT)

includemeincypherpls: come to my room when you finish? <3


wreckmonster: If I were you I would listen to music as loudly as I can.

eommajin: Why?

wreckmonster: I just saw Hoseok entering Taehyung’s room ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

eommajin: don’t be like that! Just because they’re together it doesn’t mean that they

eommajin: nevermind

wreckmonster: lmao I’m never looking at their face ever again

u all need to mcfreaking Stop™

eommajin: okay I know we all are really comfortable with each other after all those years but there are limits, and two of you really crossed the line today. I’m not going to say names but we all know who I’m talking about.

jeonnochu: I’ll have nightmares the rest of my life.

minsugagenius: they woke me up and i accidentally punched jimin

jeonnochu: why would you punch him after waking up tho?

minsugagenius has left the chat

hobiseok: LOL

eommajin: Hoseok please take this seriously…

mochimin has added minsugagenius

mochimin: don’t leave the chat, hyung

minsugagenius: …

mochimin: there’s nothing wrong with sharing bed platonically!

minsugagenius has left the chat

hobiseok: LMAO

jeonnochu: wait is there something between yoongi hyung and jimin?

jeonnochu: am i the only one who’s single here?

wreckmonster: ¯\ _(ツ)_/¯

jeonnochu: i’m going bowling with yugyeom

eommajin has added minsugagenius

eommajin: please back to the original subject

eommajin: it’s cool if you’re dating someone but please… be discreet

wreckmonster: By the way, where is Taehyung?

hobiseok: he’s asleep (´∀`)♡

hobiseok has sent a picture

hobiseok: aww i accidentally woke him up :<

mochimin: aww

includemeincypherpls: good morning ♥

minsugagenius: it’s night. also you woke me up

minsugagenius: hey tae i’m curious, can you walk?

mochimin: /HYUNG/

eommajin: Hoseok, Taehyung, please have some decency next time

✓seen by all at 22:34

Min Suga♥

mochimin: hyung are you angry?

minsugagenius: why would i be?

mochimin: because I said on the group chat that we share bed sometimes

minsugagenius: but that’s not a lie

mochimin: oh… so you’re okay?

minsugagenius: yeah i just… it’d be better if that was a secret, at least for now.

mochimin: aww are you embarrassed that you have a crush on me?

minsugagenius: i’m going to block you


mochimin: tae i have a question for you

includemeincypherpls: what is it?

mochimin: how did you know you liked hoseok-hyung?

includemeincypherpls: why are you asking me this?

includemeincypherpls: is it because you like yoongi-hyung???!!!

mochimin: stop screaming i just heard you from the kitchen

includemeincypherpls: you haven’t said no tho

mochimin: i might have a big crush on him?

includemeincypherpls: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA can i tell hoseok?

mochimin: no!!

includemeincypherpls: sorry he was by my side he read the whole thing lmao

includemeincypherpls: hey jimin! (H)

mochimin: i’m never texting you again

Kumamon stan

includemeincypherpls: yoongi-hyung i have a question for you

minsugagenius: surprise me

includemeincypherpls: do you have a crush on jimin?

minsugagenius has blocked includemeincypherpls


includemeincypherpls: MUM

eommajin: what is it?

includemeincypherpls: yoongi has blocked me

eommajin: what did you do?

includemeincypherpls: i asked him if he had a crush on jimin

eommajin: you deserve it tho

includemeincypherpls: :(

includemeincypherpls: rude

u all need to mcfreaking Stop™

jeonnochu: @wreckmonster @eommajin i have a question

eommajin: is something wrong?

wreckmonster: What is it?

jeonnochu: can you give me a younger sibling?

mochimin: WHAT

includemeincypherpls: WHAT (2)

hobiseok: WHAT (3)

wreckmonster: Alright.

eommajin: Namjoon. No.

jeonnochu: :(

wreckmonster: :(

Literal child

jeonnochu: tae

includemeincypherpls: what

jeonnochu: can’t you and hoseok-hyung give me a brother

includemeincypherpls: i will talk with him

jeonnochu: :D

includemeincypherpls: he said that you have a problem

jeonnochu: :(

jeonnochu: rude

includemeincypherpls: ¯\ _(ツ)_/¯

Jiminie :)

minsugagenius: … jimin?

mochimin: yes?

minsugagenius: where are you?

mochimin: i went outside to buy instant noodles

mochimin: do you want some?

minsugagenius: … come home immediately please

mochimin: i’m paying, is something wrong?

minsugagenius: … you know

mochimin: do you need me to hug you until you fall asleep again?

minsugagenius: please

minsugagenius: but don’t tell taehyung


hobiseok: babe i’m still practising don’t wait for me <3

includemeincypherpls: :<

includemeincypherpls: it’s past midnight though? can’t you continue tomorrow?

hobiseok: sorry, bae

includemeincypherpls: it’s okay, i’ll watch a drama until you come back <3 i love u!

hobiseok: i love you too ♥

Chapter Text


eommajin: good morning namjoonie!

wreckmonster: Good morning!

eommajin: guess what!

eommajin has sent a picture

wreckmonster: NO WAY

wreckmonster: This is so cute!!

wreckmonster: Can I share it on the group chat?

eommajin: i was hoping you would ;)

u all need to mcfreaking Stop™

wreckmonster has sent a picture

hobiseok: OMG

includemeincypherpls: NO WAY

jeonnochu: are those Yoongi-hyung and Jimin?

eommajin: :)

eommajin: let’s not wake them up

hobiseok: this is so cute look at yoongi’s face!!

includemeincypherpls: love is real <3

includemeincypherpls changed the name to YOONMIN CONFIRMED

jeonnochu: yoonmin?

hobiseok: yoon(gi)(ji)min ♥

hobiseok: the only romance that matters

includemeincypherpls: TRU

wreckmonster: I thought you two were dating though?

includemeincypherpls: we are

hobiseok: but we’re disgustingly in love, they’re cute

includemeincypherpls: exactly

jeonnochu: Yoongi-hyung will be really angry when he sees this lol

hobiseok: whaaaat that boy is a ball of fluff actually

hobiseok: idk why y’all are so scared of him

minsugagenius: what the fuck is this

eommajin: LANGUAGE

minsugagenius: -.-

mochimin: to be fair i look really cute

includemeincypherpls: you always look cute tbh

mochimin: <3

minsugagenius: i blocked taehyung why can i still see his messages?

wreckmonster: Because this is a group chat.

minsugagenius changed the name to fuck you kim taehyung

includemeincypherpls: ouch :(

hobiseok: eh that’s my job

eommajin changed the name to Clam down

eommajin changed the name to Calm down y’all

wreckmonster: Why did you add the “y’all”?

eommajin: it sounded less aggressive

hobiseok: can we talk about how cute that picture was tho

includemeincypherpls has sent a picture

includemeincypherpls: look at Yoongi-hyung’s smile!! this is so cute <3

minsugagenius has left the chat

mochimin: you guys have to see him right now it’s so cute

jeonnochu: pic!!!

mochimin: i will try

mochimin has sent a picture

mochimin: I woke up to this :’)

hobiseok: AWWW look at his smile! i’ve never seen him like that

includemeincypherpls: so is it official? are you guys together?

jeonnochu: aaaaa i’m so excited

mochimin: not really :/ not yet at least

eommajin: but you like him?

mochimin: yeah

wreckmonster: And does he have a crush on you?

mochimin: i mean… maybe? he has never told me directly

includemeincypherpls: he blocked me when i asked him

jeonnochu: you should ask him directly. send us a voice note please!!

mochimin: alright…

hobiseok: i’m so excited!!

includemeincypherpls: HE’S RECORDING!!!!!!!

mochimin has sent a voice note.
[“Hyung?” “Yeah?” “Do you have a crush on me?” “Don’t say silly stuff” “It’s just that you act like you do… sometimes.” “What about you?” “What about me?” “You’re always asking me if I have a crush on you. Do… do you like me?” “I thought it was obvious that I do. Everyone has realised by now. Yes, I have a crush on you… hyung? Oh dear you’re so red. That’s so cute.” “Don’t call me cute…” “Sorry!” “… Jimin” “Yeah?” “I have a crush on you too.”]

hobiseok: THAT!!!WAS!!!THE!!!CUTEST!!!THING!!!IN!!!MY!!!ENTIRE!!!LIFE!!!

includemeincypherpls: i can’t believe we’ve witnessed the yoonmin rising

jeonnochu: awwwwww!!!

eommajin: that’s so cute!!

wreckmonster: I think I’m going to their room to congratulate them! :)

wreckmonster: Nevermind I just heard them making out lmao

hobiseok has added minsugagenius

hobiseok has changed the name to Yoonmin Wedding Preparations

includemeincypherpls: alright next step: get nochu someone to date

jeonnochu: it’s fine i don’t need it

hobiseok: yeah he has yugyeom at the moment

jeonnochu: we’re just friends tho???

includemeincypherpls: yoongi and jimin were just friends too ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

jeonnochu: i will personally kick your ass

minsugagenius: why did you change the name again

hobiseok: we all know about jimin and you

mochimin: oops sorry

minsugagenius: …

includemeincypherpls: so… now that we all know you have a crush on jimin can you unblock me?

minsugagenius: i mean… i have your number saved as “don’t answer him”, idk why it should be a problem

includemeincypherpls: are you joking? i can never tell when you’re joking.

includemeincypherpls: wait you actually unblocked me?

includemeincypherpls: does that mean that every time i send you a message you receive a notification from “don’t answer him”???

minsugagenius: yeah

includemeincypherpls: :< rude

hobiseok: you are “Baehyung♥” for me :)<3

includemeincypherpls: ily ♥

wreckmonster: Taehyung I added you as “Failed rapper”

eommajin: to me you’re “weird child”

jeonnochu: I added you as “literal child”

includemeincypherpls: stop collectively bullying me pls
✓seen by all at 9:49


minsugagenius: hoseok?

hobiseok: yeah?

minsugagenius: is taehyung’s tongue down your throat or can you talk for a moment?

hobiseok: tae is working but i can tell him to come if you want

minsugagenius: as tempting as it is to hear you and your boyfriend making out i’ll pass this time

hobiseok: wait, what? are you joking?

minsugagenius: of course i’m joking. i need your help

hobiseok: about what?

minsugagenius: … i might have asked jimin to be my boyfriend and i have no idea what to do now?

hobiseok: where are you?

minsugagenius: in the studio

hobiseok: i’m coming. texting is too long.

Chapter Text

Yoonmin Wedding Preparations

minsugagenius: i have something to confess

minsugagenius: my phone backround is a pic of Jiminie’s lips and i kiss it when he’s not here

hobiseok: wtf

eommajin: language

minsugagenius: i ♥ park jimin

hobiseok: tae did you steal yoongi’s phone?

minsugagenius: shit u got me babe lol

jeonnochu: how did u get it tho?

minsugagenius: he left it in my room when he came to say smth to jimin

jeonnochu: what is his actual backround then?

minsugagenius: oh you’re all gonna love it

minsugagenius has sent a picture


eommajin: that’s cute!!

wreckmonster: When did they take that pic?

mochimin: taehyung this is yoongi. you’re a dead man

minsugagenius: SHIT

jeonnochu: RIP Taehyung 1995-2017

wreckmonster: Will always be remembered dearly

includemeincypherpls: I JUST LEFT YOUR PHONE DON’T BE ANGRY

includemeincypherpls: I JSTU WNTED T WRITE THAT I’M SORRY

mochimin: lmao i’m joking i’m jimin i didn’t tell him anything

jeonnochu: OMG /HYUNG/

includemeincypherpls: you’re dead to me
✓seen by all at 15:51


includemeincypherpls: how could you

mochimin: sorry!!

includemeincypherpls: you scared the shit out of me!!!

mochimin: it was really funny!

mochimin: yoongi would never kill a fly tho

includemeincypherpls: somehow i’m not so sure about that

mochimin: will you ever forgive me

includemeincypherpls: i’ll think about it

Min Suga♥

mochimin: yoongi hyung!!

minsugagenius: yeah?

mochimin: you won’t believe this

minsugagenius: what happened?

minsugagenius: are you okay?

minsugagenius: shit jimin do you need help?

mochimin has sent a picture

mochimin: it’s fine it’s just that i look flawless in this selca

mochimin: hyung??

mochimin: are you there?

Dancing disaster 1

mochimin: mum, is yoongi in your room?

eommajin: i guess so. why?

mochimin: can you check if he’s alright?

eommajin: why?

eommajin: he’s looking at his phone screen with tears on his eyes

eommajin: when i asked him if everything was fine he just said “so beautiful”

eommajin: what’s going on?

mochimin: :) thank you mum

Min Suga♥

mochimin: you’re so adorable <3

minsugagenius: … shut up

Yoonmin Wedding Preparations

jeonnochu: alright but here’s the thing

jeonnochu: taehyung and hobi-hyung are together

jeonnochu: namjoon-hyung and jin-hyung are together

jeonnochu: now jimin and yoongi-hyung are together as well??

jeonnochu: where is the heterosexuality in this group??????

includemeincypherpls: nowhere

eommajin: namjoon and i aren’t together though???

hobiseok: then why are you the parents of the group

includemeincypherpls: then why do you have each other added as “husband” and “wife”

minsugagenius: then why did i see namjoon kissing you the other day

includemeincypherpls: wait WHAT

hobiseok: WHEN


jeonnochu: I’M SCREAMING??????

wreckmonster has left the chat

eommajin has left the chat

hobiseok has added wreckmonster and eommajin

hobiseok: DNO’T LEAVE

includemeincypherpls: you owe us at least an explanation???

eommajin: okay this is not what it seems

eommajin: namjoonie you’re better with words than me, explain please

wreckmonster: Okay, I’ll be short and clear…

wreckmonster: We were so drunk we didn’t have control of our actions


includemeincypherpls: i thought alcholo was forbidden tho?

mochimin: alcholo

mochimin has changed the name to alcholo

includemeincypherpls: please stop

minsugagenius: they weren’t drunk lmao they lying

eommajin: Yoongi i will kick your ass

wreckmonster: Okay… I kissed Jin without the influence of alcohol and/or alcholo, but it was only once so I don’t think we should start a drama or something…

includemeincypherpls: “and/or alcholo” this is literally abuse

hobiseok: but i thought you two were together tf??

jeonnochu: yeah same

eommajin: Namjoon has an obvious crush on me but who hasn’t

minsugagenius: me

includemeincypherpls: me

eommajin: you’re my least favorite children

wreckmonster: Anyway it was a one-time thing and it won’t happen again.

includemeincypherpls has sent a gif

eommajin: who is jan and why is that girl so sassy

eommajin: i don’t like her attitude

mochimin: taehyung the meme master

includemeincypherpls: thank

mochimin: good memer better alcholo

includemeincypherpls: please don’t talk to me ever again
✓seen by all at 17:14

Kumamon stan

includemeincypherpls: yoongi-hyung where is jimin?

minsugagenius: not with me

includemeincypherpls: alright if you see him tell him i need to show him something

minsugagenius: alright alcholo

includemeincypherpls: when will my suffering stop


includemeincypherpls: kookeeeeeeeeeeeeeehhhhhhhhhhh

jeonnochu: what

includemeincypherpls: i’m bored

jeonnochu: so?

includemeincypherpls: what are you doing

jeonnochu: dance practise

includemeincypherpls: is hoseok there

jeonnochu: yeah

includemeincypherpls: tell him i’m coming please

jeonnochu: okay alcholo

includemeincypherpls: i will break your legs


eommajin: namjoonie?

wreckmonster: Yeah?

eommajin: should we tell them that it wasn’t a one-time thing?

wreckmonster: Why? They’re really excited about Yoongi and Jimin now, we should probably wait until they’re less hyped

eommajin: but we’ll have too much attention

wreckmonster: You’re right but

wreckmonster: Let them enjoy their shipping for now

eommajin: okay <3 do you need anything?

wreckmonster: ;)

eommajin: you’re lucky i don’t know how to block people


wreckmonster: Hey Yoongi

minsugagenius: what

wreckmonster: I found something that could interest you and Jimin

wreckmonster: [link]

minsugagenius: i can’t believe –

minsugagenius: blindfolds… really?

wreckmonster: I thought it might interest you ¯\ _(ツ)_/¯

minsugagenius: i will tell jin about this

Mum 2

minsugagenius: hyung look at what your boyfriend did

minsugagenius has sent a picture

eommajin: OMG

eommajin: i’m so sorry

eommajin: you have to agree that jimin enjoyed being blindfolded maybe a bit too much tho

eommajin: but i’ll tell him to stop

minsugagenius: thanks


eommajin: stop it

wreckmonster: Have some sense of humour!!!

Chapter Text


includemeincypherpls: hey guys

includemeincypherpls: guess what i found

mochimin: what?

includemeincypherpls: a website called ao3

hobiseok: what’s that?

minsugagenius: ah yeah i read from there every night

includemeincypherpls: ASDAHBCWKE HYUNG

minsugagenius: ¯\ _(ツ)_/¯

wreckmonster: What is AO3?

includemeincypherpls: it’s a website where you can read fanfiction

includemeincypherpls: some of them are a bit over the top tbh

minsugagenius: are you reading smut?

includemeincypherpls: ye

minsugagenius: what pairing?

includemeincypherpls: yoongi/jimin

minsugagenius has left the chat

hobiseok: LMAO

hobiseok: any good vhope fics?

includemeincypherpls: you betcha

includemeincypherpls has changed the name to taehynug’s fanfiction adventure

includemeincypherpls: hyung we should try some of this, look

includemeincypherpls: [link]

hobiseok: kinky

eommajin: y’all are sick

eommajin has added minsugagenius


includemeincypherpls: hyuunngggg

hobiseok: whaaaaaattttt

includemeincypherpls: if you are hobi and you like both boys and girsl

includemeincypherpls: are you ho-bisexual

hobiseok: seriously i don’t know how to answer that

includemeincypherpls: you’re ho-bisexual and i’m hobisexual

includemeincypherpls: get it?

includemeincypherpls: because i’m only attracted to you

hobiseok: idk if that was sweet or lame but just in case aww//*eye roll*

includemeincypherpls: <3


includemeincypherpls: NOCHU

jeonnochu: what

includemeincypherpls: can you believe people actually think we’re together

jeonnochu: ????? why tho?????

includemeincypherpls: idk like

includemeincypherpls: haven’t they seen rookie king

jeonnochu: you literally said you had enjoyed hobi-hyung’s kiss

jeonnochu: he literally said he liked you

includemeincypherpls: I KNOW

includemeincypherpls: i don’t even know if you like boys

jeonnochu: i like lamb skewers

jeonnochu: and bowling

includemeincypherpls: i thought so

includemeincypherpls: being serious tho do you like anyone

jeonnochu: yeah

includemeincypherpls: WHO

jeonnochu: myself

includemeincypherpls: can’t anyone take me seriously for once

Screaming son

wreckmonster: Aren’t you worried about your boyfriend spending the whole day reading about you two making out instead of kissing the actual you?

hobiseok: aren’t you worried that your boyfriend has more selfies with ken than with you

wreckmonster: You’re getting grounded

taehynug’s fanfiction adventure

includemeincypherpls: i found a fanfic about our chat conversations???

includemeincypherpls: i’m freaking out??? the author knows too much about us how did they do that

wreckmonster: Taehyung, are you breaking the fourth wall?

wreckmonster: Come on, that’s really rude…

wreckmonster: The author has worked a lot and will probably fail a few exams because of their fanfic, be a bit considerate with them.

includemeincypherpls: yeah you’re right

includemeincypherpls: if they post this conversation- hello readers!

eommajin: stop it you’re a fanfiction character you can’t talk with the readers

includemeincypherpls: why doesn’t anyone let me have fun


includemeincypherpls: dad do you know how i would stop breaking the fourth wall?

wreckmonster: How?

includemeincypherpls: if you gave me a line on cypher

wreckmonster: no

includemeincypherpls: :(


hobiseok: hey babe! how are you?

hobiseok: omg i’m hearing you crying are you okay?

hobiseok: taehyung, love, please open the door

hobiseok: what’s wrong?

includemeincypherpls: hyung it’s just that…

includemeincypherpls: it’s so silly

hobiseok: can i come in?

includemeincypherpls: i’d rather not

hobiseok: do you want to tell me what happened?

includemeincypherpls: i started reading a vhope fic where our parents weren’t accepting of our relationship and we had to hide our love from them

includemeincypherpls: and one day you had enough, you couldn’t keep living like this and you were crying saying that you hated yourself that you wanted to be normal

includemeincypherpls: and it made me actually want to hug you until the end of times

hobiseok: oh babe…

includemeincypherpls: and it was worse because then you said you needed time and that we shouldn’t see each other, that it would be the best for both of us, and that’s when i began to cry

hobiseok: i would never do that to you! you matter a lot to me. no matter how hard things get i’ll never leave you

hobiseok: please taehyung open the door i need to hug you

includemeincypherpls: … okay

includemeincypherpls: but i’ve cried a lot so i look awful

includemeincypherpls: just a warning

Dancing companion 1

hobiseok: jimin i’ll be late for dance practice

mochimin: is everything okay?

hobiseok: i’m staying with tae for a while but i’ll be there after i finish

mochimin: don’t give us more children!!

hobiseok: i’m so done with you

Min Suga♥

mochimin: sugar after i finish dance practice i’ll go shopping do you need anything?

minsugagenius: was that a typo or were you trying to give me a cute nickname

minsugagenius: i don’t need anything btw

mochimin: it was going to be a cute nickname :(

minsugagenius: lol you didn’t try too hard right

mochimin: i might as well call you SALT now

minsugagenius: that’s better lmao

mochimin: so… what is my nickname?

minsugagenius: your nickname?

mochimin: tae and hoseok-hyung call each other babe the whole day you have to call me something as well!!

minsugagenius: … what about jimin

mochimin: come on hyung

minsugagenius: my mochi?

mochimin: that’s better

minsugagenius: i just gave myself cavities

Chapter Text

taehynug’s fanfiction adventures

includemeincypherpls: good news people

jeonnochu: you getting a haircut?

wreckmonster: Are you going to learn how to rap?

minsugagenius: you’re gonna stop spamming the group?

includemeincypherpls: since when is it bully taehyung day

minsugagenius: it’s marked on our kitchen calendar

minsugagenius has sent a picture

includemeincypherpls: oh

includemeincypherpls: alright

includemeincypherpls: but it wasn’t that what i was going to announce

includemeincypherpls: i’ve stopped reading fanfiction

minsugagenius: i’m so glad tbh

minsugagenius: another yoonmin fanfiction and i would have broken your phone

includemeincypherpls: but don’t worry i won’t be bored

jeonnochu: i’m scared

hobiseok: he told me and i didn’t know how to react

includemeincypherpls: today i will Investigate™ the percentage of kinkiness of each member and kinkshame you all

minsugagenius has left the chat

hobiseok: why did i know that was going to happen lol

wreckmonster: Taehyung you can’t do that??? Where is the respect of privacy Jin and I have taught you

includemeincypherpls: alright so right now yoongi-hyung and namjoon-hyung are top on my list because of suspicious behavior

mochimin: why are you my best friend

includemeincypherpls: shit i forgot jimin he’s obviously kinky af

includemeincypherpls: let the kinkolympics begin

mochimin has added minsugagenius

includemeincypherpls has been kicked out by minsugagenius

minsugagenius: bad news, from today bangtan will be a group formed by six people

eommajin has added includemeincypherpls

eommajin: yoongi let him do his thing. if you have nothing to hide there’s nothing to fear


hobiseok: EXPOSE HIM!!

wreckmonster: Well said babe

eommajin: i’m not your babe

eommajin: and you were against it as well

includemeincypherpls: omg why is mom so savage all of a sudedn???

eommajin has changed the name to expose all members 2k17

hobiseok: i’m laughing so hard jin-hyung what

jeonnochu: isn’t it weird that namjoon-hyung, yoongi-hyung and jimin are suddenly really quiet lmao

eommajin: EXPOSED

mochimin: we talk and it’s suspicious, we don’t and it’s suspicious too!! what are we supposed to do then???

includemeincypherpls: i’m the one who has to ask questions jiminie

wreckmonster: Please stop

includemeincypherpls: no

hobiseok: babe don’t take it too far

includemeincupherpls: :( okay

Kumamon stan

includemeincypherpls: yoongi-hyung i hope you’re not angry at me

includemeincypherpls: but i have your phone and i want to check just one thing

includemeincypherpls: lol this nerd keeps texting you but you added them as “don’t answer him” what a loser

includemeincypherpls: wait i’m texting you

includemeincypherpls: hyung i can’t believe you

minsugagenius: taehyung you’re the best

minsugagenius: so handsome and talented…

expose all members 2k17

minsugagenius: it’s okay i don’t mind taehyung investigating our kinks

minsugagenius: mine are pretty obvious and jimin’s too

mochimin: s t o p t h i s

includemeincypherpls: i knew it!!

Min Suga♥

mochimin: salt are you okay?

mochimin: i thought you didn’t want anyone to know about your choker kink

mochimin: but anyway please don’t tell him about me and blindfolds

minsugagenius: it’s fine everyone knows by now

mochimin: taehyung i know this is you leave my boyfriend’s phone please or i’ll tell him

minsugagenius: SHIT HOW DID YOU KNOW

minsugagenius: sorry

expose all members 2k17

minsugagenius: taehyung took my phone again

includemeincypherpls: your password is the day you met jimin it’s not hard

minsugagenius has blocked includemeincypherpls

includemeincypherpls has been kicked out by minsugagenius

hobiseok: idk why you take it so personally everyone knows you’re kinky

minsugagenius: hoseok i’m warning you

hobiseok: there’s nothing wrong with liking chokers!

minsugagenius has blocked hobiseok

hobiseok has been kicked out by minsugagenius

eommajin: lol don’t take it too personally

jeonnochu: they’re just messing around

minsugagenius: i’m starting a block party and you’re all invited lmao

jeonnochu: i don’t think you’ll actually block me tbh

minsugagenius has blocked jeonnochu

minsugagenius: try me

wreckmonster: Alright maybe this video of rain in Daegu will calm you down…

wreckmonster: [link]
[It’s a link to a video called “Jimin’s sexy body wave compilation”]

minsugagenius has blocked wreckmonster

eommajin: damn those body waves i taught my child well!

minsugagenius: don’t talk about my boyfriend like that it’s weird

minsugagenius has blocked eommajin

minsugagenius: so there’s only jimin and i now

mochimin: lol yeah

mochimin: it was a wild day

minsugagenius: you can bet on it

mochimin: can i tell you one thing though?

minsugagenius: sure

mochimin: block me daddy

minsugagenius has blocked mochimin

Dancing companion 1

hobiseok: jiminie

hobiseok: add tae and i to the group and tell yoongi-hyung to unblock us please

mochimin: lol he blocked me as well

hobiseok: you’re both home though you can go to his room??

mochimin: shit u right

expose all members 2k17

minsugagenius has added hobiseok and includemeincypherpls

minsugagenius: you’re all unblocked again

jeonnochu: thank

eommajin: i can’t believe you actually blocked me

minsugagenius: let me live in peace please

Chapter Text

expose all members 2k17

eommajin: where are my sons

hobiseok: i’m here…?

eommajin: not you, i mean jungkook taehyung and jimin

hobiseok: wow okay

wreckmonster: I think they’re on Tae and Jimin’s room.

eommajin: the door is locked and i hear something from the inside

minsugagenius: jimin told me they were going to watch a film

jeonnochu: things got complicated…

mochimin: we were going to watch the Zorro movie

includemeincypherpls: but we got the wrong link and we started watching a colombian telenovela called el zorro, la espada y la rosa

jeonnochu: and now we’re addicted

mochimin: i’ve fallen in love with spanish all of a sudden

minsugagenius: hola amigo mío

hobiseok: when did you realize you were watching the wrong thing?

includemeincypherpls: like five min after starting it

jeonnochu: but it had trapped us

mochimin: we need help

includemeincypherpls: we need spanish names

jeonnochu: agreed! i’m juan carlos from now on

mochimin: change my name to jimeno del parque

includemeincypherpls: and i’ll be… terencio

hobiseok: @minsugagenius why are we dating them

minsugagenius: idk let them be it’ll probably pass in a few hours

eommajin: i hope so
✓seen by all at 11:46


includemeincypherpls: te vistes con belleza

hobiseok: ????

includemeincypherpls: la belleza ya está en ti

hobiseok: what are you saying

includemeincypherpls: lloro al verte

hobiseok: are you speaking Spanish

includemeincypherpls: me emociono

includemeincypherpls: son sentimientos

includemeincypherpls: son ganas de amarte

includemeincypherpls: aunque ya te amo ♥

hobiseok: are you done

includemeincypherpls: listen here i copied this romantic spanish poem just for you and you’re being an ungrateful ass i don’t deserve this

hobiseok: is this from the telenovela you’re watching with jimin and jungkook?

includemeincypherpls: who are they? i only know juan carlos and jimeno del parque

hobiseok: i’m so done with you

Min Suga♥

mochimin: 1! EL BREIKINDANCE

mochimin: 2! EL CRUSAÍTO

mochimin: 3! EL MAIQUELYASON

mochimin: 4! EL ROBOCOP!!

minsugagenius: are you actually singing el chikichiki to me i can’t believe you

minsugagenius: is this a way of telling me you want action

mochimin: what?

mochimin: hyung how do you know the song??

minsugagenius: it was on eurovision once


minsugagenius: do you actually know what the song is about

mochimin: no

minsugagenius: it’s better if you keep it this way

expose all members 2k17

jeonnochu: we’ve finished the telenovela

jeonnochu: i suddenly want to learn spanish

wreckmonster: You barely speak English though.

hobiseok: REKT

eommajin: let the kid learn what he wants to learn

mochimin: we’ve learnt a few words from the telenovela though

includemeincypherpls: “hola” “gracias” and not a lot more

jeonnochu: “hija de perra”


wreckmonster: We might not know Spanish but we do know google translate…

eommajin: jeon jungkook you’re grounded

eommajin: no more telenovelas this week

jeonnochu: i’m so glad my name is juan carlos and not jungkook

includemeincypherpls: VBWHCBIWSNCDEJWDN

mochimin: DAMN KOOKEH

eommajin: you’re gonna eat my chancla

jeonnochu: SHIT

minsugagenius: lmao jimeno del parque can you come to the studio pls

mochimin: SEE. that’s how it’s done.

mochimin: i’m omw

jeonnochu: so now that yoonmin are going to have a loving moment in the studio i’ll probably go to sleep

jeonnochu: don’t wake me up again @vhope @namjin

eommajin: don’t you mean jhope and namjoon

wreckmonster: Namjin is the our ship name, dear. VHope is VxJ-Hope

eommajin: oh. you don’t have to worry about that jungkook we aren’t dating so

wreckmonster: :( Friendzoned again

includemeincypherpls: ASDDFGSUHJ namjoon exposing the real ship

includemeincypherpls has changed the name to namjin confirmed 2k17

eommajin has changed the name to mind your business, taehyung


wreckmonster: Are you serious?

eommajin: what?

wreckmonster: Am I really just your friend?

eommajin: of course not!

wreckmonster: Alright.

eommajin: are you angry?

eommajin: do you need a hug?

wreckmonster: Please.


jeonnochu: jimeno del parque

mochimin: what

jeonnochu: tú eres bajo



jeonnochu: your fists couldn’t even reach my chest even if you jumped


jeonnochu: did you mean *say goodbye to your sins?? because that’s what you should do as well

mochimin: jeon jungkook i’m so sick of you

jeonnochu: no you’re not

mochimin: SHIT U RIGHT

mind your business, taehyung

includemeincypherpls: can anyone show me how to stop thinking about telenovelas

hobiseok: i can try ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

jeonnochu: GROSS

includemeincypherpls: /not here hyung/

hobiseok: ;)

mochimin: do you want to get blocked or…

minsugagenius: jimin stop pretending to be disgusted you’re like that

eommajin: EXPOSDE

wreckmonster: I can’t believe I’ve actually read that with my own two eyes…

jeonnochu: yoonmin rising

minsugagenius: what is your obsession with yoonmin??? i don’t understand it???

minsugagenius: like we’re a regular couple calm down pls

hobiseok: but hyung it’s different

hobiseok has sent a picture

hobiseok: see? this is me with taehyung. normal couple. really in love

hobiseok has sent a picture

hobiseok: but THIS is different because you’re usually quite distant and look at you with him

mochimin: <333

includemeincypherpls: we think that’s it’s really cute how in love hyung is with jimin ♥

minsugagenius: … i don’t want to talk about this

mochimin: i’m next to him and he’s blushing!!!

minsugagenius: let me breathe

eommajin: can you breathe if you’re next to the love of your life?

mochimin: omg his face is gonna explode

jeonnochu: that’s so adorable omg

minsugagenius: please leave me alone

Chapter Text

mind your business, taehyung

eommajin has been kicked out by wreckmonster

mochimin: ????

jeonnochu: is something wrong?

includemeincypherpls: what has jin-hyung done?

hobiseok: they’re having a fight :/ i’m hearing them argue from my room

mochimin: what’s going on???

mochimin: @wreckmonster do you need help? are you okay?

wreckmonster: Your mother and I are having couple problems, but everything is going to be fine.

jeonnochu: i want jin to have my custody

mochimin: /JUNGKOOK/

jeonnochu: just in case!

includemeincypherpls: they’re not going to break up though right??

minsugagenius: technically they’re not dating so they won’t break up

minsugagenius: although jin-hyung is always the one who denies them dating and namjoon fuels the rumors but anyway lmao

mochimin: hyung do you know what’s going on? can you please explain? we still have a few minutes of break before practice

minsugagenius: lol i have a vague idea but i can’t tell you

hobiseok: i’m actually hearing a lot of it, but i can’t tell you either

includemeincypherpls: hyung please… we’re actually worried

wreckmonster: Jin was supposed to watch a movie with me yesterday but he “forgot” and went with Ken instead.

minsugagenius: lmao unloyal hyung

wreckmonster: It’s not funny! :( I really wanted to watch a movie with him…

wreckmonster: I had even prepared the popcorn!

minsugagenius: without burning the house down!

includemeincypher: damn!

mochimin: hyung we love you very much i hope you solve it soon! <3

wreckmonster: Thank you Jimin…


eommajin: Namjoon

eommajin: Namjoon i’m sorry

eommajin: please come out of your room, or at least let me in so that we can talk about this

eommajin: turn your music down! please, joon…

wreckmonster has blocked eommajin

Grandpa child

eommajin: yoongi i need your help

minsugagenius: what is it, hyung?

eommajin: can you please talk with namjoon? he has blocked me and he’s ignoring me

minsugagenius: what do you want me to tell him?

eommajin: convince him to listen to me

minsugagenius: alright

Dad 2

minsugagenius: namjoonieeeee

minsugagenius: are you alright? do you want to talk about it?

wreckmonster: No, because I have the feeling that I’m overreacting.

minsugagenius: tell hyung what’s wrong

wreckmonster: It’s just that I wanted to have a good afternoon with him, you know?

wreckmonster: When I called him and I heard Ken on the other side of the line it kinda broke my heart?

minsugagenius: i can imagine :/

wreckmonster: Because I… I really like Jin. Okay I said it. Please don’t tell the others.

minsugagenius: lol joon everyone knows you do

minsugagenius: it’s jin the one who doesn’t realize you like him

wreckmonster: …

minsugagenius: wait he knows, right?

wreckmonster: … Yeah.

minsugagenius: now i understand why you were eating each other’s faces the other day

minsugagenius: wait has it happened more than once?

wreckmonster: Hyung please I’m having a moment here

minsugagenius: sorry. i think you should talk to him tho

wreckmonster: Why?

minsugagenius: he told me he wanted to fix things but you’re ignoring him

minsugagenius: if you actually liked him you should at least listen to him

wreckmonster: You’re right… I’ll talk to him.

minsugagenius: that’s my boy


wreckmonster: …

eommajin: oh finally!! i was so worried you would never talk to me ever again

wreckmonster: I could never do that

eommajin: i’m really sorry, joon… can i come into your room so we can talk?

wreckmonster: If I look at you I won’t be able to say what I truly want to say.

eommajin: okay, i’m listening then

wreckmonster: You’ve always been by my side. We’ve been friends since pre-debut and when we were assigned the parents of the group role we became even closer.

wreckmonster: When you forgot we had to watch a movie it made me feel like I wasn’t worth your time, and I reacted without thinking. I’m sorry I ignored you.

eommajin: it was my fault, i should have been more responsible. i hope you forgive me

eommajin: also you’re always worth my time. i enjoy every second i spend with you, and i’m really sorry i forgot about our movie date

wreckmonster: Wait, you actually called it a date?

eommajin: namjoon, we both know our feelings for each other of course it was a date

eommajin: which makes me feel even more guilty

eommajin: i can make up for it whenever you want

eommajin: lol did you just unlock your room’s door

wreckmonster: I need cuddles

mind your business, taehyung

wreckmonster has added eommajin

mochimin: finally!

jeonnochu: so everything came out well right?

minsugagenius: amazing choice of words, nochu

jeonnochu: what?

eommajin: we’re sorry we worried you

eommajin: everything is fine

hobiseok: i’m glad!!!

hobiseok: it scared me a bit when i heard you arguing

includemeincypherpls: that must have been awful, i’m glad that we’re going back home with a good atmosphere!

wreckmonster: Jin-hyung and I are going to cook you something to apologize for the inconvenience :)

hobiseok: look at how happy he is

minsugagenius: young love is truly amazing

eommajin: yoongi, don’t ruin my good mood

minsugagenius: ¯\ _(ツ)_/¯

Chapter Text


hobiseok has created the group

hobiseok has added minsugagenius, mochimin, includemeincypherpls and jeonnochu

jeonnochu: why did you create this group?

hobiseok: are you all here?

mochimin: yeah

includemeincypherpls: yeah

hobiseok: jimin where is yoongi?

minsugagenius: what is this group

hobiseok: alright don’t leave i need to say something to you

hobiseok: remember when namjoon and jin-hyung accepted that they had kissed but that it had been only once?

jeonnochu: yeah

hobiseok: well i woke up early this morning because it smelled like pancakes

includemeincypherpls: yeah, you woke when you left the bed :c

hobiseok: aw i’m sorry! well anywya i went to the kitchen

hobiseok: …

jeonnochu: and??

hobiseok: there was namjin action

mochimin: WHAT

minsugagenius: lol

minsugagenius: what kind of action though

hobiseok: hyung please i’m still in shock

minsugagenius: did they see you?

hobiseok: nah

mochimin: but… why do they keep denying that they’re together?

includemeincypherpls: why did you and yoongi-hyung deny for so long that you love each other

mochimin: BLOCKED

jeonnochu: but they must have their own reasons right?

hobiseok: i mean, sure but we should trust each other

hobiseok: and the other day namjoonie was angry because jin had forgotten their date

minsugagenius: lol

jeonnochu: is it just me or yoongi hyung knows more than what he’s telling us…?

minsugagenius: lmao

hobiseok: what do you know that we don’t

minsugagenius: ¯\ _(ツ)_/¯

includemeincypherpls: jimin do something

mochimin: i’ll convince him with my natural charms to tell me everything don’t worry!!

minsugagenius: come on it’s obvious that they’re secretly dating

minsugagenius: have you seen how they look at each other?

jeonnochu: is… is hyung being a namjin shipper and analyzing their body language???

mochimin: you did that with us

jeonnochu: lmao true

jeonnochu: but i’m the maknae i’m supposed to know everthing!!

jeonnochu: and i’m jin’s favourite son

includemeincypherpls: that’s a lie. blocked.

hobiseok: maybe namjoon is willing to have an “open” relationship but jin-hyung is scared of the reactions people will have!

hobiseok: maybe they’re waiting for the best moment to tell us that they’re having another kid!! @jeonnochu you wanted a lil sibling right

jeonnochu: /yes/

mochimin: i think this is getting out of hadn

includemeincypherpls: hadn

includemeincypherpls has changed the name to hadn

mochimin: to be fair i deserve it

minsugagenius: i think we should let them accept it when they’re ready

minsugagenius: which is the fair thing to do

includemeincypherpls: says the one who exposed them the first time

hobiseok: LMAO REKT

hobiseok: i honestly don’t know what to do

mochimin: i think that we should let them tell us when they’re ready too

jeonnochu: i’ll probably talk with jin-hyung about it anyway

hobiseok: remember, i haven’t told you anything

includemeincypherpls: it will be a secret between us, don’t worry! :)

jeonnochu: don’t worry, they won’t even know i know!


eommajin: namjoonie

eommajin: what have you told jungkook

wreckmonster: What?

eommajin: he asked me when we’re going to accept our love in front of everyone

wreckmonster: Hahah classic Jungkook!

wreckmonster: I haven’t said anything though.

eommajin: then you’ve told someone and that someone has told him

wreckmonster: Darling, everyone thinks we’re together, don’t be like that…

wreckmonster: Why do you care so much anyway?

eommajin: because… i don’t know

eommajin: maybe because i’m scared that you’ll stop loving me one day

wreckmonster: Why would I ever do that?

eommajin: because i’m a mess

wreckmonster: But you’re my favorite mess

eommajin: :)

eommajin: maybe we should tell them. when you’re ready

wreckmonster: I’ve been ready from the start

eommajin: should we tell them now?

wreckmonster: Wait let me come back from the studio and we’ll send the message together

mind your business, taehyung

eommajin has sent a picture

eommajin: this may not be surprising to some of you but

minsugagenius: fucking finally!!!

eommajin: eh, language

includemeincypherpls: HELL YES MY PARENTS

hobiseok: i knew it lmao BUT I’M SO HAPPY FOR YOU

jeonnochu: OH MY GAWD

jeonnochu has changed the name to namjin is real you fucsk

wreckmonster: Jungkook if you’re gonna swear please at least do it well

jeonnochu: i’m too glam to give a damn

mochimin: <333 love is real!!!!

minsugagenius: wow thank you

eommajin: please don’t make a huge deal out of this

wreckmonster: We know they will, Jin…

includemeincypherpls: jungkook is the single pringle now

jeonnochu: …

mochimin: or IS HE???

jeonnochu: i’m married to the music

includemeincypherpls: you’re the most boring person i know

hobiseok: are we forgetting that our parents are together

minsugagenius: we all knew though

wreckmonster: YOU knew, the others had no clue

eommajin: he knew?

minsugagenius: joon told me lmao

eommajin: WHAT

wreckmonster: I told him a part of the truth, he discovered the rest

mochimin: and you hadn’t told us?

minsugagenius: i’m a trustworthy guy

hobiseok: i saw you making out this morning on the kitchen counter

eommajin: i’m so tempted of leaving the group rn

includemeincypherpls: we’re actually really happy for you two :) i hope your relationship lasts long!

wreckmonster: I mean… we’ve kinda been together for the past seven months

mochimin: WHAT


eommajin: it wasn’t official

jeonnochu: and it is now?

wreckmonster: Yeah

hobiseok: awwwwww the ship has sailed!!!

mochimin: so… are you gonna invite us to the wedding?

eommajin: please leave us be before we leave Bangtan

Chapter Text

Tongue technology

hobiseok: hyung i just had the best idea

minsugagenius: i’m ready to be surprised

hobiseok: it doesn’t affect you that much but it can be fun

minsugagenius: why doesn’t it affect me that much?

hobiseok: because you’re the second oldest and i was thinking about making

hobiseok: the Change The Honorifics Day

minsugagenius: why would that be a good idea

hobiseok: you could call jin “noona” or whatever you want

minsugagenius: alright i’m in

minsugagenius: jungkook is the one who will have the most fun though

hobiseok: it’s alright yoongi-unnie! if we’re going to change the honorifics you can call whoever you want whatever you want

hobiseok: you can call jimin oppa if you want ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

minsugagenius: i’ve suddenly remembered i haven’t blocked anyone in a while


minsugagenius: lmao

minsugagenius: so when are you going to explain them your idea

hobiseok: the only one who doesn’t know is namjoon but i don’t want to tell him

minsugagenius: why?

hobiseok: because it will be hilarious to see him confused when everyone is suddenly incredibly wrong with the honorifics

minsugagenius: asdfghjkl duuuuude lmao poor namjoon-noona

minsugagenius: okay let’s do this you start

namjin is real you fucsk

hobiseok: jungkook-unnie!! are you available?

jeonnochu: sure, noona! what do you need?

hobiseok: i need you and jimin-noona to come to the dance practice and help with the new choreography

includemeincypherpls: aww hobi-oppa you work so hard! you should rest as well

hobiseok: it’s alright taehyung-oppa you know one of the two things i love the most is dancing :)

hobiseok: (the second is you, oppa <3)

includemeincypherpls: awwww

eommajin: hyungs!! we’re out of noodles again can someone come with me to buy groceries?

eommajin: y’all, stop ignoring me

mochimin: it’s alright noona i can come with you after i finish dance practice!

minsugagenius: jimin oppa i thought you were going to watch a movie with me this afternoon :(

mochimin: don’t worry oppa, we have time!!

wreckmonster: Okay but what is this disaster…?

wreckmonster: How can you use the honorifics wrong so many times in five minutes?

minsugagenius: i don’t know what you’re talking about, noona

wreckmonster: Alright who started this mess?

mochimin: it was unnie

eommajin: yeah, it’s hyung’s fault

jeonnochu: you should blame noona completely for this


eommajin: don’t be angry, oppa, let’s just have fun!

wreckmonster: Please don’t call me oppa it’s really weird

eommajin: that’s what you say now ;)


mochimin: this is getting out of hadn

includemeincypherpls: how can you spell hand wrong two times??


includemeincypherpls: SHIT

jeonnochu: *aggressive dabbing* WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO


jeonnochu: i spend a lot of time with yugyeom and bambam

wreckmonster: This group chat is not chaotic, it’s the next.

minsugagenius: i’m used to it now tbh

wreckmonster: Why did you start using honorifics wrong btw?

eommajin: ask hyung

includemeincypherpls: yeah oppa told us to do it

wreckmonster: You called him oppa… so he is Hoseok

hobiseok: /SHIT I GOT CAUGHT/

mochimin: /run for your life/

hobiseok: *blasting*

includemeincypherpls: you can come here i’ll protect u <22

minsugagenius: lol why did you write <2 instead of <3

includemeincypherpls: my hands are too big for my phone

includemeincypherpls: @mochimin you don’t have this problem right?


mochimin: @minsugagenius do something

minsugagenius: what can i do, your hands /are/ small

mochimin: mum help me i’m being attacked………….

eommajin: lmao

mochimin: et tu, mama???????

wreckmonster: Did you just quote Julius Caesar?

wreckmonster: I didn’t think you would know him.

mochimin: taehyung and i did a percy jackson marathon the other day and i investigated a bit after that

hobiseok: lmao

wreckmonster: Anyway I’m glad you stopped with the incorrect use of honorifics

jeonnochu: we can start again if you want, unnie <3

wreckmonster has left the chat

eommajin: ASDHGKADFHADB okay let’s stop lmao

hobiseok: alright it was starting to be a bit annoying

eommajin has added wreckmonster

mochimin: sorry, hyung

includemeincypherpls: i’ll stop if you let me have a line in cypher 5

wreckmonster: No.

includemeincypherpls: :(

hobiseok: poor tae omg

includemeincypherpls: the fact that namjoon-hyung rejected my participation in cypher caught me off guard too but never accept rejection as failure

minsugagenius: why does everyone use last year memes instead of creating new ones

includemeincypherpls: we’re walking memes

minsugagenius: you’re right

minsugagenius: are you all okay i heard someone falling on the kitchen and i’m too lazy to get out of bed

hobiseok: probably namjoon

wreckmonster: Why do you think it was me?

eommajin: it was namjoon indeed

wreckmonster: I thought what we had was special why must you betray me like this???

minsugagenius: everyone is so dramatic today

mochimin: lmao

minsugagenius: especially you, jimin

mochimin: unlmao

includemeincypherpls: did you just create the opposite of lmao

includemeincypherpls: but lmao are initials

mochimin: language can always change

wreckmonster: You’re all walking disasters.

Chapter Text


jeonnochu: jimin-hyung

mochimin: what

jeonnochu: what do i do to stop being a third wheel

mochimin: ??? what’s going on?

jeonnochu: i was going to watch a show with taehyung and hoseok-hyung came and sat next to him

jeonnochu: everything normal

jeonnochu: but then they started watching rookie king


mochimin: are you serious

jeonnochu: /YES/ and they’re saying things like “remember when this happened and i was too shy to tell you i liked you???” and it’s so annoying

jeonnochu: i feel like i’m watching a presentation about why vhope is real

mochimin: are they really marathoning that without cringing? that’s the real question

jeonnochu: please can you come so i don’t feel alone

mochimin: what do you give me in exchange

jeonnochu: unconditional love and appreciation?

mochimin: y i k e s do you think i need your love?

jeonnochu: okay then something else

mochimin: no please don’t i need love and support

jeonnochu: lmao so are you coming or

mochimin: sure give me a sec

Dad with my age

hobiseok has sent a picture

hobiseok: nice hair you got there

wreckmonster: PLEASE STOP THIS

wreckmonster: Are you watching Rookie King?

hobiseok has sent a picture

hobiseok: /WE/ are watching rookie king!!

wreckmonster: Poor Jungkookie…

hobiseok: jiminie just came and sat between taehyung and jungkook lmao

hobiseok: i’m sure he told him to come

wreckmonster: Do you want me to come?

hobiseok: nah it’s fine

hobiseok: but i can send you pictures of your old hairstyle if that makes you happy

wreckmonster: Please stop this

Jiminie :)

minsugagenius: where are you

mochimin: watching rookie king with jungkook tae and hobi hyung

minsugagenius: why didn’t you tell me?

mochimin: i came because kook felt like a third wheel aladnjad forgive me hyung

minsugagenius: it’s alright

minsugagenius: which episode are you on

mochimin: we’re halfway through the fourth and taeseok are literally screaming

mochimin: i’m so glad you’re on the studio with namjoon-hyung tbh

minsugagenius: yeah hoseok should be here too but lmao

mochimin: do i tell him to gned

minsugagenius: ???

mochimin: sorry my phone fell on my face

mochimin: do i tell him to go?

minsugagenius: lol it’s alright don’t worry

minsugagenius: is your face okay?

mochimin: did you mean my *beautiful face?

minsugagenius: ……………………………………

mochimin: i’m well

minsugagenius: good

mochimin: lmao i love how you actually forced them to kiss

minsugagenius: well someone’s gotta do god’s work and nobody else was there to do it

minsugagenius: thank me later *finger guns*

mochimin: *finger guns back*

mochimin: although thanks to that now they’re cheesy and gross y i k e s

minsugagenius: i can be cheesy and gross too

mochimin: please don’t

minsugagenius: love you my mochiiiiiiiiiiiiiii ♥♥

mochimin: /are you aware that there’s people around me/

minsugagenius: lmao are you blushing?

minsugagenius: anyway i’ll leave you with your vhope adventure i’m going back to work

mochimin: YOU ABANDON ME

minsugagenius: lmao sorry


wreckmonster: When you finish watching Rookie King come to the studio please

mochimin: sure thing hyung!

mochimin: we’re still on episode six though

wreckmonster: Can’t you stop your marathon for a while? You have like two hours left

mochimin: what kind of monster would stop a rookie king marathon though??????

mochimin: did your ideas get stuck in your 2013 hair and now that you’ve cut it you have none left???

wreckmonster: … I’m not even sure what you meant with that but okay

namjin is real you fucsk

hobiseok has sent a picture

minsugagenius: lmao cute

includemeincypherpls has changed the name to The Rookie King Marathon Adventure

eommajin: why do you call everything an adventure?

includemeincypherpls: if you make everything in life an adventure it will be more entertaining and cool

includemeincypherpls: also it makes me feel like indiana jones

mochimin: nerd

includemeincypherpls: loser

mochimin: i’m glad we’re friends as well

includemeincypherpls: <3

Chapter Text

The Rookie King Marathon Adventure

jeonnochu: i have an announcement to make

mochimin: what is it?

jeonnochu: i have this new dream i’d like to accomplish one day

jeonnochu: i want to become a youtuber

includemeincypherpls: will we ever collab

jeonnochu: no, you’re too ugly and i don’t want my youtube channel to get flagged

includemeincypherpls: BLOCKED

mochimin: but how are you going to upload regularly if we’re always busy?

minsugagenius: we’re talking about our golden maknae, is there something he can’t do?

includemeincypherpls: be nice to me

mochimin: stop copying me

jeonnochu: idk how i’m going to do it but i will

eommajin: where does this dream come from??

jeonnochu: i wanted to improve my english so i decided to watch a few videos

jeonnochu: and now i’ve become addicted to youtubers

includemeincypherpls: how many people do you follow now

jeonnochu: like 15 different people

wreckmonster: So that’s what you were doing yesterday under your sheets…

jeonnochu: ??? what else could i be doing

eommajin: namjoonie don’t

wreckmonster: ¯\ _(ツ)_/¯

hobiseok: and what kind of videos do you want to make, kookie?

jeonnochu: dance covers, tags, random videos tbh

includemeincypherpls: you could make a video doing the bottle flip challenge

minsugagenius: please don’t

minsugagenius: let the bottle flip challenge die

mochimin: hyung is upset because he’s never flipped a bottle

minsugagenius: don’t expose me please

mochimin: ;)

hobiseok: we support you jeon jungkook!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hobiseok: we love you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

jeonnochu: thank u hyung

hobiseok has changed the name to Jungkook the YouTube Sensation

eommajin: you’re my favourite son i believe in you :)

includemeincypherpls: i’m trying not to feel insulted by that

mochimin: :( mum

eommajin: i love you two as well don’t be such crybabies


includemeincypherpls: jimin u know what we could do

includemeincypherpls: make a channel ourselves called 95 Liners

includemeincypherpls: and post random shit

mochimin: please not you too

mochimin: creating a youtube channel is a lot of work

includemeincypherpls: we could ask yoongi-hyung for help

mochimin: as tempting as it sounds to spend more time working with him i’ll say no this time lol

mochimin: do you really know how much time it takes to edit stuff??

includemeincypherpls: not really

includemeincypherpls: i’ve heard you sigh from here stop it

includemeincypherpls: i thought you were my friend but now you’re a TRAITOR!!!

mochimin: don’t exaggerate please


includemeincypherpls: hyung do you want to make a youtube channel with me

hobiseok: do you even know how to edit?

includemeincypherpls: i had to use windows movie maker for a school project once i guess i can say i’m practically an expert on the subject

hobiseok: i’m sure jungkook will let you collab with him! :) i don’t have time for a youtube channel

includemeincypherpls: i can film you being an amazing human being and post it online

includemeincypherpls: i’m sure a lot of people would watch it

hobiseok: tae i really appreciate that but do you remember what happened after your “oh” series…?

includemeincypherpls: shipping madness

includemeincypherpls: alright i will tlak with jungkook


includemeincypherpls: nochu are u there

includemeincypherpls: ?????

jeonnochu: sorry i’m filming a video do u want to say something to my beautiful audience?

includemeincypherpls has sent a voice note.
[Jeon Jungkook cried with High School Musical 2]

jeonnochu: please stop exposing me in front of armys

includemeincypherpls: you can edit that out though

includemeincypherpls: can i come with you and collab

jeonnochu: sorry i suddenly forgot how to read and write

includemeincypherpls: this is the absolutely worse excuse you’ve ever made in your entire life and you told me once you had to water your fish

jeonnochu: Пока

includemeincypherpls: i just searched what that means don’t tell me goodbye in russian don’t pretend you don’t understand me adhbkdhne

Jungkook the YouTube Sensation

jeonnochu: bad news people

jeonnochu: i’m not allowed to have a youtube channel

eommajin: :(

eommajin: why is that?

jeonnochu: because we already have BangtanTV and i never upload anything on twitter. like ever

includemeincypherpls: this is karma

includemeincypherpls: because you didn’t want to collab with me

mochimin: lol

jeonnochu: :( i really wanted to become a youtuber

minsugagenius: are you sad?

jeonnochu: kinda

minsugagenius: alright wait i’m bringing ice cream!

jeonnochu: thank u hyung <3

mochimin: ... it’s been almost an hour where is he

mochimin: oh i just heard the bell lmao

hobiseok: min yoongi the ice cream truck has finally arrived home!!

minsugagenius: if you call me ice cream truck again i will shove an entire cone up your ear

wreckmonster: Violence in this family will not be allowed!!!

minsugagenius: lmao it was a joke please come to the dining room to get your ice cream

wreckmonster: Thank you hyung~

Chapter Text

Jungkook the YouTube Sensation

minsugagenius: okay who’s the t r a i t o r who has been editing my pics to make me look like a girl and hanging them around the house


minsugagenius: did /you/ do it kookie?

jeonnochu: why would you think that? :(

mochimin: to be fair you look stunning

minsugagenius: i know but it’s humiliating how bad the photoshop is

hobiseok: LMAO

minsugagenius: so it was you

hobiseok: not really but i wish it had been me

minsugagenius: so it was taehyung

wreckmonster: Why Taehyung?

minsugagenius: idk it looks like it’s something he would do to bother me

mochimin: tae has been watching movies with me the whole night though

mochimin: in fact he’s still asleep

hobiseok: adorable!!!

eommajin: alright i don’t know who has been doing this and it’s pretty hilarious but where’s all the food

eommajin: all i see are pictures of the beautiful min yoonji

minsugagenius: please don’t bring her back

jeonnochu: /please bring her back she was the best/

hobiseok: i suggest that we change yoongi hyung for yoonji noona

hobiseok: who agrees

wreckmonster: I

eommajin: i

includemeincypherpls: i

minsugagenius: jimin don’t u dare

mochimin: lmao she was amazing though

includemeincypherpls: she has a gun on her bag that’s goals

mochimin: all girls should learn from her

minsugagenius: should i be bothered that you like the female version of me better than my male and real version

mochimin: i mean

eommajin: if you could bring her back sometimes that would be cool

jeonnochu: we miss her

jeonnochu: is this why there are pictures of her everywhere?

includemeincypherpls: probably

eommajin has changed the name to Min Yoonji we love you

minsugagenius: :(

minsugagenius: i feel so shocked and betrayed right now

hobiseok: ahdbidhba

wreckmonster: Don’t be angry, hyung! You know we love you

minsugagenius: sure

minsugagenius: i still need to know who’s the f u c k e r who has been doing this

eommajin: yoongi, language!

mochimin: lmao it wasn’t me

minsugagenius: okay i’m going to leave the chat add me when you’ve discovered who it is

minsugagenius has left the chat

includemeincypherpls: is he angry?

wreckmonster: I don’t think so

wreckmonster: He’s probably waiting for someone to confess because Jimin will send him a screenshot

mochimin: hey why do you think that?

hobiseok: because it’s probably true lmao

mochimin: :/

jeonnochu: curious……….

eommajin: was it you, kookie?

jeonnochu: why do you think that?

eommajin: i heard you giggling in front of your computer at 4am while printing something

eommajin: that wasn’t very smart of you

hobiseok: EXPOSED!!!


jeonnochu: hey i didn’t say it was me!! it all has a logical explanation

mochimin: did you do it

jeonnochu: lmao yeah



includemeincypherpls: stop jeon “coconut headass” jungkook 2kforever

jeonnochu: stop calling me coconut headass i changed my hairstyle

includemeincypherpls: whatever you say my coconuty friend

wreckmonster has added minsugagenius

minsugagenius: so… jungkook

jeonnochu: *blasts*

jeonnochu: jimin i iwll punch u

minsugagenius: lmao no you won’t

minsugagenius: come to my room hyung will teach you how photshop really works

hobiseok: WHAT

minsugagenius: who do you want to photoshop first

jeonnochu: /taehyung/

includemeincypherpls: excuse me

minsugagenius: alright

eommajin: PLOT TWITS

Min Suga♥

mochimin: are you really going to help jungkook with photoshop

minsugagenius: why not

minsugagenius: he has potential

minsugagenius: and you have to agree it was pretty funny

mochimin: who are you and what have you done to min yoongi

Min Yoonji we love you

jeonnochu has sent a picture

jeonnochu: i hope you like the creation me and yoongi-hyung have done

includemeincypher: why am i the only one without boobs

jeonnochu: because you’re already a huge ass

hobiseok: REKT

includemeincypherpls: what is all this d i s r e s p e c t


eommajin has changed the name to rip kim taehyung

wreckmonster: Will be remembered lovingly

includemeincypherpls: :(

minsugagenius: dead people can’t text

hobiseok: i’m laughing so hard

hobiseok: tae are u okay do u need a hug

hobiseok: tae??

includemeincypherpls: dead people can’t text

mochimin: adkdbehabd come on don’t be angry

hobiseok: he’s pouting that’s cute

includemeincypherpls: stop embarrassing me please

hobiseok: but that’s true

jeonnochu has sent a picture

minsugagenius: our proudest creation at the moment

minsugagenius: kim taehee and jung hosook

hobiseok: delete yourselves

eommajin: accurate

wreckmonster: Hoseok you look like your sister

hobiseok: are you calling me beautiful or are you calling her ugly

includemeincypherpls: you’re always beautiful hyung

hobiseok: <3

minsugagenius: anyway this was a fun experience thank u jungkook

jeonnochu: no problem

jeonnochu: i can bother you whenever you (don’t) want

minsugagenius: don’t cross the line

Chapter Text

rip kim taehyung

jeonnochu: guys…

mochimin: is everything alright?

jeonnochu: guys i fucked up

includemeincypherpls: something new…?

jeonnochu: shut up i’m actually worried

eommajin: what’s wrong?

jeonnochu: alright here it goes… i met this girl

wreckmonster: ???? Girl?

jeonnochu: yes

minsugagenius: ?????? i’m actually confused

hobiseok: wait are you sure you didn’t mean boy and forgot one letter

mochimin: you can’t make these kinds of jokes in english hyung the readers won’t understand them


jeonnochu: so anyway we fell in love

minsugagenius: cute

jeonnochu: and now she’s pregnant?

includemeincypherpls: W H A T

hobiseok: JUNGKOOK WTF


mochimin: does she want to keep the baby?

jeonnochu: i don’t know, i don’t understand her language


includemeincypherpls: what language does she speak

wreckmonster: Maybe I can try talking to her in English?

eommajin: what’s her name?

jeonnochu: i don’t know what language she speaks

jeonnochu: but she’s called summer

includemeincypherpls: so did you fall for her or did you summer for her

jeonnochu: hyung i’m having a breakdown be serious????

jeonnochu: i’m not ready to be a dad

wreckmonster: It’s alright Jungkook we still have a few months to think what to do, just… make sure she doesn’t tell anyone for now

minsugagenius: do you think anyone would believe her though?

wreckmonster: Who knows

jeonnochu: the problem is that the baby will arrive in a few days

includemeincypherpls: w h A T



wreckmonster: S T O P B R E A K I N G T H E F O U R T H W A L L

eommajin: alright kookie don’t worry we’ll help you

eommajin: but you should have told us before

jeonnochu: i didn’t know!!

minsugagenius: that was really irresponsible of you to be honest

jeonnochu: yes, i’m sorry

mochimin: can you send a picture of her?

mochimin: jungkook where are you?

jeonnochu: i’m hiding so you can’t find me

mochimin: come on we won’t beat the hell out of you or something

includemeincypherpls: *kissing my fist* speak for yourself

mochimin: /taehyung this is not the time/

includemeincypherpls: alright soz

hobiseok: jungkook don’t be afraid. we’ll support you, okay?

jeonnochu: … okay

hobiseok: can you send a picture of her? at least this way we’ll know how she is

jeonnochu: okay but don’t be angry

eommajin: ?? why would we be angry?

jeonnochu has sent a picture

includemeincypherpls: YOU ASSHOLE


jeonnochu: i’m sorry but i’m laughing s o h a r d

wreckmonster: Wait, were you… just playing The Sims?

jeonnochu: yes


jeonnochu: sorry!!! sorry hyungs i’m really sorry dheabdjha

includemeincypherpls: okay we have to admit that was actually funny

eommajin: …

mochimin: hyung are you okay

eommajin: i lowkey wanted to be a grandpa before turning 25

wreckmonster: Okay hyung you have a problem

minsugagenius: jungkook lmao

jeonnochu: at least someone understands!!

mochimin: jeon jungkook i’m never speaking to you again

jeonnochu: please don’t delete the game i’ve worked really hard to keep them all alive without cheating

includemeincypherpls: oh what is that is the sound of me closing your game without saving because you didn’t want to collab


eommajin: ?? has he blasted through the flat from where he was hiding to his computer just to make sure his game is okay?

minsugagenius: i saw him running into a door so that’s likely

wreckmonster: RIP Jeon Jungkook, will always be in our hearts

jeonnochu: i’m not dead

mochimin: yet

jeonnochu: shit up

hobiseok: /shit up/


includemeincypherpls: karma

mochimin: shit up taehyung anyone can make a mistake

jeonnochu: are you actually kidding me



minsugagenius has changed the name to shit up everyone

hobiseok: this is too funny to me

eommajin: why do you have to put swear words in the group chat…

eommajin has changed the name to Seokjinnie and six babies

wreckmonster: To be fair that’s an accurate representation of our group

minsugagenius: min yoongi approves

Chapter Text

Seokjinnie and six babies

includemeincypherpls: hey guys do you rememeber when i was obsessed with fanfiction a while ago

minsugagenius: how could i forget

minsugagenius: wait you’re not going to continue reading them, right?

mochimin: taehyung the last time you read fanfics you woke me up at like 3am because you were crying

includemeincypherpls: well good news for you then

jeonnochu: oh no

includemeincypherpls: because i just created an ao3 account

eommajin: you did what

includemeincypherpls: and if everything goes well i’ll upload my first work today!

wreckmonster: I didn’t even know you enjoyed writing

jeonnochu: i didn’t even know you could write

includemeincypherpls: what is all this disrespect

includemeincypherpls: jungkook i’m not including you in my yoonmin a/o fic anymore for being a coconut headass

mochimin: in your what

minsugagenius: excuse me

hobiseok: don’t worry hyung yoonmin isn’t the main couple

eommajin: which one is it then

hobiseok: jeon jungkook/coconut


includemeincypherpls: well thAT WAS THE PLAN


includemeincypherpls: now i’ve changed the main couple

hobiseok: what is it now?

includemeincypherpls: kim taehyung/peace and quiet

mochimin: can you write a min yoongi/bed

includemeincypherpls: no, but i can write about min yoongi on a bed

includemeincypherpls: wink wink

includemeincypherpls has been kicked out by minsugagenius

minsugagenius: lol so anyway

wreckmonster: @eommajin Please control your kid

eommajin: he’s also your kid don’t blame me

jeonnochu: i’m-

mochimin: jungkook

jeonnochu: what

mochimin: nothing, i was finishing your sentence

jeonnochu: nerd

mochimin: *crying* this is the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me

hobiseok has added includemeincypherpls

includemeincypherpls: thank u bab

includemeincypherpls: U TRAITROS

wreckmonster: Traitros…

includemeincypherpls: NOW I’M GOIGN TO ESPODE YIU AKK

minsugagenius: ?? what is he even saying

includemeincypherpls: u lal hav me underrated im gonnna rost ua ll in my fic

hobiseok: are you okay


mochimin: do u need a tea

mochimin: oh my god wait let me say that again

mochimin: do u need a t(a)ea

includemeincypherpls: were u trying to mkae a pun with tea and my name

mochimin: ye

includemeincypherpls: *tearing up* this is the kindest thing anyone has done for me in my entire life

hobiseok: excuse me

includemeincypherpls: im not sad anymore jimin u are safe from my roast fic

mochimin: :D

includemeincypherpls: not urt boyfren tho

minsugagenius: urt

minsugagenius: can you believe a tree grew for years, even decades, to then become a dictionary and be disrespected by kim taehyung

includemeincypherpls: can u believ u grew for year,s even decades, and u still short

minsugagenius: /b l o c k e d/

eommajin: i can’t believe kim taehyung just roasted min yoongi

wreckmonster: So… how much time will we be mourning Taehyung’s death?

minsugagenius: i have a better idea

hobiseok: what is it

minsugagenius: let’s make cypher part 5 a song dedicated to roast taehyung

includemeincypherpls: ROOD

jeonnochu: m e s s

mochimin: c h a o s

jeonnochu: stop imitating me

mochimin: i was born in busan first

eommajin: what are you, five?

jeonnochu: yeah

mochimin: i wish

wreckmonster: Well, Jimin, you are five. Five feet tall.


wreckmonster: Aww a small ball of rage!


includemeincypherpls: aww look at him trying to reach our knees!!!

mochimin: let me remind u that we are roommates i will pour ketchup on your face while you’re sleeping

hobiseok: let me film it

includemeincypherpls: don’t encourage him

minsugagenius: i would watch it tbh

includemeincypherpls: t r a i t o r s

wreckmonster: Don’t you mean traitros?

jeonnochu: hdwhfjwn

jeonnochu: wild

includemeincypherpls: pleas stop maikgn fun of my typso

mochimin: whenever u text i feel like im reading in another language

includemeincypherpls: 안녕

minsugagenius: … why did you say that in Korean

minsugagenius: we’re Korean

includemeincypherpls: yeah but this fic is in english

minsugagenius: ???

hobiseok: what fic??

includemeincypherpls: i started writing a fanfiction about our chat logs and i will be updating it like once or twice a week

includemeincypherpls: and i’ll basically roast u all

jeonnochu: will u include when we roast u

includemeincypherpls: only if ur roasts funny

includemeincypherpls: which they are not

hobiseok: will u make mea loaaaaaaaaaak adorable

eommajin: are you okay

hobiseok: sorry the author was accidentally pressing the a key while tiping

wreckmonster: Are you all breaking the fourth wall again?

includemeincypherpls: namjoon hyung you’ll be the only one wiht good gramer

wreckmonster: … I wonder why

jeonnochu: so does that mean that whatever we’re saying it’s actually taehyung

jeonnochu: taehyung is beautiful and perfect

jeonnochu: yes okay taehyung is writing this


minsugagenius: my mochi nothing is real

mochimin: my whole life is a lie

jeonnochu: i’m crying wha tis going on

includemeincypherpls: m y r e v e n g e

Chapter Text


includemeincypherpls: jimin

includemeincypherpls: jiminie

mochimin: what

includemeincypherpls: we have a problem

mochimin: what is it?

mochimin: wait, we?

includemeincypherpls has sent a picture

mochimin: oh no way

mochimin: don’t drag me into this

includemeincypherpls: pls jiminie i will do whatever u want just help me

mochimin: alright… jin-hyung is gonna be so angry when he sees you’ve adopted a street dog though

includemeincypherpls: i’m calling him memes

mochimin: why am i not surprised

mochimin: we should find someone who has the time to take care of it

includemeincypherpls: no!!!!!!!!!!!!!

includemeincypherpls: is my dog, i take care of him

mochimin: taehyung we have no time for that

includemeincypherpls: u so rude tf i thot u were my frend

mochimin: sorry :(

includemeincypherpls: i’m askinf hyung


includemeincypherpls: oppa

hobiseok: what have you done now

includemeincypherpls: how did you know?

includemeincypherpls: anyway so i was walking down the street

includemeincypherpls: when a dog started following me

hobiseok: omg you’re blessed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

includemeincypherpls: yes exactly!!!!

hobiseok: you must have been so happy!!!!

includemeincypherpls: i was!!!!

includemeincypherpls: that’s why i decided to bring it home

hobiseok: excuse me you decided to what

hobiseok: are you home

hobiseok: can i pet it??

includemeincypherpls: sure but you’ll have to help me with jin-hyung

hobiseok: deal


includemeincypherpls has sent a picture

includemeincypherpls: now i can see who my real friends are…………… u traitro

mochimin: did you just friendzone your boyfriend

includemeincypherpls: blocked!!!!!!!!!!!


minsugagenius: where are you

hobiseok: petting dog

minsugagenius: … dude we’re literally working and you’re petting a dog?

hobiseok: to be fair it’s a good dog

hobiseok has sent an image

hobiseok: look i put a flower on him!!

minsugagenius: why aren’t i surprised lol

minsugagenius: wait is this our flat

minsugagenius: what is a dog doing in our flat

hobiseok: sorry hyung hhhhh there’s no hhhhhhhh coverage here hhhhhh

minsugagenius: we’re texting

Jiminie :)

minsugagenius: jimin

mochimin: yes hyung?

minsugagenius: do you know anything about a dog?

mochimin: yeah his name’s memes

minsugagenius: lmao taehyung named him right

mochimin: obviously lol

minsugagenius: why doesn’t it surprise me

mochimin: it’s a cute dog do you want to pet it

minsugagenius: i’m omw

Literal child

jeonnochu: okay but why haven’t you told me

includemeincypherpls: tell you what?

jeonnochu: about memes

includemeincypherpls: … i’m going to kill jimin

jeonnochu: wait hyung i want to pet it too :(

Mum 2

minsugagenius: hyung

eommajin: what

minsugagenius: taehyung got a dog and took it home

eommajin: taehyung did what???

eommajin: and he didn’t tell me????? i’m going to pnuch him

eommajin: i’m gonna hug the dog so tight it will never leave my side

minsugagenius: wait what

Weird child

eommajin: u so dead

includemeincypherpls: ASDBAHJBDA

includemeincypherpls: this is hoseok texting taehyung is hiding


includemeincypherpls: HOME

eommajin: I’LL BE THERE IN 5 MIN


wreckmonster: Where are you? Where is everyone?

eommajin: petting dog

wreckmonster: … Where did you get the dog from?

eommajin: our kids took it home

wreckmonster: Is it a good dog?

eommajin: all dogs are good :)

wreckmonster: I’m telling BangPD

Seokjinnie and six babies

wreckmonster: Who’s responsible for the dog? BangPD said we can’t keep him

jeonnochu: oh boy what???

jeonnochu: i want to keep memes :(

hobiseok: but it’s a good dog!!!

wreckmonster: I’d love to have a dog too but we can’t. Sorry :(

eommajin: i’m giving u the silent treatment

wreckmonster: Who got the dog?

jeonnochu: we’re united you won’t hear a word

wreckmonster: I’ll buy you lamb skewers

jeonnochu: it was taehyung

minsugagenius: lmao yeah

includemeincypherpls: TRAITORS

includemeincypherpls: this is homophobia u all homophobes

mochimin: ??? explain

includemeincypherpls: am gay and u attacking me

hobiseok: iconic

mochimin: what are we gonna do with memes tho

eommajin: idk :(

wreckmonster: … I know someone from Seoul who was looking for a dog

wreckmonster: I can contact her and tell her to keep it, we could still visit Memes whenever we want

includemeincypherpls: REALLY?????


minsugagenius: aw i’m gonna miss memes but it’s for the best

includemeincypherpls: memes is gonna miss u too hyung :(

wreckmonster: She told me she’s going to get the dog tomorrow

includemeincypherpls: …… okay


hobiseok: bab are you upset?

includemeincypherpls: am sad

hobiseok: i’m sorry we can’t keep memes, i know you love him a lot :(

includemeincypherpls: it’s alright

hobiseok: babe

hobiseok: tae do you need anything

includemeincypherpls: … can you cuddle me until we fall asleep?

hobiseok: of course <3 i was going to do it anyway

includemeincypherpls: <3 you’re the best

Chapter Text

Seokjinnie and six babies

eommajin: jungkook, jimin and i are going to the gym

hobiseok: lmao good luck

includemeincypherpls: u gonna get ri-ri-ri-ripped hyung!!!

minsugagenius: what was that

includemeincypherpls: me encouragigning my hyung

jeonnochu: guys there’s this really hunky guy next to us

mochimin: he kinda scares me

minsugagenius: do i punch him

eommajin: he’s like a viking

wreckmonster: Should I feel threatened…?

jeonnochu: no offence hyung but we should be the one s feelign threatned

hobiseok: why do you suddenly write the gerunds like taehyung

jeonnochu: i’ve been spendign too mch time wit him

jeonnochu: uall have to agree that it has an aesthetic tbh

wreckmonster: Not at all?

includemeincypherpls: nochu stop copyign me ull never be as charmign as em

minsugagenius: who the fuck is em

includemeincypherpls: me

mochimin: … your name is em?

includemeincypherpls: it was a typo u silly

wreckmonster: Taehyung, do you realize that if you write the gerunds with “gn” instead of “ng” you should pronounce it like the Italian “gn” sound, right?

includemeincypherpls: das what ive ben doign

hobiseok: why are you like this

includemeincypherpls: idk

eommajin: update on the gym’s viking-guy

eommajin: he talked to me on the bike things and he’s actually really nice

eommajin: you could say he’s a…

minsugagenius: don’t

eommajin: biking-guy *slaps knee*

minsugagenius has left the chat

mochimin: im gonna google how to block u

hobiseok has added minsugagenius

hobiseok: i think ending the gerunds with gn is cute

includemeincypherpls: thank

hobiseok: it your aesthetic

includemeincypherpls: !! yes!

jeonnochu: das why i do it

includemeincypherpls: u german or what now

jeonnochu: you said das a few messages before

includemeincypherpls: but i’m too swagger for the grammer

wreckmonster: I’m suing you

minsugagenius: eh, swag is my thing

eommajin: GUYS


minsugagenius: the what?

eommajin: TRAINERS

eommajin: HAD A BABY


hobiseok: WHAT


mochimin: okay thi sis rificulous

includemeincypherpls: always happy to see hadn coming back

hobiseok: ??? how big is his hand¿?¿??¿

eommajin: apparently baby sized

hobiseok: and what size is the baby?????

eommajin: that guy’s hand’s size

hobiseok: hyung plese

includemeincypherpls: i want a kid

hobiseok: u want what

minsugagenius: are u aware of how many biological laws would you break

includemeincypherpls: well i’m too cools for rules

minsugagenius: how can i ban someone from my life

eommajin: u cant even take care of urself tho

wreckmonster: Oh shit!!!

mochimin: get rekt!!

jeonnochu: rip taehyugn

includemeincypherpls: psl my name is not a gerung

jeonnochu: tis now

jeonnochu: taehyung, from the verb taehyu

jeonnochu: meaning: being a bitch ass nerd

includemeincypherpls: I’M BLOKCIGN U

eommajin: so biking man’s hand is like twice my face

wreckmonster: Hyung are you sure that’s a human…?

minsugagenius: might be a camel

hobiseok: ??? what

jeonnochu: i got that reference

minsugagenius: thank u kook


mochimin: sorry capslock

includemeincypherpls: a lot of people would put flowers on them

includemeincypherpls: hobi hyung would put flowers on his hair

includemeincypherpls: yoongi hyung on his ear

includemeincypherpls: and jimin…

mochimin: (╬⁽⁽ ⁰ ⁾⁾ Д ⁽⁽ ⁰ ⁾⁾)

minsugagenius: what the fuck is this??

mochimin: my feelins

mochimin: i stressed

minsugagenius: stop working out then

hobiseok: what hyung really wanted to say is “less working out more making out (with me)”

jeonnochu: /HYUNG/

hobiseok has been kicked out by minsugagenius

minsugagenius: lol so anyway

jeonnochu: why does hyung always say “lol so anyway” when kickign out anyone

minsugagenius: i don’t do that

includemeincypherpls: yeah u did

includemeincypherpls has sent a picture

eommajin: exposed!!!

includemeincypherpls has been kicked out by minsugagenius

minsugagenius: lol so anyway

minsugagenius: … damn it

eommajin has added includemeincypherpls and hobiseok

mochimin: i’m keeping a list of every time tae and hobi hyung are kicked out

jeonnochu: what are the results

mochimin: taehyung 4 hoseok 2

jeonnochu: wild

includemeincypherpls: i’m so tired of all this discrimination

includemeincypherpls: @hobiseok is this bc we gay

includemeincypherpls: is this homophobia

hobiseok: disappointign :/

mochimin: taehyung literally all of us are gay

jeonnochu: not me tho

eommajin: jungkook is the token str8 of the group

jeonnochu: am ace tho

eommajin: oh alright sorry then

minsugagenius: am pan tho

hobiseok: am bi tho

mochimin: alright my mistake soz

hobiseok has changed the name to lgbt party

eommajin has changed the name to circuitous party

minsugagenius: what even is this

eommajin: i searched for straight antonyms on a dictionary and it was the first

minsugagenius: iconic

Chapter Text

circuitous party

hobiseok: guys

minsugagenius: yeah?

hobiseok: i’m never talking to kim taehyung ever again in my entire life

eommajin: what

hobiseok: kick him out of bangtan

jeonnochu: elaborate please??

includemeincypherpls: THAT’S CRUEL HYUGN

mochimin: what happened?

hobiseok: ok so we were kissing

hobiseok: and he suddenly pulled away and legit asked me

includemeincypherpls: jcfbashdfins

hobiseok: “hyung, what does kakorrhaphiophobia mean?”

mochimin: LMAO

jeonnochu: BRUTAL

hobiseok: like literally

includemeincypherpls: don’t expose me pls hyugn

wreckmonster: Isn’t kakorrhaphiophobia the extreme fear of failure?

eommajin: how tf do you know that?

hobiseok: okay but back to the main topic

hobiseok: what the fuck was he thinking about when he asked me that

mochimin: i’m sorry hyugng but this is too funny to me

jeonnochu: classic taehyung

hobiseok: what do you mean classic taehyung

jeonnochu: it’s something i can imagine him doing

minsugagenius: okay but if taehyung is the one writing this fic why would he say this

includemeincypherpls: because it makes me look #funny and #lolrandom

includemeincypherpls: and the readers will love me

mochimin: but has this really happened

hobiseok: yes

hobiseok: i wish i could give you evidence

wreckmonster: No, thank you

wreckmonster: We don’t need evidence, we believe you

eommajin: but like where did taehyung even hear that word

includemeincypherpls: internet

includemeincypherpls: i was reading fanfiction and one of the titles was kakorrhaphiophobia

minsugagenius: didn’t the fic explain the meaning

includemeincypherpls: it was a jung hoseok/everyone i didn’t read it

hobiseok: it was a what

includemeincypherpls: it means that u get paired w everyone in the group

hobiseok: ya i had figured that out

minsugagenius: weren’t you saying before that you would never talk to kim taehyung ever again in your entire life tho

mochimin: LIAR

jeonnochu: WE CAN’T TRUTS U

includemeincypherpls: what can i say

includemeincypherpls: i guess i can say i’m

includemeincypherpls: ∠( ᐛ 」∠)_ irresistaeble

includemeincypherpls has been kicked out by minsugagenius

minsugagenius: lol so anyway

minsugagenius: dammit

mochimin: taehyung 5 hoseok 2

mochimin: hyung u gonna lose

hobiseok: shit up

jeonnochu: the shit up comeback

mochimin: and taehyung is missing it lamo

minsugagenius: u are lamo

mochimin: thank u hyugngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngngn

minsugagenius: caught in a what the fuck

eommajin: ????


wreckmonster: A masterpiece

mochimin: i

mochimin: why

jeonnochu: why not

wreckmonster: Good answer

eommajin: have y’all realized that taehyung is still out of the group

mochimin: he spamming me telling me to add him again

eommajin: why don’t u do it then

mochimin: we calm now

minsugagenius: tru

jeonnochu: we should add him tho

eommajin: u right

minsugagenius has added includemeincypherpls

includemeincypherpls: thank u

includemeincypherpls: wait did suga hyung add me???!??!?!?!!!

minsugagenius: taehyung: [caught in a ‘what the fuck’]

includemeincypherpls: have i missed anythign

mochimin: the shit up comeback

includemeincypherpls: oh boy whaaaaat

hobiseok: and yoongi hyung memeing the group

includemeincypherpls: u must be kidding me

jeonnochu: das my line

includemeincypherpls: what did i tell u about the german, jeonggug………

jeonnochu: u have never in ur entire life called me that

includemeincypherpls: wel dassa beginin

jeonnochu: the word begin is copyrighted now i’ll sue u forusing it

includemeincypherpls: me…………. your beloved hynugh…………………

hobiseok: tae i think we woudl all sue yuo

includemeincypherpls: thank u hynugh

minsugagenius: did he write hyung wrong twice

mochimin: mysteries of kim taehyung

includemeincypherpls: the only mystery of kim taehyung is why i thot once that i was straight… can u imagine…. me… a heterolini……..

hobiseok: unthinkable

wreckmonster: … Heterolini

eommajin: we had peace… and then taehyungu

mochimin: taehyungu

mochimin has changed the name to taehyungu

eommajin: don’t bully yur mom

minsugagenius: i’ve never seen such a bad kid……

hobiseok: u will have to punish him, hyung

minsugagenius: i

wreckmonster: Kinky

hobiseok has been kicked out by minsugagenius

mochimin: taehyung 5 hoseok 3


eommajin has added hobiseok

hobiseok: sorry hygughn nfjrifbnwj

mochimin: iconic

minsugagenius: what do u mean iconic did u read what he said

mochimin: yeah

minsugagenius: did you /realise/ what the implication of his words were

mochimin: yeah

minsugagenius: and then…?

mochimin: u already do that hyung it’s nothing new

minsugagenius has left the chat

includemeincypherpls: CAN U HEAR ME SCREAMING FROM HERE


wreckmonster: L.O.L.

eommajin: did… did you add dots after every letter

wreckmonster: Of course! It’s an abbreviation, and it should have dots. They should be capital letters as well! I personally like W.T.F.

eommajin: honey do… do u know what wtf means

wreckmonster: Well, That’s Fantastic!

eommajin: that’s… exactly what it means

hobiseok: iconic

mochimin: can someone add yoongi hyung tho

eommajin has added minsugagenius

minsugagenius: please let me live in peace for once

Chapter Text


mochimin: dude

mochimin: it’s like three am why do i have more than 50 missed calls from u

mochimin: what have u done now

includemeincypherpls: jiminie i need your help

mochimin: shit

includemeincypherpls: i was in the supermarket

includemeincypherpls: shopping for noodles u know because i was hungary

mochimin: you were hungary…

includemeincypherpls: pleas let me finys

includemeincypherpls: aight so long story short i may have released a bunhc of roombas

mochimin: how did you even do that

includemeincypherpls: park jimin……. ples………… i having a mment here

mochimin: i can’t go tho

mochimin: i would wake up the sleeping beauty

includemeincypherpls: u mean yoongi hyung?

mochimin: no, i am the lseeping beauty. good night taegyyung

includemeincypherpls: U FUCJ


includemeincypherpls: hyung are u awake

includemeincypherpls: plese hoseok

hobiseok: why aren’t u asleep

includemeincypherpls: there’s a roomba invasion near…

hobiseok: i’m going back to sleep

includemeincypherpls: hyung no i’ll have to ask yoongi hyung and what if he’s not awake

hobiseok: ur problem

includemeincypherpls: wow alright i won’t forget this one

Kumamon stan

includemeincypherpls: … hyung?

minsugagenius: no

includemeincypherpls: ples hyugn help me

minsugagenius: what have u done now

includemeincypherpls: chaos

minsugagenuis: so the usual

includemeincypherpls: hyugn……………… plse i’m beign attacked by rombas

minsugagenius: where are u

includemeincypherpls: are u gonna help me????

minsugagenius: no way but i want to see that

includemeincypherpls: rude….


includemeincypherpls: jiminie ples tel ur bf to stop

mochimin: alright

Min Suga♥

mochimin: idk what u doing that’s making tae angry or smth

mochimin: but continue lol

minsugagenius: lmao sure


jeonnochu: does anyone know anything about taehyung

hobiseok: he was being attacked by roombas this morning

jeonnochu: i hope they clean his soul lmao

hobiseok: same tbh

minsugagenius: i helped him but i have footage of kim taehyung at 3:30 am petting a roomba and saying “good boy” while surrounded by aprox 15 roombas

wreckmonster: Can we see it?

minsugagenius: i’m on it lmao

eommajin: omg tae are u okay???

includemeincypherpls: yes i’m alright but i need to ask u guys a favour

eommajin: what is it?

includemeincypherpls: kick hoseok and jimin out of bangtan pls

jeonnochu: wait why

includemeincypherpls: because i asked them to help ma and they ingored me

includemeincypherpls: the traitors

minsugagenius has sent a video

wreckmonster: Oh wow Taehyung… I’m laughing so hard, you look drunk

includemeincypherpls: i was sobre tho……..

mochimin: omg i feel so guilty

mochimin: i should have seen that irl im super sorry tae

includemeincypherpls: dotn talk 2 me ever agan pls

mochimin: how will u be able to live without me tho

includemeincypherpls: SHIT HES RIGHT

hobiseok: dont be angry lol

hobiseok: u know we love u a lot, especially me <333

minsugagenius: yikes gross

hobiseok: u are gross

minsugagenius: thanks u too

eommajin: now that i think about it we could buy a roomba

wreckmonster: Why?

eommajin: to clean your shitty dirty bedroom

jeonnochu: DAMN

wreckmonster: L.M.A.O.

mochimin: ???

wreckmonster: Leave Me Alone for Once

includemeincypherpls: is anyone going to tell him

eommajin: … nah

eommajin: anyway i’m buying a roomba

wreckmonster: Don’t

eommajin: oops i’m already inside the supermarket

minsugagenius: hyung we don’t need a roomba

eommajin: how unfortunate

jeonnochu: please hyung…

eommajin: i’m already buying it you can’t stop me

eommajin has sent a picture

eommajin: say hi to our new little pal!!

hobiseok: are we gonna name him

eommajin: what do you mean him

eommajin: it’s a roomba it doesn’t have gender

minsugagenius: he’s right tbh

hobiseok: alright my fault. how are we gonna name it

eommajin: i was thinking about calling it “extreme dabber 2000”

minsugagenius: we are not calling it extreme dabber 2000

includemeincypherpls: what about steve

eommajin: no

mochimin: what about richard

eommajin: no

mochimin: but then we could call it dick


mochimin: yes

hobiseok: we could call it bot

eommajin: bot it is

wreckmonster: Wait, that’s the worst name for a robot

eommajin: why

wreckmonster: It’s literally the last three letters of “robot”

includemeincypherpls: i once had a cat called cat

mochimin: i once had a dog called puppy

wreckmonster: I mean

eommajin: it’s gonna be called bot you’ll love it wait until i get home

wreckmonster: Why do I always have to deal with all of this

eommajin has changed the name to welcome home bot the roomba

minsugagenius: every day we’re weirder, i swear

Chapter Text

welcome home bot the roomba

mochimin: does anyone know where taehyung is we were going to play overwatch together

includemeincypherpls: im here

mochimin: here where?

includemeincypherpls: im queer

mochimin: oh please don’t do these ridiculous gay rhymes

hobiseok: i actually find them amusing

includemeincypherpls: thank u hyugn

wreckmonster: Is it appropriate to make these kind of jokes?

eommajin: don’t worry the author is gay af it’s not offensive

minsugagenius: i relate to him

mochimin: same

mochimin: so anyway where are you

includemeincypherpls: omw

Weird hyung

mochimin: hyung please say something to your boyfriend

hobiseok: what did he do

mochimin: he started an overwatch game saying “hello me again i like men”

hobiseok: iconic

mochimin: /yuo dontunderstand hyung/ a guy started flirting with him

hobiseok: he must be stopped right now

welcome home bot the roomba

wreckmonster: BangPD said we have dance practice at 6am, so don’t go to sleep late.

mochimin: who else is going to stay awake

eommajin: i will be the only one staying awake

minsugagenius: was that a joke because your solo is called awake

eommajin: glad u appreciate high quality comedy

minsugagenius: that was awful hyung

eommajin: rude child

hobiseok: i suggest sleeping a healthy amount of hours because we deserve it

includemeincypherpls: i have something to add to the conversation

jeonnochu: go ahead

includemeincypherpls: alright gang…

mochimin: don’t

includemeincypherpls: i like wang

mochimin has left the chat

jeonnochu: lmaoooooooo

includemeincypherpls has added mochimin

includemeincypherpls: jimin i’ms oryy deanaendk

mochimin: no ur not

includemeincypherpls: shit u know me too well

hobiseok: they amazing bab

includemeincypherpls: thank u bab

jeonnochu: do u know more hyung??

includemeincypherpls: of course do u want to hear it

jeonnochu: yes

mochimin: no

wreckmonster: No.

eommajin: no

minsugagenius: no

includemeincypherpls: alright i’ll tell him privately


includemeincypherpls: knock knock

jeonnochu: who’s there


jeonnochu: why did u use you and u in the same sentence

includemeincypherpls: gramer is hard

includemeincypherpls: okay so i’m going to say it again don’t interrupt me

includemeincypherpls: knock knock

jeonnochu: ok

includemeincypherpls: i fucking hate ur guts

jeonnochu: fbirnfjkw sorry please continue

includemeincypherpls: alright

includemeincypherpls: knock knock

jeonnochu: i don’t want to hear it anymore

includemeincypherpls has blocked jeonnochu

welcome home bot the roomba

includemeincypherpls: have u heard the news

minsugagenius: what is it

includemeincyherpls: i’m into dudes

eommajin: that’s not new tho

includemeincypherpls: ifrwndekn joking i’m not talking to jeonggug btw

hobiseok: i understand that

jeonnochu: hyung don’t betray me

hobiseok: ¯\ _(ツ)_/¯

minsugagenius: what did he do

includemeincypherpls: interrupt me all the time

mochimin: bitch i’d do the same

eommajin: who told u this word………

mochimin: dad

wreckmonster: You bitch child

eommajin: what is all this language??? you’re all banned

wreckmonster: From what?

eommajin: my life

minsugagenius: dramatic

eommajin: listen… don’t be a sarcastic piece of shit now…….

jeonnochu: hyung why can u swear but we can’t

eommajin: i’m a legal adult and you’re all five year old children

includemeincypherpls: i really want to complain and prove him wrong but i can’t

mochimin: we have to agree tbh

jeonnochu: hyung are u gonna unblock me

includemeincypherpls: no

minsugagenius: tragic

hobiseok: hyugn

minsugagenius: what

hobiseok: your tragic

wreckmonster: His tragic what?

hobiseok: i hate all o fu

includemeincypherpls: knock knock i like cock

eommajin: why do u say this all of a usdden

includemeincypherpls: jungkook hadn’t let me finish and i wanted to say it

hobiseok: do u have more

includemeincypherpls: sup i’m a homo

minsugagenuis: that doesn’t even rhyme

includemeincypherpls: do i look like i care about thymes…

hobiseok: i have one too

mochimin: dear god

hobiseok: hi i’m bi

jeonnochu: hey i’m a(ce)

includemeincypherpls: flawless

includemeincypherpls: just because of that i’m gonna unbock u

jeonnochu: thank u hyugn

wreckmonster: Bangtan? What is a Bangtan...?

eommajin: one day u wont escape from us

minsugagenius: he’s threatening u

wreckmonster: I’m aware

eommajin: i’ll send bot to clean ur sins

wreckmonster: I have no sins

eommajin: ur the biggest sinner of us all

mochimin: i beg to differ

eommajin: shut your mouth face

mochimin: ?????

hobiseok: mouth face

minsugagenius has sent a picture

minsugagenius: a mouthface

includemeincypherpls: horrific

hobiseok: i won’t sleep tonight

mochimin has changed the name to mouth face

eommajin: stop bullying your mother

Chapter Text

mouth face

includemeincypherpls: i’ve been thinking and

jeonnochu: oh no

includemeincypherpls: namjoon hyung never uses cute nicknames for jin hyung

wreckmonster: I do

wreckmonster: I just don’t show my affection publicly as some of you do…

eommajin: he’s not keen on public displays of affection

minsugagenius: are you sure though… do you remember that time

hobiseok: *shivers*

eommajin: what do u mean

minsugagenius: it was like ten chapters ago, before you accepted namjin

wreckmonster: … That’s different

mochimin: what do you call him then

eommajin: ………

wreckmonster: … That’s between us

hobiseok: wait whAT NAMJOON

hobiseok: why don’t you want to tell us? is it inappropriate for minors or…?

eommajin: you would laugh

minsugagenius: we’d laugh anyway

wreckmonster: Pet names are ridiculous, so I change them a bit

jeonnochu: example?

wreckmonster: sweetheart= glucose organ that pumps blood through your body

minsugagenius: what the fuck

includemeincypherpls: i like that idea what would babe be

eommajin: infant

includemeincypherpls: @hobiseok hello infant

hobiseok: i’m blocking you

includemeincypherpls: don’t be like that nectar of the flower

jeonnochu: what was that

eommajin: honey

mochimin: sometimes i wonder why i’m friends with all of you

includemeincypherpls: don’t be like that, my favorite person i am attached to by feelings of affection

mochimin: what

wreckmonster: Best friend

mochimin: i have mixed feelings about that

hobiseok: so you’re telling us that instead of saying “good morning love” you say “good morning person toward whom a profoundly tender, passionate affection is felt”?

eommajin: i mean that’s too long but you got the idea

hobiseok: and i thought taehyung and i were the weird couple

jeonnochu: no, you’re the sunshine couple, yoonmin is the kinky couple, namjin are the weird parents

minsugagenius: we’re the what

mochimin: don’t worry much about that, glucose

minsugagenius: i’m going to cry what the fuck

eommajin: language!!! jungkook is here

jeonnochu: mum i’ve heard swear words

jeonnochu: or u don’t remmebre “oh man holy shit”?

eommajin: ur grounded

jeonnochu: okay, female parent

eommajin: @wreckmonster i knew this was a bad idea

wreckmonster: Don’t worry, they’ll forget about this eventually like they did with alcholo

includemeincypherpls: did u really have to bring alcholo back……

mochimin: alcholo was the best tbh

includemeincypherpls: i prefer hadn

mochimin: no u don’t u just want to make fun of me for spelling hadn wrong three times

mochimin: four

minsugagenius: iconic

mochimin: don’t make fun of me, person with whom i’ve chosen to spend my life with

minsugagenius: you’re embarrassing me

mochimin: good


hobiseok: what was that

jeonnochu: my constant internal monologue

includemeincypherpls: reaalatble

minsugagenius: where did tae’s grammar go

jeonnochu: isnt’ that a fall out boy song

minsugagenius: ???? what is a fall out boy

jeonnochu: don’t speak to my emo ass ever again…… take me back to 2005

includemeincypherpls: u were like 7

jeonnochu: good times

eommajin: don’t let jungkook fall into his emo stage again that was hell

jeonnochu: it’s not a stage mum it’s who i am

hobiseok: /it’s starting again/

jeonnochu: u know what im gonna tell u all a story

includemeincypherpls: *grabs popcorn and sits on the sofa*

mochimin: oh jeez

jeonnochu: you know, when i was a young boy my father took me into the city to see a marching band. he said “son, when you grow up will you be the savior of the broken, the beaten and the damned?

minsugagenius: oh shit no

jeonnochu: he said “will you defeat them, your demons and all the non-believers, the plans that they have made? because one day i’ll leave you, a phantom to lead you in the summer to join the black parade”

includemeincypherpls: *epic guitar solo*

jeonnochu: thank u

wreckmonster: What was that?

jeonnochu: my chemical romance…….. male parent that’s a classic………..

wreckmonster: Stop calling me that

includemeincypherpls has changed the name to black parade

includemeincypherpls: ur emo dremas r alive jk u now in the black parade

jeonnochu: *cries in emo language*

mochimin: are u ok

jeonnochu: i’m not okaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy (i promise)

mochimin: woah clam donw

jeonnochu: im gonna listen to mcr on repeat bbr

hobiseok: we lost him

minsugagenius: rip jeon jungkook it was a pleasure having you in bangtan

eommajin: he’s not dead he’s just going emo for a while

hobiseok: same thing

includemeincypherpls: tru

minsugagenius has changed the name to jk’s emo phase

hobiseok: who wants to make an emo concept for our next comeback

eommajin: stop

includemeincypherpls: okay, sorry female parent

eommajin: i regret giving birth to you all

Chapter Text

jk’s emo phase

includemeincypherpls: do u knwo what would be a good idea

minsugagenius: you not talking

includemeincypherpls: hyung……tis hutrs my hearteu

mochimin: what ahpend tae

includemeincypherpls: i had a dream were i was reading a book

wreckmonster: Unrealistic.

includemeincypherpls: no offecne dad but stfu

includemeincypherpls: k so the book was about us and it was called bbangtan sonyeondan

hobiseok: oh no

includemeincypherpls: and bbang means bread right?? so i woke up thinking what kind of bread we would be

jeonnochu: i’m interested. what type of bread am i

includemeincypherpls: u pita bread bc u flat

jeonnochu: interesting perspective

eommajin: do you have more of those

includemeincypherpls: yoongi hyugn is a pretzel bc he salty

hobiseok: iconic

includemeincypherpls: hyugngn u are ciabatta bread bc u my fave

hobiseok: awwww

mochimin: what am i

includemeincypherpls: u are a bun because u small and round and everyone loves u

mochimin: i was expecting something worse tbh

wreckmonster: What am I?

jeonnochu: our leader

wreckmonster: Shut up

includemeincypherpls: u are a breadstick bc u tall and thin

wreckmonster: Good.

minsugagenius: can i suggest what bread taehyung would be

includemeincypherpls: sure

minsugagenius: hot dog bun

includemeincypherpls: why

minsugagenius: incomplete without a sausage inside

includemeincypherpls has left the chat


mochimin: increidble

hobiseok: incredibel

jeonnochu: incrud

eommajin: a masterpees

wreckmonster: What are you saying?


wreckmonster: Who is that?

eommajin: a princess

eommajin: okay but back at the bread

eommajin has added includemeincypherpls

includemeincypherpls: i’ve blocked yoongi hyung

minsugagenius: makes sense

hobiseok: wait jin hyung has no bread

includemeincypherpls: baguette

eommajin: why

includemeincypherpls: bc french

eommajin: i’m not french tho???

includemeincypherpls: but u spek fercnh the other day u said we we beonjur paris nou som baguette

wreckmonster: I’m not an expert, but I don’t think that’s how you write in French…

includemeincypherpls: ur gelous of my ortogarphi

wreckmonster: I highly doubt it

minsugagenius: did he really say “yes, yes, paris, we are baguette” or…

eommajin: yes

hobiseok: don’t u mean we, hyung?

eommajin: shut your fuck mouth

hobiseok: it’s evolving

includemeincypherpls: what is evolving

jeonnochu: ur stupidity

includemeincypherpls: ur stupid

jeonnochu: my stupid what?

jeonnochu has been kicked out by includemeincypherpls

mochimin: polt tiwst!!!!!!!

mochimin: taehyung left the chat before without being kicked out by yoongi hyung now he kicks out jungkook…… the apolacypse

eommajin has added jeonnochu

wreckmonster: When will you all learn how to write…?

mochimin: when ur not a loser????????

jeonnochu: DAMMMMMMNNNNNNNN rekt

eommajin: respect ur dad @mochimin

mochimin: okay baguette parent

minsugagenius: lmao

hobiseok has changed the name to breadtan sonyeondan

minsugagenius: y

hobiseok: just bc

minsugagenius: oh k

includemeincypherpls: i love yoonseok interactions

mochimin: same

minsugagenius: what

minsugagenius: but… i’m confused

includemeincypherpls: brotp

minsugagenius: ah well okay

hobiseok: were u scared hyugn lol

minsugagenius: for a second yes

mochimin: salt…

hobiseok: bro…

includemeincypherpls: pretzel dude……

minsugagenius: @includemeincypherpls blocked

includemeincypherpls: pity lol

includemeincypherpls: hey guys look at what i’ve been working on

includemeincypherpls: click

hobiseok: i can’t believe you actually spent time on this

includemeincypherpls: me neither tbh

mochimin: this is why we’re friends

minsugagenius: why do you have abs

includemeincypherpls: das my real body???? watcha talkignabout

jeonnochu: breadconic

mochimin: we’ve lost jungkook

eommajin: we lost him long time ago

mochimin: tru

wreckmonster: Why can’t we be normal for once…?

Chapter Text

Min Suga♥

mochimin: happy day

minsugagenius: ??? it’s not my birthday what have i forgotten

minsugagenius: shit is it our anniversary???

mochimin: lol no

mochimin: wait don’t u nkow when our anniverasy is… huygn……

mochimin: today is your gayniversary!!! u came out three years ago expecting a negative responsea nd we all replied “we knew lol”

minsugagenius: ……… do you really remember the dates? and why aren’t i surprised?

minsugagenius: wait i was the first one right

mochimin: yeah and then taehyugn and i came out at the same time and u all thought we were datign yikes

minsugagenius: yeah sorry ‘bout that lol

mochimin: so… what do u want to do for ur gayniversary!!??!!

minsugagenius: probs sleep. yeah sleep is good, i’ll sleep rn

mochimin: :( alright i’ll let u selpe


mochimin: tae u wont believe this

includemeincypherpls: oh boi tell me what happened

includemeincypherpls: omh u still writing what did yoongi do

mochimin: today is yoongi hygns gauniversary and i wanted to congratulate him and tell him im proud of him and that i love him a lot but this lazy ass had FORGTOTEN about the second MOSTIMPORTANT DAY OF HIS LIFE (the first wehn we started dating k) and said he wanted to slEPE like hwo unconsiderate

includemeincypherpls: boooooooi y r u surprised tho

includemeincypherpls: lets make him a big ass cake with the pan flag colors i’ll help u

mochimin: *sobign* thank u for bein ma fren <33

includemeincypherpls: do u remember the day we came out btw like how extra

mochimin: lamooooo yes

includemeincypherpls: lamo

includemeincypherpls: do the others remember tho

mochimin: let’s chekc

breadtan sonyeondan

mochimin: well hello there friends

includemeincypherpls: here we are

jeonnochu: oh fuck no not again

eommajin: is it this time of the year already

wreckmonster: Jesus…

mochimin: what a coincidence we were just gonna start

includemeincypherpls: a dance party

hobiseok: *tae and jimin start dancing like idiots while being covered in rainbows*


includemeincypherpls: I’M SO HAPPY WE’RE MEMORABLE *WIPES TEAR*

jeonnochu: are u aware that i can’t read “by the way” without hearing u scream “WE BOTH HELLA GAY” afterwards anymore… u ruined my life

mochimin: i believe what you wanted to say is thank you

jeonnochu: thank u?

includemeincypherpls: ur welcome!!!

eommajin: iconic

hobiseok: is it ur gayniversary guys?

mochimin: don’t u mean *gays *fingerguns*

jeonnochu: imma block both of u

includemeincypherpls: it’s yoongi’s but the lazy ass just wants to slep

mochimin: we gonna make him a surprise tho we gonna bake a cake

eommajin: i’ll help u

wreckmonster: I would help as well, but I don’t think it would be a good idea so…

hobiseok: entretian him

mochimin: ys gdoo idae huyng

wreckmonster: At this point I think I must be fluent in Typo… because it’s almost impossible to read what you’re saying

includemeincypherpls: u cant be fulent if u dont wirte ti srry btu i spek one mor language than u

wreckmonster: Tragic

eommajin: aight lets start the cake

jeonnochu: i’ll help too

Mochi child

eommajin: jimin the cake is finished go wake up yoongi

mochimin: oh boi

eommajin: you’re the only one who would never kill use ur agyo or something

mochimin: fine

breadtan sonyeondan

minsugagenius: i can’t believe you made me a cake with the colors of the pansexual flag

minsugagenius: i don’t say this enough but i’m really glad i have people who support me and who i am :) and i never say this lol but i love you all

includemeincypherpls: SCREENSHOTED

jeonnochu: *tearing up* hyung ur so swet

minsugagenius: and i can’t fucking believe jimin and taehyung reenacted their coming out geez i think we should all agree to never bring that back ever again

hobiseok: i still have glitter on my hair three years afterwards

jeonnochu: i still sneeze glitter

includemeincypherpls: the power of *rainbow emoji* homosexuality *rainbow emoji*

eommajin: true

eommajin: none of us have funny coming out stories after that smh

hobiseok: don’t u remember mine hyung

includemeincypherpls: oh my god that was hilarious

jeonnochu: what did he say i wasn’t there i just heard a conversation like a week afterwards

hobiseok: i basically told namjoon i needed to talk with him about something important (bc he the leader) and then i called yoongi hyung tae and jimin too (bc they had already come out)

wreckmonster: And he started crying and said “I have to tell you something… I’m bisexual”

mochimin: and we were all like dude stop crying it’s okay!! there’s nothing wrong with u!!!

includemeincypherpls: and he deadass said “i KNOW but men are SO STUPID what am i gonna do???”

minsugagenius: and then he started dating the most stupid of them all

includemeincypherpls: /BLOCKED/

jeonnochu: LMAO iconic

jeonnochu: i just said “am ace tho” lol i feel like i didn’t work a lot on that

includemeincypherpls: ‘s alright not every coming out has to be a big party

mochimin: kim taehyung the queer counselor

includemeincypherpls: thank

minsugagenius: lmao if i had known none of u were straight i would have done something a bit less serious

wreckmonster: It would have been cool, to be honest

eommajin: what would you have done

minsugagenius: say “imma bang myself” and just hit a pan

hobiseok: why is everyone so creative

hobiseok: why was i so boring

hobiseok has changed the name to gay creativity

jeonnochu: iconic

Chapter Text

gay creativity

hobiseok: okay but everyone knows that jin hyung is the mum friend

eommajin: source?

minsugagenius: idk u tell me eommajin

eommajin: i’m /disowning u/

hobiseok: and namjoon is the dad friend

mochimin: agree

wreckmonster: Why?

includemeincypherpls: bc he ur wife

hobiseok: so which type of friend are we?

minsugagenius: if someone calls me the grandpa friend again i swear

jeonnochu: hoseok hyung is the cousin friend

hobiseok: why

mochimin: because u super rad and scream a lot

hobiseok: i mean…… i can’t argue with that

includemeincypherpls: jimin is the grandma friend

jeonnochu: omg /yes/

includemeincypherpls: because he’s adorable and probably is the reason why you remember to eat five times a day

mochimin: eating is important, don’t skip your meals. u need that energy to do super cool things like crying over your fictional otps or reading silly shit

minsugagenius: ↑↑↑↑↑ that’s taehyung’s agenda

includemeincypherpls: i mean… ur not worgn

wreckmonster: Jungkook is the older sister friend, because he looks super badass and would probably punch you but cries when he sees a dog

jeonnochu: okay but dogs are the cutest thing evefr??w e don’t desevre htem???

minsugagenius: jeon_jungkook.exe has stopped working

hobiseok: hyung ur the big brother friend

minsugagenius: why

hobiseok: everyone is scared of u and u lok menacing but deep donw u are a sewtheart and deeper donw u a devil and even deeper down ur a big adorbl nerd

minsugagenius: that could have been worse tbh

includemeincypherpls: and me?????????????????????????????????????????????????

mochimin: ur the dog friedn

eommajin: i had neer thought about that but shit u rihgt

mochimin: because u always very excited to be with friends and need constant attention or u get sad and when u see a friend after a long time u jsut…. run towerds them

includemeincypherpls: *sobbign* are u comparing me to dog

mochimin: ye

includemeincypherpls: ur the bestestestestest friend i could ever have

hobiseok has changed the name to bangtan family

minsugagenius: if taehyung is a dog does that mean hoseok is a zoophile

jeonnochu: wild

hobiseok: /W H A T/ no

eommajin: but it makes sense tho…….. do u remember that time w teh logn choker

wreckmonster: :/ Hoseok I wasn’t expecting that of you


mochimin: jung hoseok hyung said, and i quote, “i’ll have to scold this puppy (taehyung)” do we need more proof….

hobiseok: tae do smth

includemeincypherpls: but… but…… beign a dog is nice huygn

hobiseok: /taehyung please they won’t let us live/

includemeincypherpls: i mean its not my flaut u got som weird kikns

hobiseok has left the chat

minsugagenius: oh how the tables have turned

mochimin: oh how the turntables

jeonnochu: oh how the turns have tabled

includemeincypherpls: oh the tabled, how have they turns

wreckmonster: You three are so stupid what

eommajin: oh how the turntables have tabled

wreckmonster: Oh, for heaven’s sake


includemeincypherpls: u angry at me

includemeincypherpls: huygn

includemeincypherpls: hoyung dont igntore me

hobiseok: oh wow! a dog that talks!!! lol :)

includemeincypherpls: i see…………

bangtan family

includemeincypherpls has added hobiseok

includemeincypherpls: sorry huyungu

includemeincypherpls: love is about not exposing each others kigkns publicly and i falied u

includemeincypherpls: sotty………………

minsugagenius: sotty… if you’re going to apologize do it well lol

includemeincypherpls: houng ples tis is a covno btwn me and my bf


jeonnochu: traehyung


includemeincypherpls: NAMJIN




jeonnochu: yikes married couple

includemeincypherpls: that’s so cute aaaaAAAAAA can jin hyung call namjoon hyung namjagi now

hobiseok: and namjoon can call jin hyung seokjagi what a perfect couple i believe in true love forever and it’s called namjin

minsugagenius: wait you didn’t know about it lol

minsugagenius: i’ve heard them calling each other jagi for like a month now

mochimin: hyung… u alwasi know tjings… what else r u hiding from us

minsugagenius: taehyung’s hair pulling kink

includemeincypherpls: i’m blocking u

jeonnochu: we all knew tho

hobiseok: well baCK TO NAMJIN????? WHAT A PAIR OF CJUTIES

mochimin: @wreckmonster i thought u said pet names are ridiculous

wreckmonster: … Why do you all expose us when we’re not here…?

eommajin: we made that up actually it was fun to mess with you

wreckmonster: We didn’t want you to know but oh well

includemeincypherpls: *in tears* so is infant, glucose and nectar of the flower all a lie

eommajin: yeah

includemeincypherpls: betrayal………………….. i only forgive u because jagi

mochimin: what an iconic moment in fanfiction history i never thought i would live enough to read it

eommajin: fourth wall… destroye.d…

includemeincypherpls: it was never there…

mochimin has changed the name to namjin call each other jagi

wreckmonster: Let us live…

Chapter Text


mochimin: jungkookie

jeonnochu: yes hyung?

mochimin: i have a problem with my updog

jeonnochu: are you really trying to make me fall for that…

mochimin: :( it didn’t work with yoongi hyung either what am i doing wrong

jeonnochu: alright i can help you and ask more people if you want?

mochimin: no!! i want to do it myself thank u guk

jeonnochu: just… okay

namjin call each other jagi

minsugagenius: kim taehyung is stupid as shit

hobiseok: what did he do now

includemeincypherpls: hyugn odnt judge me spl

minsugagenius: i was writing and for some reason taehyung was inside the studio?? and i got stuck on a song and i don’t even know why i thought it would be a good idea to ask him for advice

wreckmonster: Oh, dear…

minsugagenius: and i told him “hey, help your hyung. what rhymes with parking?”

minsugagenius: and he just… looked at me and asked me

includemeincypherpls: stop pls

minsugagenius: “hyung, why are you talking about kinks in your raps? do you have a park kink? is it because you like jimin?”

mochimin: I


hobiseok: lol a park kink

eommajin: yoongi’s kinks slowly getting exposed

jeonnochu: my ass is too ace for this conversation

minsugagenius: so i’ve decided to ban taehyung from the studio

wreckmonster: Wise decision, I don’t know why we didn’t do that earlier

includemeincypherpls: huyfbn,,,.. lease

mochimin: hyung u never told me about ur park kink

minsugagenius: i

minsugagenius: ur gonna get blocked

hobiseok: hey hyung i have something exciting for you

minsugagenius: i swear to god if it’s a picture of a park i’m suing you


includemeincypherpls: exciting

minsugagenius has left the chat

eommajin has added minsugagenius

mochimin: this is almost as funny as my updog

hobiseok: come on who’s gonna fall for that…

includemeincypherpls: what is updog???

mochimin: not much what about you?

mochimin: :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD this is the best day of my life

mochimin: @jeonnochu see???? i did it

jeonnochu: well done hyung

includemeincypherpls: i don’t get it’?????

wreckmonster: Let it be, Taehyung, it’s ridiculous humour

hobiseok: @minsugagenius hey hyung

minsugagenius: @hobiseok hey hoseok

hobiseok: i have another thing for you

minsugagenius: dear lord

hobiseok: you’re all gonna thank me this time


mochimin: ur emabrasing hyunf

jeonnochu: i have the sudden need to draw on his face

includemeincypherpls: jimin is so smart he’s reading with his eyes closed legends only

eommajin: kim taehyung, park jimin’s n1 hypeman

wreckmonster: Park Jimin king of reading with his eyes closed

hobiseok: lol

hobiseok: why hasn’t yoongi hyung reacted yet

minsugagenius: my soul has ascended from my body to another reality

mochimin: /HYUNG/

minsugagenius: ¯\ _(ツ)_/¯

Literal child

jeonnochu: thanks for helpign me hyung

includemeincypherpls: no prob bob

jeonnochu: ???

includemeincypherpls: no problem boblem

jeonnochu: ????????????

includemeincypherpls: u know i’d do everythig to mak jimin smile it was nothin

jeonnochu: yeah people weren’t gonna fall for the updog thing anyway

includemeincypherpls: lol yeah

jeonnochu: hyung aren’t u tired of being the comic relief of this fic

includemeincypherpls: i mean it’s fun, and i make people laugh so it’s fine!

includemeincypherpls: but i think after a while we become parodies of ourselves

jeonnochu: i’m too sleepy for this deep shit

includemeincypherpls: go to sleep then???

jeonnochu: i just woke up

includemeincypherpls: it’s 10pm???????

jeonnochu: naps are good


mochimin: hello updog

includemeincypherpls: im not honna flal for that again jimin,…….

mochimin: :(

includemeincypherpls: sigh… alright what is updog

mochimin: :) not much wbu

includemeincypherpls: why do u like this joke so much anyway

mochimin: it’s not offensiev an it has dogs

includemeincypherpls: pinnacle of comedy

mochimin: exactly!!!!!

includemeincypherpls: can i ask u smth

includemeincypherpls: does yg hyung really have a park kink

mochimin: he’s next to me he told me to tell u to fuc off

includemeincypherpls: :( my daegu pal…… pls………………

includemeincypherpls: the disrespect


includemeincypherpls: huyung

hobiseok: yeah

includemeincypherpls: i heard namjin calling each other jagi again

hobiseok: cute

includemeincypherpls: i’m legit sobbufn??? liek how married???

hobiseok: ikr????

includemeincypherpls: oh mY GOD WHAT I JUST HEARD

hobiseok: WHAT????

hobiseok: babe are u actually crying

includemeincypherpls: namjin is so cute i’m weak

namjin call each other jagi

includemeincypherpls: Y’ALL

wreckmonster: What now…?

includemeincypherpls: the name of this group isn’t accurate anymore

eommajin: ???

includemeincypherpls has changed the name to jin called namjoon yeobo

eommajin: wait what how did u

mochimin: S C R E A M I N G SOUNDS

jeonnochu: yikes married couple???

hobiseok: crying in the corn

minsugagenius: in the corn?

hobiseok: i was gonna say corner but i sent it too soon

includemeincypherpls: @hobiseok wanna come cry in the corn

hobiseok: sure why not

wreckmonster: I’m… Taehyung, how did you hear?

wreckmonster: Taehyung, were you spying us?

includemeincypherpls: … no?

minsugagenius: lol taehyung stalking, a concept

includemeincypherpls: i’m not a stalker

mochimin has changed the name to kim taehyung the otp stalker

includemeincypherpls: y’all are so rude to me ;;

Chapter Text


includemeincypherpls: jimin

mochimin: what

includemeincypherpls: i’m having a moment again

mochimin: i see…………

mochimin: what caused it

includemeincypherpls: hobi hyung

includemeincypherpls: jimin my geels are so much

mochimin: ???? geels?

includemeincypherpls: gay feels

mochimin: i see

kim taehyung the otp stalker

jeonnochu: lately the wega has interested me a lot

eommajin: the what?

jeonnochu: you know, the weggy board?

minsugagenius: i don’t think we’re following you

mochimin: yeah the weege bored

wreckmonster: … The Ouija board?

includemeincypherpls: exactly, the wiggy boared

eommajin: what???? no ouijas in this house

jeonnochu: but mum the oiji isn’t dangerouse

hobiseok: excuSE ME WHAT

hobiseok: if someone brings a luigi board near me i’m quitting

wreckmonster: Luigi board…

hobiseok: *oujij sorry autocorrect

eommajin: how many times can u spell oueja wrong

jeonnochu: idk i have a list

jeonnochu: when i’m out of words i’ll just have to call it ouija i guess

minsugagenius: you can call it the yesyes

jeonnochu: ?????

wreckmonster: Oui→ yes in French, Ja→ yes in German (and other Germanic languages, I think)

includemeincypherpls: kim namjoon hyung polyglot king

includemeincypherpls: but changing to a much more important subject than the quija

includemeincypherpls: i’m being attacked by the geels

eommajin: the what?

mochimin: the gay feels

minsugagenius: at this point i’m not even surprised

hobiseok: what do u meen by that

includemeincypherpls: do u know that moment when u lik woa im so gay i dont htink i can finctuon immmmm the gayest

hobiseok: i feel

includemeincypherpls: thank for feelign

jeonnochu: back to the weegi

jeonnochu: who wants to join me

wreckmonster: What are you even going to ask the spirits?

jeonnochu: lol hyung ghosts don’t exist it’s for the lolz

includemeincypherpls: u a ghsto

jeonnochu: thank huyng

hobiseok: i’ll join u

mochimin: what really???

hobiseok: of fucking course not

hobiseok: who do u think i am tf

eommajin: no oijio in this household

eommajin: not on my watch

eommajin: *removes watch from the ground* now u can do it

minsugagenius has left the chat

mochimin: ur hilarious hyub d

wreckmonster: …

includemeincypherpls: *groaning*

hobiseok: *more groaning*

jeonnochu has changed the name to jin hyung stop making puns

eommajin has changed the name to never!!!!!1

includemeincypherpls has changed the name to pls use the normal chat

hobiseok has changed the name to ur all nerds

includemeincypherpls has changed the name to thnsx i lov u to

jeonnochu has changed the name to get a room u nasties

wreckmonster has added minsugagenius

minsugagenius has changed the name to please shut your mouth hell

mochimin: mouth hell

minsugagenius: it’s a new concept

minsugagenius: mixing swear words so it’s not really a swear. jin approves

eommajin: *thumbs up*

includemeincypherpls: give us more exapmkes pls

minsugagenius: u motherugly, say that to my face, you duck

mochimin: truly a new form of contemporary art

wreckmonster: Third Avant-Garde, created by Min Yoongi-hyung

includemeincypherpls: this abantgader consists on being creative with lanfuage

includemeincypherpls: i’m the biggest artist

minsugagenius: you’re the biggest threat to the movement

includemeincypherpls: ouch just in the ava gardner

jeonnochu: so back to the ojo

mochimin: no

jeonnochu: wow ok

includemeincypherpls: back to my geels

minsugagenius: nobody cares

hobiseok: jimin and yoongi the couple that wreck everyone’s convos

mochimin: thank

wreckmonster: We’ve raised you better than this

wreckmonster: @mochimin I expected better from you @minsugagenius I expected what you did but I’m disappointed anyway

minsugagenius: wow ok

jeonnochu: so no wa weg bored

hobiseok: /NO/

jeonnochu: colon, open parenthesis

includemeincypherpls: ????????

jeonnochu: :(

mochimin: loser

jeonnochu: thank

Chapter Text

please shut your mouth hell

jeonnochu: so i have been on tumblr lately

minsugagenius: bad

minsugagenius: i already don’t want to hear anything related to this

includemeincypherpls: ??? why hyung

jeonnochu: i searched our name and

jeonnochu: hm

mochimin: nochu has seen hell with his own two eyes

jeonnochu: nono nothing bad it’s just that i found smth intrestnig

hobiseok: what is it

jeonnochu: i saw a tag urself bts version and… th……

eommajin: jungshook

jeonnochu: p much

wreckmonster: What is a “tag yourself”?

includemeincypherpls: come on pls tl mee ur not seirus

includemeincypherpls: it was liek on of the biggest memes a whil ago

mochimin: we shoud make on for us

minsugagenius: that’s… i want nothing to do w it

includemeincypherpls: tag urself bts edition: sugar. –is always salty

mochimin: -loves jimin a lot

jeonnochu: -looks scary is actually sweetheart

hobiseok: -is probably sleeping rn

eommajin: -savage as hell

wreckmonster: -Has been through a lot. Please, protect.

minsugagenius: i

minsugagenius: am done with you all

mochimin: tag urself bts edition: memehyung. -always crying bc of fanfiction

hobiseok: -hoseok’s main hypeman

includemeincypherpls: hyung i’m honored

wreckmonster: -Grammar’s worst nightmare

eommajin: -looks stupid af deep down is actually intelligent

minsugagenius: -all the memes

jeonnochu: -alcholo

includemeincypherpls: fuKC OFF JNEO JUNGUG

jeonnochu: alcholo needed to make a comeback

includemeincypherpls: tag urself bts edition: coconut headass. –is the youngest but has no respect for his older brothers

mochimin: -should probably chill

eommajin: -actual baby

hobiseok: -probs better than u

minsugagenius: -extra

wreckmonster: -Obsessed with Justin Bieber. Please, stop him

jeonnochu: i.. alright that wasn’t so bad lol

jeonnochu: tag urself bts edition: mochi. –is v short

mochimin: shIT UP

wreckmonster: -Looks like a baby, is a baby

eommajin: -squishy cheeks. squish squish

minsugagenius: -most beautiful human being in the entire world probably

mochimin: /hyugngn/

includemeincypherpls: -tiny hands

hobiseok: -voice higher than your grades

jeonnochu: tag urself bts edition: j-nope. –always screaming

eommajin: -literal ray of sunshine

minsugagenius: -dancing machine

wreckmonster: -Embarrassing to look at. I don’t know him.

mochimin: -v underappreciated

hobiseok: aww

hobiseok: why is taehynug stil writing

includemeincypherpls: -is probably the most amazing human being int the entire woldr and is v talented in every wau like come one he can rap dance sing and other things u wouldnt want 2 now goldn huyng right there bless him

hobiseok: ;; cute

hobiseok: tag urself bts edition: grape. –reason why the squad hasnt killed each other

includemeincypherpls: -always anoyng w/ gramer and otrogaphu

minsugagenius: -a danger to society

eommajin: -is v weird but also v cute

jeonnochu: -would braek his legs accidetnaly

mochimin: -doesn’t need instagram, instagrem needs him

wreckmonster: I can’t believe how accurate this was…

wreckmonster: Tag yourself BTS edition: Jin. –Mother of the group

minsugagenius: -his jokes aren’t funny

eommajin: excuse me

mochimin: -handsome guy

hobiseok: -amazing voice give him more lines

includemeincypherpls: -we would all have starved if he hadn’t eben ehre

jeonnochu: -literal child

eommajin: *in tears* htank u

mochimin: is that everyone

includemeincypherpls: i thins so

hobiseok: well that was ufn

jeonnochu: now we need to atg ourselves

jeonnochu: i’m coconut headass

mochimin: jk i think we all are ourselves

jeonnochu: we don’t know that yet

includemeincypherpls: i’m memehyung

hobiseok: i’m j-nope

wreckmonster: I’m grape

eommajin: i’m Jin

mochimin: i’m mochi

minsugagenius: i’m leaving this group

hobiseok: *whispers* bye traitor

minsugagenius: ??????????????????????????????????????????????????????

hobiseok: srrh hyung lol

minsugagenius: every day i’m more worried about you all

includemeincypherpls: *SCREAMING INTERNALLY*

minsugagenius: what is it now

mochimin: his normal state

minsugagenius: i see…….

minsugagenius: you have several problems

includemeincypherpls: i agree

Chapter Text

please shut your mouth hell

wreckmonster: Have you heard the news?

wreckmonster: I’ve just read some scientists are considering the possibility of our soul travelling to another parallel universe when we die

hobiseok: wait what really??? parallel universes as in weird as fuck parallel universes or parallel universes as in au where i didn’t do that thing

wreckmonster: I don’t know what gold has to do with this but it could be anything

includemeincypherpls: interesting

includemeincypherpls: is there a parallel universe (p.u.) where everyone is a lobster?

wreckmonster: I mean, sure, if you want

mochimin: p.u. where i’m taller than all of yiu

minsugagenius: unrealistic

mochimin: blockef

hobiseok: p.u. where jungkook isn’t scary

jeonnochu: :-)

includemeincypherpls: that’s terrifying and i would appreciate it if u sotped

eommajin: p.u. where i have lines

minsugagenius: p.u. where we’re normal

includemeincypherpls: unrealistinc bolcek

wreckmonster: Parallel universe where Taehyung writes correctly and isn’t a threat to grammar and ortography

includemeincypherpls: imporbwlible

includemeincypherpls: nevrrg gona bhappen

minsugagenius: p.u. where you let me Rest™ and i live in peace

mochimin: huyngf

mochimin: whcft do you mena by that hyung

mochimin: dotn i let u rdest

mochimin: hyung plaes

mochimin: hhyunffffggg

mochimin: parallle uninverse where @minsugagenuis replies

minsugagenius: u didn’t even write my name well how

mochimin: ivr spent too much time with taerhyun

hobiseok: parallel universe where yoongi hyung isn’t sarcastic

minsugagenius: where would all my energy go then

hobiseok: productive things??

minsugagenius: ??????? not likely

eommajin: parallel universe where i’m the most handsome of all

eommajin: wait no that’s our universe ;)

minsugagenius: hyung stop

includemeincypherpls: parallel universe where jungkok can talk w gurls

jeonnochu: ಠ_ಠ

includemeincypherpls: wait i thought about the best parallel nuvivers

wreckmonster: We don’t want to hear it

mochimin: i’ms craed say it

includemeincypherpls: parlaale unviers where ebveryne is jung hoseok

jeonnochu: do u mean everyone is called jung hoseok

hobiseok: i… what

includemeincypherpls: no!!!!!!!! nonononono

includemeincypherpls: there’s just 7000 million hoseoks

mochimin: loudest universe

minsugagenius: that’s a full nightmare and iw ant nothing to d o with it

wreckmonster: How do you even think about these things

eommajin: ♥♥♥♥♥♥ l o v e ♥♥♥♥♥♥

minsugagenius: yikes

eommajin: would u like a univers full of jimins

minsugagenius: no that’d be the worst

mochimin: ??? excurse me

minsugagenius: cause then jimin wouldn’t be special and i can’t let that happen

mochimin: i

mochimin: undexsoected

includemeincypherpls: unecpextde

hobiseok: ????????

jeonnochu: ucnectyedped

eommajin: stop writing unexpected like that

jeonnochu: paraled universe wher ewe can write however we ewnat

wreckmonster: NO, PLEASE

wreckmonster: You’re awful enough in this universe

includemeincypherpls: thnkad yiuo huybng

hobiseok: aprallel univers where namjppn makes a typi

mochimin: we’d thoer a party

jeonnochu has changed the name to nj hyung pls make a tupo

hobiseok: a tupo

jeonnochu: gotta keep the asthetic

eommajin: i don’t think namjoon’s ever gona make a tgypeo

wreckmonster: I got to keep my grammatically correct aesthetic too

minsugagenius: at least he doesn’t end his sentences with dots anymore

hobiseok: yah that looked rude

wreckmonster: ????????

includemeincypherpls: parallel nuveisre wher yoongi hunbyn uses caps

minsugagenius: no

hobiseok: parallel universe where tae learns how to spell universe

includemeincypherpls: i knwonbf how to write unviersr what u tLKING about

mochimin: taehyung: writes everyone: ??????????????????

includemeincypherpls: thnak

jeonnochu: for just ten thousand (10000) won!!!! you can help a kid with a severe problem of typitis :( it has affected his life negatively. his friends don’t understand him when he types. a very sad and tragic story…. help him today!!!!!!!!!!

includemeincypherpls: i hope this isn’t abourt me caus thatd be v disrfscpectful towards ur bhyung

jeonnochu: b l as t

mochimin: bye jungkook

jeonnochu: bye

hobiseok: is the maknae line okay

jeonnochu: idk probably not

Chapter Text

nj hyung pls make a tupo

includemeincypherpls: he is coming

mochimin: finally!!

hobiseok: who??

eommajin: do we need to clean? who’s cmgin?

includemeincypherpls: (ง ˙ω˙)ว

includemeincypherpls: he

mochimin: the boy is back in tonw!!!

jeonnochu: let’s all greet him!!!

eommajin: who is he

includemeincypherpls: that’s what everyone says…….. when they look at him

mochimin: (ง ˙ω˙)ว look at him go

jeonnochu: (ง ˙ω˙)ว don’t stop me now

includemeincypherpls: (ง ˙ω˙)ว cause i’m havIGN A GOD TIME

wreckmonster: A God time…

eommajin: (ง ˙ω˙)ว HAVINF A GOOD TUMEEEE

minsugagenius: not you too, hyung…

includemeincypherpls: he has great plans

hobiseok: what plans?????

includemeincypherpls: (ง ˙ω˙)ว coming

hobiseok: i like him

includemeincypherpls: not as much as u liek me

hobiseok: (ง ˙ω˙)ว bye i’m going wit h him

includemeincypherpls: hyuGN NO

minsugagenius: rip vhope 2013-always in our hearts

mochimin: (ง ˙ω˙)ว this is vhope leaving our lives

includemeincypherpls: stop ʕ ಡ ﹏ ಡ ʔ

wreckmonster: It was good knowing the ship. Now Hohe (Hoseok x he) is the new OTP

jeonnochu has changed the name to bless hohe (ง ˙ω˙)ว

includemeincypherpls: @hobiseok stpo tis madenss

hobiseok: lol

includemeincypherpls: (ง ˙ω˙)ว this is me leaving u for jmin bye huyng

mochimin: (ง ˙ω˙)ว this is me escaping from u

includemeincypherpls: (*´;ェ;`*) why do y’al hat me so munch

includemeincypherpls: im levin

minsugagenius: bye

includemeincypherpls: your gonna mis me

jeonnochu: let’s replace taehyung with he (ง ˙ω˙)ว

wreckmonster: Finally a kid that will respect me

eommajin: i just noticed something weird about him

mochimin: what is it?

eommajin: if you change his second arm with the first it becomes (ง ˙ω˙)ง

eommajin: he’s ready to fight (ง ˙ω˙)ง

hobiseok: he com (ง ˙ω˙)ว … but he also attac (ง ˙ω˙)ง

minsugagenius: stop

minsugagenius has changed the name to welcome h(om)e (ง ˙ω˙)ว

mochimin: what is this

mochimin: hyung usong a memes????????

minsugagenius: a memes

jeonnochu: amazing

hobiseok: has taehyung really left

eommajin: i mean it’s werid that he hasn’t said anything for the pas 30 seconds

hobiseok: taehyung come back

includemeincypherpls: u cruel people (●`□´)=з

includemeincypherpls: only hoseok huyn had notice di was ogne

mochimin: ur literally next to me now i knwe u were der

includemeincypherpls: im leavin u jimin (ง ˙ω˙)ว

mochimin: for who

includemeincypherpls: yoongi hubyn

minsugagenius: (ง ˙ω˙)ว(ง ˙ω˙)ว(ง ˙ω˙)ว(ง ˙ω˙)ว(ง ˙ω˙)ว(ง ˙ω˙)ว(ง ˙ω˙)ว(ง ˙ω˙)ว(ง ˙ω˙)ว bye

hobiseok: iconic

includemeincypherpls: ehy does everyone want to get awya from me

hobiseok: i donr

includemeincypherpls: thank

includemeincypherpls: peoples i have a big announcement

eommajin: this man is gay and european?

wreckmonster: Shouldn’t it be gay and Asian? Gaysian?

includemeincypherpls: nice reference but no

includemeincypherpls: i would like to announce that jimin

includemeincypherpls: exists

minsugagenius: great news!!

hobiseok: thank you

jeonnochu: world: blessed

mochimin: stop

eommajin: look at him!!!!! being so great

mochimin: /hyung/

includemeincypherpls: das right!!! das my best friendn!!!!!!! i love him so much!!!!!!

mochimin: (ง ˙ω˙)ว me goin to hug u all (っ・∀・)っ

jeonnochu: get away from me

mochimin: rude

wreckmonster: #ParkJiminFanclub

includemeincypherpls: im the perisden

eommajin: incredible. a good club

minsugagenius: i want to be president too

includemeincypherpls: u can be persiden when im not ther

minsugagenius: you will always be there

includemeincypherpls: exactly

minsugagenius: (ง ˙ω˙)ง i will kick your ass

hobiseok: *he will kick your ass (ง ˙ω˙)ง

includemeincypherpls: stop hugbn

hobiseok: (っ・∀・)っ hug

includemeincypherpls: jughn

wreckmonster: I wonder how many times Taehyung can misspell the word “hyung”

wreckmonster: It’s just a syllable, it’s not that hard

includemeincypherpls: … hfryunb

wreckmonster: Take your time

includemeincypherpls: huygh

wreckmonster: You’re getting there

includemeincypherpls: huygn

wreckmonster: Almost!

includemeincypherpls: hyung

wreckmonster: Hallelujah!!!

includemeincypherpls: byut hygbn i know how to write hytyb

wreckmonster has left the chat

jeonnochu: iconic

eommajin: i’m laughgn so hard poor joonie he’s gonna be traumatixed after this

hobiseok: tae………. nectar of the flower………… i adore u

eommajin: did u have to bring that back

hobiseok: why not we’re always bringing hadn and alcholo back

includemeincypherpls: i thought alcholo had died

mochimin: alcholo never dies

includemeincypherpls: okay hadn

minsugagenius has added wreckmonster

wreckmonster: I need an early retirement, I’m too old for this

Chapter Text

welcome h(om)e (ง ˙ω˙)ว

wreckmonster: I see that Taehyung is typing. I don’t like where this is going already, to be honest.

includemeincypherpls: ogsy bit thid tis ithe weirderst thing ive erber freadmed

eommajin: translation?

mochimin: “okay but this is the weirdest thing i’ve ever dreamed”

hobiseok: what is it

includemeincypherpls: jeon jugnkook and i decidet to mak a food truc u kno like a xcaranan u kno??????

jeonnochu: a food truk

includemeincypherpls: ys and it was goin v well it was th best biunsess ofa ll

includemeincypherpls: bt then iorn man snubeanmi arrivet and jk got v nervos and he ddnt know what to say

jeonnochu: ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ iron man ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

includemeincypherpls: an toni strak said smth like “gimme food kiddos i gotta sav the earth” and jk’s eyes were lik so briht we dindnt even ned the sun and he turnet to me lik “huybn letsn giv him som foodes”

includemeincypherpls: but ther was no food!!!!!!!!!!!!

hobiseok: dun dun duuuuuuuunn

minsugagenius: *dramatic music in the background*

jeonnochu: u must be kidding hyung

jeonnochu: where did the fodo go

mochimin: probs tae ate it

includemeincypherpls: and then he turnd around and saw me and my cheks were liek a hamster??? hamtaro level of cheek and it tunred out that i hadf eaten everything and jk got v angry and iron man got v angry

mochimin: called it

jeonnochu: *in tears* why did you sabotage our busiens like that hyugn

includemeincypherpls: i has hungary

eommajin has changed the name to tae stop eating ur business

hobiseok: will we ever have the same group name in two different chapters….?????

wreckmonster: Okay, what have I told you countless times about breaking the fourth wall? It’s not nice! It’s actually very dangerous, guys, it could break reality

mochimin: btu actually someone out there is writing this so it’s not rude it’s the writers’ intention??? i guesss?????

minsugagenius: wasn’t the writer taehyung?

includemeincypherpls: ah yea my catfic eys

minsugagenius: … your catfic

minsugagenius: a thrilling story about a feline

includemeincypherpls: hilairus bt no u should allll b used to me typs

wreckmonster: Unfortunately…

eommajin: so tae how did ur dream end

hobiseok: this is taking too long…

includemeincypherpls: A T-Rex arrived and spread the horror. Everyone was screaming, families were being separated. “Take the kids, Linda” said the man, taking a shotgun from his car. “Don’t do it, Rick! It’s too dangerous!” shouted Linda. But it was already too late. The T-Rex raised its foot above Rick and stepped on him, killing him instantly. Iron Man was drinking a Caprisun. Jungkook went to the Tyrannosaurus Rex and smiled, and the dinosaur smiled back. And then it ate him. I high-fived the dinosaur and rode his back into the sunset.

jeonnochu: what hte fuc

mochimin: u….. rlly wrote that with no typus

hobiseok: idk what’s funnier the dream or the fact that he wrtoe that w/ no mistakes

includemeincypherpls: uh guys whoever did this its not funny

eommajin: what’s not funny

includemeincypherpls: i went to the bathroom and the mirror is black

hobiseok: what?????

includemeincypherpls: who painted the mirror black?? its v weird and it looks lik slime

wreckmonster: Uh… could you send a photo?

includemeincypherpls has sent a picture

minsugagenius: what the fuck

mochimin: that looks dangerous get away from there

includemeincypherpls: the door is locked

hobiseok: WHAT

includemeincypherpls: i can’t come out

includemeincypherpls: the pun wasn’t intended btw

hobiseok: wait where u are i’ll get u out of there

includemeincypherpls: well i cant fucking go anywhere

jeonnochu: u okay hyung?

includemeincypherpls: i mean i came to pee and so i did but now i can’t go out

minsugagenius: why is the mirror black anyway?

eommajin: hoseok can u open the door?

hobiseok: it’s locked. i can’t open it. it’s….. frustrating

includemeincypherpls: wow the mirror feels weird, it IS like a slime

mochimin: ew did u touch it?

wreckmonster: Taehyung, don’t you dare!!

includemeincypherpls: i’m kidna corius about whats at the other side

jeonnochu: other side?

mochimin: taehyung??!!!

hobiseok: he’s not replying

hobiseok: i’m at the verge of an attack someone pls come and help me

minsugagenius: i’m omw

wreckmonster: Me too. Taehyung, don’t you dare touch the substance!


Weird. The mirror felt as if it was made of disgusting black slime, and Taehyung felt grossed out just by looking at it. However, he couldn’t help but stare into that void that had mysteriously formed inside their bathroom. He ignored Hoseok’s voice, but he didn’t know why he couldn’t reply. He wanted to tell him that everything would be alright, that he just wanted to dive his hand into that black abyss, but the words had gotten stuck on his throat, like a fly trapped in a puddle of honey.

He breathed in deeply and felt a shiver down his spine. Was he really doing this? It was impossible, but now his arm was inside the mirror until his elbow, and the knocking on the door had become more frantic. His phone didn’t stop vibrating with the messages that probably his friends were sending him. Soon after, he heard Yoongi and Namjoon’s voices join his boyfriend’s. Taehyung knew they couldn’t make anything, the blob was already sucking him into whatever dimension it lead to.

He wasn’t going to lie, he was scared as shit, but when he felt his entire body go through the viscous substance he felt nothing.


Suddenly, the door gave in and Hoseok opened it with a slam. The mirror was black, but it didn’t look like the picture Taehyung had sent them before. It was dimmer. His boyfriend was nowhere to be seen, and he knew exactly what had happened. It was impossible, but there was no other answer.

Ignoring his friends’ complaints and driven by the fear of losing Taehyung forever, Hoseok dived into the mirror.


Namjoon was speechless. Where one of his closest friends had stood seconds before now there was nothing. He looked at Yoongi, who looked as surprised as him, and then moved his stare back at the mirror. It had now turned a pale shade of grey, and he had to grab Yoongi to stop him from jumping as well.

“Hyung, we don’t know what’s out there, it could be dangerous” he tried to explain. Yoongi’s attempts at making Namjoon let go of him became more desperate as the substance’s color became dimmer, and he fell to the ground trying to repress a sob when in the mirror he could see himself and Namjoon again.

“They’re out there” the elder murmured. “We let them go and now we don’t know if they’ll ever be back.”

Namjoon really wanted to tell him that he was hurt as well, but he couldn’t say a thing.

Inside his pockets, his phone rang, a sign that someone had sent him a message. Ignoring the concerned messages from the other members, there was something that made his heart sink.

includemeincypherpls and hobiseok have left the chat

Chapter Text


hobiseok: tae???

hobiseok: tae where are you, you’re the only one i can contact

includemeincypherpls: hyung?

includemeincypherpls: what’s going on? i can only contact you too and i don’t remember anything? what happened??

hobiseok: where are you? when we meet i’ll tell you everything

includemeincypherpls: uh… i can see the n seoul tower from here

hobiseok: fuck you’re away. don’t move. go to a café and wait for me or smoething, it’ll take me about an hour if i start running

includemeincypherpls: hyung, i know we’re in seoul but… this feels different. what happened?

hobiseok: i’ll tell u everything in an hour wait for me


includemeincypherpls: okay… i’m a bit scared though, nobody is getting my messages

includemeincypherpls: i’m so glad that i can talk to you. i love you

hobiseok: i love you too. wait where you are, taehyung, i’m coming

tae stop eating ur business

eommajin: uh i’m not a fan of ignoring what’s wrong but

eommajin: i don’t feel comfortable with the name of this groupchat tbh

wreckmonster: Yeah, me neither

jeonnochu has changed the name to cocoNUTs??????

eommajin: :/ inappropriate ur like idk 5

mochimin has changed the name to kim seokjin hyung handsome guy

eommajin: thanks

minsugagenius: this is a fraud why are you promoting this shit

minsugagenius has changed the name to park jimin handsome guy

eommajin: still accurate but i’m still the most handsome

jeonnochu has changed the name to park jimin sucks

mochimin: and very well i must say amirite @minsugagenius

minsugagenius has left the chat

mochimin: hyung please

eommajin has added minsugagenius

wreckmonster: So… okay, I don’t know if this is appropriate right now or what but I think I finally discovered what happened to Taehyung and Hoseok

eommajin: really???

wreckmonster: Yeah, and I think that it’s our fault

jeonnochu: our fault?

mochimin: what did we do???

wreckmonster: Okay, so I was reading the conversations of that day when I read something interesting. Hoseok had broken the fourth wall, and I told him to stop doing it because it was dangerous, it could break reality

minsugagenius: oh

eommajin: so that means that…

eommajin: we’ve broken the fourth wall so much that we have broken reality??

jeonnochu: so that means that the real world and this world, the fanfic world, are becoming one or something similar?

minsugagenius: i would say that the line that separates them has become thinner and could be broken at any moment

jeonnochu: so they’re… in the real world?

eommajin: i would say so, yes

mochimin: so… this also means that tae and hobi can see this, right? if they search for this fic? taehyung knew about this when he was in his fanfiction stage

wreckmonster: It’s likely. But what’s dangerous is that there are now two Taehyungs and two Hoseoks in the real world, I’m not sure what could happen…

eommajin: we need to tell them to come back as soon as possibel then!!!

mochimin: taehyung, hoseok-hyung, i don’t know where you are but i hope you two are reading this!!! please, be safe, we miss you

minsugagenius: there’s not much we can do, we can only wait

jeonnochu: well while we wait who wants to play overwatch with me

jeonnochu: if i lose i will pay for the winner’s next meal

eommajin: wait foR ME

wreckmonster: You don’t even know how to play, hyung

eommajin: unimportant. my objective is food

minsugagenius: of course it is…


When Hoseok saw Taehyung sitting at a table outside a coffee shop he felt as if he was about to cry. It had been only several hours since he had last seen him, but it felt like an eternity to him. He had to stop himself from running towards him, knowing that it would draw too much attention. Instead, he walked slowly until he was face to face with him, and then the younger raised his head and looked at him. Taehyung squinted his eyes, blinded by the sun that was behind Hoseok, but when he recognized him he smiled as brightly as a star and stood up to hug him. Hoseok didn’t have the courage to warn him that they were in public and hugged him back.

“I’ve missed you. I was worried that you wouldn’t find me” he murmured. “I was starting to get nervous. One of the waiters told me I look like V from BTS but that it was impossible that it was me because they’re currently in Indonesia.” He looked up and stared into Hoseok’s eyes. “What’s going on?”

The elder sighed. “Sit down, I have to tell you everything.”


Taehyung didn’t want to admit that he didn’t hear half of what Hoseok had explained, but he was so glad to have him with him that he couldn’t pay attention to him. He did catch that they were in another dimension, very similar to their reality, which was weird.

“Wait” he cut, and Hoseok stopped talking immediately. “I have a very weird feeling, let me check something.” He quickly took his phone of his pocket and unlocked it, ignoring Hoseok’s questions. It was a wild idea, but perhaps… “Here it is” he said, showing a page to his boyfriend. Hoseok started reading, and his eyes grew bigger with every word.
“Tae? What is this?”

“Do you remember that fic about our chat conversations?” he asked. Hoseok nodded.

“The one written by you.”

“Exactly” he started searching for the last chapter. It had been posted a few days before, and he read it quickly. It explained everything, from Taehyung’s dream to how he and Hoseok had disappeared. And then he saw a button that said “Next chapter →”. It was blurred, however, and a lighter shade of grey.

Without thinking about it he clicked it and started reading. It was a conversation that the rest of their friends were having. In the beginning it was normal (as normal as their conversations were), but then Namjoon said something about them being in the real world. So they had escaped the fanfiction? How could they go back?

And suddenly it was all very clear.

“Hyung, we need to find Kim Taehyung.” However, when he saw that the elder was confused he added: “The real Kim Taehyung, the one that lives in this dimension.”

Chapter Text

It was the most ridiculous thing Hoseok could remember doing, and he had done some ridiculous crap in his years of being alive. He knew there was nothing to fear, after all he was just meeting Taehyung. Another Taehyung, the real version of him, who had been writing about them for months. That was the weirdest part. As he knocked on the apartment door he wondered if that Taehyung would be like his Taehyung, if he was different from the real Hoseok.

As he had expected, his boyfriend opened the door with a smile. “You forgot your keys, hyung? You could have called me” he said, and let him in. Hoseok nervously fidgeted with his phone. Taehyung had wanted to go with him, but neither of them were sure of what would happen if they met. He wished the real Hoseok was practicing at the dance studio.

“Tae, we have to talk” he said. The other boy nodded and started walking to the dining room, where he sat on the couch. It was weird, his Taehyung would have grabbed his hand. He wondered if they were together in that universe.

There were some differences between the Taehyung he knew and the one sitting in front of him. Both were undeniably handsome despite some differences in their facial features, but the Taehyung in his universe was slightly taller and a bit more muscular, and his face had less acne. This Taehyung Maybe he had created a more ideal version of him for his fanfiction.

“Where is he?” Taehyung asked. Hoseok blinked, confused, and tilted his head to the right. “Don’t pretend like you don’t know what I’m talking about. Is he outside? I hope he’s hiding from the photographers.”

“Wait, you…?”

“Of course I know you’re not the real Hobi. No offence” he added with a smile, and Hoseok wondered if it was considered cheating if he had the same feelings for him than for his boyfriend. “I was just talking to Hoseok-hyung and he told me he would come home a bit late. And do I have to remind you that I’m the writer?”

“We need to come back” he said. “Write something so that our friends aren’t worried about us while we think about a way to solve things, or something.”

Taehyung looked at him, and on one hand he could see the same admiration in his eyes that he had seen so many times, but there was something different. Maybe because he knew that this Hoseok wasn’t real. Maybe because in the real world he didn’t have any romantic feelings towards him. That thought made him sick.

“I already know, though” he replied. “I’m not as stupid as in the fic.”

“You’re not stupid…” Hoseok said, but the other raised his eyebrows. “Okay, maybe you’re a bit of the comic relief sometimes” he accepted.

“You arrived here because you broke the line that separated reality” continued the other. “We need to do it again so that the portal appears again.” He sighed. “Tell Taehyung to come here, we have to meet.”


park jimin sucks

mochimin: can y’all change the name of this gc please

jeonnochu has changed the name to jeon jungkook is the best

mochimin has changed the name to suck a shoe john jungkook


eommajin: DONT CHENGE IT

wreckmonster: Guys, I found a note on my bedroom door today

wreckmonster: It was weird, because it was written in Taehyung’s handwriting. It said “we’re okay and coming back”. Is it a joke or…?

minsugagenius: show us that note

wreckmonster has sent a picture

jeonnochu: yeah no way nobody can imitate hyung’s ugly handwritgn

eommajin: hobis’ tho…. its th worst how can somebone read it

mochimin: somebone

minsugagenius: how did that shit end up here tho??? and like what do we do now

wreckmonster: I guess that we’ll have to wait…


“And… done” Taehyung said, saving the document he had been writing on. It was short, but Hoseok knew that now his friends would know they were okay. Now they would only have to make the Real Taehyung and the Fictional Taehyung meet and see if it worked, if that would make the portal appear again.

Hoseok read what the Real Taehyung had written, and felt a sting of nostalgia. The time in that world was weird and he wasn’t sure for how long they had been away, but he missed them deeply. He missed the maknae line’s bickering, Namjoon’s obsession with writing perfectly, Yoongi being done with all of them, Jin being a literal child and following their jokes. He couldn’t wait to talk to them again.

“I will text him now” he warned, taking the phone out of his pocket.



includemeincypherpls: hyung?? you’ve been there for a long time what’s going on

includemeincypherpls: u okay???

includemeincypherpls: i’m hiding in a book store pretending to read about neuroscience or some shit

includemeincypherpls: i hope ur well :(

hobiseok: okay i just finished i’m well where r u??

includemeincypherpls: v close to thje apartnemt

hobiseok: okay u gotta come w/ us

includemeincypherpls: where???

hobiseok: come to the apartment, when you meet the other taehyung itll open a portal to our world, hopefully

includemeincypherpls: k… just in case it doesn’t work… i love you

hobiseok: i love you too, now come here so that we can go home


suck a shoe john jungkook

minsugagenius: i hear a weird sound

minsugagenius: it better not be any of you young children and your millennial games

jeonnochu: uh hwat weitd sound

eommajin: it’s like a buzzing noise tight???

eommajin: *right????

wreckmonster: Yeah, it comes from the bathroom, I believe, so maybe it’s a broken lightbulb?

mochimin: have u broken a lightbulb hyung

wreckmonster: Hey, it wasn’t me! That’s not fair :(

??? has entered the chatroom

minsugagenius: wait who the fuck are you

???: who the fuck are YOU

minsugagenius: i asked you first

???: i asked you second

minsugagenius: this is not the time for references that maybe one person will get

eommajin: how did this person even get in a private chatroom????

mochimin: *mystic messenger flashbacks*

jeonnochu: hyung u…… play mysmes? what route??

mochimin: uh jumin obviously need me a rich man

minsugagenius: excuse me

???: i just came here to do one thing lemme do it and i’ll leave k???

wreckmonster: Wait, what is going on?

??? has added includemeincypherpls and hobiseok

??? has left the chat

jeonnochu: WHAT

wreckmonster: :O Guys?

mochimin: TAE U REALLY BACK????

eommajin: they’re not answering

includemeincypherpls: uh hi?

hobiseok: hello <333

mochimin: TAEHYUNG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

includemeincypherpls: JIMIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hobiseok: HOBI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

minsugagenius: WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU

includemeincypherpls: REAL WORLD, THAT ??? WAS TAEHYUNG

hobiseok: YEAH i mean the real taehyung the writer

hobiseok: he has some priviledges in this world

includemeincypherpls: yeah we arrived to this world through the computer scren of taehuung and we arrive dto oru bathrom

wreckmonster: I have no words

eommajin: omg i’m so glad to have y’all back ive missde u <33<<33<

hobiseok: z43<3<33<<3<3<333<

wreckmonster: Y’all are werid

jeonnochu: OH MY GOD

includemeincypherpls: NAMJON JYUN HAS MADE A TYPI

eommajin: mark this day in the caledna rchildren

wreckmonster: Stop

hobiseok: weve mised u all

mochimin: weve mised u too <3<33<

includemeincypherpls: i cant believe were back to see namjoons ever first typo

hobiseok: trily aniconic moment

minsugagenius: well i hope you learnt your lesson

includemeincypherpls: no more touching black blobs that i don’t know

minsugagenius: exactly

hobiseok has changed the name to antiblack blob squad

wreckmonster: Nerds