It was supposed to be a new start.
Sure, she's had more than her share of new starts, but this was gonna be the one.
She was gonna start out on top for once and it was gonna be like in the movies. She was gonna get all the money and find out she's been a princess all along and get a chance to start doing good in her new life.
Except it didn't go that way.
Because life isn't like the movies, except for when it is. But it's never like the movies she wants it to be.
Faith's lived out Godzilla flicks and those horror movies where the blonde girls wander into the abandoned, dead-end alleys. She just finished up her army film. Why doesn't she get her wall-to-wall sex, beautiful all along, sit around sipping martinis all day movie?
Instead she gets Buffy, the put-out, spurned sibling who's going around sulking a hole into the Earth and blaming this crazy little plot twist on Faith, a bunch of girls who are confused and scared out of their minds, and a catatonic vampire camping in her guest bedroom.
She lets Spike clean the blood off of Angel when he comes around a few days after Buffy's departure. There's something about beginning her new life with undressing a somewhat noncomplacent man that seems just a touch counterintuitive.
She'd kinda thought B'd be up to the task, but it'd be a little difficult for her to have pulled off, seeing how she wasn't so much as looking at him.
Faith's not sure she's handling things much better than big sis. She hasn't turned her back on the guy that needs her, and she's not running herself ragged through shitty jobs and shittier apartments but, for real: the reliably hot shower, the comfy bed surprisingly free of men, and the fact that she can actually afford her two packs a day are window dressings at best.
Giles might be six feet down under, and Angel may been even broodier than usual, but Faith's just about as dead as they are. She's just moving is all.
At the end of the day, there's still this gaping hole, and this feeling of not being as good, never as good, and the sense that redemption is never going to come, because when has she ever gotten anything she's really wanted?
Starting over might change the things around you, and it doesn't change you, even when you're the part of your life needing the most change.