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Welcome to Quidditch

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“Ok I just want to go over this one more time to make sure you’ve got it.” Madam Hooch gazed cooly at Cecil, hands on her hips.

Cecil tried not to fidget. “Focus on the game. Talk about the players and what they are /currently/ doing. Nobody cares about my personal life.”

“And for Merlin’s sake stop being so poetic about it. It’s a sporting event.”

“Yes, m’am.”

“You may go.”

The boy scampered away quickly toward the stairs. Around he could hear the excited cheers and chatter of his schoolmates. It was a chilly day, bit puffballs of snow were falling onto the pitch, but everybody had turned out just the same. Cecil wrapped his scarf tighter around his neck, stepping out onto his shared box with the staff. It was at dead center, the best place to see the pitch and therefore the best place for the commentary. He cleared his throat before stepping behind the enchanted podium that would amplify his voice.

“Snow falls, night falls, quaffles fall. Welcome to Quidditch.”

Behind him, a few teachers let out heavy sighs. Cecil was a good commentator, really, or else he wouldn’t be allowed to do it all. He just liked to add his own particular… flair.

“Today’s match is between HUFFLEPUFF,” he paused for a roaring cry from the yellow-decked sections, “and RAVENCLAW,” another cheer, “which incidentally, happens to be the house of the smartest and most beautiful wizard at Hogwarts, Carlos--”

“CECIL!” Madam Hooch stood below on the pitch, glaring up at him. Cecil swallowed.

“Sorry.” He cleared his throat. “The teams are coming onto the field now. Captain for Hufflepuff, SARAH MCCLEARY! Who looks a lot better with her new haircut, don’t you think? The bangs hide that wart on her forehead nicely. And the Captain for Ravenclaw, JULIAN TUDOR.” The players ascended on broomstick and the captains shook hands. “The golden snitch is about to be released. I for one am glad that we have found a replacement from using actually live animals in the game. If we truly are, that is. It could be the regulation was just a distraction and this entire time we really have been using actually snitches. On a side note, I’m not really sure why Roderick is the Ravenclaw seeker, he’s got horrible eyesight. The other day in potions I asked him--”

“Cecil,” Professor McGonagall warned beside him.

“The snitch as been released and the game has begun!” Cecil jumped back on track and told himself to focus. “McCleary has the quaffle, passes it to Smith - I hear she’s dating Lisa Cooper now, way to go - dodges the bludger, passes to Grant, SCORE!” He pressed the button and smiled at the familiar click and ding. “Well that was quick. Ravenclaw’s chasers are really good this year. Either that or they’ve charmed us all into thinking they are,” he chuckled at his own little joke.

“Keeston hits a bludger toward Grant, well that was just bad aim, better luck next time Keeston. He practices in the common room with little paper balls and a target pinned to the wall, you know. Tabor has the quaffle, dodges the bludger, Taber still has the quaffle, Tudor looked like he’d seen the snitch for a moment but I guess it was just a really big snowflake. Ravenclaw scores! I suppose they want to finish this and get back inside to some hot chocolate. There is a place down the street from my house that has the best hot chocolate--”

“Cecil, focus.”

“Donovon has the quaffle! Stolen by McCleary. Bad, McCleary, you’ll get detention for stealing! Haha, just kidding. I would never abuse my Prefect power like that.” He turned to grin at Professor McGonagall. “McCleary heading toward the goalpost, oh, there’s a bludger! Nice hit, Keeston. She drops it, grabbed by Feeton. We have Care of Magical Creatures together and I can tell you that Feeton is terrified of newts. Like a newt could ever hurt you! Of course, you have to be careful to newti, which closely resemble newts but aren’t and will bite your finger and inject with a slow poison. There is a good article in the Quibbler about them, I can lend it to you if you like, Feeton.”


“Donovon has the quaffle, looks like Hufflepuff might score this time, that would be nice. I asked some students earlier who they thought would win today’s match. Carlos, he’s muggle born and says he still doesn't understand the rules very well, isn’t that adorable? Well Carlos says that he hopes Hufflepuff wins because then there won’t be a big celebratory party and he can get some homework done tonight. I was sort of hoping that if Ravenclaw did win he would invite me to their party, but he didn’t say anything about it.”

“Cecil Hufflepuff just scored will you please pay attention.”

“Sorry, professor! Won’t happen again. That’s a 2-to-1 with Ravenclaw in the lead and-- oh there go the seekers they seem to have spotted something! Is it an enchanted golden ball or is it some poor magical creature cursed to be apart of our games, do our bidding, amuse us all in slavery? Well, whichever it is, it seems Roderick is going to get their first -- OH that was a well-aimed bludger! Tudor gets the snitch! Hufflepuff wins! I hope Roderick is alright. He’ll probably have to go to the hospital wing after that. Well, I always say, even the hospital wing isn’t that bad if you have somebody dear to sit with you through the night. I hope you all have that person. Goodnight, Hogwarts, goodnight.”

With a smile he stepped back from that platform.

“Honestly, Cecil.”

“Yes professor?”

“...Nothing. Congratulations on your house winning.”

“Thank you, professor!”