carcinoGeneticist [CG]began trolling twinArmageddons [TA]
CG: HEY ASSHOLE
CG: SHIT STAIN
CG: DUMB FUCK
CG: LET’S PRETEND FOR A SECOND THAT THE MERE THOUGHT OF YOU DOESN’T DIGUST ME AND MAKE ME WANT TO EXPEL BILE FROM EVERY ORIFICE
CG: JUST FOR A SECOND, OK?
CG: I’LL BE NORMAL AND CIVIL BECAUSE WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT SOMETHING SERIOUSLY
CG: I CAN SEE YOU STARING AT YOUR HUSKTOP SCREEN
CG: WHY AREN’T YOU ANSWERING?
CG: FUCKING ANSWER
CG: I’M TRYING TO HAVE A FEELINGS JAM WITH YOU
CG: YOU KNOW WHAT FUCK YOU. I TRY TO HAVE A TOUCHING MOMENT WITH ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS BUT YOU CAN’T TAKE A BREAK FROM WHATEVER SHIT SPEWING THING YOU’RE DOING FOR EVEN A SECOND TO HEAR ME OUT
CG: MAN I REALLY HATE YOU SOMETIMES
CG: FUCK WHY DID I ADD THAT? OF COURSE IT’S PLATONIC
CG: IF I WERE TO BE IN A HATE RELATIONSHIP WITH ANYONE IT WOULD PROBABLY BE TEREZI. I THINK. NOT TO SAY YOU AREN’T A ROMANTIC PROSPECT FOR OTHERS. JUST NOT FOR ME BECAUSE MY AFFECTIONS ARE ELSEWHERE. MOSTLY.
CG: SHIT JUST IGNORE EVERYTHING I JUST SAID
CG: DAMMIT FINE WHENEVER YOU’RE DONE DOING WHATEVER IT IS THAT IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN TALKING TO ME COME FIND ME
carcinoGeneticist [CG]ceased trolling twinArmageddons [TA]
You don’t realize you’re staring at him right away. You find yourself doing it so often these days that it’s almost become normal for you. He’s laughing at something, his four protruding fangs poking out more noticeably than they would with one of his normal chuckles. You can’t see his eyes behind those glasses but you can kind of see the way they crinkle up around the edges from this angle. His fingers have stilled on his keyboard and he’s swiveling around in his chair. No way, he’s actually going to speak aloud with someone rather than conversing via Trollian? That’s unheard of! You know immediately who he’s been talking with, subsequently ignoring your messages, when another chair swivels around. Somehow you’re not surprised to see Aradia laughing alongside him. Well, as much as a robot can laugh you guess. It sounds metallic and kind of clinks like something is rattling around.
You look away and slump against your chair. He still hasn’t read your messages. He’s too busy talking to her now. You guess that was the case before too so nothing’s really changed. Come to think of it Aradia has always been higher on his list of priorities than you. You’re pretty sure they had something red going on before. Maybe pale. He never really talks about his quadrants with you. Usually when you two try to talk the conversation turns into a fight and only ends after you’ve confirmed you’re still friends. You’d rather be friends with him than lose him to stupid hate flirting. If that’s even what it is. You don’t hate him. Not like that anyway. Not always. He’s your best friend. Anything more than that would only cause unnecessary complications. If you continue down this path one day you’ll ask if you’re still friends and he’ll say no. Maybe it’s better that he doesn’t respond to you.
While you wallow Terezi and Gamzee try to contact you. You read their messages but you don’t really feel like talking with them. You log out of Trollian and head to the transportalizer. If you’re going to sulk you’re going to do so in the privacy of your respiteblock. Despite yourself, and maybe in a fit of self loathing, you reopen Trollian on the husktop in your respiteblock just in case he does respond. When did you become a lovesick idiot like in one of the romcoms you like? Actually a romcom doesn’t sound so bad right now. Maybe watching the failing quadrants of fictional characters will cheer you up about your own equally, if not worse, failing quadrants.
You decide to put in “In Which Troll Will Smith Is Happy Keeping His Quadrants Empty Until He Meets A Troll That…” actually it would take longer to read the title than it would to actually watch the film. You pop it in and settle on the floor. You’re about half way through the movie, troll Will Smith had just discovered his flushed feelings for the female troll and has to stop her from entering into a matespritship with a high blood before it’s too late, when you begin to get overly emotional. Why couldn’t she see that beneath that rough bad boy exterior slept a troll that pitied her more than the high blood douche ever could? You’ve seen this movie a hundred times. You already know that the high blood has troll Will Smith killed and the female troll is forced into a matespritship with him which borderlines black. Still you find yourself rooting for troll Will Smith.
The movie’s over and you’re left to contemplate the plot and compare it to your own shameful quadrants. Every time you develop feelings for someone the line between red and black becomes blurred. Even with Sollux. You’re not even sure what you want from him. Matespritship? Kismesitude? Either would be fine but you want both. You are a fool.
You hardly notice when someone enters the room and jolt in surprise at that snarky laugh. “Crying alone in your respiteblock while watching shitty romcoms again? Really KK?”
“You’re the one who wanted so badly to talk to me. I only came here because you weren’t answering on Trollian.”
You glance at your husktop screen and see the long chain of messages he’s sent you. You hadn’t even noticed. “You ignored me first.” Is the only witty response you can muster.
“I wasn’t ignoring you idiot. I was discussing important things with AA. I didn’t have time to listen to your whining.”
“I wasn’t going to whine asshat. I had something important to talk to you about.”
“So talk to me now instead of wasting my time.” He sits next to you on the floor and now you feel inclined to say something.
“I just wanted to ask about how things are going with Aradia.” He gives you a confused look so you continue. “Is she your matesprit or your moirail? Do you have unrequited flushed feelings for her? Is she with that sweaty blue blooded asshole? I’m just concerned as your best friend in case you need a shoulder to cry your gross yellows tears on. I’m really not concerned with your quadrants. I’ve got my own quadrants to worry about. Not that I have any plans to fill them…or anyone who would want to fill them for that matter. Why am I even talking to you about quadrants? This is exactly what I didn’t want to talk about. It’s not like I want you in my quadrants or anything. Which one would you even be in? I’m not flushed for you. I don’t hate you. Except for maybe sometimes when you get on my nerves and when you act all pitiful and lame sometimes.” Your mouth snaps shut as if some cosmic being is telling you to shut up and stop talking. When you come back into focus you realize that it’s not a cosmic force but Sollux’s psionics holding your jaw firmly, but not painfully, closed.
“Jesus KK slow the fuck down.”
You kind of nod your head and the psychic hold is gone just as fast as it came. He’s not saying anything. He’s not even looking at you. Is he waiting for you to say something more? Is he planning to laugh at you and call off any form of bond you had or might have had? The silence is driving you mad.
“Sollux can we, I mean, are we still friends?” You ask sounding like a fucking wiggler and hating yourself every step of the way for saying it at all.
“No.” He says. Your worst fear is staring you down and you’re cowering like a fucking grub. You can’t even speak. He gives you a startled look and you discover there are pinkish tears trailing down your face. “You’re so fucking pitiful KK.” His voice is hushed, gentle. You’ve never heard him sound like that. Not even when speaking to Aradia. Even the harsh bite of his lisp is softened.
“Wha-?” His lips stop any words from escaping and suddenly you can’t remember how to breathe, how to move or how to tell him not to pull away because he definitely should be doing that some more.
“AA and I are friends. I was actually talking to her about my miserable quadrants and my crush on my best friend that can’t decide between red and black. Not that I can decide either.”
“Shit so…what are we?”
“Undecided. Sometimes black sometimes flushed.”
“I think I can live with that.”
He lets out one of those snarky little chuckles that sounds all raspy and nasally. His four fangs stick out over his bottom lip and you physically can’t stop yourself from springing forward and kissing him. Your tongue darts out to trace the sharp points of his lisp inducing teeth. When you part you’re both breathless and you can tell he’s wanted to do that as long as you have. Your friendship has always been a mess so why shouldn’t your quadrants be any different?