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Chasing Pavements

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Clarke was nervous. Hell, she was more than nervous, she was terrified. Her hands shook as she yanked open the heavy glass door that led into her Best Friends apartment lobby, she clenched her fists as she made her way across the lobby and towards the elevator, trying and failing to calm the tremors of her anxiety.

 

You see, today is THE day. Today, Clarke Griffin is going to admit her feelings to her Best Friend.

 

Lexa.

 

Clarke and Lexa have been Best Friends for about three years now and in that time Clarke’s feelings towards Lexa have steadily grown from adoring her as a friend, to developing into something much, much more.

 

Something more than friends. Something romantic.

 

Clarke wants Lexa…in every possible way that she can have her.

 

And that is exactly what she plans on telling her Best friend…she’s just terrified of being rejected.

 

As she steps into the elevator, she takes a few deep, calming breaths and remembers the conversation that she had with her two friends, not 2 hours ago.

 

“Clarke! My god! Stop freaking out! I am more than sure that Lexa feels just as you do” Raven calls out from the kitchen, whilst Clarke and Octavia sit on the blonde’s bed, running through what Clarke should say when she gets to Lexa’s apartment for the 10,000th time.

 

“She’s right, Clarke. Anyone can see that you and Lexa are meant for each other. You guys spend all your free time together, always cuddling and you always share a bed when you stay at each others places…not to mention how you guys are always, always flirting…its kinda outrageous.” Octavia says whilst she squeezes Clarke’s shoulder.

 

“You really think so? I’m just imagining all this, right? I mean, I feel like this…this feeling…these feelings are not just one sided. Oh fuck, o! What if I am wrong? What if I freak her out and ruin everything?”

 

“Clarke, I’ve seen the way you guys look at each other, it’s the exact same look. She’s not going to freak out and she’s not going to reject you, girl would be insane to.” Octavia stands from the bed then and hands Clarke her jacket. “Come on, its time to go head over there, go get your girl.”

 

“Go get your girl” Clarke repeats to herself, the words make a smile spread across her lips. “I’m gonna go get my girl.”

 

The elevator reaches the Ninth floor with an obnoxiously loud ‘ding!’ and Clarke exits, making her way along the corridor to room 915.

When she reaches the door she takes a few minutes to calm herself, her heart has sped up significantly and she suddenly feels really hot.

After a few minutes, in which her nerves don’t really calm that much at all, Clarke decides to just get on with it before she loses her nerve.

 

Before she realises it, she’s already knocked on the door and waited patiently. A minute goes by and Lexa still hasn’t answered the door, so she knocks again and just as she does, the door swings open to reveal her best friend, a little breathless and in nothing but a towel.

 

“Clarke! Hey! I didn’t know you were coming over.” the brunette says as she keeps one hand on her chest, clutching the towel to her damp body, whilst the other pushes a few strands of wet hair behind her ear.

 

“Uh…” Clarke clears her throat before continuing, she’s been pining after her extremely attractive best friend for a while now and seeing her with so little clothing has caught her off guard. The nerves are back full force “…y-yeah, sorry, I just came right over, i-i actually want to t-talk to you about something.”

 

Lexa chews on the corner of her lip as she fidgets with her towel, shifting her weight from foot to foot. “Okay…um…-“

 

It’s all getting a little too hot for Clarke and she cuts Lexa off, suddenly just blurting everything out before she combusts.

 

“Look, Lex…I-I need to to say…to tell you. I mean…gosh, why is this so nerve wracking!” Clarke lets out a nervous chuckle before looking up at the brunette, seeing a look of confusion on her face, as well as a look that she can’t quite decipher, wary maybe. “I-I like you, Lexa! And I don’t mean, like I like you…like friends…like each other…I mean…I like-like you…a lot. I like you like you a lot…wow, that’s a lot of likes…damnit…this sounded a lot better when I practiced it in my bathroom mirror…but yes, I like you a lot and I was hoping that m-maybe you felt that way about me to? A-a-and I was hoping…I was wondering if you would like to go on a date…with me, a date with me…if you want to?”

 

Fuck. That was a mess, but at least she’s got it out in the open now. Which, she’s unsure was a good idea as Lexa is looking at her with wide eyes and she hasn’t said a word.

 

Shit.

 

It’s been about 30 seconds, but to Clarke it feels like hours and Lexa still hasn’t said anything.

 

“Shit, Lex, please say something.” the blonde pleads, feeling desperate for some acknowledgement of the words she’s just spewed out.

 

Lexa snaps out of her silence at Clarke’s pleading tone and the blonde watches helplessly as Lexa’s expression morphs into something resembling a saddened grimace.

 

Oh no.

 

“Clarke, I…we’re best friends.”

 

“I know, but…maybe we could be more than that?”

 

“I…I don’t think that’s a good idea, you know I’m not good at relationships, I wouldn’t want to hurt you.” Ugh, Lexa and her damn

 

“You don’t know that you’d hurt me, Lexa. Maybe we-“

 

“No, Clarke. We can’t. I’m sorry, but It’d be best if we stayed like we are, best friends…if you think we can still be best friends?”

 

“Lex, of course we are best friends, but-“

 

“Lex? What is taking you so long?” Okay, Clarke’s damn sure she didn’t say that and Lexa’s mouth definitely isn’t moving…if anything Lexa’s face has just contorted into something of sheer panic and guilt.

 

The voice is coming from a very attractive red head, a red head that is currently padding towards them, a redhead who is also sporting just a towel and wet hair…just like Lexa.

 

And oh.

 

OH.

 

Clarke’s head begins to silently pray to any gods in existence that the ground PLEASE swallow her up, right about now.

 

Her eyes flit between the beautiful redhead and Lexa, it doesn’t take a genius to work out what is going on here.

 

And just like that, it feels like something suddenly snaps and shatters in Clarke’s chest. It’s fucking painful. As is the tight lump that’s been building at the base of her throat from the moment the redhead appeared, making it hard for her to swallow.

It’s blatantly obvious to the blonde that her best friend, the woman she had fallen for has pretty much just has sex with this other woman, in Lexa’s bed? In the shower? Fuck, she really doesn’t want to know. And this woman called her ‘Lex’…how well do they know each other?

 

“Clarke…”

 

The sound of Lexa’s voice pulls Clarke out of her shocked daze and the blonde is quick to start excusing herself, she just wants to get the fuck of out there now.

 

“Oh shit, sorry Lex! I didn’t know you had company, I’ll get out of you hair.” Clarke quickly turns away and quickly walks back down towards the elevator. She pushes the button to call the elevator and wills it to get there at super speed.

 

“Clarke!” The blonde looks over her shoulder to find Lexa running down the hall towards her. “Clarke, wait a sec…are you okay? Are we okay?”

 

“Yeah. Lexa, I’m sorry I interrupted your…date…or whatever. We’re totally fine.” she forces a small smile, it’s tight and she knows it doesn’t reach her eyes, but its the best she’s got right now.

 

“Are you sure…I mean…after what you said…that-that woman back there, she’s just a friend…well…not even a friend really…just a person I hookup with when she’s in town-“

 

“Lexa...stop, its fine.” I really don’t need the fucking details, she thinks, “Get back your friend, I’ll see you on Friday at the bar, ok?”

 

“Clarke, look, I’m just making sure you know that its nothing serious with her, I said no to you because I just can’t do relationships…and you deserve someone who can give you that. We really are okay, right? You’re not like in love with me or anything…right?”

 

Clarke swallows that lump in her throat, hard. She can’t possibly tell Lexa how deep she is now. So she forces back the tears behind her eyes and lets out a pretty convincing chuckle whilst lightly slapping Lexa’s arm “Don’t flatter yourself, just a little crush, just a crazy idea. Its fine, we’re fine. Again, I’ll see you Friday”.

 

Lexa nods, a little apprehensive, but then she smiles that gorgeous, warm, cute as fuck smile that always make Clarke melt. “Okay, see you Friday.”

 

 

- + -

 

 

Lexa walked back into her apartment after she had gone after Clarke to make sure that they were still okay. If she was being honest, she was feeling a little bit thrown by her best friends admission, she certainly wasn’t expecting it.

Sure, her and Clarke had a really close friendship and it was full of flirty banter which she loved, it was playful and a fun dynamic that they shared.

 

It’s not like she didn’t think Clarke was attractive, she has eyes, Clarke is effortlessly beautiful…but Clarke is also her best friend, who she loves and respects, she could never be in a relationship with Clarke…she’d only end up ruining it and hurting her and she definitely wasn’t going to reduce Clarke to a fuck buddy, no way, Clarke deserved so much more than that.

 

Clarke did just say that it was just a little crush, that they were fine.

 

It’s fine, they’re fine.

 

“Hey, you going to come and finish what you started, or what?” Lexa turns her head to find Rachel still standing there in her towel. She throws the red head a smirk

 

“Of course.”

 

- + -

 

It took Clarke all of 2 seconds after entering her apartment, seeing the expectant faces of her 2 friends for her to collapse in a heap on her couch, pained tears pouring down her cheeks. She’d done well to keep it together until she got home, even though every step she took on the short walk from Lexa’s apartment threatened to break her open.

 

Octavia was the first to react and scoop Clarke into her arms on the couch, Raven knelt down in front of them, placing a gentle hand on the blondes knee, pleading with her to tell them what happened.

 

It took a while, but between gasps for air and choked sobs the blonde managed to relay to her friends everything that had happened when she got to Lexa’s apartment.

 

“I’m so sorry Clarke, I really thought she felt the same way, like I am really shocked.” Octavia says softly as she tightens her arms around her friends’ shoulders.

 

“I don’t get it! And who the fuck is the redhead? I didn’t even know Lexa was seeing someone! She’s our friend too, and she’s never mentioned anyone.” Raven rants, clearly irritated.

 

“I don’t know either, Lexa said she was just, sort of a fuck buddy I guess. God, I wish she’d told me, I’ve made such a fool of myself. You should’ve seen the girl she was with…she was stunning, tall, slim…like killer body, gorgeous hair…really pretty face. As soon as I realised what was going on, I felt like an absolute idiot for thinking Lexa would even look at me that way. I am clearly not Lexa’s type, I should’ve known better.”

 

“Hey! Fuck that kind of talk Clarke! Don’t you dare compare yourself. You are ridiculously hot! Beautiful! Crazy beautiful! God, you have men and women drooling over you all the damn time.” There is no way Raven is letting Clarke feel lesser than she is. She’s really confused right now, she was positive that the outcome of today was going to be the polar opposite of what it currently is.

 

“Hey, how about you guys go get changed into pj’s and I’ll head down to the store and get us copious amounts of alcohol, ice cream and various other junk food crap and then we do a movie marathon or just chat shit all night?”

 

The other 2 friends nod at Raven with a smile, Clarke’s smile not quite reaching her eyes as they all agree with Raven’s plans for the night.

 

Raven flashes them both a smile back before she grabs her jacket and keys before heading out the door and making her way to the store.