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"The squad is under the command of Senior Officer Xhalax Sun."
Aeryn sits and absorbs this information, on top of everything else it is as once insignificant and utterly important.
"There's always something," she notes bitterly. Crais nods but says nothing.
Silence reigns in the infirmary, uncomfortable and uneasy. She grips the vidchip, edges biting into her hand.
"H-how long have you known?" she asks him finally.
"Before..." Words seem to fail him and he stares at her for a microt, clearly still trying to figure out how she is here and not in a capsule on a frozen planet. "Before I asked you to join us."
She tilts her head, suspicion narrowing her eyes. "It was your bargaining chip?"
"No," he says mildly, holds the gaze she levels at him and she realises this is the truth. "I told you that Talyn wished you to join us. I would have given you the vidchip..." His voice catches and she sees pain flare in his dark eyes in the microt before he looks away.
"Sorry." The word bursts from her unexpectedly, startling her. And though she is not sure whether she is apologising for her veiled accusation or the fact he has thought her dead, she does not try to take it back.
Another long silence stretches.
"How?" He asks finally, the word heavy with pain and grief. Aeryn closes her eyes.
"Zhaan," she murmurs. "I... I didn't die, Bialar, though it was so close the difference does not matter." She pauses, shivering at the memory. He puts a hand on her shoulder again. "She brought me back, but the cost..."
"I am sorry," he says, his voice soft and regretful. She puts her hand over his and manages a shaky smile. Then her eyes meet his and they are so full of gentle sympathy that she breaks.
And regardless of his injuries, Crais pulls her into his arms and she clings. He is shaking and she abruptly remembers Crichton's relief, and that of everyone else, at her return. Before the cost of her salvation became known. Remembers how Pilot told her of Talyn's pursuit of Scorpius, of Crais' terse report that the half-breed was dead. That she was avenged.
No one has thought to tell him otherwise. And that realisation makes her ill with guilt.
"I'm sorry," she mutters against his shoulder. "I should have made sure... I didn't even think." She pulls back and gazes into his eyes. "Bialar.."
"Hush," he scolds and offers her a small smile. "It does not matter now."
"It should do." She doesn't understand how he can just dismiss this, but his gaze is still mild and he still smiles at her.
"There are more important things. Talyn..." His eyes cloud and Aeryn adds her doubts over his care of Talyn to the list of her failures where this man is concerned.
"How can I help?" she asks then, unable to let him down further. He looks at her, his gaze suddenly guarded.
"I... He trusts you. I would appreciate... But I cannot ask you to leave Moya."
Aeryn cups his cheek. "Does your offer still stand?"
He takes a sharp breath. He reaches up and takes her hand, holds it. "You are... always welcome."
"Then I will join you," she said firmly. "And help with his recovery." She gives him a wry smile. "Plus I cannot handle two Crichtons."
Crais chuckles at that. "It was explained, though I am not sure I completely understand it."
"I know I don't understand it," she replies tartly.
"One of them will want to come," he predicts, his tone somewhat dark. "I doubt either trusts me."
"Are you okay with that?" she asks and he gives her a look.
"Do I have a choice?"
She bites her lip. "Talyn... he is your ship." That admission does not come easy, even though she now knows how much he cares for Talyn. He smirks slightly at her hesitation and she shakes her head at him. "What I mean is that it is your call, no matter what he says. Either of him."
"Thank you," he says simply. "However in the interests of keeping the peace, I will allow him to accompany you."
"Stark can help as well," she adds. "I don't think he wishes to stay on Moya now that Zhaan-" Her voice catches again and she sighs.
"As you wish," he says magnanimously. Aeryn suspects he will agree to anything as long as she goes, and she knows why, but she does not pursue it. "Aeryn... the Squad... your mother..."
"I know." She makes her voice hard and looks at him. "I know."
He nods once, but his expression is faintly troubled. "If we get restore Starburst then it will not matter. She-they cannot follow us forever."
She blinks at that. The Peacekeeper line is to neutralise the enemy, to eliminate all possible threats, but she understands in a microt of searing clarity that Crais will hold back in this case. In her case.
"They know I'm out here," she replies softly. "This is an attempt to distract me. And you. We must not allow that."
"I am aware of that Aeryn," he retorts, his suddenly cool tone reflecting his irritation at her pointing out the obvious. Then he sighs. "Maybe you remain on Moya. In case things... become unpleasant."
"Oh yes, because they're so much nicer on Moya." She rolls her eyes. "I have made my decision, Crais."
"Fine," he says huffily.
She glares at him. "Yes it is."
Silence again. Aeryn realises this altercation will not be their last. They are no longer captain and obedient soldier, but he still thinks like a Peacekeeper, as does she. Whatever their relationship is, neither is entirely comfortable, though she admits this is possibly because he thought her dead for the past half cycle.
And he was trying to protect her, clumsy though that attempt was. She sighs and puts her hand over his. "Thank you," she says in a gentler tone, "but Talyn needs me. Maybe my presence aboard will affect my mother, might... mitigate the situation."
He looks at her and nods, but it is clear he does not believe that. Neither does she, but it is a sliver of hope and she holds onto that.
"Aeryn," he says then, so quietly she barely hears it. "When I found... that recording I had... hoped that it would make you happy, that you would have something of your parents. Instead, I believe all I have done is something else that will cause you pain."
She takes his hand again. "It is not your fault," she tells him earnestly. "To know I did not imagine that night... Bialar, I cannot tell you what it means." She remembers he was recruited, that he knew his parents, and the full import of what he did hits her. Her fingers tighten on his. "I think you know. Whatever happens..." She stops and smiles through the tears she had not realised had run down her cheeks. She leans into him and kisses his cheek. "Thank you."
He stares at her, startled, but before he can formulate a response Moya is shaken by a huge explosion. Aeryn grabs the bed to steady herself and Crais' arm to keep him upright. Their eyes meet and she smiles wryly.
"There's always something."