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Lullabies from the Wind

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Taekwoon eyes the crashing waves. They come in and completely swallow the small smiley face he’d drawn in the sand, destroying it forever. He draws another one, waiting to see the water come and take it away again, not sure what else he’s expecting. Maybe one time the waves won’t take the face.

He’s bent down, one arm around his knees, the other sticking out a pointer finger to draw in the sand. He’s sure he’s been doing this longer than what should be acceptable for a grown man, but no one else is on the beach anyway. Apart from Wonshik, and Wonshik never minds.

“Where do you suppose they go? When the waves take them away.” He mumbles in to his arm, drawing another face. This time its with its mouth downward. He’s not sure whether he actually wants the other to hear his question, opting that if it goes unheard he won’t repeat himself. Wonshik, who’d come to crouch next to him, just chuckled lightly and switched the faces frown into a smile.

“Mmm…? I’m not sure hyung. I bet it’s some place nice, though you may not like it if you went right now.” He says. He pulls Taekwoon closer to him, so that the elder man leans against his chest. They sit in silence, watching the tide come in again. It washes over his drawing, covering it completely. When it recedes, nothing is left but smooth sand and remnants of seaweed.

His body moves only a millimeter forward, following the tide. And just as slightly, Wonshik grip on his arm tightens.

 

Sometimes he gets nightmares. They’re all exactly the same, and he’s not even sure if he can call it a dream when it’s more like a memory. He would be there, in various ages of his life on the cruise with his parents again. Everyone was smiling, laughing, and just generally happy. 

Then, the waves would come. 

Tall and powerful. Suddenly the water had turned murky and dark as the all too familiar screams would ring in his ears. Angry tides would come in and take the ship whole, take his parents with it. And then they were gone, off to some mysterious land, leaving Taekwoon behind.

He would usually wake up trembling or crying or both. The chills wouldn’t leave him and he would be cold all over. He remembered. God, he remembered, and it felt as if he was reliving it all over again. The same pain and emptiness was back and he couldn’t breathe. As if he was submerged.

However almost immediately after strong arms would wrap around his waist and Wonshik would wordlessly pull him into his chest. Soft words whispered into his ear to bring him back, while the other nosed against his neck in a form of comfort. Then they would stay that way, tightly bound for the rest of the night.



And sometimes Taekwoon leaves the house in the middle of the night, to walk to the beach by their home. When the hiss of crashing waves would keep him up, the winds whistle sounding more and more like his mothers lullabies. Taekwoon found himself humming along, low in his throats as he slowly slipped from the sheets so  Wonshik would not wake.

He would stand, dangerously close to where the tidal waves came in, where the ocean took visitors to the far off land. He would wonder if he could meet his parents again. His toes digging into the soft sand beneath his feet, tongue tasting the salt of the air.

Wonshik was there then too, always aware of the nights Taekwoon left and following right after. He wouldn’t be mad. No, lightly hugging him from behind and kissing along his neck, Wonshik waited until he was done. Taekwoon would realize his heart was beating too fast. Then with Wonshiks gentle tugs they would walk backwards, slowly away from the waves, because it was too early for Taekwoon to see his parents.

If the waves were his parents, tempting him to come closer for a reunion, Wonshik was his anchor, reminding him there was still time.