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As If We Never Said Goodbye

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As If We Never Said Goodbye

Chapter 01

Too Much, Too Young, Too Fast

 

Case File #: 981234. Name Blaine Anderson- fifteen years of age. History: Sexually and physically abused, he was forced to give… Oh my god...and then was physically beaten after the act was done. It all started at the age of thirteen, his mother’s boyfriend and his son moved in and then shortly after they got married and moved them out west. The abusers were his step brother and his friends. Psych Evaluation revealed: Self-harm in the form of Cutting, Depression, Anxiety, Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Selective Mutism. Some other issues we found are: social and family withdrawal, loneliness, self-imposed social isolation, chronic low self-esteem, a strong feeling of shame, problems initiating and maintaining relationships (both intimate and friendship), and wearing baggy clothing to hide his body. He has difficulty maintaining eye contact, difficulty expressing feelings, excessive shyness, and sleeping problems. Although he seems to be shut off to everyone around him we also learned that he is above-average intelligence and perception and is inquisitive. He is very creative and loves art, writing, and music. He seems very empathic and sensitive to others’ thoughts and feelings.

Why do all these kids have to be referred to with numbers, they are people, not numbers! Alexander Warren took a deep breath as he closed the folder that held the information on his newest and he wasn’t sure yet but possibly a most difficult student. Not the most difficult as in going to cause trouble, he feared that he was going to be the hardest to get through too. Alex was in charge of Vision Creek School for Troubled Teens, a place that teens could come to get away from all their troubles and get better, but he always hated reading cases like Blaine Anderson’s. He had had a few cases similar to his and made very little progress with those students he hoped he had better luck with Blaine. Alex jumped when he heard a knock on the door to his office. “Hey Kel, how’d it go?”

Dr. Kelvin Nye sighed and took a seat beside Alex’s desk. “Well he refused to let me even touch him and he was very reluctant to let Joyce touch him either.” He rubbed a hand on the side of his neck and up into his black hair, letting out another sigh. “I have never had one act so scared of physical contact before.” Kel shook his head, he has seen a lot of students come through his office and he had only a few that had ever freaked out on him. He knew not to take it personally, though; all the kids that came to Vision Creek had problems. Just these ones hit him harder than others did. “I read in his file that he was the same way when he was examined at the hospital.”

“Yeah, I read that too!” Alex opened the folder in front of him. He browsed through it quickly again and then closed it with a sigh.

“The good news is that we didn’t find any new cuts anywhere,” Kel added relief evident in his voice.

“Well, that is a plus.” Alex gave a small smile at the realization that the damaged boy was at least not hurting himself anymore after being removed from his terrible home life. “Cases like this just bother me to no end…” Alex got up from his chair and started pacing the room. “He’s been through too much, and it all happened when he was too young, and I’m sure this is all happening too fast with all the changes, I just hope we don’t make him climb further into that shell that he has built for himself.” Alex pressed the heel of his hand against his forehead.

“I agree, but all we can do is trying our best, right?” Kel got up and put a hand on Alex’s shoulder. “Maybe this one will be different, yeah?”

“I really hope so.” Alex let out a sigh and then ran a hand through his light brown hair. “Did he get some food?” he asked walking towards the office door.

“Yes, He was eating when Joyce left him. He seems to really like chocolate chip cookies.” Kel smiled at Alex.

“Well, we’ll keep that in mind.” Alex chuckled. “I think that he will fit in the best with the boys in cabin A, but I have my worries with a few of the boys in there.” He told Kel hoping he shared his thoughts.

Kel nodded showing his agreement. “Well, the boys all really look up to Will and respect him so I think if we have him talk to the boys and tell them to give Blaine his space they will listen to him.”

Alex agreed with Kel and they made their way out to the infirmary where Blaine was waiting. Alex smiled at the curly, black-haired teenage boy sitting cross-legged in the large armchair, munching on a chocolate chip cookie. Alex slowly approached Blaine, not sure of how he would react. “Hey there…” Alex sat down in the chair that was across from Blaine.

Blaine Anderson looked up from his hands, which were slightly still trembling. He knew that no one here would hurt him but he really hated people touching him, he really hoped that the touching was over. Blaine hoped that this Alex guy didn’t really expect him to talk because he only opened his mouth when he needed too. He started chewing on his bottom lip as he watched Alex.

Alex gave Blaine what he hoped was a reassuring smile. “It’s okay I know you don’t talk much, but just so you know you can talk to us here, we are here for you.” Alex watched Blaine’s honey brown eyes which had swirls of green, hoping that he would be able to tell what was going on inside his head. “Well if you are ready I will show you around the grounds and take you to get settled into your cabin. Your cabin mates aren’t here right now they are out on one of the weekly hikes.” Alex stood up and motioned for Blaine to follow him. “Your things will be brought to the cabin after they have been searched through…” Alex added when he noticed Blaine looking around the room.

Blaine sighed, he really didn’t like the fact that they were going through his things but he knew that they were only checking to make sure he didn’t have anything that he could hurt himself with. Blaine stood up and tucked his hands into the sleeves of his blue hooded sweatshirt and then he slid them into the front pocket. He nodded at Alex to let him know that he was going to follow him. Blaine watched as the doctor that had tried to examine him gave him a small wave. Blaine suddenly felt bad about how he reacted to the doctor trying to touch him, but he couldn’t help his reaction, he didn’t like being touched. Blaine let out a deep sigh as he followed Alex out into the fresh air of early September, Saturday the fourth to be exact, two-thousand and ten.

The morning air was really warm and there was a slight breeze. Blaine had to admit that it was rather beautiful scenery here. He had never been to Montana before but he liked what he was seeing, even if he was forced to stay at this school. He started to wonder how much freedom the kids had here. Blaine thought he should ask but couldn’t bring himself to say anything. He listened as Alex pointed out where different things were as they made their way to Blaine’s cabin.

“Like I said you will be alone for awhile today because the rest of your cabin is out on the hike,” Alex said as he climbed the steps the led onto a large red wraparound porch and then he opened the red door in front of him and motioned for Blaine to go inside.  

The room was elongated. It was a lot bigger than Blaine had expected it to be. The front of the room, where Blaine was currently standing held a large sofa and plush looking arm chairs, similar to the one he had been sitting in, in the infirmary, a large round wooden table with four wooden chairs that matched took up one corner. On one side of the wall were bookshelves and desks and the other wall was covered in windows. The cabin was bright and warm. There was a short half-wall that separated the part of the room they were standing in the sleeping quarters, which was filled with ten fairly good sized beds. Each one of the beds had trunks at the end of them to keep their belongings in. It was a little more open than Blaine liked, he didn’t really have any privacy. That would take some getting used to.

“Okay, so you will be in bed number seven…” Alex led the way to Blaine’s bed and looked down at him. He didn’t seem very impressed with the sleeping situation. “Look, Blaine, I know it’s a little out in the open but you will be safe here no one will touch you. Not unless you give them permission too.” Alex hoped Blaine would believe his words, but after what he had gone through he wasn’t so sure.

Blaine nodded at Alex, he seemed nice enough and like he was telling Blaine the truth but Blaine didn’t believe things that easily. Blaine sighed and sat down on the bed that Alex had taken him too. It was rather comfortable. The duvet cover was light blue with darker blue pillow cases. He started picking at a loose string in the bed cover.

“So I’ll tell you a little about it here and go over some of the rules…” Alex smiled at Blaine when he looked up at him. “So there are four cabins for both girls and boys, you usually get paired up with the same letter cabin as yours for all of the activities that are done. Like the hike that your cabin mates are on right now are with girls cabin A.” Alex paused to notice Blaine had stopped fiddling with the loose string and was watching him. He had a very expressive face. Alex smiled again and then continued. “Right now we are currently housing eighty students. We have basketball courts, climbing walls, lots of hiking trails, activities that we do in the lake, but you are not allowed to go without an adult with you. We have a library that contains a computer lab which is in the main school building, which is where you will also find the movie room, art room, and a music room. There are a lot of things to do around here to keep you busy.” Alex smiled at Blaine again. “You will be required to spend most of your time in your cabin when not in classes, for the first week that you are here. You will attend counseling sessions with Dr. Emma Pillsbury-Schuester at least two times a week, but you can go see her whenever you need to.”

Blaine sighed he really hoped they didn’t grade him on how willing he was to share things because he really didn’t want to talk to any of these people. Not unless he really had too. He was perfectly fine with keeping his mouth shut. Blaine watched Alex as he walked further into the room towards the back where there were only two beds and wondered how many times he had given this same speech to other lost causes.

“So, in here you will find towels, wash clothes, etc. Your shower time is limited to fifteen minutes. Classes are Monday through Wednesday, nine till two.” Alex was surprised that Blaine hadn’t made any protest about the school part usually he heard sighs or grumbles. “Do you like school?”

Blaine looked up from his hands and nodded. He did like school it was one thing he was good at. Blaine watched as Alex opened the folder he had been carrying with him since they left the infirmary. He didn’t know what was inside it but he was sure he was going to find out soon.

“Your classes will be English/Reading, Science, Math, History, your basic classes for your grade level. And you will have the option of taking Art and Music if those appeal to you…” Alex paused and browsed through the paperwork. “And from what it says in your file you love music and art, would you be interested in taking those classes to?”

Blaine nodded he thought the more school work he signed up to do the better he would be because he would have something to focus on then.

“So I will put down that you are interested in both…” Alex scribbled on the paper and then looked up at Blaine who nodded at him. “You're going to be talking to Emma today. We need to see if your psych evaluation is still the same. Monday after classes is when you will start with your regular therapy sessions.” Alex told Blaine who gave him a look that he didn’t know what to make of.

Blaine actually felt like laughing. He didn’t want to talk and they couldn’t really make him.

“I know that you never really talk but it will help us a lot if you would consider talking to at least Emma. But no one here is going to make you do anything you don’t feel comfortable doing Blaine.”

Blaine just shrugged and wrapped his arms around his body. It seemed like the people here cared about him but he had been wrong in the past with thinking that so he wasn’t going to make his decision on these people just yet.

“If you want we can head to see her now.” Alex came back over so he was standing beside Blaine. Blaine just shrugged at him again. Alex motioned for Blaine to follow him and smiled when he saw the boy stand up falling into stride beside him.

Blaine wasn’t sure where the offices were in this place but he figured it was probably near the building he had first been brought too, near the infirmary. He was right Alex was leading him back to one of the largest building the one he had spent a good portion of time in already. The building seemed less threatening to him now than it had when he had been dropped off here. Alex led the way up the long wooden stairs and towards the back of the building and in through a large wooden door that was painted with a mural of the school. Blaine followed Alex down the long hallway until they reached another painted door, this one was a wilderness scene with all kinds of animals and it had a shining plaque that read Dr. Emma Pillsbury-Schuester. Alex knocked quickly on the door and smiled at Blaine. He waited for a response and then he opened the door to let Blaine go inside.

The office wasn’t that big but it was comfortable looking. The walls were painted a bright yellow in color, giving it a warm feeling, there was a desk tucked into one corner, it had a pink orchid sitting in the corner and it was very neatly kept, this is where Blaine noticed a woman sitting with a big smile on her face. He ignored her for the time being and gazed around the rest of the room. There were shelving on the back wall filled with books, mementos and pamphlets and a chair and a couch that faced each other with small tables that had more flowers on them. Blaine turned his attention back to the woman Emma, was a very petite woman, with red, almost orange, hair. Her large eyes looked excited and a little nervous at the same time. “Hi, Blaine… welcome to Vision Creek.” The smile never left her face. “You can have a seat and I'll be with you in just a minute…” Blaine stepped all the way into the room and over to the couch and sat down. He ran a finger over the orchid that sat on the table at the end of the couch. This one was really purple, Blaine liked orchids. He watched as Emma got up and walked towards the door where Alex was still standing the folder in his hand.

Alex gave Emma a warm smile and opened the folder. “Blaine Anderson, Fifteen years old...I want a new psych evaluation on him to make sure nothing was missed or added that shouldn’t be in there.” Alex closed the folder and handed it to Emma.

“Thanks, Alex...” Emma smiled at him and waited to speak again until he was out of sight. “Well, I’m glad you are here so we can help you move past everything that has happened to you.” Emma sat in the chair facing Blaine’s position on the couch. “So…I know you don’t talk very much and I had an idea that you could use this…” Emma grabbed a blue notebook from the table beside her chair and a blue ink pen. “To communicate with us, until you feel comfortable enough to talk to us.” She outstretched her arm towards Blaine to hand him the notebook and pen.

Blaine hesitated for a few minutes and then took it from her. He opened it to the first page and started writing. So you aren’t going to try to force me to ‘talk’? He finished writing and showed her the notebook.

“No Blaine I am not going to force you to do anything.” Emma smiled at him again.

Blaine lifted an eyebrow, looking up to study the tiny woman for a moment. She seemed sincere but Blaine wasn’t used to people not forcing him to do stuff that he didn’t want to do and knew it would take him awhile to realize they were telling him the truth. Blaine just nodded, letting the words she said to sink in.

“Blaine, why was that the first thing you wanted to ask me?”

Blaine shrugged.

“There has to be a reason, Blaine…”

Blaine shrugged again, he knew she was trying to get him to talk about what happened he had gone through it with the police and doctors at the hospital. Because I’ve been forced to do things for a long time and I don’t like being forced… Blaine showed her the notebook. She gave him a warm smile so Blaine decided to write again. This is all in my file, isn’t it? So why are you even bothering to ask me anything? Blaine showed her the notebook again.

“Because we want to know how you are doing and if things were missed or in your report that shouldn’t be like Alex said.” Emma continued to smile at him.

The rest of the meeting, which lasted more than two hours, thanks to some of the questions Emma asked him, went by fairly quickly, filled with the scribbling sound of both their pens against the paper until Emma was finally satisfied that she'd gotten a complete picture of what was going on inside Blaine’s head. He hadn't told her everything, he wasn't ready for that, but it was in his file so he didn’t think he really had too, but he did let her know that he didn’t feel the urge to cut himself lately and she seemed really pleased with that.

 Blaine glanced at the woman, who smiled and shook his head before he wrote one last question that he wanted to know if she could answer. Am I going to be okay? He wasn’t sure if she could answer him truthfully about this or not.

“That is our goal, Blaine, to make you okay. You will never forget all the stuff that happened to you but we are here to help you learn to deal with them so you don’t feel the need to hurt yourself.” When Emma was done talking she watched him. 

Blaine just nodded and became aware that his hands were shaking again, this happened when he thought about the stuff that had happened to him.

“Now, it's time for lunch so go down the stairs after you leave here and Alex’s office in on the main floor, he will take you to the cafeteria. And Blaine if you need to come see me for anything my office is always open.” Emma stood up and led him to the door.

When Blaine headed down the stairs he could see Alex standing near the bottom talking to the doctor he had seen earlier. When he noticed Blaine they both smiled at him. Blaine clenched the notebook to his chest and stopped in front of them. Alex said a few more things to the doctor and then turned his attention to Blaine. Blaine followed Alex across the grounds and into a large single story building. Once they were inside Alex handed him a tray and took one for his own food.

“I figured that I would eat with you since your cabin mates aren’t quite back yet they are running a little late.” Alex started getting his food but kept an eye on the boy.

Blaine sighed and followed him through the line. The food smelled good and his stomach was growling he hadn’t eaten a very big meal at breakfast. And the apple and chocolate chip cookie they had given in attempts to calm him down didn’t really fill him up. He grabbed a chicken salad sandwich wrap, a small dish of carrot and celery sticks with ranch dressing, an apple, and a chocolate chip cookie. He grabbed a bottle of water and a carton of milk to drink. He adverted his eyes from Alex he knew that he was watching him. He followed Alex to a table and sat down and started eating he was hungry…  

Chapter Text

Chapter 02

First Love, Do You Remember? Please Remember Me!

 

Kurt Hummel sighed as he stepped over a rotten log. He was currently hiking back to the school with his cabin mates and the girls from cabin A after they had spent since Thursday in the woods. He just wanted to get back to his cabin and take a long shower; he was allowed fifteen minutes of shower time and planned on using every minute of it when he got back. They were running a little behind schedule because one of the boys had twisted their ankle on the hike to the camping spot on Thursday and today they had to keep making stops for him to rest. It was annoying to Kurt. It wasn’t that he really minded these excursions but he really just liked spending his weekends lying in bed reading or drawing. But since he had been here at Vision Creek he rarely got to do that.

Kurt sat down on a log when his cabin leader called for them to make another stop so everyone could rest. He let out a sigh and readjusted the laces on his hiking boots. He felt someone bump into him as they sat down beside him on the log. It was his friend Trent Nixon. He smiled at Trent and then watched Rhys Kempenfelt who was his other friend here sit down beside him on the log.

“This is so stupid, he shouldn’t make us stop just because stupid Chandler is a klutz and hurts himself,” Rhys growled as he too adjusted the laces of his own hiking boots. Rhys didn’t care very much for Chandler Kiehl they didn’t get along that well.

Trent shook his head at his friend. “So Kurt, I was wondering you never answered the question last night…”

“Which question?” Kurt smiled at Trent.

“About your first love, who was he?” Trent and Rhys were both looking at Kurt with curious eyes.

Kurt chuckled and then rifled around in his bag, he always kept a picture of him, and he would never forget him. “I was fifteen at the time, it was shortly after I came out that I was gay to my dad, and he was my best friend…I realized that I had more than just friend feelings for him.” He pulled the picture out and looked at it with a sigh. “He’s gorgeous…” Kurt handed them the picture.

Trent smiled at the picture of a very happy looking Kurt at least two years younger than he was right now, with his arms wrapped around a short, curly black haired boy with an amazingly sexy smile that reached his eyes. “Is he gay too or was it a crush on a straight boy?” Trent wondered he himself had crushed on many straight boys.

“He is gay, he would be fifteen now, thirteen in that picture, it was before he came out to anyone but me, we were planning on becoming boyfriends…” Kurt shared with them.

“He is very good looking…” Trent smiled at Kurt. “Where is he now?”

Rhys took the picture and looked at it. The boy was very good looking, with his raven curls and medium olive skin; it looked natural skin color and not just a tan. He had his head rested on Kurt’s shoulder and looked absolutely happy. “Yeah, where is he?”

Kurt sighed when he took the picture back from him friends. “It’s actually because of him that I’m here…” Kurt looked up at them and they were staring at him with concern. “Well it really wasn’t his fault it was his mom’s and step-dads fault. They took him away from me, moved out west. And I haven’t heard from him since…He is probably really popular and has a gorgeous boyfriend just like him now.” Kurt carefully placed the picture back in his bag and stood up.

“You weren’t allowed to keep in touch with him?” Trent asked standing up too.

“No his step-dad didn’t like the fact that I was gay and that he was spending so much time with me…they didn’t know he was gay too.” Kurt started walking following the rest of the group once they started moving again. Rhys and Trent followed behind him.

“Awe, how sweet Hummel actually loved someone…” A tall boy with medium brown hair said as he pushed past them.

“Shut it, Sebastian, no one asked you…” Rhys spat at him. He didn’t like this boy either; hell he didn’t like a lot of people.

Sebastian Smythe gave the three of them a smirk. “Since I dated two out of the three of you I think I can comment on whatever the hell I want too.”

Kurt grimaced at his words. He wouldn’t really call it dating, they had been together for a week and Sebastian cheated on him. They were allowed to date at Vision Creek but they weren’t allowed to do sexual things but that didn’t stop half of the teenagers here, the councilors and teachers didn’t really ever find out about it. “Stop reminding me that I was actually stupid enough to say yes to going out with you,” Kurt growled.

“Same here…you cheated on both of us…” Trent piped up he was the other one that dated Sebastian.

“Well maybe if you both would have put out I wouldn’t have to have cheated,” Sebastian said with the smirk on his face.

Kurt and Trent glanced at each other and they both sighed. Kurt had never found out who Sebastian had cheated with but everyone that Sebastian ever started dating got their hearts stomped on by him.

“So what was the name of the boy you love Kurtsie?” Sebastian said in a falsely sweet tone.

Kurt didn’t really want to tell Sebastian but he knew that Trent and Rhys were curious. “His name is Blaine…Blaine Anderson…”

Trent and Kurt carried on a conversation about the first boy that Trent had ever liked, Kurt thought it was cute but he didn’t just like Blaine, he loved him. He knew that they were meant to be and that is why it had broken him when he was taken away from him. Kurt sighed as they came to the wooden bridge that crossed the river. They were almost back to the school. The shower here I come!

 

Blaine dumped his tray and followed Alex back out of the cafeteria. They were about half way across the yard before Alex said anything, Blaine jumped because of the sudden sound of his voice. He pulled the notebook to his chest again and let out a long breath. Alex gave him an apologetic smile and then continued with what he was saying.

“So you will be responsible for doing your own laundry, and we all share chores around here. The chores are kitchen duty, cleaning, chopping wood for preparing for cold weather. It rotates through the cabins of who does what.” Alex told Blaine.

Blaine looked up at Alex and then opened his notebook. It’s fine, I did all the chores at home. Nothing new to me… Blaine turned the notebook so Alex could read it.

Alex nodded at him. “But you won’t be doing it alone, don’t ever think the responsibility is only yours and if any of your cabin mates try to tell you it is, you either come to me or Will Schuester, who is your cabin leader.” Alex knew how the boys treated the new kids and he hoped that they would take it easy on Blaine.

Blaine looked at the piece of paper trying to decide if he wanted to write anything else. Blaine nodded and then closed the notebook. He didn’t really feel like carrying on a conversation right now after having to communicate so much with Emma earlier. He hugged the notebook again and made his way up the stairs and into the cabin. Alex stopped at the door and watched Blaine for a few minutes, then said bye, leaving Blaine alone.

Blaine sighed and headed towards his bed where he found his three bags lying on top of the bed. He quickened his pace and opened the first bag. This one pretty much held all of his clothes. He started unpacking it and putting the clothes neatly into the trunk at the end of his bed. When he was done with his clothes he folded the bag up and put it under his bed so it was out of the way. He opened the next one that held shoes, belts, a few jackets and hats and his bowties…he didn’t know why those were in there he hadn’t worn them in awhile. He pulled them out of the bag and set them neatly into the trunk beside his socks and underwear.

He walked back over to the bag and pulled out the remainder of the items it held. He put his hats into the trunk too and arranged his shoes under the edge of the bed where they would be out of the way but easy to access. When that bag was completely empty he put it under the bed too. Blaine opened the last bag and sat down on the bed beside it. It held his personal items, things he had hidden from his mom because he knew she would have thrown them out. He pulled out a blue covered album, it wasn’t very big but it was big enough to keep his important things in it. He ran his fingers over the words on the cover of it, it was a word that he would never forget and one of the few words he ever spoke out loud. “Kurt…” He mumbled and then bit his bottom lip.

Blaine opened the book and looked at the first page. It was a picture of Blaine with his best friend Kurt Hummel when they were younger, Blaine was six and Kurt was eight. Blaine was sitting on the knee of his dad and Kurt on the lap of his mother, Burt Hummel, Kurt’s father could be seen in the background waving at the camera. Kurt and Blaine were both smiling brightly at the camera; Blaine knew his mother was taking the picture.

He ran his finger over the picture of Kurt’s face. He let out a sigh and turned the page. There on the next page was a picture of both his and Kurt’s parent with their arms around each other’s shoulders smiling brightly at the camera. It was the last happy picture he had of either of their families because shortly after this picture was taken their families had been broken. Blaine ran his fingers down the picture of his smiling father and wondered what his dad would think of him if he was still alive. Would he be disappointed?

The next picture was of him lying in bed with Kurt sitting on the side of the bed, with a book in his hand, he had been reading to Blaine. Even in this small picture Blaine could see the cover of the book, it was Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone. Blaine really loved Harry Potter. The next picture was of him and Kurt playing in the back yard of the Hummel’s house, they were chasing each other around, he couldn’t remember but he thought they were playing some sort of tag game that Kurt had made up. The next picture was of both of them sitting in the living room of the Hummel’s house playing with toys, both smiling up at Kurt’s dad who had snapped the picture, Blaine was eight in this picture and him and Kurt looked completely happy. Blaine flipped the page, the next picture was of him taken at the schools spelling bee contest, that Blaine had won first place and was smiling brightly at the camera. He was nine. The picture after that was, Blaine and Kurt sitting in front of the Christmas tree, with a stack of presents sitting on the floor in front of them.

There were a couple of blank pages that Blaine had to flip through, but he could still see the outline where the pictures had laid. He had taken the pictures out of the book to take to school with him for a class project but when he was bringing the pictures home his mother found them and burned them. Blaine had spent the night crying. He still remembered the pictures but was very pissed off that he would no longer be able to look at them. He let out a sigh and flipped to the page that held the last picture. The last picture was taken in Kurt’s bedroom Kurt had one of his arms wrapped around Blaine’s waist and the other stretched out so he could snap the picture. Blaine had his head rested on Kurt’s shoulder. He was smiling at the camera. Blaine ran his finger over the picture of himself, he barely recognized the boy that was there staring up at him, he looked so alive and happy, the very opposite of what he felt right now. He felt the tears roll down his cheeks as he looked at Kurt’s face in the picture. He snapped the book closed and stuffed it between the mattress and box spring; he didn’t want anyone to find it.

Blaine let out a huff of air as he flung himself backward on the bed, but then let out a groan when he landed on some of his other belongings that he hadn’t taken care of yet. He sat back up and looked back at the things behind him. There was his I-pod, a few books, his sketchpad, an old beat up wooden box that held his art supplies and his journal. He picked them up and started putting them into the draw of the bedside table. The wooden box wouldn’t fit so he placed it on the table beside the lamp and alarm clock.

When he was done he picked up Ender’s Game by Orson Scott Card. The book was pretty old and tattered but it was one of his favorite books to read. He climbed up on the bed, propping himself against the headboard and started to read.

 

Kurt let out a groan as the group broke out into the grounds of Vision Creek, they were finally to the school and he could relax all day tomorrow. He really wanted a shower and to get to just lie on his soft clean bed. Kurt followed Trent, Rhys and Sebastian across the grounds towards their cabin, a lot of the other boys were planning on just dropping off their bags and then going to grab a late lunch, but Kurt didn’t care about food right now he just wanted to get a shower.

Will was about to tell the boys what he wanted them to do when he heard Alex calling his name. He turned to see Alex jogging across the yard towards him and the boys. “Hey, sorry we are running behind, Chandler sprained his ankle on the way up and it took longer getting back than I expected it too…” Will said to Alex when he came to a stop beside him.

“Oh it’s fine, how is Chandler, he should go see Kel…” Alex looked around at the boys. They all stopped too, they seemed to want to know what Alex was going to talk to Will about. “I just wanted to let you know that your new camper is here, he is in the cabin waiting for you guys…here’s his folder.” Alex handed Will the folder and then smiled at the boys, they seemed to be curious. “Okay I want all you boys to go drop your things off and head to get some food…I’ll be right there…” Will said to the boys as they trudged across the grounds, they all looked pretty dead on their feet but he wanted to make sure they got some food. “That means you too Kurt…” Will added when he notice Kurt look at him and roll his eyes.

“I will get food after I have a shower…” Kurt said in a matter of fact tone. “I smell and I can’t stand all this dirt…”

“Princess has got dirt under his nails and is going to have a panic attack if you tell him he can’t have a shower, Schue…” Sebastian smirked at Kurt when he gave him a glare.

“Knock it off with the names Sebastian…” Will scolded and then turned his attention back to the folder in his hand and Alex. “So how bad is this one…Blaine?”

“He’s been through a lot and he refuses to talk so just make sure the guys go easy on him, he is scared to death of being touched.” Alex filled Will in on everything that was in the folder and what Emma had found out about Blaine. “I’m sure he will warm up to them in time…”

Will nodded and looked in the direction of the cabin. “Well, I better get to it then…” They said bye to each other and Will made his way into the cabin.

  

Blaine jumped when the cabin was suddenly flooded with noise and nine teenage boys came flooding in through the door. He didn’t know how this was going to go but hoped that he wouldn’t have any problems with any of these boys. Blaine looked back down at his book and noticed his hands started trembling again slightly. He shook himself mentally trying to control his emotions but knew it wasn’t going to help the shaking any. Blaine looked back up when he heard one of the guys say something.

“Okay, guys you have a new cabin mate…” A curly haired man said as he made his way across the room towards Blaine. He had a big smile on his face.

Blaine looked past the man, who he assumed was the cabin leader to the boys standing around the room. Blaine’s eyes fell on a tall, slender, chestnut brown haired boy, who had his arms folded across his chest. Blaine felt his eyes go wide and seemed to mirror the boys own eyes. The boy rushed forward towards Blaine and stopped at the end of the bed. Blaine stood up and wrapped his arms around himself as he looked at the boy. He dropped his gaze slightly and then looked around the room at the other boys. There were now two boys standing behind the other boy they both had expressions of confusion or shock on their faces. Blaine thought maybe he should pretend that he didn’t know the boy maybe that would be best. But he couldn’t believe what he was seeing, the beautiful, sweet, loving, boy, My Angel… was staring at him wide-eyed but Blaine still didn’t know if he wanted to let him know that he was only acting as if he didn’t know him.

Blaine looked at him again and his face was practically screaming at Blaine, I’m not a stranger! I am yours!  Blaine didn’t know if he was reading the expression right or if he just wished that was what he was saying. He couldn’t believe the anger that he was feeling at that very moment, he didn’t think his anger was directed at this angel faced- teenage boy standing in front of him but he knew it was at his mother for taken Blaine away from him. The tears started to drip down the face of the teenager, it made Blaine feel bad but he couldn’t let himself go there, could he? Maybe the tears had been flowing longer than Blaine realized because his eyes looked extremely sore.

This gorgeous curly haired boy had aged, sure it had only been two years but it felt longer to Kurt because the boy was now starting to look masculine, not so boyish, he hadn’t really grown much in height wise he was smaller than Kurt, but he could tell that he wasn’t the same thirteen year old that he loved. Kurt could see the misery when their eyes met, I know you see me, it’s me! He was screaming inside his head.

Blaine was afraid to talk to him, hell he was afraid to talk to anyone, talking wasn’t one of his things anymore it was easier to stay quiet. But he wanted to talk to him he wanted to yell, to cry to…hell he didn’t know what he wanted to do. He felt numb, his hands started tingling. This made him realize that he couldn’t let this boy back in, he was too damaged, too scarred. Blaine fidgeted with the long sleeves covering his arms, right now the scars were all hidden but for some reason he thought his angel, no not my angel, could see what he was hiding. Blaine thought that he must seem crazy not to talk to the porcelain skinned boy standing in front of him, but he was just painfully shy, and he was afraid that if he looked him in the eyes and held his gaze that the angel would know his scars ran a lot deeper than the ones that marred his wrists. He had felt alone and cold for so long that he didn’t know if he could let him back in. The warmth was there though, he was just afraid to take it. Kurt…do you remember me? 

Kurt didn’t want to seem like he was afraid of the boy, but he couldn’t breathe, his whole body was numb. I’m not alone anymore, I’m not alone! Kurt didn’t know what to do he didn’t know if he should be angry that his gorgeous boy was just standing there ignoring him or if he should be happy that he was in his sights again. He couldn’t do anything, numbness took away all thought of reacting, but for some reason, he felt relief. “Blaine…” Please remember me…

 

    

 

    

Chapter Text

Hiya Readers,

First of all, this is not a chapter update, nor is a hiatus notice, but I just wanted to come on here and say that I think most of us, if not all would agree that 2016 was not a great year. For me, it was not a great year health-wise, but I don’t really want to go into that because no one wants to read about all my medical problems LOL. Anyways what I wanted to do this little not to you all since it is a new year and I am hoping the year will be better than the last, even if things don’t get better with my health.

I wanted to say that I am planning on updating all my multi-chaptered fics really soon, but I am going to try to be focusing on Love Amongst The Ruins, We Stitch These Wounds, and Bred To Kill Them All, only because they are the most asked about. None of my fics are completed I still have a lot to write on all of them and I plan to try to make time. I am busy with writing my novels also so that is an issue that I have ‘time’. I am going to try my best to get all the fics finished. I promise I won’t start any more multi-chaptered until all the ones I have out are complete!

So I hope that I have not lost you all but I understand if I did. I hope that you will be happy with the new chapters once they come out. Thanks again for your reads, comments, and kudos, they really do mean a lot to me.

XoXo

Ama