"Abed!" Britta slid into her chair in the study room gracefully. As usual, Jeff pretended he wasn't watching her ass. "Eed mah-bruk."
Jeff raised an eyebrow. "That," he said, "was not Spanish."
"Thanks, Britta," Abed said calmly. He didn't sound surprised. "That's really nice of you."
"I read a thing that said we're supposed to have presents," Annie said, her voice slightly anxious. "But I didn't read it until this morning, so I didn't manage anything."
"That's okay." Abed smiled. "I wasn't expecting presents."
"I'm starting to get the sense I'm out of some kind of loop," Jeff said, to the room at large. No one answered him.
"Is it mabrouk or mubarak?" Annie asked.
"Either," Abed said. "Both. It depends on what variant of Arabic you speak."
"Arabic," Jeff repeated, disbelievingly. "Britta, you speak Arabic?"
Britta rolled her eyes. "What? Of course not," she said. "I just learned how to wish Abed a happy eed."
"And 'eed' is--" Jeff began.
"The festival at the end of Ramadan," Abed offered. "Well, that's Eid al-Fitr. There are other Eids. But I'm assuming Britta knew Ramadan had just ended."
Britta beamed at Abed.
Jeff was starting to feel a little bit disgruntled. "Okay, seriously, was I the only person here who didn't know about this?"
"Nuh-uh," said Shirley, shaking her head. "This is news to me. But Abed," she said, turning to him, "even if I don't understand your religion, I hope you have a happy...whatever it is."
"Thanks, Shirley," Abed replied. "That means a lot."
"I didn't even know it was Ramadan," Jeff admitted.
"Didn't you notice Abed hasn't been eating during the day?" Annie chided.
"I--" Jeff thought about it. Now that she mentioned it, Abed had been oddly lunch-less the last...few weeks, apparently. "I hadn't noticed, actually. Sorry, Abed."
"No problem," Abed said.
"Hey, sorry I'm late," Troy said, breathless, sliding into his seat. He was carrying a small wrapped box which he presented to Abed with a flourish.
"What's this?" Abed turned it over in his hands, then looked at Troy. "You didn't."
Troy grinned. "Open it."
Inside the box was -- well, Jeff wasn't entirely sure what it was, but Annie exclaimed "The Fourth Inspector's quantum spanner!"
"It's beautiful," Abed said reverently.
"I knew you wanted it. Happy Eid, man."
"I don't have anything for you," Abed said. "For any of you." He looked momentarily crestfallen.
"It's okay," Troy said.
"We don't mind," Annie agreed.
"Ramadan's over, right?" Jeff confirmed. When Abed nodded, Jeff smiled his most beatific smile. "In that case, then I think we should celebrate with a pizza party."
"Can we get pepperoni?" Troy asked happily.
"Not exactly halal," Abed said, "but if it's what you want, I'm in."
They did their chest-tapping four-handed clapping thing.
"I think dinner should be on you," Britta said to Jeff sweetly, "since you didn't even know it was Ramadan."
"Hey!" Jeff protested. "Why is that my fault?"
"Because you're a douche?" Britta asked.
"Nah, it's cool," Abed said. "I'll pay for the pizza. Make it my Eid gift to everyone."
"Thanks, Abed," Annie said. "You're the best."
"I think we all are," Abed corrected her.
"If you say so," Jeff said loftily, trying to sound cynical. He had the sneaking feeling no one was buying it. Maybe he would give up his desire to seem cooler-than-thou for Eid. Did people give things up for Eid? He wasn't sure.
"Jeff," Abed said abruptly, "you're projecting your internal monologue. But I think this is my Very Special Episode, so I should do the closing voiceover."
"I have no idea what you're talking about," Jeff said.
From nowhere he could name -- it was as though Abed's voice was originating from deep within Jeff's own brain -- he heard Abed's voice say, And that was the year my friends and I first celebrated Eid together. I didn't know it then, but it would turn out to be one of the best years of my life.
"Aww, that's so sweet," Annie cooed. Everyone in the room was beaming, as though they'd heard it too. Jeff didn't understand what had just happened, but honestly, what else was new. "I'll call in the pizza order," he offered.
"You do that," Abed said. So Jeff did.