Cover Art provided by djchika.
An Affair to Remember
KLB as Blaine
likeasouffle as Kurt
Izbit as Adam
FX: BACKGROUND MUSIC [to be decided]
Narrator: [Title and credits. Actually now I’m thinking we should each say our own credit, so the listeners can associate our voices with the characters before the story even starts.]
FX: BACKGROUND MUSIC FADES OUT
FX: THE CLICK OF A RECORDING DEVICE BEING STARTED [Laptop keys?]
Adam: [Very close to the mic] Okay, it’s recording now. Red light’s on.
Blaine: Okay. Hi, future Adam!
Adam: Hello, future me!
Adam: How should we start?
Kurt: Okay. [claps hands together] So, it’s two weeks before you leave for England -
Blaine: We’re all still in New York right now -
Kurt: And Blaine and I have been back together for about -
Blaine: Three months.
Kurt: [overlapping] Three months. Which means you and I have been broken up for -
Adam: Five? Six months?
Blaine: [thinking it through] Closer to six...
Kurt: Six months. But we’re still really good friends! And we’re recording this for you to take with you when you go. And, um... What do you want on this, anyway?
Adam: I don’t know, I just want to be able to hear your voice, if I’m feeling down, or I get lonely...
Kurt: [sarcastic] That’s not creepy at all...
Adam: It isn’t! And anyway we never got around to recording the two of us singing An Affair to Remember, so I think we should start with that.
Blaine: [excited] Ooh, I haven’t heard you guys do this one yet.
Kurt: Okay. [very brief vocal warm up] What’s my starting note? G?
FX: IPHONE CLICKING ON
Blaine: Hang on, I have a pitch pipe app on my phone...
FX: NOTE BEING PLAYED ON PITCH PIPE APP
Adam: Okay. Ready? One, two, three -
Adam/Kurt: [sing An Affair to Remember]
Blaine: [cheers, whistles, claps]
Adam: God, you have the sexiest voice.
Kurt: [coughs] Um...
Adam: Sorry. I don't mean to overstep. But honestly, Kurt. If you were single right now...
Kurt: [scandalized] Adam! You are not seriously flirting with me right in front of my boyfriend! There’s no way this is okay.
Kurt: I’m sorry, Blaine.
Blaine: No that’s - actually not what I meant by “umm.”
Kurt: So... this is okay?
Blaine: Well... You’ve been with Adam already, I know you two have done more than just flirt, and yet you still want to be with me. I guess I’m just not really worried?
Kurt: [sputters] But, you’re the one who thinks texting is cheating.
Blaine: Only when I don’t know about it.
Kurt: [pause] So, if it’s right in front of you...
Blaine: Believe me, Kurt, watching you seduce an audience with your voice is one hundred percent okay with me.
Adam: Um, even if that audience is me?
Blaine: [amused] It’s not like I’m not benefitting here.
Adam: In that case... Shall I go on?
Kurt: With complimenting me? [jokingly formal] Please. Continue.
Adam: So the thing I like best about you, I mean the feature that makes you most attractive -
Kurt: [snort] I like where this is going...
Adam: - other than your gorgeous face of course, is your posture.
Blaine: [guffaws] Hah!
Kurt: Um. What?
Adam: I just mean, the way you hold yourself, in public, like you're so sure of yourself and better than everyone else. You have this air of confidence and refinement -
Blaine: Okay, wait a second. I wouldn't interrupt except you're so completely wrong!
Adam: I'm not wrong! It's the thing I first noticed about him, the first time I saw him.
Blaine: Okay, Kurt, sit up straight. We have to settle this.
Kurt: [deadpans] This is about as straight as I get.
Blaine: See? Does this make you want to ravish him, right here and now?
Adam: Well that's not really...
Blaine: There's no way this is the sexiest thing about him! You're not distracted, you're not even blushing.
Adam: Well what would you suggest then?
Kurt: Uh oh...
Blaine: Kurt? Could you maybe -
Blaine: - make that noise you make when -
Kurt: Ohhh no.
Blaine: we do that thing with the lotion?
Kurt: Blaine, I don't know if you noticed, but we're kind of in the middle of recording something right now.
Adam: Um. We could stop the recording?
Blaine: I think we should keep recording.
Adam: I agree.
Kurt: Oh my god.
Blaine: It'll be just like that scene in When Harry Meet Sally, it'll be great.
Kurt: I can't believe I'm doing this.
Blaine: [sultry] Just think of the compliments, the way Adam will look at you afterward...
Kurt: There’s no way this isn’t going to be awkward.
Adam: I’m okay with it if you are...?
Kurt: Mmm.... Okay. Here goes. [moaning, gasping, ending in a bit of a wail]
Adam: Good lord.
Blaine: Was I right or was I right?
Adam: That was so much sexier than the posture thing.
Blaine: Wait, you’ve never heard that noise before?
Adam: Really no.
Kurt: [laughing] Blaine, you’re glowing!
Blaine: Juuuuust enjoying being the only one who’s gotten that noise out of you so far. KING OF THE NOISE. CHAMPION OF THE NOISE.
Kurt: [still laughing]
Adam: I'm astounded. You're so gorgeous I would have thought for certain your sexiest feature would be something visual. Like those incredible sexy faces you make when you’re singing.
Blaine: [cracks up] Oh god, you should have seen the sexy faces he used to make in high school!
Kurt: [warning] Blaine...
Blaine: He used to make the weirdest faces. It actually looked painful.
Kurt: No no no no, we are not talking about that on tape!
Blaine: Oh come on, Adam has to hear this.
Adam: This sounds like too good a story not to hear.
Kurt: I hate you.
Blaine: You love me.
Adam: Tell me about the faces! Can there be a demonstration?
Blaine: We could stop the recording?
Kurt: Oh my god fine. [pretend exasperated, kind of laughing]
Adam: You’re the best, Kurt.
Kurt: I know.
FX: RECORDING CLICKS OFF