THE GREATEST HORROR CROSSOVER OF ALL TIME!
In the year 1985, a shuttle found Halley's Comet in space, and also discovered that there was an alien spaceship inside it. The astronauts found 3 humanoid bodies that were asleep. One of the crewmembers Carlson was affected by the female and after releasing her from her case, she and the other humanoid space vampire sucked most of the souls out of London. And almost destroyed the city.
Not that Oop North cared though,
Carlsen, who was in love with the female space vampire, killed himself and the girl and their bodies and everyone’s souls were sent back up to the ship and it moved away from Earth.
Now it is 1995, sightings of the spaceship from the comet were seen again and NASA got curious.
See another new shuttle was sent into space and they boarded the ship just like the last crew.
Inside, the crew found the naked, sleeping bodies of Carlsen and the space girl and decided to take them aboard the shuttle.
The space Girl broke out of her glass casing and sucked the soul out of all the crew.
The shuttle then crash landed in Michigan.
The naked Carlsen, who had been asleep for 10 years woke up in the wreck. He was back on Earth again, but knew that he was not safe from the space girl.
Naked like the day he was born, he ran out of the forest and toward a motel.
He banged his fists in all the doors, desperately seeking help.
“Help! Could someone help me! Please?”
Fortunately, one of the doors opened and it was a woman called Kirsty Cotton. She was just vacationing in Michigan.
She let Carlsen in and wrapped him in a towel.
“Oh thank you so much!” he exclaimed.
“What happened?” asked Kirsty.
“That woman, she’s after me!” cried Carlsen.
“What woman?” asked Kirsty.
The naked Space Girl got out of the wreck and made her to the town to find Carlsen.
As she neared the town, Three leather clad 19 year old girls were out causing mayhem.
“Hey, look at this bitch,” one of them said.
The Space Girl made their way over to them.
“Lady, aren't you cold?” asked another girl.
The Space Girl grabbed the third girl and stared into her eyes.
“Think she wants a kiss,” laughed the first girl.
“Fuck off, bitch, I’m no dyke!” shouted the third girl.
But it was too late.
The blue whirlpool appeared above the Space Girl and her victim.
And of course, the girl got her soul sucked out.
The other girls watched in horror as their saw their friend’s body being shriveled up.
They ran off in horror. Meanwhile, the Space Girl undressed the girl’s leather jacket and pants.
As Carlsen was putting on a spare pair of jeans and a sweater, which oddly enough was just his size, he had just told the whole story to Kirsty.
“Yes, I heard that happened in London back in ‘85,” she said. “I thought it was a hoax.”
“It’s gonna take more than a restraining order to keep me safe from her,” said Carlsen.
“Is there anything to stop her?” asked Kirsty.
“Well, there’s an iron sword,” answered Carlsen. “But it's in London.”
“Then I will take you there,” said Kirsty.
“Oh no!” cried Carlsen as he looked out of the window in horror.
He saw the Space Girl, now dressed in the girl’s leather jacket, pants, boots and white shirt. She had found him.
“Carlsen,” she called seductively from outside.
“Keep away from me!” cried Carlsen.
Since the walls were thin, the person living next door couldn’t take it anymore. He stormed out of his room and knocked on Kirsty’s door.
Kristy opened it to reveal an angry fellow.
“Would you two SHUT THE FUCK UP!” he barked at Kirsty and Carlsen. “I’m trying to sleep and you assholes are making too much noise.”
The Space Girl made her way over to the shouting man and looked into his eyes.
“Now’s our chance! Run! Run!” cried Carlsen as he pulled Kirsty out of the room and they ran over to her car.
“But my stuff,” cried Kirsty.
The blue whirlpool appeared over the Space Girl and the man. She sucked the soul out of the man and sent his shriveled corpse to the ground.
Kirsty had seen the whole thing. She couldn't believe it.
“Oh My God!” she cried.
“Open the door!” cried Carlsen as he stood by the car door.
Kirsty unlocked it and they got inside. With her at the wheel, she drove off down the street. The Space Girl watched the car as it drove away.
In the Labyrinth of Hell, the council of Cenobites had witnessed everything the Space Girl had done through a porthole of visions.
“We have a new enemy,” said Pinhead. “This woman is stealing our reputation. We are the ones who take souls, not her.”
“She must be rid of,” said another cenobite.
“We can only hope that Dr Herbert West will open the box,” said another.
“But he is in prison,” said another.
“Let us hope that someone else will open it for curiosity's sake,” said Pinhead.
In Massachusetts, there was a prison called Arkham.
Hmmmm, why does that sound familiar?
In 1990, Hubert West was arrested for bringing a corpse to life, causing it to kill a family. He was now serving life in prison.
However, when the police invaded his home, they found not only his serum, but also a Good Guy doll, a strange black puzzle box with gold markings and an iron sword, similar to the one that Carlsen used to kill the Vampires.
Before he was locked up, West had stolen the Chucky doll from the abandoned Good Guy Doll factory. Despite it being closed down, the company secretly made more dolls hoping to get a second chance at marketing them once again.
In Raccoon City, there reports of a missing Anti-virus of the underground facility, Umbrella Corperation. The Massachusetts police who had broke into West’s home thought the serum was the green anti-virus.
So Umbrella sent two members of security to fly to the prison to get it.
They were 19 year old Alice and 21 year old Violet. Both dressed in uniforms.
They had talked with the staff at the prison and even looked at all the items Dr West stole.
“Good Guys,” said Alice looking at the doll. “I had one when I was a kid.”
The doll looked at Alice and as if it had a life of its own, it said “Hi, I’m Chucky. Wanna play?”
“Maybe later,” replied Alice.
“Yeah, wonder what this thing does,” said Violet as she picked up the box and moved it a little like a rubix cube.
As Alice picked up the doll, a piece of paper fell out of the front pocket. Alice picked up the paper and looked at it.
“It’s some sort of weird chant,” she said. “It says ‘Adu Due Damballa. Give me the power, I beg of you. Leveau mercier du bois chaliotte……”
Herbert West was in his cell. He knew that bad shit was going to happen.
From outside the prison, clouds formed over the building and a storm was brewing.
“Odd, the forecast said it wouldn’t rain,” said a staff member.
Alice had finished the chant.
“.......du boisette Damballa.”
“What the hell did all that mean?” asked Violet who was opening more and more of the puzzle box.
“I dunno,” said Alice as she yawned.
“Still having dreams about that guy again?” asked Violet.
“Something weird happened to me last night,” began Alice. “I dreamed that he clawed onto my shoulder and when I woke up, I found this .”
Alice showed Violet the scar on her shoulder.
“Jesus,” said Violet.
“I know, weird,” replied Alice. “I’m going for a smoke.”
Alice left the room, and Violet was opening more and more of the puzzle. She had finally clicked onto something and the whole room turned dark.
“Hey, what the……..?”
Just then, in the darkness chains came out like tentacles of an octopus.
Violet screamed in pain.
Alice went outside the back of the prison to smoke. Despite clouds appearing earlier, there was no rain.
Back in the room, the lights came back on and the chains had vanished.
The Chucky doll lying on the table suddenly blinked. He sat up and looked around. Then he saw the small piece of people that had the chant written on it.
"Huh! Some schmuck was actually curious enough to read that thing. Thanks for putting all the papers with the same chant in all those dolls, Tiff."
Then he saw the gruesome mess of Violet, with her skin torn off lying on the floor in a bloody puddle.
“Jesus H. Christ!” exclaimed Chucky. “Not even I would do anything as fucked up as that!”
“Hello, Charles,” said a voice.
Chucky yelped as Pinhead and four other cenobites suddenly appeared right in front of him.
“I see you changed your appearance.”
“No, I sent you assholes back to Hell,” protested Chucky.
“You opened the box back in 1988,” explained Pinhead.
“Yeah, and I also closed it,” replied Chucky.
“On the day you were shot, and put your soul into a doll,” said Pinhead. “That’s cheating. Your soul belongs to us.”
“Look, what could I do to change your minds?” panicked Chucky.
“Well…… there is a woman who is stealing our reputation,” said Pinhead. “A beautiful but deadly woman who is from space, taking souls away. She is now in Michigan. And the only way she can be killed is with an iron sword. And speak of the devil……”
He looked at the iron sword on the table.
“Go to Michigan, kill the woman and your soul will be free,” said Pinhead. “For if not……….”
A chain appeared and pierced through Chucky’s shoulder. He cried in pain.
“We will tear your soul apart!” finished Pinhead.
And in a blue flash, the cenobites vanished. So did the chain.
“Fuckin’ Limeys!” groaned Chucky. “Still feel bad for the losing the War of Independence.”
He picked up the iron sword, got off the table and pushed a chair over to the door. He stood on the chair and opened the door using the handle.
In the control room, there was a guard watching all the monitors. The door opened and Chucky snuck in. With the guard distracted, Chucky pierced the iron sword through his back and out of his chest.
“Oh, it is great to be back,” said Chucky as he climbed on top of the console and flipped the switch to open every single door of all the cells.
The prisoners, confused, all ran out of the cells. They were free. But there was Hell to pay. They started fighting with the guards and stole their handguns and clubs. They shot and beat up any member of staff who were in their way.
With this whole thing going on, Chucky was able to escape through the back door, unnoticed.
Alice came back in to see all the prisoners fighting the guards. She got out her handgun and pointed them at the prisoners.
“Everybody, back away!”
The creepy prisoners all looked at her and wolf whistled.
“Well, aren’t you the sexiest woman alive?” said a creep. “Sure, I’ll do what you say, on condition that you get on your knees and……….”
Alice kicked him right in the head. Then shot him in the ankle.
The man howled in pain.
“I warned you!” cried Alice.
“Oh, I like ‘em feisty,” said another prisoner. “Maybe you’ll help four eyes get laid.”
“Four Eyes” in question was West. As he left his cell, he made his way into the small room where Alice and Violet were. He saw the skinless, bloody body of Violet and noticed that the iron sword, his serum and Chucky were gone.
But there was still the puzzle box on the floor. West picked it up and made his way to the riot.
There was a massive brawl. All the prisoners were fighting the guards. Alice noticed West and saw that he had the box.
“Hey, you!” she called as she ran up to him.
But West ran off and Alice followed him. She then went to the room that she and Violet were in. Only to see the bloody skinned body of her friend.
She couldn’t believe it.
She threw up all over the floor. Then she looked at West.
“HEY, HERBERT WEST!”
West stopped in his tracks and turned to face Alice.
“What the fuck did you do to my friend?!” she demanded.
“She opened that box and released the cenobites!” answered West. “Where is my serum?”
“It’s being sent back to Raccoon City!” cried Alice. “It’s Umbrella’s Corporation's anti-virus.”
“You fool,” cried West. “It is my serum to bring the dead back to life.”
“What were you doing with that doll, the box and that sword?” asked Alice.
“I study supernatural incidents,” answered West. “That doll was possessed by a killer in Chicago, the box can open a labyrinth and that sword was used to kill extraterrestrial life forms.”
“You’re high,” said Alice.
“You would have to be after all the things I’ve been though,” replied West. “Your friend very wisely decided to play with the puzzle box and now Hell has broken loose. Literally. Demons known as the Cenobites have been released. I must go to Michigan to find the man who will help us. For he has fought demons before.”
“Asshole, I’m coming with you,” said Alice. “Until you can find proof of all the bullshit you’ve been saying, your ass belongs to me.”
“So be it,” said West.
“Lucky bastard,” said a prisoner passing by, jealous that geeky West had to go with a hot chick.
So, West changed into his normal white shirt, black tie and trousers. And he and Alice boarded a plane to Michigan. With Chucky, who has snuck on board inside someone’s luggage.
Meanwhile, West’s serum was flown back to Raccoon City. It was then taken to Umbrella Corperation.
In the lab, scientists are trying out the T-virus on a rabbit. Then they decided to inject West’s serum into it.
The rabbit began to shake violently. Then it screeched. It then bit off the finger of one of the scientists. Then it leapt off the table and tore a chunk out of another scientist's neck.
Security guards were brought in the lab and shot their pistols at the zombified rabbit.
It’s bullet pumped body laid on the floor with blood leaking out.
Back on the plane, Alice woke up after a deep sleep. She noticed that she was the only person on the plane.
Then the lights began to flicker.
And to her horror. At the front of the aisle was a man in silhouette wearing a hat and also appeared to have long finger knives. Alice tried to get up, but it was if her body was stuck to the seat. She struggled and struggled.
“Nightmare at 20,000 Feet,” said the man as made his way closer and closer and closer.
And when he reached her, he put out his hand with the finger knives and reached out to her.
The knives got closer and closer and closer.
“Alice, you have a call,” said the attendant with her arm stretched out holding a handheld mobile phone.
Alice had just woken up. She looked around and saw that the plane was full of people again.
“Oh, okay,” said Alice as the attendant gave her the phone.
“You do know that these interfere with the radar?” said West.
“It’s very quick,” replied Alice.
She took the phone and answered it. It was someone from Umbrella telling her that West’s serum was not the anti-virus. And the fiasco that happened.
West looked at her with a smirk on his face.
“Thank you,” Alice told the phone. “Well, Dr West and I have something to do in Michigan.”
Later that evening, the plane arrived at Michigan and Alice and West took a taxi to a bar.
“This is the one,” said West. “He comes here all the time.”
Alice and West walked inside and went over to the bar. They both got a pint and sat the table.
Alice then recognized somebody.
It was Carlsen and Kirsty sitting at a table.
She got up and walked over to them.
“Your names wouldn’t happen to be Tom Carlsen and Kirsty Cotton, would they?” asked Alice.
“Yes,” they both answered.
“Colonel Carlsen, nobody has seen you for about 10 years,” said Alice. “Something happened in London, involving a woman.”
Carlsen started to get nervous.
“And Kirsty……. Weren’t you in a mental institution?” asked Alice.
“She was,” said West as he made his way over to them. “You opened the box and let out the cenobites, Miss Cotton. Your stepmother and uncle murdered your father and he…….”
“Herbert!” shouted Alice, who then faced Kirsty and Carlsen. “I’m sorry. His social skills aren’t the greatest.”
“No, I know about the extraterrestrial life takers and the cenobites,” said West. “And I know that the woman, who you let out and killed many people, is after you again.”
“You’re quite the charmer are you?” said Kirsty.
“But fear not, my friends,” finished West. “For we have in Michigan the greatest demon killer there is.”
“Who?” asked Kirsty.
The door opened and……..
It was the wise cracking, snarky and incredibly dim deadite killing machine himself.
“Ash Williams,” said West.
Ash, as proud as you like strutted up to the bar and made his first move on the barmaid.
“Scotch on the rocks,” he purred. “For I am from Scottish descent.”
“Okay,” said the barmaid as he poured his drink.
“And when you’re not busy, you can blow on my bagpipe,” said Ash feeling confident as fuck.
“Mister, I have a boyfriend,” said the barmaid.
“What he won’t know won’t harm him,” said Ash.
“No, but it’ll cause you great pain,” said a man from behind Ash.
“I changed my mind,” Ash said to the barmaid. “I’ve seen better looking women.”
Alice, Kirsty and Carlsen were disgusted.
“That’s the man who will help us?” asked Alice. “As if American men don’t make me feel sick already.”
The disappointed Ash sat at the bar and drank his Scotch. West made his way up to him.
“Mr Williams, Dr Herbert West. I am quite fond of your work.”
“Er, have we met?” asked Ash.
“Well, only tonight,” said West. “I know about the deadites. I studied the Necronomicon. And also the killer doll in Chicago, the space vampires in London and the box that can lead to a labyrinth in Hell.”
“Which why I’m happy to live in good ol’ Michigan,” Ash said sarcastically. “And how much have you had to drink?”
“Hey, Williams!” boasted an asshole. “Tell four eyes here about those deadites!”
Him and his friends burst out their shite laughing.
“Oh very funny, guys,” said Ash. “You should be on SNL.”
“Tell ‘im about the time you want to medieval Scandinavia,” laughed another prick.
“Or the time your sister was raped by a tree,” laughed another twat.
“Mr Williams,” West said to Ash. “Cenobites have been released from the box and we need your help to fight them off and send them back to Hell.”
“Listen man, screw you,” said Ash who just had enough of everyone's crap. “I’ve had up to here with assholes like you making fun of me.”
“Our party needs you,” said West.
Ash then noticed Alice in all her Slavic beauty.
“Well, hello Miss Sexy Eyes,” he said as he made his way over to her. "Hey, cheekbones, I got a boomstick to fight off your……. Cinema-bites. I’ll think you like it, it’s pretty big. Hell, we can all have an orgy in my trailer tonight.”
Alice and Kirsty looked at him disgusted.
Ash then looked at the three assholes who made fun of him.
“And you three pigs aren’t invited.”
“What makes you think we wanna fuck you?” said one of the assholes.
Then a newcomer entered the bar.
“Holy shit, she is hot!”
It was the Space Girl. Carlsen got afraid.
One of the pricks got up and made his way over to her.
“Hey, gorgeous. Wanna suck me off?” he asked.
“Yes please,” said the Space Girl.
And sure enough, the blue whirlpool appeared above them and she sucked the soul out of him. His shriveled up body fell to the floor.
“Well, he got what he asked for,” said Ash.
Everyone in the bar screamed and ran out of the door. So did Alice, Ash, West, Carlsen and Kirsty.
Not too far away, Chucky was watching the crowd running out of the bar.
Ash brought West, Alice, Kirsty and Carlsen into his trailer. He then locked the door.
“Was that one of the creatures you wanted me to fight?” asked Ash.
“One of them,” answered West.
“Her being here was my doing,” said Carlsen as he began to explain the whole story to Ash.
With the iron sword at the ready, Chucky went into the empty building and saw Space Girl was just sitting right in front of the bar, on the floor. She looked like that she was dead. Chucky walked up to her and placed his hand on her neck. No pulse. She was lifeless.
“Oh well, just to be on the safe side,” muttered Chucky as he stabbed her chest with the sword.
Blood leaked out of her and dripped onto the floor.
“Done,” said Chucky. “Now those assholes can leave me alone. In the meantime, I’ll kill that Ukrainian chick and her friends and then I’ll find Barclay. No victim gets away from Chucky!”
As Chucky left the bar, he didn’t noticed that he was being watched. The figure breathed heavily as watched the doll head toward Ash’s trailer down the road.
“You mean she was naked the whole time?” asked an excited Ash with a big smile on his face.
“Yes,” answered Carlsen.
“Man, I am more harder than the rocks at the Grand Canyon,” replied Ash.
“You’re a pig,” moaned Alice.
“Well, you’re a fine piece of ass yourself,” said Ash. “Bet you look great naked.”
“You have a way of talking to women, Ash,” said West.
“More than you’ll ever have, four eyes,” said Ash. “Go back to your comic books, speccy.”
"I'm beginning to see how you lost your hand," remarked West.
"Says the guy with the glasses," replied Ash.
“So for 10 years, I was trapped in space with her,” finished Carlsen.
“Trapped in space with a hot naked chick for 10 years? Sounds good to me!” said Ash.
“And now, astronauts have discovered us and we crash landed here,” said Carlsen. “Now I have to go to London to get the iron sword to stop her.”
“No need, I had it,” replied West.
“You had it?” asked Kirsty.
“Well, that was until somebody took it away from me,” answered West looking at Alice.
“I didn’t take it away,” said Alice.
“But you did send the doll back to life and because of you, he’s on the rampage,” replied West.
“Couldn’t the doll have taken the sword?” asked Kirsty.
“It is possible,” answered West.
There was a huge knock on the door.
Carlsen was afraid.
“That couldn’t be her,” he said. “She normally blows open the door with her power.”
“I know another thing she could blow,” said Ash.
Alice smacked him on the back of the head. Then she pulled out her handgun and opened the door. She very carefully walked outside.
Then she saw a little boy in silhouette crying.
“Ah, it’s okay,” she said as she walked over toward him. “Come here, I’m Alice. What's your name?”
“I’m Chucky. Wanna play?”
The child turned around to reveal it was Chucky.
He whacked Alice in the face with the handle of the iron sword knocking to the ground.
Then he raised the iron sword, ready to stab Alice, and then………..
The sword flew from Chucky’s hands.
Ash stood there. Boomstick with smoke coming from the barrells.
“Hey, we need that, Ginger pubes.”
“Says who?” asked Chucky.
“Me, Ash. The one handed bandit.”
Chucky ran over and jumped towards Ash’s legs. He grabbed onto his thighs and began to bite into his balls.
Ash howled in pain and pointed his boomstick at Chucky, ready to shoot him.
But then he realized that he was pointing it at his member.
“Nope, definitely not,” said Ash.
So he just used the back of his boomstick and hit Chucky on the head several times. As Ash was about to hit Chucky one more time, the doll let go and dropped to the ground. Which caused Ash to accidentally hit himself on the balls with the back of his boomstick.
Chucky ran over and picked up the iron sword. Then he made his way into the trailer to a surprised Kirsty, Carlsen and West.
“You want the sword?” asked Chucky, rising the sword over his head. “I’ll let you have it!”
Just then, the sound of a chainsaw could be heard revving up.
Chucky howled as his severed arms fell to the floor. Blood sprayed from the stumps.
Chucky fell to the floor as his legs got sawed off. Ash turned off the chainsaw.
“C’mon, we’ll take my car. We’re going to Texas!” announced Ash. "I have friends there."
“I’ll catch up with you assholes!” barked Chucky. “Mark my fuckin’ words.”
“Yeah, you’re off to great start,” said Ash. “Run like The Flash!”
Ash put his boomstick, chainsaw and the iron sword in the trunk of the car. Then he and the others got inside and Ash drove it down the road away from the chaos.
“Why didn’t you cut Chucky's head off?” asked Alice.
Everyone else looked at the befuddled Ash.
“Errrrrr, I’m sorry, your Russian accent is so thick, I can hardly understand you,” he answered Alice.