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Without a Hitch

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”So our plan, the one where we get Henry laid to stop him from being a total pent up loner? That plan?” Eliza says to Charmonique when she comes in for work the next morning. She is, as always, wearing a fab outfit. She hasn’t actually had time to share it with her followers yet, though. She’s been otherwise occupied. It’s unusual and sad and angels are surely weeping, but unfortunately it can’t be helped.

“Yes?” Charmonique hedges, drawing out the e for several beats.

“It went off without a hitch. Henry is now totes laid.” She looks around, eyes moving rapidly as she makes sure no one is close enough to hear. “I slept with Henry.”

Charmonique is quiet for a long moment and Eliza taps her heels in a fast beat against the floor, weirdly nervous as she waits for the verdict.

“Say that again,” Charmonique says finally, her voice monotone and disbelieving.

Eliza bends forward over the desk, her necklaces bunching up on it and her cleavage in prime position to be admired. Not that Charmonique is very interested in Eliza’s cleavage normally but whatever. Eliza’s got so much to give. She’s a giving person. “I slept with Henry,” she says, holding Charmonique’s eyes and trying to force the importance of the matter through their bond.

“See, that’s what I thought you said,” Charmonique leans forward too and Eliza widens her eyes. Charmonique’s got a nice cleavage, too, and her blouse with that bra is doing wonderful things to her breasts. Eliza approves on all accounts. “But here’s the thing though; that wasn’t the plan. The plan was not for you to get your funk on with Henry. The plan was to set him up with a cute girl that he could date and then sleep with regularly because he did not get an aneurism from looking at her. Not for him to have a one night stand with his coworker. Because this is Henry we’re talking about, king of awkward, and office relations almost always are even when there are two normal people involved and not the likes of you.” Charmonique lets hers eyes travel up and down Eliza, making the point explicit.

Eliza’s shoulders slump briefly. “Well, yes. But! He grabbed my waist, Charmonique. Like, an almost manhandlingy pulling my soft body against his firm chest kind of deal. He looked into my eyes and then he leaned forward and kissed me and he was really good at it? Like, great tonguing skills. Solid all-around A plus.” Eliza’s eyes shades over for a bit as she thinks back on it, the way that he had held her head in his hands and how he had used his entire body to kiss her stupid. How their chests had been close enough together their hearts had seemed to resonate. The way her thigh almost instinctively had come up around his hip and how he had pressed them even closer together when his hand had grabbed it.

Charmonique snaps her fingers in front of Eliza’s. “Focus, girl.”

Eliza snaps back to the present, meets Charmonique’s disbelieving eyes, and says, “u-huh?” very intelligently.

“You telling me that it was Henry, “I block myself without noticing” Henry, “No Game” Henry, that made the first move? Really?” Charmonique leans back and raises her left eyebrow, letting show just how much she can believe that. Eliza can’t fault her. She can barely make sense of it herself and she’d been there.

“He must’ve been more repressed than we’d thought,” she says and nods her head because that sounds about right. “Maybe he, like, boiled over or something.”

“Or maybe you’re delusional,” Charmonique says. Eliza can tell her heart’s not in it, though. Charmonique’s got her thinking face on. Eliza readies herself for some expert advice.

“You know, maybe we went about this the wrong way. Maybe Henry was not just in need to get laid in general. Maybe,” Charmonique says and stresses the word,” he had some unresolved sexual tension for a specific person.”

Jealousy hits hard at Charmonique’s implication regarding Henry and Eliza spends a moment being horrified at herself for feeling it. Then she connects the dots between Charmonique’s words and herself and feels rather stupid but also like she’s a fancy chicken about to preen her fancy feathers. Because hell yeah, Eliza is hot.

“Henry’s got good taste, after all,” Eliza says.

“Henry’s got questionable taste,” Charmonique says. “Luckily, we can work with that. Provided you didn’t ruin the whole thing by sneaking away in the middle of the night.”

Eliza thinks about lying but decides that honesty is the name of the game for now and doesn’t say anything.

Chamonique sighs. “You left in the middle of the night. Because of course you did. You’re you.”

“I left a note?” Eliza offers. “Well, I sent him a text, but same thing.”

“That said?”

Eliza finds the text quickly and turns her phone so that Chamonique can see. Charmonique hums as she considers it.

“Surprisingly not that horrible, though I doubt that Henry is the sort of man who appreciates kissy faces in his emoticons.  We can salvage this. I think.” Chamonique adds the last bit under her breath so Eliza generously disregards it.

She opens her mouth to reply when the elevator door opens and Charmonique gets a deer in the headlights sort of look in her face.

Then, from right behind Eliza, Henry says, “good morning, Charmonique.”

Charmonique’s eyes are really wide and her mouth opens and closes like a goldfish.” Good morning, Henry,” she says in an almost strangled way.

Eliza swivels around, her hair and necklace moving in perfect arcs with the motion. Then she stops and stares.

Henry is glowing. Like, literally glowing like a pregnant person is supposed to glow instead of puking like it was a contest. He is smiling, his eyes are warm, his body open and inviting. He looks like a man who is nothing but satisfied, with himself and with the world and with his life. Eliza almost sways forward, entranced, before she stops herself.

This Henry is too much everything. He is frying her brain just by existing.

“Good morning, Eliza,” Henry says and having his whole focus on her is suddenly devastating.

“Hi,” Eliza says and doesn’t know what to do with herself, let alone her arms that kinda flump uselessly at her sides.

Henry smiles. Henry smiles. Eliza does a gold fish impression herself and Henry’s smile just intensifies. He strides forward, puts his hand on her neck and firmly, but also so very softly, pulls her head down and kisses her. Quick and dry, very precise and completely overwhelming.

Then he saunters away and Eliza is left to stare at his behind, not quite sure if she wishes to follow or go hide in a dumpster.

“Fuck me,” Charmonique says. Eliza couldn’t agree more. Both figuratively and literally. “Girl, I don’t know how you did it, but I’d call that problem firmly solved. Henry Higgs does not have a pent up bone in his body as of right now.”

“He made me come five times,” Eliza says out of the blue because she can’t help herself. “I mean, that might’ve had something to do with it. He’s very dedicated.”

 “Really?” Charmonique says, sounding intrigued despite herself. “Or no, never mind. I don’t actually want to know.”

“We had so much sex, Charmonique. So much sex. He glowed from how much sex we’d been having.” Eliza doesn’t know but she really feels the need to convey this properly. Something happened last night and Eliza apparently didn’t screw it up because Henry is glowing. How does she deal with that?

“And I’m officially leaving this conversation,” Chamonique says and turns the sign with her name on it around. “Officially out.”

“But Charmonique,” Eliza whines. “I need help now. We need a new plan. A “how to deal with Henry if you’re Eliza and you did him” sort of plan.”

Charmonique makes a weird face. “I am not helping you with dating advice.”

Eliza gasps. “Am I dating Henry? Oh my god, Charmonique, am I dating Henry?”

“Dear God,” Charmonique says. “Help me.”