You may have noticed a stranger on the streets of Night Vale, a person who claims to be a reporter by the name of Buck Williams. The City Council would like me to remind you that the children of Night Vale did not disappear mysteriously 18 months ago, nor did they reappear just as mysteriously six months later, and Desert Bluffs' claims that we stole their children are completely foundless - we certainly aren't to blaim for their inability to maintain their bloodstone circles. For shame, Desert Bluffs. For shame.
The Sheriff's Secret Police have investigated this Williams and reassure me that he is not, as he claims, the World's Greatest Investigative Reporter, and his claims of a vast conspiracy are baseless. Surely if these non-events were of any interest to the outside world there would be more than one so-called reporter here to investigate it. Our newest intern Carmella saw him ostentatiously ducking behind buildings while the black helicopters flew overhead, but, she says, they paid him absolutely no attention. If that isn't proof I don't know what is. And on that note, congratulations to Carmella for surviving her first month here at the station. Well done, Carmella!
This message brought to you by Dr Pepper.
Dear listeners, the so-called World's Greatest Investigative Reporter is back! You may have seen him down at the Night Vale Harbor and Waterfront Recreation Area. Several listeners have reported that they thought they saw a sea of blood in the area. Definitely a mirage - as we all know, we're well into the dry season now.
I received a note slipped under the station door this morning, advising anyone who has a constant ringing in their ears in the 12-13 kHz range that they should stand under the nearest lightpost and whisper "antiquated symmetry". Do not be alarmed when you wake up tomorrow with no memory of the past day.
During the break I received a phone call from Cub Scout Den Mother Agatha Vincenti. She says that two of her Cub Scouts disappeared as the man calling himself the World's Greatest Investigative Reporter walked by. At first she thought they were simply practicing for their invisibility badge, but when she moved in to congratulate them she temporarily forgot about their existence - and it isn't even Tuesday! So all you parents out there, make sure that you and your children avoid him until further notice. A vague yet menacing government agency denies that they have any interest in this man, so I think we can consider the matter well in hand.
The Psychic Circus will be coming to town next Thursday! Auditions will be held before every performance. Also, this Thursday has been rescheduled to last Wednesday.
The City Council wants to remind you that you should no longer know anything about angels, and you should especially not speak to or acknowledge any angels you might encounter. After today, I'm sure we don't have to worry about that happening.
And now, traffic. Due to a construction error, the new cloverleaf connecting Route 800 to the interstate is actually a Möbius strip. Expect half the usual delays.