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Be Careful, Carisi

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Be careful, Carisi.

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 I’m good.

He was always careful. He hated when people said that to him. Sonny didn’t purposefully go out of his way to be reckless.

Sonny made his way through the narrow passage ways of the country house. He often wondered why these solitary houses out in the woods had such a sinister aura, they made him feel closed in. He was more used to the open floor plan, that’s how he had grown up; Carisis had nothing to hide.

He edged along the corridor, treading quietly, gun held out in front of him. He climbed the stairs, flinching as the old floorboards creaked under his weight. As he reached the top, he pushed the door open with the end of his gun. 

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There she was! It took everything in his power to stop from rushing forward to help her.

I said be careful.

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He wished he had heeded his lieutenant’s words. She was struggling and motioning towards something behind him.  As he turned around, he found himself face to face with a Beretta. 


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They say that your life flashes before your eyes when you’re about to die, but all Sonny felt was regret.

Regret. His life was filled with it.

Well I’m happy I’m single.

Was he? He had been idealistic, dreamed of true love. He had wanted it all, the girl next door, the fairy tale wedding, 2.4 kids and even the picket fences. Now there would be nothing.

At one time he had even entertained the notion that Rollins had felt something for him, but he had pushed it away. She was his partner, they were friends. Could it have been more? Now he would never know.

Then there was that job in Brooklyn. Why hadn’t he taken it? He would never have ended up in this position and all those years of night school wasted. But … if he weren’t here, it would be Liv there instead of him. No, he would never wish that on her.

Would they miss him when he was gone? Like Mike? Would they grieve his loss for a few months, before moving on with their lives. What was it Barba has said?

In the end, we’re all just passing through.

His family would have a hard time, his parents, Gina, Theresa, Bella in particular. He wondered if his nieces would even remember him. He had just bought the most adorable tutu for little Anna, he wondered if they would find it stashed behind his bedroom door.

Shit, Gina! The last thing he had said to her was awful, he might as well have called her a slut. He had never apologized to her and never will; it disgusted him.

He didn’t want to die. There was so much he had to live for. Dammit, he should have just eaten that cannoli, rather than worrying about his weight.

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Say something Sonny! Don’t let this man take everything from you. 

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Don’t do this. It doesn’t have to end like this.