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Arse-chive of my Own: Pounded in the Butt By the Lack of Tingleverse Fics in Yuletide 2016

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It’s the evening of December 24th, and I’m sitting anxiously in front of my computer, obsessively hitting F5, staring into the soft white glow of my dual monitors. Outside, snow drifts in the icy wind. In my den the thermostat is a cozy 22 degrees, but I’d been hoping for something else to warm me up: a Yuletide gift on my AO3 dashboard. Here I am, almost at the deadline, and nothing. The number refuses to budge. I run my hands through my thick dark hair nervously. How could this be happening? I’d been so careful with my request, padding it out with obscure undubbed anime from the 1980s… I might be straight, but I just wanted to read some quality Tingleverse butt-pounding that would remind me that love is real. Was that so wrong?

As a world-renowned reindeer cosmetologist, there’s usually not much that gets to me, but this just feels like a slap in the face. I mean, how can Susan G. Komen Foundation RPF possibly have three works already, when at this point I’ll be lucky to get a pity pinch-hit with hardly any pounding at all? Furious, I crush my empty chocolate milk carton with one hand. Then, just as I’m about to give up and go to bed disappointed, the doorbell rings.

“Who could it be, at this time of night?” I wonder, out loud. I’m not expecting anybody. Maybe I shouldn’t answer it. After all, I had already changed into my fox onesie, ready to turn in. The doorbell rings again. Whoever it is isn’t going away. Sighing, I push myself up out of my computer chair and pad across the room to open the door.

I can hardly believe my eyes. There, standing under the porch light, is the sexiest fic exchange I have ever seen. He leans on my mailbox, looking me up and down with his smouldering black eyes. Despite the cold, he is wearing only tight blue jeans and black cowboy boots. He is so hot the snow seems to melt before it even gets near him. His spectacular abs flex and ripple as he speaks up.

“Are you Booly O’Jeff?” he asks, his voice husky. I swallow nervously. “Buckaroo69 on AO3?”

“Uh, yes,” I stammer, unable to tear my gaze away from the stunning collection before me. What could such a gorgeous hunk of anthropomorphic transformative works want with me? “Why?”

“You tell me, you’ve been poking me all night.” My balls clench involuntarily. It’s really him! Yuletide 2016, here at my front door! While I stand there gawking, he pushes his way past me into the house. The smell of his musk makes my cock twitch unexpectedly. I’ve never thought of myself as being gay, but this hot archive is doing things to my libido I never thought possible.

“I - I just wanted you!” I stammer, words escaping my lips without passing through my brain. I think he might laugh, but instead he smiles.

“I thought so. I could tell from how you kept refreshing my fandoms page how badly you wanted it. And Booly, let me tell you.” He leans in, his fics so close I can see just how explicit some of them are rated. “I think we want the same thing.”

“You want...a Tingler,” I gasp, falling to my knees in shock.

Yuletide 2016 nods. “That’s right, Booly. And you’re just the one to give it to me, aren’t you?” His hands are already unbuckling the belt holding up his tight blue jeans, and I’m not imagining the tight bulge. He’s so huge - nearing 2400 fics already, and growing quickly. I swallow hard, wanting to get my mouth around that huge chunk of meaty text of soon as possible, and nod.

“Let’s do it,” I manage, reaching for his cock. “For the collection.”

And Yuletide 2016 lets me have it. I wrap my lips around the head of his rod, stretching them out to take his massive girth. He lets me take it slow at first, bit soon he’s reaming it into my hungry mouth. I bob my head along his shaft, letting him set the pace. After what seems like ages, though, I get bolder. Relaxing my throat, I swallow him all the way down, thinking how lucky I am to share this kind of experience. This is a very special Yuletide treat, indeed.

He fucks into my mouth for what seems like hours, days even, until my cock-hungry lips are swollen and my own member is rock-solid. 'Make the Yuletide gay,' the saying goes, but I’m finding out that it’s the exact other way around! I pull back, desperate to get even more intimate with Archive of Our Own’s biggest and most popular gift exchange, still amazed that he’s chosen me.

“Yuletide 2016, I’d be honored if you used me as your personal human fucktoy. My ass is yours to pound.”

His eyes go wide and he grins. "I've been hoping you'd say that ever since the nomination period." He quickly strips me out of my clothes, then bends me over my desk and spreads my cheeks apart. I'm a little nervous, and he strokes my back to help me relax. He might be huge, but he can be gentle too, when he wants to be. Soon I'm practically dripping for him. "Are you ready?" he asks at last, and I gasp out my desperate plea for his dick.

He starts forcing his way inside my puckered hole. He might be the collection, but I'm the one getting opened up - all the way up. It feels amazing. I close my eyes as he shoves inch after inch of fic inside me. I knew how big he was but it feels even more incredible being his recipient. Just when I think he's all the way in, a few more pinch hits slide in at the last minute, increasing his girth even more. "Oh my god, you're so huge!" is all I can think to say.

"I know," he says with a confident thrust of his hips. "But as soon as I saw your request, I knew you could take it. You just wanted to prove Yuletide love is real, didn't you, Booly? Well soon we're going to prove it to everyone."

My ass feels like a sexy rocket is going off inside it. I have to grab my cock to hang on for dear life, stroking it frantically, trying to hold back. "Will they all know about this?"

"Oh they'll know," Yuletide 2016 says. "It's going to be plastered all over their screens and recs lists and everywhere. They're going to read about how you gave your ass to a sentient fic exchange and everyone will kudos it so hard!"

I shudder with arousal at the thought. Out of the corner of my eye I can see that the clock is counting down. It's not long now until the collection goes live - somehow we’ve been fucking for hours! I can tell he feels it too, and picks up his pace, reaming into my butthole even harder with every stroke. His legs tremble and shake, and I wonder for a minute if he might be going to crash. There's so much pressure, and so many people waiting to hammer him - what if he can't take it?

"Come on," I tell my gorgeous fic exchange lover, "almost there, you can do it!" Somehow I know that there are thousands of other people cheering him on too.

Urged on by the power of the combined love of so many horny fans, he rallies his strength. “I’m not finished with you yet,” he says, sliding out of my stretched decimated hole. He picks me up in his strong arms, flipping me around. Soon I’m filled up again with his thick, hot boner, and he is pounding away at me like an ass pinata. I’m punishing my own rod, jerking my shaft vigorously to keep time with his aggressive reaming.

“I’m gonna blow!” I cry, the intense feeling of a prostate orgasm tingling out through my whole body. He growls deep in his throat as my load of cum spews out, and I know he’s so close!

“Come on Yuletide 2016!” I gasp, “Cum for me!” In this moment, I find myself thinking of all the other fans out there excited for the huge load of fic they’re about to receive, just like I’m about to receive Yuletide 2016’s hot spunk all over my chiseled abs. He pulls out, grabbing his cock and pumping his own shaft. He lets out a manly yodel and streams of jizz erupt from his rod, splashing across my shaved pecs.

As the clock strikes midnight UTC, dashboards all over the internet are lighting up as Yuletide 2016 spurts out his delicious salty treats. I lap up as much as I can, hungry for more, and it just keeps coming. When I can finally catch my breath, of course the first thing I do is reach for my computer. To my surprise, when I refresh the Yuletide 2016 page, it just says "Fandoms (1)". I can't help but notice it kind of looks like a butt, although not one as recently fucked as mine. "But... how can this be?" I ask, turning back to my handsome fic collection lover.

"We did it," he explains, but he’s starting to fade, off to spread the love to all of the other exchange participants. "We fucked so hard that we turned every fic in me into a Tingleverse fic. Now everyone can be pounded by their own handsome gift fics."

"It's just what I always wanted," I whisper dreamily, but he’s already gone.

I crawl exhausted into my bed, my ass still echoing from the amazing pounding Yuletide 2016 gave me. I can’t wait to sign up again next year.