And I meant every word I said
When I said that I love you
I meant that I love you forever
And I'm gonna keep on lovin you
Cause it's the only thing I wanna do
I don't wanna sleep
I just wanna keep on lovin you.
OMG, I quoted REO. Yes I did. ;)
Jack stowed his gear in his locker, pausing after, wondering if he shouldn't wait to get home to take a shower. They had a couple of days off; why not wait?
He swallowed, listening to the sounds of the shower. Daniel was in there, and therein lay the indecision. Jack closed his eyes for a moment, then looked down at the towel in his hands. He pictured his legs, wet with rivulets of soapy run-off. Guilt assuaged him then, and more indecision clogged his thoughts as he fought over whether he should think about that naked body and the mind it owned.
In the end, Jack's self-discipline won the battle over urges he'd put to bed (ha, ha) a long time ago. Why change them now? He was mostly content. Mostly. And yet...
Jack cut off that thought irritably and changed to street clothes, shut the locker, and dropped the towel in the barrel. Stupid feelings.
. . . . .
Saturday afternoon, and as he sat in front of the TV, Daniel popped into his mind. He wondered what the man was up to today. Maybe he could call him, invite him out for pizza and a movie. Or bring the pizza and the Wii? Chessboard? No, too laid back. Jack loved chess but Daniel tended to talk about stuff Jack would rather not think about; like the latest mission or acquisition.
Why call him? he asked himself. What would be the point, really? Yes, he was a friend, a good friend, but that was part of the problem. He could call Teal'c, have him join him, and ... but ... no, no Teal'c.
No, no one else! his jealous mind snapped, and Jack shook his head and growled at himself for the abrupt emotion. What the hell was the matter with him?
Daniel. That's what. Goddamn Daniel.
Jack got up and retrieved another beer from the fridge, angry at himself for that unguarded, unchecked bit of mood swing. He could control himself a lot better than this, dammit. How long had he known Daniel now? Seven, eight years? Holy crap, where'd the time go?
Jack paused by the back door, staring out over the lawn. A strange feeling of resignation started to fill him. Maybe he should talk to Daniel and explain what was going on, explain the reason for all the damn snapping. Would that change anything? Other than the fact that the cat would out of the bag. How would Daniel react? Not so much for his bisexuality but for his revelatory feelings? Good god.
Jack made a face, hating his fear.
Jack growled again, louder, and he turned around and went for the phone. He dialed and waited, but when the phone on the other end began to ring, he panicked and ended the call. "Shhhhhhit."
Then it occurred to him that Daniel would be able to see who'd just tried to call him.
Okay, he's gonna call you, dumbass! Think up something!
Jack started to put the phone back into its cradle, stopped, turned to take it with him, then stopped and turned back to the table. "Fuck!" he hissed at himself and slammed the phone down. What was he? Some 16-year old waiting for his darling love to call? "Gahhhh! Fuck that!"
Beer suddenly gone, he went and retrieved another. He dropped back down on the couch, and began to fidget. Should he sit there, gloomily watching TV, or get up and do something. Clean maybe? No, damn house was clean. Build something? New shelves maybe. There was extra wood in the garage.
Jack remained where he was, occupying his mind with all the things he could do while trying not to listen for the phone.
So grab the phone and call him, you stupid, girly twit.
He slouched further on couch, doubling his stubbornness out of spite. No, calling Daniel wouldn't be a good idea. What Jack had to do was ... court him. Subtly. He had the touch, and he knew damn well Daniel would...
Would what? Let him be seduced? Jack secretly smiled to himself. Daniel was as stubborn as he was, and Jack had an idea that Daniel would start playing hard to get--even if that isn't what he'd call it. A rose by any other name...
He smiled, looking for all the world like Machiavelli, only without the drama queen crap.
He had a plan.
. . .
Daniel had never called back, though that hadn't been a problem. Over the next few months, Jack did his best to keep his emotions in check while he slyly, with expert subterfuge, courted Daniel. Nothing out of the ordinary. Just a little more attention, just that soupçon of geniality. Daniel, quick as he was, had finally asked about it a week ago or so.
"Not that I don't like it, but what's with all the special attention lately?"
"It's not special, Daniel. It's just not a great idea to be by myself too much. And we used to hang out all the time. Does it bother you?"
"No, no, not at all. I was just... it's just, after all your..."
"That's one word for it."
Daniel had swallowed his explanations. They hadn't been terribly untrue, either; they were just not the reason. This last week, Jack had decided to amp up the plan. He had a good feeling. Daniel seemed happier these days. The man could put up the best of fronts, but this wasn't a facade. Jack felt a little smug that he could now tell the difference. Hell, over the last few months, it had been opportunity itself, especially when Daniel's birthday had come up. Jack had bought him a gift: A pair of Tahitian love dolls; statues made of wood, straw, stones. And he'd been clever enough to ask Daniel if he knew anything about them, (of course he did) and Jack put on his best face and acted embarrassed when Daniel had told him he'd bought love dolls. Statues. Whatever.
Jack suspected he'd almost won Daniel over with that gift. But an unacknowledged attraction was far from being told he loved him. Jack winced as he stepped out of the shower, drying off. It was that simple, wasn't it? There was a butterfly dance in his stomach, but it wasn't a bad thing. Taking months to woo Daniel had, in effect, wooed Jack, too, and this evening would be the time to come clean; all over a home-cooked dinner.
Daniel knew something was up. He pulled into Jack's driveway and sat there, engine idling. His palms were itchy and damp and he rubbed the damn things against his jeans. Yes, there was definitely something up. Problem was, was it what he thought it was? It felt like a courting. All these months. And that present gave it away.
But did it? Did it really? Was Daniel imagining something he'd secretly longed for since meeting Jack eight years ago? Hell, it had been easy to hide his feelings. Like Jack, he was too well disciplined to let the private show. Well, except for Jack's snappiness for about four years. At first, Daniel had thought it was because of his own stand-offish behavior after Oma and the discovery of his son. Then he thought it was having ascended, then coming back, then this extra stubbornness he'd returned with.
But no. It was none of that. It was Jack's interest, seeping through the cracks, misdirected and poorly aimed. Then... there was suddenly the drop of DOMA and DADT. Or had that been a coincidence? Daniel thought perhaps it was, at least outwardly. Jack would have told himself everything was a mystery. But none of it was a mystery to Daniel. He knew Jack. And now he was learning about a new side to him. It was puzzling, bizarre, glorious, maddening, crazy, beautiful, and for crying out loud, it was freaking astonishing.
Daniel turned the engine off, and with another wipe of his palms, he got out and walked up to Jack's door. As he raised his hand, panic tried to take over, screaming at him to run back to the car and take off! Daniel swallowed hard and stomped on his fear. What was he, sixteen? He knocked and heard Jack's voice, inviting him in.
Daniel muttered, as if in prayer. "'Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more; Or close the wall up with our English dead. In peace there's nothing so becomes a man as modest stillness and humility.'" He laughed then, puffing out the breath. "You've gone insane, Jackson."
He opened the door and went inside. The savory scents filled Daniel's nose as he hung up his coat. "Surf and Turf?" he asked, heading into the kitchen. Jack was putting lobsters on plates and Daniel grinned.
"Good nose," Jack said, indicating the bright red shellfish. "I sometimes can't smell them unless I'm the one cooking." He paused a second, then added, "Beer's in the fridge, unless you'd like some bourbon on the rocks."
"Beer's okay," Daniel said, heading to the fridge. "Still the Heineken?" he asked, and got his answer immediately. "Right, what was I thinking?"
"Yeah well, everything else is--"
"Tiger piss," they both intoned, an oft-said condemnation. Daniel chuckled softly, nodding as he twisted the cap off. "Can I help with anything?"
"You can sit," Jack said curtly, but with a grin. "I've got it covered."
"Okay," Daniel said.
And Jack did have it covered. The steaks were hot and perfectly done, as was the lobster. Daniel couldn't believe Jack's timing, though he thought he shouldn't be surprised. Still, it was nice that Jack could still do that, the last few months notwithstanding.
As they started eating, Jack asked, "What'd you do today?"
Daniel's mouth was full but he didn't care. And he waited until Jack took a sip of his beer. "Watched porn all day." He laughed in victory when Jack half-choked.
"Asshole," Jack growled.
"Couldn't help it," Daniel replied, taking a drink himself. "Although speaking of porn, this kind of food is like porn to me."
Jack smiled broadly. "Thank you," he said, and raised his bottle. They clinked and drank. "But seriously, do anything today?"
Daniel wanted to tell him that he fidgeted all day. This was a date, unnamed. No way around it; it was obvious. Daniel then decided to be partly truthful. "I, uh, was sort of rudderless all day. Couldn't get settled, not even to read."
Jack lifted his brows. "Why, something wrong?"
Daniel looked back and he detected just a tiny hint of panic in Jack's eyes. "No," he said reassuringly, and gestured at his plate and the table. "It's this."
Jack frowned, but Daniel could see plain as day that he was faking it. He knew all of Jack's expressions and none of them matched this one. It was too full of self-assurance and ... ego. Yes, ego. Jack expected this evening to go somewhere, didn't he? Oh my god.
"What?" Jack asked, his small frown very real.
"What?" Daniel asked, interrupted from his thought, and then realized he'd had his mouth hanging open like a goddamn broken drawbridge. He took a bite of lobster, making a show of chewing.
"Daniel?" Jack asked.
"Um, something we can talk about later," he said before swallowing, and just then, dozens of two- or three-second movie clips ran through his mind. Porn. All porn. Stifling any expression that would display his thoughts, he cleared his throat and made a face. "'Scuse me for a sec. Gotta go," and he nodded his head toward the bathroom.
"You know where it all is," Jack said pleasantly.
He was cool, he knew he was. Until the bathroom door closed. Fortunately, he did have to piss, just a little. During and after, washing in the sink, he thought about whether or not he'd guessed right. If he was, should he let it happen? Should he reveal his feelings as Jack, presumably, planned to? And would there be ...
Daniel swallowed, his dick warming and paying attention. Sex?
Jesus. It had been so long, and Jack was so ...
"Fucking hot", Daniel whispered, and irritably re-positioned his cock. He splashed cold water on his face, wiped it off, and took several deep breaths to calm his body down. It was easily done, after years of practice, but this time, there was a smoldering just under the surface. He pictured the Kilauea volcano and started to laugh, then buttoned himself up tightly. "Idiot, stop it," he whispered, just barely audible.
He left the bathroom, the act forcing him to put on a face, to deny everything he felt. He sat back down and sighed. "Sorry about that," he said. And suddenly he knew he was acting weird. He could barely look Jack in the eye, and that flutter eyelash-batting bullshit was a dead giveaway that something definitely wasn't right.
Jack sat back and took a pull from his beer. "What's up?"
Daniel coughed and started laughing. He tried to button it up again but his groin seemed to be in charge now. Jack sat there, staring at him and sipping that damn beer. Waiting. Daniel got control of himself then and took a deep breath. He picked up his beer and took a long drink.
"Gonna let me in on the joke?" Jack asked.
His face wasn't smiling but there was light behind his eyes. Daniel felt encouraged just then. He looked down at his meal, half-eaten, and then up into Jack's eyes. No hesitation. The course was set. There was no changing his mind.
"It's nothing. Sort of. Not really. It's just I ..." Daniel said slowly. "Okay, I have something to tell you." Jack looked like a deer in the headlights. It wasn't obvious, only something Daniel could detect. "It's nothing bad," he added quickly, then more to himself, he added, "Nowhere near bad."
They sat in one corner of the table, Jack to his left, back toward the kitchen, Daniel at the end. Jack's expression looked like he'd planned the seating that way so he could bolt if necessary. But Daniel was wrong. Suddenly Jack reached over and grabbed his hand. "Me first," he said quickly, and with a hard swallow, he said, "I love you."
Except Daniel couldn't wait, and he blurted out, "I love you," at the same time as Jack.
They stared at each other, smiles trying to appear at the corners of their mouths. Daniel then froze. He looked at Jack's lips. Fuckin' man, did he want to kiss him. But he couldn't move. This was stupid! He wasn't twelve, dammit! "Since the day you left Abydos," he said quietly, forcing himself to keep Jack's gaze. "You?"
Jack swallowed again. "After that fish guy made us think you were dead."
Daniel smiled crookedly. "Death has a way of shifting priorities, doesn't it."
Jack snorted softly, and glanced down at their clasped hands before he looked into Daniel's eyes with deep sincerity. "Do me a favor and stop dying. I can't take it anymore."
All half-joking humor left Daniel's expression. It was time for sober honesty. "I'm so sorry, Jack. I didn't mean for--"
Jack got up. "Shut up," he said, pulling Daniel up with him. "Just shut the hell up," he said again, then captured Daniel's mouth with his own.
Daniel wouldn't admit it, but he practically melted into him. Jack was warm, inviting, tasting of butter and beef, and good god, his arms were strong and rebellious around him. He hugged him tightly, almost as if Jack was afraid he'd change his mind. But that was silly. There was no mind-changing. Not ever again.
Jack's lips were perfect, as if there could be such a thing. Soft, firm, seeking. And when his tongue probed, Daniel made a soft moan and eagerly met his desire. Sweet. So sweet. Daniel returned the tight embrace, pulling him so that their arousals touched. It brought a shock of breath from Daniel's lips and Jack made a growling noise. Daniel found himself against the end of the counter, the edge digging into his back and the cabinet end keeping his head from tilting back.
Fucking counter, Daniel growled to himself and he grabbed Jack's ass in his hands, needing to pull him in, deep, deeper, goddammit...
Breaking off, he panted, "Wait." Jack swallowed and licked his lips. He looked like something Daniel had never seen till now: Edible. "I'd like to have dessert now. In the bedroom."
Jack said nothing. He just took Daniel's hand and led him down the hall. Their free hands were already pulling at each other's clothing. Shoes kicked off, belts undoing, and one of Daniel's shirt buttons broke off and snapped across the threshold. "Shit," Daniel said, laughing. "Don't kill my shirt."
Jack then spoke. "Fuck your shirt," he said, and ripped it open as he pushed Daniel onto the bed and fell upon him. Daniel's eyes rolled back into his head as he tore Jack's shirt in return. His lover's mouth ached across his neck, his throat, his lips, and Daniel couldn't get their pants open fast enough. Another minute passed, seemingly forever, and they were soon naked and tactile sensations of skin increased their lust. It was glorious, Daniel thought, as Jack pressed him into the bed, one arm slipping under a knee so he could grind against his groin. It was maddeningly good and for a while, Daniel was content to do just this, ramping up their desire to a fever pitch before getting to the lube and the condom.
Speaking of. He pulled his mouth from Jack's. "Lube? Condoms?"
"Condoms?" Jack smiled at him. "Plural?"
"Yes," Daniel said, seizing Jack's lip between his teeth. Almost gently. "Plural."
"Sure you want condoms?" Jack asked.
"For now, until we're sure the latest mission hasn't left us with anything."
Jack sighed. "I was given a clean bill, weren't you?"
"True," Daniel said, thinking it over.
"Listen to me," Jack said, suddenly looking strange, his expression mixed with hot desire and sober seriousness. "I don't plan to fuck anyone else."
Daniel stared into the sharp brightness of his lover's eyes. His lover's eyes. "Where's the lube?" he asked, his desire ratcheting up so fast it felt like panic.
It was under the pillow, but Jack wasn't quite ready for that. He kissed and caressed his way down Daniel's body, fingers seeking and finding pleasure spots that made Daniel's body quiver. Daniel's nerves were on fire, dick hard and moistened, and bliss was the best it had ever been in his life. Until Jack licked the head of his cock and took him into his mouth. Lubed fingers found their way inside, and it was an eternity of grabbing fistfuls of sheet and bucking hips. He was moaning loudly, he knew, and he didn't care. It was so goddamn good.
"Jack," he whispered, and he knew he'd come if this went on, so he pulled away and turned the tables, shoving Jack down, his head at the foot of the bed, and kissing him deeply into the mattress. He deliberately made his way slowly down to Jack's cock, licking a soft, wet trail as went. There was so much to taste, to explore; they'd have time for that. Daniel was impatient. He hungrily took Jack into his mouth and sucked and licked until Jack was squirming frantically under him. Daniel wanted to feel him come in his mouth, but Jack had other ideas. None of which Daniel argued with.
Jack's mouth was briefly engulfing him again, and then Jack was over him, positioning himself at Daniel's entrance. He opened his eyes and took Daniel's legs in his arms behind the knees. The tip of his cock was wet, waiting, and as their eyes locked together, Jack pushed. Daniel sucked in a small breath, keeping his gaze on Jack's dark, impassioned eyes. The burn didn't last long, but it didn't matter. Daniel loved it, loved the feeling of getting filled, and by Jack.
"Yes," he said, his breaths coming in gasps. Reaching down, he took Jack's ass in his hands once again. Slowly, Jack filled him, and deep, long kisses, fucking his mouth, matched Jack's movements. It was too much and not enough. Daniel coaxed Jack's ass, demanding a rhythm. Jack smiled at him, biting his bottom lip as he start to thrust. It was achingly slow. Tingles ran over Daniel's body, mixed with a flush of need that had already begun to demand the hot spill of orgasm.
A shiver went down his spine when Jack's cock touched his prostate, and Daniel reached up under his arms and grabbed Jack's shoulders. "Sonofabitch," he hissed in pleasure. "I love you, Jack."
"You're just saying that," Jack teased, and then a twist of his hips made him echo the same declaration. "Wanted this, wanted this," he said.
"Yours forever," Daniel said, and then Jack quickened his hips.
There was no more talking. Gasps and occasional swearing filled the air, mixing with sweat and lust and a climbing demand for harder, faster, and rougher. Jack freed his right hand and took Daniel's cock in his palm. Matching rhythms and stroking hard, Daniel threw his head back and suddenly shot his climax, spilling over his chest and Jack's hand. Jack slapped into him fast, and his orgasm touched off at the site of Daniel's mouth open, his body shaking around his dick. The pleasure was acute, slamming through their bodies as long held passions both ignited and exploded.
Jack slowed his strokes, but his cock wasn't softening. Perhaps that was the Viagra he'd taken before Daniel had arrived. By the look of Daniel's cock, he wasn't the only one to have taken an extra pep in his step. "You're still hard," he said, putting it out there for Daniel to confess first.
Daniel opened his eyes as he massaged his own cock. "You're hard, too," he said, and moved his hips to show how much he liked that. "Viagra?" he asked, and smiled. When Jack simply looked at him with a slight touch of shyness, Daniel nodded. "Me too. Just in case."
"Just in case," Jack echoed, and their lovemaking continued at a much slower pace. When they came again, it was with crushed bodies and short grinding thrusts. The afterglow lasted a while, and Daniel ached with loss when Jack pulled free. He was sore, but it was a very happy trade-off to having sex that good.
They lay together for a long while afterwards, having a stereotypical doze before getting up to shower. "Let's wait on that," Jack asked, taking Daniel's hand and leading him back to the kitchen. "I'd like to see how you taste with lobster."
Daniel smiled and dipped a fingertip into butter sauce. "Like butter, Jack," and he drew it down over his cock.
Jack awoke, his bladder aching as much as his body. After relieving himself, he decided this was an ache he couldn't wait to exercise away. He looked over at the bed and sighed, a small smile on his lips. He'd got what he wanted, but it hadn't been as big a surprise as he'd thought. Daniel hadn't been fooled. He'd known, the bastard. The hot, sexy bastard.
Jack made his way to the kitchen, grinning at the table's leftovers. There wasn't much, not after their second round with food included. Movement caught his eye and he looked up at the window sharply. It was snowing, and his guarded body relaxed. The sudden touch of hands on his ribs startled him all over again, and again relaxed a second later when those hands surrounded him in a hug. Daniel rested his chin on Jack's shoulder.
"Why aren't you asleep?" Jack asked, covering one of Daniel's hands with his own.
"Had to piss. You?"
"Just did," Jack replied, then aimed his chin at the weather. "Snowing."
"So I see," Daniel said.
They stared out the window for a few quiet minutes. Jack suddenly sensed Daniel had something on his mind. Dread started to seep into his mind and he squashed it viciously. "What's on your mind?"
Daniel tightened his grip around Jack. "Nothing to worry about. I just wanted you to know that there won't be any weirdness at work."
"I know that," Jack chided. "You're no teenager."
"Well thank god for that," Daniel teased, "or you'd be seriously worn out."
"Oh really?" Jack asked, baiting him with a daring smile. "I'm not so easily worn out."
"Prove it," Daniel smiled, and led him back to the bedroom.