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Mom and Dad?

Chapter Text

The Rogues were attacking the Central City Aquarium, probably after the shipment of rare and expensive jellyfish that just arrived- they’d sell for quite a bit of money, the aquarium might even pay a hefty ransom to get them back. They’d spread out across the building, spreading the police (and the Flash) thin.

Axel, aka Trickster Jr. (or Trickster 2.0, per Cisco), struck at the shark tank. The gigantic tank had a wide variety of dangerous sharks, including three bull sharks and two tiger sharks, so, obviously, it was very tempting to the young prankster.

He was standing on the platform in the middle of the tank that was used to feed the sharks, arms raised like the ringmaster of a circus, as sparkling fireworks and flames went up around him in a timed symphony that matched his maniacal laughing and taunting. The water below him was murky, and a bucket full of some kind of meat was next to him. Apparently he had interrupted their feeding time.

The Flash arrived at the scene with a burst of lightning just as the crescendo was starting, flames, sprays of brightly colored sparks, bangs, and screams were everywhere. The Flash immediately went about collecting the dangerous explosives, moving them to a clear area off to the side of the tank viewing area. Suddenly Axel’s laughing cut off and there was a large SPLASH.

When the Flash looked up, he found that Axel was no longer on the platform, but sinking into the tank with sharks circling him predatorily. Without preamble, the Flash dove into the water and grabbed him around the middle, hauling him to the side of the tank and pushing him over the edge before dragging himself out of the tank as well.

“What the hell was that?!” Cold yelled, appearing seemingly out of nowhere to scold his rogue. “What were you thinking standing out in the middle of the tank! You can’t swim!"

“You can’t swim?!” The Flash interjected. “What the hell is wrong with you?! Were you TRYING to get yourself KILLED?! Those are sharks in there! SHARKS!!! Some of the deadliest predators on the planet-- “

“Five of those sharks some of the deadliest species of sharks on the planet! Are you aware of that Axel?!” Cold cut in; “bull and Tiger sharks KILL people every year! More often than any other species of shark! And there are FIVE of them in that tank!”

“FIVE, Axel! FIVE extremely deadly and bloodthirsty hunters are in that tank, and you can’t even swim! What the hell were you thinking standing out in the middle like that? And in the middle of their feeding time!! What was your plan if you fell in!? Tell me you had a plan!” The Flash exclaimed.

“I had a plan!” Axel pouted and crossed his arms, looking for all the world like a surly teenager. “I knew the Flash would be here, and I knew you wouldn’t leave me to drown or whatever, so I figured you’d save me!”

“Seriously?!” Cold and Flash shouted at the same time.

“You seriously had no real plan?”

“You were just counting on me being here? What if I had been somewhere else dealing with one of the other rogues?!”

“You need real plans for dangerous things Axel! And backup plans to keep yourself safe just in case! Haven’t I taught you that yet?!”

“Fine,” Axel grumbled, “I get the point, geez….”

“And another thing—“ The Flash started, only to be cut off by Lisa reminding them that they were in the middle of a heist by blasting her gold gun at a nearby wall.

The Flash grumbled and rushed off to deal with the rest of the Rogues, leaving Cold to finish berating Trickster Jr. (2.0*) on his own.

In the chaos of making sure all the jellyfish made it back to where they belonged (because it turned out they actually were after the jellyfish), the Rogues, Cold and Trickster Jr. (2.0*) included, got away. With a sigh, the Flash sped off to help clean up the mess they’d left at the aquarium. There would always be next time.

Chapter Text

Lisa was after Cisco again. Not surprising. What was surprising was the way she went about it.

High off a fresh heist in which they had gotten several million dollars worth of diamonds, twenty thousand dollars worth of which were currently glittering on her wrist, Lisa had sought out the object of her affections and started to flirt mercilessly before an idea struck.

“Hey Cisco, wanna do something crazy?”

“Dear God, I can only imagine what you consider to be crazy.” Cisco smiled anyway at Lisa’s mischievous grin.

“Wanna go to Vegas and get hitched?!”

“Wow, you are crazy. You realize that if we actually did that your brother would kill me, right?”

“Oh, no he wouldn’t,” Lisa scoffed. “He would never kill you, you’re his favorite of all my boyfriends, and of all the Flash’s friends.”

“Well, color me flattered, but somehow I don’t think that affords much protection when it comes to someone taking advantage of his precious baby sister.”

“You wouldn’t be taking advantage; it was my idea silly!”

“Still, its best to play it safe.”

Lisa huffed. Obviously, this conversation was going nowhere.

“Well, let’s at least do the fun part: let’s go to a bar and get drunk!” If Cisco wouldn’t elope with her sober, maybe he’d do it drunk!

“Fine. Captain Cold probably won’t kill me for getting you drunk. So why not?” Cisco chuckled. “Where’d you have in mind?”

“Ever heard of a place called Saints and Sinners?”

***

Two hours and ten shots of tequila later, Cisco was well and truly soused; three sheets to the wind, eyes glazed, practically lying on top of the table, talking like Jabba the Hut, drunk. Perfect.

“Hey, Cisco?” Lisa sing-songed. She herself was by no means sober, but she was WAY more sober than Cisco.

“Mmmm…?“ Cisco lazily turned to her with a stupid, drunken grin on his face.

“Wanna go to Vegas and get married?”

“Tha’ soun’s awshome Liss’a! We shou’ to’lly do tha’!”

Lisa smiled maniacally. Excellent. Everything was going according to plan now that Cisco was cooperating.

“Lisa?” Crap. Here comes big brother to ruin the fun.

“Heeeey Lenny...”

“Lisa, what are you doing? What did you do to Ramon?”

“Heeey! Cap’n Col’! How ya doin’? Me ‘n Lisssa ‘r gonna ge' married! Wanna come? Wer’ goin’ t’ Vegas!”

“What? You are not getting married.” Len dug out his phone and started texting. “Lisa, why did you get Ramon drunk enough for him to think running off to Vegas and getting married was a good idea?”

“Because I wanted to, obviously. Why else?!”

“God you are ridiculous.”

Suddenly Barry Allen walked into the bar and headed straight for them.

“Lisa, what did you do to Cisco?”

“I didn’t do anything you worry wart, he’s just drunk!”

Lisa held up her hands in mock innocence to drive home her point. Seriously, what was the problem here? It was just some harmless fun.

“Lisa, this is not harmless fun.”

Oops, did she say that out loud? Maybe she’s drunker than she thought… Lisa sat there contemplating her drunkenness as Len filled in Barry as to what was going on.

“Seriously Lisa? Vegas? You realize that Cisco probably won’t even be able to make it to the door unassisted with how drunk he is right now. What the hell makes you think he could make it through a crowded airport and onto a plane?” Barry lectured.

“Seriously Lise,” Len added, “you should have at least made sure you were both sober.”

“Well I tried when he was sober but it didn’t work!” Lisa exclaimed exasperatedly.

Really. He didn’t want to run off and get married in Vegas sober. I wonder why.” Barry said sardonically. Lisa just pouted.

Len sighed. “Lise, honestly, it’s not a good idea to run off and get married when drunk, especially if you aren’t even officially dating each other.”

“You also can’t get people drunk off their asses just because they don’t agree to your hair-brained schemes sober.” Barry was attempting to rouse Cisco who was busily drooling on the bar table.

“Why did you even want to run off and get married without telling anyone anyway?” Len asked.

“I don’t know…” Lisa folded her arms and pouted, huffing back in her seat and looking at her lap. “Cisco’s the best thing to ever happen to me, guess I just wanted to make it permanent…”

“Oh Lisa…” Barry cooed, “that’s so sweet, and I’m sure if you just told Cisco he would be more than happy to spend more time with you, take you out on a real date! He’d go the whole nine too, wine and roses, picking you up at the door, pulling out your chair for you, all of it. Just be honest next time.”

“And don’t try to trick people into eloping with you,” Len added for good measure.

Barry hefted Cisco in a fireman’s hold, “just tell him what you want honestly next time, and you’ll get what you want. Cisco’s really in to you, he’ll love it. I promise.”

"Bye Lisha! Bye Cap'n Col'!" Cisco slurred with a small wave from his position slung over Barry's shoulder.

With that, Barry marched out the door and off into the night.

Chapter Text

“Fire at 1848 Davenport Drive. Looks like Heatwave,” Cisco’s voice came over the coms.

“On it.” Barry hung a left and headed to the inferno, fully anticipating rescuing multiple civilians, probably security guards for the most part, given the time of night.

“Looks like an abandoned warehouse with not much around it. Seems totally empty. It’s condemned, actually.”

Huh. What would Heatwave be doing burning down an abandoned, condemned building? Still probably a few homeless inside though, so best to hurry nonetheless.

Barry got there just as Cold was pulling up, barely throwing the car in park before leaping out, cold gun at the ready.

“MICK!” He bellowed.

“What’s going on?” Barry immediately asked.

“Mick went early. He’s been itching for a fire, so I told him this place was good because its already slotted for demolition, but he was supposed to wait until this weekend! MICK!! MICK, WHERE ARE YOU?!”

“The door is there I think, use the cold gun to keep the flames at bay, I’ll run in and find Mick.” Cold didn’t answer, he merely aimed his gun and fired.

Barry rushed in in a flash, darting throughout the building until he found Mick standing there, silently basking in the glow of the inferno, completely lost to the glories of his pyromania.

“MICK!” Barry yelled. “MICK!! WE HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE! MICK!!!!”

Mick didn’t react. Barry got closer, right next to him, and repeated himself, bellowing right in the mans ear. Mick still didn’t respond, and the fire was getting more intense, bordering on intolerable as they were burned by the flames licking at their skin. Time to get out of there.

Barry grabbed Mick and hauled him out of there as fast as he possibly could, rushing out the door Cold was keeping clear for them. He skidded to a stop next to Cold, depositing Mick on his feet right in front of his partner.

“Mick! What did you do?!”

“You said I could torch it.” Mick rumbled.

“That doesn’t mean ‘go torch it whenever you want regardless of if there’s anyone in there!’”

“I made sure there wasn’t anyone in there.” Mick muttered under his breath.

“That’s not the point Mick,” Barry said. “The point is that you should have let Snart know what you were doing so he could be there if something went wrong- like it did!” Mick grumbled and turned back to the conflagration.

“Mick…”

“You said I could torch it, so I torched it…”

“You can torch abandoned, empty buildings already slotted for destruction, Mick, that’s not the problem, the problem is that you weren’t safe about it.” Barry said.

“Mick, I said you could torch it this weekend, its only Tuesday. You jumped the gun and could’ve gotten yourself killed!”

Mick grumbled some more.

“What was that?” Cold demanded.

“...Sorry…” Cold and Barry exchanged surprised looks.

“Well…”

“He said he’s sorry….”

“I guess as long as you’re more careful next time we can let this go…”

They stood there awkwardly for a few minutes. “You may want to go tend to those burns, Flash. Won’t your little friends be worried?”

Oh. Right. The coms must have been destroyed by the heat, otherwise Barry’s sure he would be getting an earful right about now.

“Yeah…so…I guess I’ll just…go…”

“Be seeing you, Scarlet.”

Chapter Text

Shawna was hiding something. Len wasn’t sure what, but she was definitely hiding something. But that issue took the back burner to Hartley, who was sneezing up a storm.

Over the past week, Hartley had turned into a puffy-eyed snot machine. No one could figure out why. Well, obviously, it was allergies, but no one could figure out why Hartley’s allergies were acting up. That was, until day eight.

On day eight of Hartley’s sneeze-a-thon, a golden retriever puppy showed up in the living room, gently yipping and licking at their ankles. It was absolutely adorable. It was also absolutely the reason behind Hartley’s allergies.

When it saw Shawna it started wagging its little tail and ran right up to her.

“Shawna, why does that puppy recognize you?” Len asked as she scooped the little fluff ball up into her arms. She rose to her feet looking guilty and avoiding eye contact. “Shawna…”

“So, I found these puppies…”

“Puppies? As in more than one?!” Hartley screeched.

“They just abandoned them! They would have starved to death without me! I had to save them!”

“What happened Shawna?” Len asked, sighing almost indulgently.

“See, I was walking down the street last week, and I heard this muffled noise. It sounded like something alive or something, so I checked it out. When I looked in the dumpster in this alley I saw them- six little puppies that someone had just abandoned! They were so cute; I couldn’t just leave them there- they needed me!”

Len sighed. “Commendable as that is, you know Hartley’s allergic to dogs. You’ve seen how miserable he’s been for this past week. Why on earth haven’t you taken them to a shelter?”

“But-but-they need me!”

“Yes, they needed you to rescue them. But now it’s time to find them someone else to take care of them. We can’t have puppies in this house, Shawna. Hartley needs to be in top condition to pull off heists, and he isn’t with all that dander in the air.” Shawna pouted and clutched the dog closer.

“But…”

“No buts Shawna. You know what needs to happen.”

“Well…fine, but I want to make sure they go to good homes!”

“That can be arranged,” Len pulled out his phone and shot off a text. A few moments later, the Flash arrived in a gust of wind.

“What the hell is he doing here!?” Mark yelled, jumping to his feet.

“Flash here is going to find the puppies good homes.”

“Yeah, I know tons of great people who would love to have a puppy! But…why do you have a bunch of puppies anyway?"

“Shawna found half a dozen puppies in a dumpster last week and rescued them and has since been hiding them in her room. We can’t keep them because Hartley is allergic,” Len answered.

Flash turned to Shawna looking almost proud; “Shawna, that’s so great of you to save those puppies! And it’s impressive that you managed to keep them hidden for a week, but why didn’t you just tell everyone what was going on?”

“Because they would have made me get rid of them- and they need me!”

“They did need you, now they’re back to good health and ready to find permanent homes. You know that’s what needs to happen. Flash will make sure they end up with families that love them and take care of them.” Len said.

“You know what you need to do,” Flash said softly.

Shawna sighed, “yeah, I guess…” She turned and trudged off to her room, returning shortly with a large box full of wiggling puppies.

“Here,” She said sullenly, reluctantly handing over the box. “You better make sure they go to good homes!”

“I promise, Shawna, they will be in happy, loving homes by the end of the day. They’ll be taken care of. I’ll even check in on them after a few weeks just to make sure.”

“Ok…” Shawna gave a small smile. Flash smiled back at her, and was gone in a flash. Shawna slowly turned back to her fellow rogues looking sheepish.

Hartley glowered at her, sniffling dramatically.

“Sorry Hart.” Hartley glowered harder.

“Hart, Shawna was just doing a good thing, she didn’t set out to make you miserable. And the puppies are gone now. You need to forgive her.”

“Just because the puppies are gone doesn’t mean my allergies will stop.” Hartley scowled.

“That’s true, and Shawna, you did make Hartley miserable and didn’t do anything about it for a week, so as punishment you have to clean the house of all the animal dander that has gotten around.”

“Fine, I guess that’s fair…”

“Cleaning supplies are in the closet in the laundry room.”

Chapter Text

It was December 20th and there wasn’t any snow, and the Rogues were a bit bummed. They had been looking forward to a snowball fight rematch after last year’s snow feud.

Instead of moping over the lack of snow, Hartley, Shawna, Mark, Lisa, Axel, and Mick decided to get drunk. They couldn’t go out after having pulled a heist just two days ago- they were supposed to be “laying low” or whatever. So instead of going out to a bar, living up their recent success, they were stuck in a shitty safe house, drinking straight from the bottle, playing stupid party games.

Having played a round of never have I ever where pretty much everyone got drunk in fifteen minutes, and dismissing seven minutes in heaven on principle, they had moved on to truth or dare. When Mark’s turn came, he chose dare, having learned his lesson with truth when he had to do three shots for refusing to answer.

Hartley, Shawna, Axel, and Lisa put their heads together, whispering in a decidedly sinister fashion. Finally, they turned to Mark to deliver his sentence.

“We dare you,” Lisa started, “to make a snow storm so we can have a white Christmas!”

“HA!” Mark guffawed. “Easy!”

He set down the bottle of Jameson he had been drinking from, held up his hands, and closed his eyes in concentration. The others rushed to the windows; even Mick turned his gaze to the somewhat hazy glass.

Within seconds, storm clouds gathered, dark and ominous, hanging heavy in the sky. Soon enough, fat, fluffy snowflakes started drifting down, quickly picking up pace to a raging blizzard and gathering in a thick blanket over the ground.

“Yay!!!” The drunken group- Mick excluded- squealed. Mark kept it up for a while, and before any of them knew it the snow was three feet thick.

Soon enough though, they started to pass out from the continued drinking.

Mick, somehow still half-way sober despite drinking just as much as the rest of them, carried them off to bed one by one. When they all woke up in the morning, the snow was taller than the windows and it was impossible to open the door. Oops. Mark may have gone a little overboard.

Oh well, when they got out they were going to have the most AMAZING SNOWBALL FIGHT EVER. And then they would build a whole village of igloos. And snowmen to inhabit the village. And snow angels. Yes, all of that would happen. Later. When they could get out the door and were no longer hungover. Mark could probably get rid of a few feet of snow when he got up.

What they didn’t know was that the Rogues weren’t the only ones in that particular safe house last night…

Mick seemed to be somehow immune to hangovers and was cooking enough pancakes, eggs, bacon, and toast to feed an army like it was a perfectly normal thing. Looking closely it almost seemed like he had a tiny little smirk on his face, but no one really had the brain power to think about why just then.

“WHAT THE HELL?!?” Len’s sudden bellow could be heard throughout the house despite him being locked in his room; loud enough to make Lisa, Hartley, Axel, and Shawna wince. Mark, the lucky bastard, was still in bed.

“WHAT THE HELL!!?” Len stormed out of his room and into the living room where the Rogues were lounging, nursing their hangovers with sunglasses and improvised icepacks in the form of baggies full of snow.

“WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO?! WHERE IS MARDON!?”

Lisa groaned and motioned for him to shush.

“He’s in his room,” Shawna moaned pitifully. Len stomped off to said bedroom and slammed open the door with loud bang.

“WAKE UP, MARDON!” He roared. After some somewhat muffled, still loud, growling from Len, he and Mark emerged from the bedroom.

Mark looked like hell warmed over; red eyes, pale, splotchy face, slightly green around the gills, squinting in the light, hunching in on himself, and clinging to the wall to stay upright.

“FIX THIS MARDON!” Len thundered, motioning to the windows that were completely covered by snow.

“Ughh…” Mark groaned.

“FIX. IT.” Len got right up in Marks face.

“Guhh…” Mark squinted his eyes, holding up his hands, a look of concentration appearing as he tried to “fix” the snow. After a few seconds of nothing he started to look a bit more constipated than focused.

“Well?! Why isn’t anything happening?!” Len demanded. Mark let out a breath he’s been holding.

“I’m hungover…’s hard to focus…”

“YOU MEAN YOU CAN’T FIX IT?!?” Len was bellowing again, making everyone but Mick wince.

“What can’t he fix?” Came a new voice.

Everyone turned to see the Flash, suit on, looking sleepy as he rubbed his eyes gently.

“What the hell?” Hartley whispered under his breath.

“Mardon here has snowed us in.” Len gestured grandly to the windows. Flash frowned and turned to Mark.

“Why would you snow us in?”

“…We were drinkin’…playin’ truth ‘r dare…they dared me to make it snow…” Mardon mumbled, sinking along the wall to the floor, looking thoroughly miserable.

“Snow is fine, but why did you make it snow this much?” Len demanded. He was clearly not in the mood for this.

“I dunno…kinda forgot to stop I guess…”

“You GUESS?! Well that’s great, now what are we going to do?!” Len cried. “I’m supposed to be meeting with the fence for that artwork we stole today!”

“I agree,” Flash said, “not with the fence part, obviously, but with the whole too much snow thing. That was incredibly irresponsible. You were given powers as a gift, you shouldn’t waste them on stupid party tricks, especially if you’re going to let them get out of hand like this.”

“This was thoughtless and inconsiderate, Mardon.”

“’m sorry,” Mark mumbled, actually looking it from his wretched position on the floor. Flash sighed.

“Well, I guess there’s nothing left to do but wait until his hangover abates.”

“Breakfast?” Mick suddenly piped up, brandishing a platter piled high with pancakes.

“Mmm!” Flash hummed in agreement and zipped over to the kitchen. Three quarters of the pancakes disappeared in the flash.

Mick blinked.

“Good thing I made a lot then…”

In the end Flash had to stay with them until two in the afternoon, when Mark was finally well enough to get them out of the mountain of snow that the safe house had become.

Chapter Text

“Barry, Captain Cold’s gun was just fired at 1219 59th Street, better get over there.”

Weird, Len had just texted him accusing him of hiding his cold gun as some kind of prank. So if Len didn’t have it…who the hell did?

“Isn’t that a residential area?” Caitlin asked.

“Yeah…maybe Cold’s doing a home burglary? Doesn’t really seem his style though…”

“Well, whatever it is, I’ll go check it out.” Barry grabbed his suit and was off. When he arrived he discovered that it was, indeed, a residential area, and that nothing looked amiss.

There was no sign of either Len or the cold gun. Or anyone else for that matter. The house in question looked abandoned, windows boarded up and everything.

“Uh, guys…are you sure about that address? It doesn’t look like anyone’s here….guys?” All Barry heard was static, then the line went dead.

“Ooookaaayyy…guess I’m on my own then…” He said under his breath. He ran a quick lap around the house, evaluating the area for threats and abnormalities. Everything seemed fine.

He crept carefully up to the front of the house, but before he could enter a car suddenly roared onto the scene, slamming into park in front of the house. Barry looked on warily, but when Len stepped out he relaxed.

“Caught wind of your gun at this address?”

“Yeah,” Len grunted. He was fully suited up and looked pissed.

Barry stepped aside and let Len pass him to the front door, which he slammed open, scowling ominously into the darkness. He flipped on the lights- Barry briefly wondered at the fact that the power was on in a seemingly abandoned house- and stormed in, Barry hot on his heels.

Suddenly the door slammed shut and locked behind them, causing Barry to jump and whip around to find none other than Shawna Baez standing at the door grinning impishly.

“What the-“ White-ish light momentarily filled the room as Barry’s feet were frozen to the floor. He let out a pained cry, and twisted to see who had shot him.

Axel Walker. Of course.

The Rogues had gotten fed up with him and Cold not doing anything to kill him so they had decided to take action themselves. Barry’s eyes flitted about the room, quickly taking stock of his surroundings and what he could use to his advantage.

“Calm down, Flash, we’re not here to fight.” Came Lisa’s sickly sweet voice. “We brought you two here so we could have a little chat.”

“Lisa, what is this?” Len said warningly. They all knew that he would never lift a finger to harm his baby sister, but the threat was present nevertheless.

“This is about you two. You’re sleeping together.”

“Wha—“

“I don—“

“Save it, we all know. For a guy with a secret identity to protect, you sure are loud, Barry.”

“I-wha-I-um-“

“Calm down, none of us will use it against you. Either of you. Thieves honor. Now, what we want is for you two to stop dancing around the fact that you’re dating and just admit it already!”

“We’re not dating.” Len deadpanned.

“Oh, that’s so sweet, you don’t even realize…” Shawna cooed.

“We really aren’t dating. It’s more of an enemies-with-benefits thing…”

“Doesn’t seem like it to me…” Mick grumbled from the back of the room where he was cleaning his heat gun.

“Seriously think about how you’ve been acting,” Mark said.

“Just last week you spent the day with us when Mark snowed us into the house!” Axel piped up. “Played monopoly with us and everything!”

“I…well…” Barry and Len looked at each other.

“Well hell.” Len said.